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11 Signs Revealed Only In People With True Confidence

11 Signs Revealed Only In People With True Confidence

The image of confidence that we have composed as a society is a bit blurry. Things that are presented as confident behaviour tend to be overly brash, inconsiderate, and aggressive. The most popular image of confidence is a successful businessman/woman willing to hustle, talk, brag, and push their way towards more favourable business environments. This kind of imagery tends to confuse people and push them into developing an overconfident (i.e. fake confidence) which, instead of getting them to move forward, actually holds them back and pushes them towards a bad crowd. This kind of confidence is also hard to maintain because it has no roots from which it stems. It takes too much energy from the person trying to hold onto this kind of personality. It is basically a character people attempt to role-play. This character also rarely comes naturally.

The thing that we are going to try to outline here is what defines a truly naturally confident person. These things can extend to the business sphere of our lives, but they are never exclusively tied to it. Let’s see what behaviour marks truly confident people.

1. They do not rely on outside compliments for a confidence boost

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    To thrive on compliments and praise from others isn’t unnatural or necessarily a bad thing. Still, a person that requires outside positive feedback to function with confidence isn’t someone that we would define as a confident person. Truly confident people retain their personality and attitude even when nobody in particular is praising their work or behaviour. In other words, their productivity and motivation are self-regulated.

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    2. They can accept a compliment

    Getting overly excited about compliments is also an indicator that an individual’s self-confidence isn’t really all that solid. A confident individual will accept a compliment, recognize it, but will not let it impact their internal picture of themselves too much. If each compliment shifts a person’s internal image of themselves, this means that this image isn’t all that stable. This is a requirement for a confident personality.

    3. They can accept criticism as well

    The paradigm works for negative opinions as well. It is not that confident people are not fazed by criticism or that it doesn’t affect them in any way. Confident people don’t act out when they are faced with criticism. They can measure up their action to the criticism they received and react appropriately. Not all criticism comes from a good place. Confident people can be objective about the criticism they receive and get the best out of it. They don’t feel threatened because they realize that they are only human after all, and as humans, they are prone to making mistakes so they do the next logical thing instead. They learn from them.

    4. They do not crack under social pressure

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      Our personality is inevitably influenced by our social environment, friends, family, celebrities, teachers, and so on. Still, we all have our weird quirks and interests that are not commonly shared by the rest of society. One example of this is the fact that people keep reptiles and snakes as pets even though most people get the creeps from these animals. The reasons for this have actually been explained scientifically. A truly confident person will not evict their favourite pet on account of other people’s pressure. This can be transferred on all other aspects of life.

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      5. They avoid bragging

      There are few clearer indicators of a lack of confidence than constant bragging. The desire to be constantly in the spotlight and asking for attention by loudly boasting about various things are usually a defence mechanism for people who are not really satisfied with their internal image and who lack stability. Confident people; on the other hand, share their confidence with the people whose opinion they truly value. They avoid talking about their success, professional or otherwise, with people who are not obviously interested in their achievements. Humbleness is not excluded by confidence, quite the contrary.

      6. They are not afraid of other people’s success

      Truly being satisfied with your current success and yourself as a person eliminates feeling envious of other people’s success. True confidence means that somebody else’s success doesn’t send you into a spiral of self-doubt and reevaluation. This in turn allows them to feel truly happy for the good things happening in other people’s lives. This allows them to learn from other people’s success. This is also why it is easier for them to make changes. Confident people have a much easier time making that transformation from a couch potato to an active individual because they learn from others and are motivated by their success.

      7. They ask for help when they need it

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        Humans are social beings for a reason. Nobody can go through life without ever relying on help from friends, family, and co-workers. Holding on to pride and struggling to resolve each and every life issue on your own will get you nothing but struggle and hardship. Confidence means accepting that you have either made a mistake or are unable to resolve something alone and that you need help from somebody who is better at handling problems of that type. Relying on the experience of others and watching them handle difficult situations you couldn’t resolve are important parts of learning and personal growth.

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        8. They are not afraid to make a change

        The comfort zone is a cosy place to be in. There are more than a few people out there that wouldn’t leave their comfort zone for anything in the world — which is quite okay. However, there are a lot of situations where the things we desire are outside of our comfort zone. That important first step that leads us into the unknown requires some of that true confidence. Also, while the changes that are beneficial to us as people might be questionable in the eyes of our social environment, we can also require those same traits. Baldness is something that is socially acceptable, but a confident person wouldn’t have a problem with resolving this issue if they thought that the quality of their life would improve, regardless of the judgement they might receive from their social environment. Change comes from within, not from social pressure.

        9. They listen more than they talk

        While we are on the subject of learning, confident people do not feel the need to constantly impart their experiences and opinions upon others. They are aware that there are quite a lot of ways to go through life and are interested in hearing about them. They also realize that in order to establish a healthy relationship, you need to do some listening as well as talking. They don’t feel a need to make themselves more presentable by talking for ages. Their confidence makes them a good listener, and this helps them connect to people better.

        10. They rely on guilt to improve, but don’t hold on to it

        Confidence is not a shield against guilt, this is more where denial steps in to “save the day”. Confidence creates room for acceptance and sets the grounds for change. Guilt is there to help us realize we have made a mistake and that we should improve some aspect of our life or personality that requires recognition, acceptance, and action. True confidence helps us avoid crumbling under guilt and gives us the space to grow from it.

        11. They are not afraid to argue and be wrong

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          I’m not trying to say that they are pushy and that they will run head-first into any argument, but they will not step back from an argument even if they are not 100% sure if the point they are defending is the right one. Most people will avoid an argument and sidestep confrontation, whether they feel that they are right or wrong. The risk of being wrong in front of other people and seeming stupid or silly is too great. Only with true confidence can you accept the fact that you can’t always be right and can’t win every argument. It also helps you realize that there is no humiliation in being wrong.

          Keep in mind that real confidence is something you work on. It’s something that takes time and patience! The road is paved with NOT GIVING UP! You will doubt yourself, you will feel fear, and you will make mistakes. Thankfully, confidence doesn’t revolve about being perfect. It involves owning up to your imperfections and learning to feel comfortable with yourself despite them. If I had to outline truly confident people, I would have to say that these are people who feel comfortable in their own skin. It is as simple as that.

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          Vladimir Zivanovic

          CMO at MyCity-Web

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          Last Updated on September 18, 2020

          13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

          “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

          Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

          You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

          Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

          1. Take a step back and evaluate

          When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

          1. What is the problem?
          2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
          3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
          4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
          5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

          Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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          2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

          If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

          At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

          Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

          3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

          Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

          4. Process your thoughts/emotions

          Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

          1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
          2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
          3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
          4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

          5. Acknowledge your thoughts

          Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

          By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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          Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

          6. Give yourself a break

          If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

          7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

          A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

          Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

          After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

          8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

          As Helen Keller once said,

          “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

          Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

          9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

          In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

          1. What’s the situation?
          2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
          3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
          4. Take action on your next steps!

          After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

          10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

          A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

          Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

          For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

          11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

          No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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          12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

          No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

          13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

          There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

          After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

          Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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