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12 Ways To Identify A Shopaholic

12 Ways To Identify A Shopaholic

There are many different kinds of people with their own views on happiness and wealth. Many are happy to see their money on the computer screen with several commas and in the shade of green when they pull up their bank statement… and then there are those that like their money where they can see it: in their closet hanging so perfectly on a hanger. Shopaholics are an example of the latter.  Are you questioning if you are a shopaholic because you just went on a pay day shopping spree or trying to prove your girlfriend that she might be a shopaholic and therapy might actually be cheaper? Whatever the reason you are reading this article, here are twelve things only shopaholics understand.

1. They have price tags in their closet

If you have ever been in their closet (and I say in because there is no way you are not walking into it,) you have seen more price tags or size stickers than you should in someone’s house. It isn’t because they plan on returning it or that they just bought it, it is simply because it has not been used yet. Don’t try to guess how long it’s been there either… just don’t.

2. They can sort their closet by every color of the rainbow… and every color in between

As you are trying to comprehend the reasoning for buying something and not wearing it, a thought pops in your head. Why does it look like a claustrophobic rainbow stumbled into their closet and threw up everywhere? There are more colors in this room than there are paint swatches at Home Depot!

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3. They buy more than they need

If you have a friend that is a shopaholic, then you understand this completely. The first warning sign should have been that they still had tags on some articles of clothing in their sacred closet. They buy more than they need. They will go down every aisle, especially on a down day, and check and see what looks cute, cool, comfy, etc. Do they need it? Yes, they need it like we all needed that Geometry class in high school.

4. They are firm believers in retail therapy

Retail therapy may be the more expensive option oppose to actual therapy. Let me show you by example the different stages of a shopoholic’s need for retail therapy. Great day? Lets grab some food or ice cream… or maybe a shirt! “Meh” day? Maybe a quick coffee with my best friend at little place in the mall will help. Let’s look around and just check it out. Crappy/Worst day ever! It’s time to change who I am so I am happier. I need to make myself better! I just got paid like last week and if that still doesn’t cover the bill, I have my credit cards!

5. They have to leave their credit cards at home to stay out of trouble

Shopaholics can get out of control sometimes. The lucky ones catch the issue early on and only spend all the money in their back account after bills are paid. Others may have a giant credit card bill that is never going to shrink down because they can’t afford or give up their sense of style.

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6. They shop for more than themselves

Shopaholics don’t only shop for themselves. Usually if they purchase something for someone else, it is because they are out shopping for themselves but that doesn’t mean that they won’t buy things for their loved ones and friends if they know they will like it. Sometimes, they won’t even end up buying for themselves, the entire contents of the cart will be clothes for their significant other, their BFF, their boss or their parents. They are very thoughtful people, and often have a very big heart. Now don’t quote me on that, I don’t mean all of them. Don’t go befriending someone in high hopes they’ll start buying you Michael Kor Purses because they are your “favorite”kind of purse.

7. They think black Friday is the best day of the year

If you have a shopaholic as a friend, then you know that this a huge day for shopping and it doesn’t start at five in the morning anymore. Good thing Starbucks is open all night in order to keep everyone awake for the glorious amounts of fun you are going to be dragged into for the entire day. Bring cash that day so you can tell them no when they run out of money and ask for you to spot them.

8. They need someone to tell them to stop shopping

More often than not, shopaholics will bring a friend a long to keep them in check. To someone who loves shopping to a point that it is considered an addiction, they will swipe their card until it declines and they need someone to stop them when enough is enough. If you are that friend that they are bringing along, I am sorry. Also, take the last pointer I just gave, only bring cash!

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9. They cannot turn down a good deal

Sales, Semi-Annual Sales and big summer blowouts are their kryptonite. Nothing burns a hole in their pocket faster than a 50% off sign. Beware.

10. Their closet will have a variety of styles to match who they want to be for the day

They can dress like whoever they want to be or however they feel (lazy, sporty, cute, etc.)  like because the amount of things that fill up their closet. They are more than likely to have something than not when asked if they do. Make sense? Make friends with one that is the same size as you and make sure you are really good friends.

11. They wear only about 35% of their closet but will not give the rest away

Whenever they say, “I am going to clean out my closet and get rid of the stuff that I don’t wear”, don’t believe it for a second! They will sit there in the kingdom of retail store victories and come up with dozens of scenarios of when they will need everything in their closet. Everything. It doesn’t matter how many tips they take from Pinterest, it is no match compared to, “this shirt goes great with like fifty of my things… I need to keep it just in case.”

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12. Their shoe selection will put most people’s to shame

Their shoe collection could probably walk circles around your shoes and then march off to the shoe store to bring in some more shoes so they can come back and turn those circles into a Mickey Mouse design.

Featured photo credit: Alexa shopping mall Berlin- Reinhard Krull via flickr.com

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Margielyn Musser

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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