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6 Toxic Beliefs That Hinder Your Success

6 Toxic Beliefs That Hinder Your Success

Oftentimes, the only barrier that prevents you from becoming successful is your own mind. If you don’t control your brain, it will control you. When the latter is your case, you likely gathered tons of toxic beliefs and negative affirmations which taint your life and limit your perspective. It’s a mental cage that enslaves many people, sometimes for good. The fact is, you can and should eradicate the harmful thoughts and finally break the bars of your mind cage.

The purpose of this article is to point the damaging beliefs so you could find out whether they took up residence in your brain and separate yourself from the negative energy.

1. “It’s not the right time.”

Procrastination is a dangerous disease and if you don’t take action, it will eventually eat all your dreams for breakfast. Achieving something extraordinary scares our minds since it requires leaving your comfort zone and facing the unknown.

The truth is, however, every single remarkable achievement involves discomfort. Fortunately, the final result is worth the effort. But to start getting closer to your goal, you need to stop believing that today isn’t the right time to start.

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Based on my experience, putting any of my goals off was a bad decision. It’s when I finally began working toward something that I realized there’s no reasonable excuse for postponing. Every time you do it, you harm yourself only because a fictional belief your mind serves you.

From now on, accept the fact that it’s always better to start, fail and then get up stronger and wiser, instead of waiting for the perfect moment (which never arrives).

2. “I’m not good enough.“

If you base your opinion completely on your mind and you didn’t train it yet to work for you, you are probably stuck. Lack of self-belief can be extremely damaging, but in reality, there’s no fair reason not to believe in yourself. You are the first person that need to truly believe in your abilities.

Once you make a switch, the rest will adapt your assumption. It never happens the other way around. What I’m getting at is that being good enough or being inadequate is only a state of mind and not an absolute fact. That’s why you should always believe in your competences even when you face the worst moment in your life. Self-belief leads to more confidence in your strengths which is required to survive the tests life throws at you.

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“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.”

Henry Ford

3. “I’m not an expert.“

There’s a weird assumption in some people’s brains that you need to be really good at something to be allowed to do it. Although they believe experts are born, in real life you need to start from scratch and go through moments of uncertainty so that one day you become savvy and experienced.

If you are completely inept at something, that’s the perfect point to begin at. Sometimes we fool ourselves believing in the overnight success the Television tries to inspire us with. In fact, behind every true expert there is a story of a beginner who went through countless failures, tons of hard work and constant practice.

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4. “I will surely fail.”

It’s impossible to foretell the future, yet many people spare no effort to envision the worst scenario. It’s very likely that you’ll fail at something completely new, but it doesn’t mean you can’t succeed as well. In fact, every successful person admits that failure is an inseparate part of their success. One cannot exist without the other.

What you need to believe is that failing is momentary. Even if it feels like forever, achieving your goal is closer than you think, so don’t give up and try once again.

Do you know what’s bitter than failure? It’s asking yourself a regretful question, namely “what if”. What if I tried one more time, maybe I would succeed? You don’t know until you do it.

5. “I will start once I have more…”

More time, more money and more willpower? The fact is, none of these things happens by accident. It’s always a result of preparation, work, and perseverance. You need to abandon the toxic belief that a better environment for success will originate by itself.

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To have more time, you must eliminate the unnecessary commitments and learn to say no. To have more money, you must take care of your financial stability or maybe create your own business.

The very same thing applies to willpower — it’s earned, not given. Once you realize that you are the master of your universe, you are on the right path to success.

6. “I’m not lucky.”

Whereas successful people take a full responsibility for their achievements, the crowd tends to believe the luck made them outstanding. The truth is, luck plays a role, but it’s a drop in the ocean of hard work, right attitude and persistence.

My advice would be to exclude luck from your visions. Assume that it doesn’t matter at all and everything can be influenced by your actions. Actually, that’s truth and you realize it at the moment you see the results of your efforts.

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Featured photo credit: Joe Szilagyi via flickr.com

More by this author

Oskar Nowik

Oskar is a blogger and the author of "Brightening: The Positive Attitude That Will Change Your Life"

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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