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8 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have Of Women

8 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have Of Women

Guys. We love you, but some of the expectations you have of us, girls, range from bluntly absurd to rather mean. Just like you, we’re face the same limitations that are posed on us by being human.

If you stop expecting the next 8 things, our whole relationships may go onto the next quality level!

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1. We cannot look hot without taking no time to get ready.

Do you realize that even those “effortless, I just got out of bed look” requires hours of careful preparation – blow dry, face tone, mascara, bronzer, etc. Don’t pace nervously around the room, sighing for the tenth time, looking at your watch and moaning: “Are you ready, yet?”. Most of us were not born so naturally good-looking as you are. So sit down and wait if you’d like us to look gorgeous as hell.

2. We can’t be skinny and curvy at the same time.

Yes, most of you want a girl with “that” perfect body type – slim, but not skinny; soft, but not fat. With curves in the right places and zero anywhere else. Sorry guys, but your ideal body expectations are surreal for 99% of female population. And that divine 1% might never want to date with you, unless you are Ryan Gosling, Cristiano Ronaldo, or someone equally hot. Appreciate the body we have and we will love you that much more.

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3. We won’t stop dating other people unless we are official

Just too many guys these days falsely assume that while they are still playing the field, hooking up, and going on dates with other girls, we would show the outmoded notion of chivalry and sit at home, patiently waiting for your call. That will likely not gonna happen until we become official. Until you are clear about your expectations, we will continue keeping our options open!

4. We won’t stop being friends with our male buddies

Yes, we are together now and we may be in love, but that absolutely doesn’t mean we should banish our male friends. They have been around for decades before you, supporting and helping us expecting nothing in return! If you expect that now you will be the only man in our life, you are very wrong. Having male friends for a girl is all right and you should deal with it. Men are 50% of the population and some of them are friends with women.

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5. We can’t read your mind

As a man, you are likely not used to spilling out all your feelings and troubles. We get that. You are not used to complaining. You don’t want to appear weak and so on. But if something really bothers you – we want to know! We can see you are being passive-aggressive so something must be wrong. Yet, in most cases we cannot read your mind and magically guess the reason. Instead of playing an evening game of charade with questions like: “Did something happen at work yesterday?”, “Did you fight with Joe?”, “Is your Mom feeling well”? and so on, just tell us what’s wrong! We’d really appreciate that.

6. We can’t call you less and more at the same time

Yes, you don’t like us to be that annoying gal who rings you up ten times a day and texts in between the calls. Sure, no man likes overwhelming attention. That makes you feel creepy. Yet, at the same time, if we do not call you often enough, you just assume we are not that into you. Work with us to find the fine line that is not too much, not too little, but just right.

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7. Werarely make an exception in our rules for you

Most of us have these small rules when it comes to dating: “no kissing on the first date”, “the 5 date rule”, and so on. Those rules exist in a woman’s mind for a reason. We don’t want to feel cheap or used. We don’t want to get hurt or become too close before we get to know each other well enough. If you are, indeed, “worth it”, we’ll break the rules without any extra encouragement from your side.

8. We can’t be casual and emotional all at once

Guys, we sometimes don’t mind having just a casual physical connection and not being in a relationship. Yet, if  you “don’t really look for a relationship right now,” then we don’t really look to deal with your emotional issues, go to brunch together or give an advice of what to say at a job interview. If this is “just sex,” just have sex with us, but don’t bring in your emotional baggage and false expectations in tow.

Featured photo credit: Daniel Hoherd via flickr.com

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Elena Prokopets

Elena is a passionate blogger who shares about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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