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8 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have Of Women

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8 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have Of Women

Guys. We love you, but some of the expectations you have of us, girls, range from bluntly absurd to rather mean. Just like you, we’re face the same limitations that are posed on us by being human.

If you stop expecting the next 8 things, our whole relationships may go onto the next quality level!

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1. We cannot look hot without taking no time to get ready.

Do you realize that even those “effortless, I just got out of bed look” requires hours of careful preparation – blow dry, face tone, mascara, bronzer, etc. Don’t pace nervously around the room, sighing for the tenth time, looking at your watch and moaning: “Are you ready, yet?”. Most of us were not born so naturally good-looking as you are. So sit down and wait if you’d like us to look gorgeous as hell.

2. We can’t be skinny and curvy at the same time.

Yes, most of you want a girl with “that” perfect body type – slim, but not skinny; soft, but not fat. With curves in the right places and zero anywhere else. Sorry guys, but your ideal body expectations are surreal for 99% of female population. And that divine 1% might never want to date with you, unless you are Ryan Gosling, Cristiano Ronaldo, or someone equally hot. Appreciate the body we have and we will love you that much more.

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3. We won’t stop dating other people unless we are official

Just too many guys these days falsely assume that while they are still playing the field, hooking up, and going on dates with other girls, we would show the outmoded notion of chivalry and sit at home, patiently waiting for your call. That will likely not gonna happen until we become official. Until you are clear about your expectations, we will continue keeping our options open!

4. We won’t stop being friends with our male buddies

Yes, we are together now and we may be in love, but that absolutely doesn’t mean we should banish our male friends. They have been around for decades before you, supporting and helping us expecting nothing in return! If you expect that now you will be the only man in our life, you are very wrong. Having male friends for a girl is all right and you should deal with it. Men are 50% of the population and some of them are friends with women.

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5. We can’t read your mind

As a man, you are likely not used to spilling out all your feelings and troubles. We get that. You are not used to complaining. You don’t want to appear weak and so on. But if something really bothers you – we want to know! We can see you are being passive-aggressive so something must be wrong. Yet, in most cases we cannot read your mind and magically guess the reason. Instead of playing an evening game of charade with questions like: “Did something happen at work yesterday?”, “Did you fight with Joe?”, “Is your Mom feeling well”? and so on, just tell us what’s wrong! We’d really appreciate that.

6. We can’t call you less and more at the same time

Yes, you don’t like us to be that annoying gal who rings you up ten times a day and texts in between the calls. Sure, no man likes overwhelming attention. That makes you feel creepy. Yet, at the same time, if we do not call you often enough, you just assume we are not that into you. Work with us to find the fine line that is not too much, not too little, but just right.

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7. Werarely make an exception in our rules for you

Most of us have these small rules when it comes to dating: “no kissing on the first date”, “the 5 date rule”, and so on. Those rules exist in a woman’s mind for a reason. We don’t want to feel cheap or used. We don’t want to get hurt or become too close before we get to know each other well enough. If you are, indeed, “worth it”, we’ll break the rules without any extra encouragement from your side.

8. We can’t be casual and emotional all at once

Guys, we sometimes don’t mind having just a casual physical connection and not being in a relationship. Yet, if  you “don’t really look for a relationship right now,” then we don’t really look to deal with your emotional issues, go to brunch together or give an advice of what to say at a job interview. If this is “just sex,” just have sex with us, but don’t bring in your emotional baggage and false expectations in tow.

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Featured photo credit: Daniel Hoherd via flickr.com

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Elena Prokopets

Elena is a passionate blogger who shares about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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