Everyone makes mistakes, and most people know that the most mature way to deal with them is to own up to the foible, apologize to the parties involved, and learn as much as you can from it so that you don’t find yourself in the same situation again. But here’s another piece of advice you seldom hear.
Stop Beating Yourself Up
A few weeks ago, I accidentally made a huge, work-related blunder. I realized what I did immediately after it happened and called my colleague on the project. After taking responsibility and expressing my remorse, I proceeded to berate myself…for an hour. I moaned about how I couldn’t believe I could do such a thing when I warn clients and readers against it every day. My colleague said that it would be okay, really, but I just went on and on. My kids were in bed and my husband was out of town, so after I hung up the phone, I locked myself in my room and put a pillow over my head like the world was ending.
An Expectation of Perfection
It later occurred to me that the reason I’d had such an extreme reaction is that I expected myself to be perfect and assumed that mistakes only happened to other people – never to me. I let it undermine my self-confidence and also my colleague’s confidence in me. In reality, the colleague probably didn’t think I was that bad until I insisted on taking the blame for all of the world’s tribulations.
You Can’t Always Play it Safe
Blunders are part of the universal human experience and you can’t expect to get away scot-free. In fact, the more you put yourself out there and try to do meaningful things, the more likely you are to make a mistake. And when one inevitably occurs, do the proper accounting, and then give yourself a break. You’ll feel better, and the other people involved will too.
Of course it’s always better to use the time productively and learn what the mistake so one can apply it to the future.
Hey Alexandra, I tend to do the same. However, I always found that ‘giving myself a break’ didn’t really mean anything to me. What am I supposed to do to give myself a break? Stop caring so much? Impossible, if I make a mistake it’s like I’m dying inside. So, how do I deal with my own mistakes? I tell everybody affected and I also tell them what I learned from it. I do it because I want THEM to learn from it. People learn much more from failure than from success, even if it’s not their own. I read about 20 blogs regularly and I could tell you each and every post where failure was described, but not all those where success was achieved. When you make others think, they see value. More then once some colleague of mine said to me: ‘Remember when you told us about that mistake you did with that vendor? I was exactly in the same position yesterday and I remembered what you said and I just avoided to end up in the same awkward position!’. That makes me reframe my mistakes. When I make one, I die inside for a while, and then all I see is opportunities.
This is a great piece! Thanks for sharing.
Great post Alexandra, as the saying goes “Strive for Excellence, not perfection” Learning from our mistakes helps us to become excellent.
Thanks for all the comments, guys. This was a tough post to write and I’m glad some found it helpful or at least relate-able!
Can I ever relate! What’s cool is that you were open enough to reveal this. I think that kind of honesty is too rare–it lets everyone just take a deep breath.
Jan
jan@chronichesitater.com