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Five Reasons to Just Say “No” to The Dad Bod

Five Reasons to Just Say “No” to The Dad Bod

Lately, everyone seems to be talking about dad bods- a male body type characterized by a beer gut, lack of muscles, and unsightly tan lines. Word is, women go crazy for this body type. But here’s the problem: there’s no evidence for that. The original article that kicked off the dad bod craze provided zero evidence that women like the dad bod, beyond stating the the author’s roommate used to be into it. Subsequent articles simply cited this first article, or each other, as evidence.

In fact, scientists have been studying both male and female visual attractiveness for decades, so there’s no need to guess at what women are attracted to. Here’s what the science actually says.

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1.  Women prefer fit men

There have been many, many studies on what women actually find attractive in a man, and they always come to the same conclusion: women like men with athletic figures.  Specifically, women show a strong preference for guys with broad shoulders and narrow waists.  Women also have a slight preference for guys with broad, muscular chests.

This doesn’t mean that women like guys who look like bodybuilders, and it doesn’t mean you need to start taking steroids and eating 5 pounds of steak a day.The ideal male physique appears to be closer to Brad Pitt’s look in Fight Club, which is entirely achievable to the average guy if he’s willing to work for it. So, instead of trading your gym membership for a beer collection, try to trim some weight off your midsection and add a few pounds to your shoulders.

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2.  Muscular men have more sex than flabby men

Traditional stereotypes hold that big guys with ripped abs and huge arms get laid like rock stars, while guys who are out of shape struggle with women. On the other hand, the recent dad bod trend suggests the reverse; that guys with flabbier physiques should be getting more female attention than they can handle.  So which is it?

According to researchers at UCLA, the stereotypes win this round. More muscular men have significantly more sex with more partners. Burly guys are also twice as likely to have short flings or one night stands, compared to less muscular men. Once again though, men who are toned and moderately muscular seem to have an edge over men who are downright huge.

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3.  Dad beards aren’t sexy

Quick, what style of facial hair do you associate with fathers- clean shaven, stubble, or full beards? Research shows that most people, both male and female, view men with full beards as ideal fathers. Men also tend to think that bearded men are the most attractive, but women disagree– they think men with heavy stubble are the most attractive, with the light stubble, full beard, and clean-shaven looks all tied for a distant second place.

The takeaway: if you’re desperate to have kids and looking for a woman to be your baby momma, a beard might be the way to go. On the other hand, if you’re like the 95% of guys who want to look sexy, think less Billy Mays and more Colin Farrell.

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4.  The dad bod makes you look like everyone else

Now I’ll admit that this one isn’t based on science- just cold, hard common sense. Look at the guys around you next time you’re out and about. Count the number of dad bods you see. Now, bearing in mind just how many guys are rocking the dad bod, how do you stand out with one? To get extraordinary results in your love life, you need to be an extraordinary guy- and it helps if you look the part by making the effort to be an attractive man.

5. You’ll tend to date women who look like you

All of this talk about the dad bod carries a strong implication that men with dad bods can attract the hottest women – the models, the beach babes, the sexy librarians. Yet science says that just isn’t true. Instead, what happens is assortative mating, a process by which people pair off with people who are much like themselves. In other words, guys with dad bods end up with women who have the same body type, toned women end up with toned men, and so on.

This applies to non-physical qualities too – smart men end up with smart women, artistic men end up with artistic women, and so on. So being an attractive man ultimately comes down to one thing: identify your ideal woman, and become the male counterpart to that ideal woman.

Featured photo credit: Triumphant/Tony Alter via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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