“Workers are drawn to those with an upbeat attitude, especially when challenges emerge, and it can start with you. It’s contagious.”
– Lynn Taylor, author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant
When you think of a person who is effective and successful at work, likely one of the prominent characteristics that individual possesses is confidence.
Confidence suggests a sense of self empowerment and self-love that is steady despite life’s ups and downs. Of course, this inner core of self-efficacy in the workplace does not start and end there. Rather, confidence is something a person carries within and is a key ingredient not only in work but in life.
When people are confident in themselves, they contribute to making the workplace a positive environment. People who are confident bring infectious energy to the workplace, as opposed to workplace vampires – those who suck the energy out of the workplace by negativity and drama and can make the workplace tedious. Workplace vampires tend to blame others for making them feel the way they do instead of taking responsibility. They have little self-reflection towards their poor attitude, and focus on what is wrong rather than what is going well ( as they tend to find fault in everything). Workplace Vampires tend to be judgmental while lacking insight into themselves. Despite the insensitivity such people display to to others, they are exquisitely sensitive to injustices done to them.
But the paradox does not end there. Rather, the confident and righteous persona is underscored with emotional fragility and confusion. To add insult to injury, the individual is so well defended that they have no clue they are that way. And if they do have a shred of insight into their problems, they are masterful at shifting responsibility and blame their problems on others anyway!
It is important to note that workplace vampires are not bad people – they are unhealthy and no one really means to be unhealthy. Such individuals lack insight into themselves and spend more time judging others rather than understanding themselves. Ironically, despite their insensitivity, they are often indignant that they do not feel supported at work and their lack of emotional sensitivity and insight puts them on the defensive.
Obviously, the humanly tragic plight of a workplace vampire does not start and stop in the workplace. Rather, such behavior is an extension of a greater emotional crippling in the fabric of their personalities, and their real victims are themselves.
So even though the general reaction to the workplace vampire is one of avoidance and anger, remember that no one means to be a workplace vampire. No matter how old they are chronologically, emotionally they are young and stuck in a more emotionally primitive state. Their own immaturity prevents them from being more positive and “spreading the love.” Keep in mind that workplace vampires are really human – and unhappy humans at that. People who are filled with judgmental and negative thoughts are not happy campers. They are caught in a spiral where problems beget more problems!
Confident people, on the other hand, are more solution-focused instead of being problem-focused. They remain positive even in face of adversity, and take responsibility of what they can change rather than focus on what they can’t change. Rather than tending to blame others when things go wrong, they size up a situation and focus on what they can do to make things better. In essence, confident people are more resilient and bounce back better from setbacks at work and in life. All too often people think that being positive means you follow the mantra “Don’t Worry – Be Happy!” That is far from the truth. You can still be positive even if you are expressing dissatisfaction, with the goal to find a solution in hopes that things can get better. Expressing concerns (and even feelings of upset and anger) with the hope that things can improve is positive – not negative.
Thus, keep in mind that expressing negative feelings is not vampire-like if the goal is to be an agent of change to make things better. But keep in mind that you must direct change not through complaining. With this type of attitude, you will not only be an agent of change and a role model for resilience to others, you will also increase your own confidence and sense of empowerment no matter what comes your way.
Improving your own confidence and self awareness will make you more resilient to the workplace vampire and will ensure that you will not get bitten with those fangs and become one yourself!
(Photo credit: Silhouette of Vampire via Shutterstock)
Does anyone know any articles on how to get rid of the workplace vampire?
I think the best approach is to learn not to give the vampire power! That is the only way you have the control – unless you are the boss!
I am a huge fan of this blog and enjoy most articles here. This one however seems to paint quite a black and white view of this “vampire” character. I’m not sure if it was for dramatic effect, but (s)he is really depicted as one bad apple, sorry, “unhealthy”.
Judy, I would never dispute your drastically higher qualifications in this area than me (I have none), but I’m not quite seeing the moral of the story and how it relates to real life? You get all sorts of positive and negative traits in a person, and any combination can produce varying degrees of effective or ineffective skills.
I guess I sound negative, but having faced colleagues with varying degrees of vampiric infliction, I must admit that there are some that sparkle and some that burst into flames. Painting them all from one jar of holy water is actually stereotyping and would result in “the bitten”, even the “nicked by an infected tooth” being forever doomed to drinking blood and no sunlight.
All meant in as constructive and positive a way as possible :)
Hi Ross – I appreciate your thoughtful comments – I obviously was simplifying for the sake of the message that if you are confident you can stay positive no matter what, you will not allow someone to rob you of your positive energy. The idea is that you have a choice if you allow someone have power even if they are difficult for you, and confidence in yourself is key to staying positive. As a psychotherapist, I have seen countless clients that have let people rob them of energy and blame them for doing it, not realizing they actually have more control if they are more confident and positive themselves. A bit of poetic license – sorry if you did not like it but glad you expressed yourself. Judy
Understood, and I agree 100% with your intentions.
Excellent article Judy! Thanks for sharing….now I’m sharing it!!
Hm, I recognize some of the characteristics of the “Workplace vampire” in myself, although it doesn’t spill over outside of work. But the fact is, I didn’t start out this way – I was made this way. And before you say that’s more blame-shifting, consider this: I’ve always volunteered to do things, help solve problems, and I’ve never been on the lookout for them. But having suffered for a two years with colleagues who never answer my questions, who are actively LOOKING for me to mess up, and who love to find other stupid little problems (i.e. I don’t like your shoes, or “we need an office policy for arrivals so you don’t get here too EARLY” while the coworker who’s sleeping with the boss can come as late as he likes without calling), I just can’t take it any more. I wonder how many of these office vampires are created by constant exclusion and bullying?
Thanks for sharing Chris!
Sorry Allison that you are in a toxic work environment. Have you talked to your supervisor or human resources about your situation? No responsible employer will tolerate workplace bullying, which is unfortunately very common in the workplace. Hope you are getting grounded by friends and family outside of work, and getting the help of a therapist is always a good option to brainstorm options, which might include looking into another job. I wish you well.