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9 Things To Remember Before You Date An Outgoing Introvert

9 Things To Remember Before You Date An Outgoing Introvert

An outgoing introvert is a rare and special creature. We don’t fall into the specific boundaries of extrovert or introvert – we are a unique mixture of the two. While it may take a little extra effort to understand an outgoing introvert, you will find your life changed for the better when you do. We are definitely puzzles worth solving.

Here are 9 things to remember before you date an outgoing introvert.

1. It takes us some time to find the right words

Our introverted side causes us to live in our heads quite a bit. Our extroverted side wants to talk and share feelings. When you combine the two, you get someone who has really important things to say but may need some time to get the words right. Be patient with us and you will be rewarded with true and meaningful conversation.

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2. We need a little time to ourselves every day

We enjoy your company and love being around others, but we give so much during these encounters that it drains us. We need some time every day to simply be quiet and recharge. This might mean sitting in the sun for ten minutes or taking a yoga class. Either way, give us that space and don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you.

3. We try to cancel plans at the last minute

The extrovert in us wants to socialize and be around others, but the introvert gets nervous and bored at the thought of small talk and awkward conversations. Gently remind us what a good time we will have, and know that we will most likely be the life of the party once we arrive.

4. We have a constant inner dialogue with ourselves

We tend to live in our heads, and are even known to talk to ourselves out loud. We are constantly analyzing the past and planning for the future. It’s not that we aren’t enjoying ourselves or having fun. It is just hard to turn off our inner voice. We want someone who can help us get out of our head and really enjoy the present moment.

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5. You can skip the small talk

We want deep and real conversation. We don’t have the patience for small talk or awkward silences. We don’t need your life story in the first date, but get ready to be honest and straightforward and ask interesting questions. If you mention reality tv, the weather, gossip or shopping, don’t expect that call for a second date.

6. Don’t post about our relationship on social media

We are extroverts, so we enjoy the socializing that Facebook and Twitter offer. But remember, we are also introverts, which means we choose to share our lives with just a few very close people. We would much rather receive a heart felt phone call or email from you than see a picture of our first date on Instagram.

7. We want to meet your friends, but not all at once

We want to meet the important people in your life, but only one or two at a time. We become self-conscious in a big group of people we don’t know. We want you to show us off, so please allow us to shine our brightest by saving the introductions for small dinner parties instead of company BBQs.

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8. Be ready to take the reigns

Because we appear outgoing and confident on the outside, people often let us make most decisions on our own. This can be exhausting for us. We occasionally just want to be told where we are going to dinner and what time to be ready, without having to plan everything ourselves.

9. We are different from anyone else you have dated

We are confident, beautiful, fun, creative, independent and grounded. We are also self-conscious, questioning, reserved, introspective and searching. We will make you feel like the most important person in the world, and will support your strengths and dreams. We will also need some extra encouragement during our quiet days.

If you are willing to walk the line between the two, you could find the perfect partner for life.

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Featured photo credit: Thomas Leuthard via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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