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9 Ways To Pump Success From The Unsuccessful

9 Ways To Pump Success From The Unsuccessful

Each and every one of us heads down the pathway towards success at some point during our time on Earth. While many of us seemingly fall away from our trails, often due to lack of proper tools or resources, a number have the potential of completing their journeys with enough time to fully embellish their victories. Unfortunately, we find ourselves defeat more often than success.

I’ve outlined the nine most useful ways to pump success back into your life, which is plenty of opportunity to write your own success story. No particular order applies to the following.

1. Spend 30 Days Documenting Your Every Movement

A journal that you record daily events such as encounters, failures, successes and thoughts can assist you to making proper adjustments in future situations. We can always learn more about ourselves if we’re consistently reminded of what we’ve endured thus far. For thirty days, summarize what specifically you’re doing; right or wrong really doesn’t matter as it’s an honest account of your daily activities that matters most.

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2. Find A Guide

Everyone trekking down the illustrious path towards success needs a guide who can be there, via phone or some other method of communication. Your ideal guide has been down your path or one similar to yours and can provide needed guidance should you seek it. Yes, this can be a family member or a friend; the most important aspect of this method is finding someone who’s fallen on his ass and found his way back. Why? He’s doing something (or several somethings) you’re not.

3. Perform A Fearless Moral Inventory

Sounds like an AA/NA step, right? Well, it is.  Except you’ll substitute an addictive substance for your moral, financial, or spiritual bankruptcy. Be honest with yourself; whether you’re a saint or not, write down how so and why. Be specific in notating what led you down this path. The more forthcoming you are with the dictation of your entire life’s failures, the better angle you’ll give yourself when improving your unsuccessful ways. Just remember, friends, a business that doesn’t track inventory will eventually go broke.

4. Budget Downtime Into Your Daily Routine

Humans become weary after long uninterrupted stints of effort. You may not necessarily be physically tired, but you can be emotionally worn out. Therefore, a respectable amount of “me time” gives you the opportunity to recuperate for the next day. It’s an ingenious tool which equates to taking a time-out in football; failure wants to smash through your defense, which means you’ll need to formulate an offensive plan to score a victory.  This allocated time, spent whenever you have the most mental energy, allows you to formulate a more well-rounded offensive strategy based off what’s failed prior to your current day. Downtime, in other words, gives each day’s events an equivocal amount of purpose and sustenance.

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5. Nourish Your Body, Mind and Soul

In order to have the necessary physical or mental energy to carry forth your ‘success mission’, you need some form of nourishment – this can come in the form of foodstuffs, literature, or some type of tribulation that could challenge your mental or physical prowess to advance well beyond your normal capacities. Believe it or not, some of today’s more widely known success coaches, billionaires, and thought leaders not only read often, they meditate and consume foods indicative to clean bodies such as juice diets and a good balance of the recommended daily allowance of nutrients.

6. Know What You Want, Not What Others Want For You

It’s noteworthy to mention how so many times in life we’re consumed with the desires of others. By no means is success defined as what your family pushes you to accomplish; don’t feel obliged to live their fantasy. Don’t walk through life holding someone else’s dreams or unfinished missions, and don’t be fooled into thinking you’re wrong for denying requests to become a doctor, football player, or cheerleader solely based off what your friends or parents couldn’t accomplish themselves. We’ve enough politicians morally bankrupting the American Dream; don’t let outside influences ruin your dream!

7. Ask Questions Often

Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions, receive criticism, and ask even more questions. Record the answers. Presenting questions, theories, and arguing with individuals could be just enough for you to gain valuable insight that wasn’t available before. What do I do if someone tells me to ‘bug off‘? Ask someone else, my friend. Then stop dwelling on the ‘what if’s in life.

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8. Flip Status Quo The Bird

Can you honestly say everything society tells us about righteous living and pro-social interaction is correct? Is success really a measure of how fat our checking and IRA accounts are? If you honestly believe hogwash mass media puts into your mind, you’ll never enjoy the true meaning of freedom, let alone success. Give status quo a nice throat punch and work towards goals that better your situation (called YMMV, or your mileage may vary, in internet ebonics). Forget those actions which are recommended by professionals (many which will admit they’re unhappy) and study the path of those who took chances in order to enjoy success.

9. LOL More Than You SMH

Are you sharing miserable news more than funny memes on social media? What percentage of conversations have you laughing as opposed to mudslinging? Much can be said about our own walks simply by our engagement level in conversations, our social media habits, and our quickness towards judging others as opposed to uplifting them. Reader’s Digest didn’t lie when they chose to develop their 2-3 page joke column entitled Laughter, The Best Medicine. Consistent negativity is often waving a white flag; instead, the more you find yourself laughing out loud with others, the less stress you tend to harbor.

Conclusion

While many people begin down the path toward success unprepared and inevitably fail, an increasing number of individuals from all walks and ages become a burgeoning success in their personal journeys simply by planning instead of expecting, and by listening and learning rather than talking and doubting. Accomplishment is work; success is earned.

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Featured photo credit: Defining Success in Your Career / Dress for Success via blog.dressforsuccess.org

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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