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5 Points of Resistance in Pursuing Your Dreams

5 Points of Resistance in Pursuing Your Dreams

If you’re going after big dreams, you’ve likely encountered some resistance along the way. Feeling this resistance can make you feel confused, inadequate, and even make you want to give up. However, what we often don’t realise is that everyone who goes after a big dream faces resistance. It’s part of the process and it’s definitely not a reason for you to give up on pursuing your dreams.

Here’s five points of resistance that everyone experiences in pursuing dreams, and why you should push past each one and keep going.

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1. You’ll Find That Despite Your Best Efforts, Things Won’t Always Work Out As Planned

As much as you try, things won’t always work out as planned. When you’re going after big dreams, you’re putting your all into it, but this doesn’t guarantee success. Take it one step at a time, and know that even if you don’t succeed in every task you pursue, there is always tomorrow to try again. Pursuing your dreams is all trial and error.

2. You’ll Have Days Where You Almost Want to Give Up

You’ll have days where you lose sight of why you’re in this and you’ll almost want to give up. You’ll see others around you living a normal and seemingly easy life. You’ll wonder whether pursuing your big dreams is really the best thing you could be doing. Stop right there! Take some time out and come back to why you started this in the first place. It’s easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day, but you started out on this path for a reason. Come back to that reason, remind yourself, align your focus, and you won’t want to give up.

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3. You’ll Face the Critics Head On

When you put yourself out there in a big way, the critics will show up. Receiving criticism doesn’t mean that what you’re doing isn’t amazing. What it actually means is that you are pushing people’s buttons. You’re challenging them and making them uncomfortable — and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Big dreamers throughout history have faced criticism just like you are right now. As Taylor Swift says, it’s time to “Shake It Off!”

4. You’ll Feel Behind More Often Than Not

There are so many things to do in order to get where you want to be. Your To-Do List can feel endless some days. You’ll feel behind more often than not. Just remember you are only behind on your own schedule — that you set. You’re the master of your own domain, so when you feel behind don’t be too harsh on yourself. Remember: every step you take forward is progress.

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5. You’ll Be the Outcast Amongst Your Friends

Pursuing your big dreams shouldn’t make you the outcast, but often it does. While you’re pursuing dreams, many of your friends will be working the 9-5 with all the perks and all the downsides too. You’ll find it increasingly difficult to relate to the friends you once grumbled about Monday mornings with. This can make you feel a little isolated. If you’re feeling like the outcast, remember that everyone follows their own path, and you chose yours — for a very good reason! Why not try making connections with others pursuing their big dreams? If you don’t know anyone in your area, check out Meetup and Facebook Groups to get connected.

Why You Should Keep Going, No Matter What

If you’ve faced some of these points of resistance, it can be easy to feel like giving up. But you 100% need to keep going.

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Every single person who has ever pursued anything worth doing has faced resistance in one or more of these forms. It’s normal. In fact, it’s almost a rite of passage. The resistance you’re facing now is what will make you a stronger person. It’s this strength that will make you the kind of person who succeeds in achieving their dreams.

So next time you’re feeling like it’s all too much, remember that everyone faces resistance in pursuing dreams. Everyone pursuing their big dreams has days they feel like giving up. Everyone feels behind more often than not. Everyone faces the critics at one time or another. It’s okay to feel like this. Just remember to keep moving.

Everyday you move forward, you get a little closer to your big dreams. That’s what it’s all about!

Featured photo credit: Neourban Hipster Office Desktop by Markus Spiske via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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