5 Ways to Stop Second Guessing Yourself
Some years ago I remember standing in my kitchen, staring silently at my boxes of cereal, trying to decide which to have for breakfast. Was it a Frostie’s morning, or was it more of an Oat Crunchie’s day? Or maybe granola? I stood there for 5 minutes, until – utterly frustrated – I marched out of the house and went without.
Fortunately I’ve learned to make decisions more quickly and more easily now, and when I notice that second-guessing and doubting starting to kick in, I kick it right back. So here are 5 ways to stop second-guessing or, of you prefer, 5 ways to make confident decisions.
1. Test them against your values.
So many times we have to make decisions without a framework and no way to judge between two choices. When faced with a tricky decision it’s often a good idea to line up your choices and ask “Which one of these most honours the things that mean the most to me?”
The decision that’s most in line with the things that mean the most to you – your core values – will be the best decision for you. That might not be the simplest or most practical, but because it fits with who you are and what’s most important to you it will always be the best decision for you.
2. Trust your gut.
When I was growing up I used to love rainy Sunday afternoons watching Columbo, especially the bit at the end where he’d sidle up to the Bad Guy, say “Just one more thing” and then proceed to blow apart the bad guys alibi. Just brilliant.
What Columbo had bundles of was a great trust in his intuition. In every episode, from the very moment he first meets the bad guy, he knows ‘whodunnit’ – and he always trusts that.
So look at what your intuition tells you is the ‘right’ decision for you. Forget about all the “What if’s” and the myriad, tiny details – what is your gut telling you? Listen to your intuition, it knows what it’s talking about.
3. It just doesn’t matter.
My decision between breakfast cereals wasn’t a biggie. Whichever one I chose, there were never going to be any huge consequences and the ripples from that decision wouldn’t have been felt much further than the end of my spoon. Sometimes it just doesn’t matter which way you go.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in second guessing yourself, going round in circles and over-complicating things, when – if you get right down to it – it just doesn’t matter. Going round in circles is only going to make you dizzy, so stop it. Ask yourself this question – if your future happiness wasn’t dependent on your decision (and it isn’t, by the way), which way would you go?
4. Have enough information.
Go and get the facts before you make a complex decision. By all means weigh up the pro’s and con’s so that you can get an understanding of what’s behind a choice. But be careful – there’s a huge difference between knowing enough to make a choice, and knowing everything to make a choice.
When you feel yourself pursuing every fact or every piece of information before you make a decision, stop yourself. Ask “What do I really need to know to make this decision?” and focus your efforts on getting the best information relatively quickly, rather than pursuing all of the information you could get your hands on given a longer period of time.
5. Respect your doubts.
We all naturally shy away from change, and we’ve developed a whole bunch of tricks that make it easy for us to avoid making decisions and stay exactly where we are. That part of you is often called the “Gremlin”, and it’s the part of you that would rather avoid making decisions altogether rather than run the risk of making a bad one or screwing up.
Your Gremlin is not the same thing as having doubts, which are valid concerns about a possible course of action, or reasonable concerns about what might be in store. Your doubts can help you prepare for change and get ready for what could happen.
Your Gremlin is adept at feeding on your doubts and using them to get you to stay put, so knowing the difference between your Gremlin and your valid doubts helps you clarify what’s real and what’s imagined, what’s relevant and what’s irrelevant.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Steve Errey
Steve Errey almost died at age 5 as he choked on a grape. Today, Steve is a leading confidence coach for entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs, with a reputation for talking sense and getting results. Read more at The Confidence Guy and follow him on Twitter. He still loves grapes, despite the risks.
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Comments
Dave Kaiser says on February 19th, 2010 at 11:54 am
To build upon #3, I like to remind myself that even if I make a “wrong” decision, I can clean it up.
Dave Kaiser
http://www.BigAndBoldCoaching.com
http://www.DarkMatterConsulting.com
Allen says on February 19th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Great post. Many people freeze when it comes to decision making, big or small. Or, they do impulse choice.
Trish says on February 19th, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Thanks for posting this.
The text of No. 5 “Respect Your Doubts” could (should?) be the topic of a post all by itself.
Help with telling the difference between the Gremlin (far too powerful, in my experience, especially when it’s conditioning from the social class we were raised in) and ‘real’ doubt would be great.
Hulbert says on February 19th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
This was a helpful post Steve. For example, today I got my picture taken and and I’m having a difficult time deciding which one to choose.
One of the pictures of me is the natural me, and the other picture of me is a retouched version of me. (There’s no not that big of a difference though).
One part of me says go with the retouched version of me because it looks better, but my intuition says go with the natural me, and even thought it looks worse, I will listen to my unition for now and go with the second decision.
Thank you.
Aaron Taylor - HelpCreatePlan says on February 19th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Thanks for this article. I agree with your point in number 2 regarding ‘what ifs’. Its too many ‘what ifs’ that mess up the decision making process. some of them are valid but then a single what if grows in multiple what ifs at deeper levels. I try and keep it simple these days – GUT!
Great post.
şarkı sözleri says on February 19th, 2010 at 9:00 pm
and
6. very difficult for people to stay alone.
Eric Saylor says on February 20th, 2010 at 12:34 am
I like this post. There is nothing worse than feeling like you’ve been ripped off. I hate decisions i regret because i did not have enough information or i didnt trust my gut. All habits take practice, and practice these tips i will.
-Eric Saylor
Dan says on February 20th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Some people just need to make a decision, any decision. It doesn’t matter if it’s the right one but not making a decision can often lead to stalling, then nothing gets done.
Dan Kligerman says on February 20th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Thanks for this post – I agree with these points, and they are a good checklist for overcoming that urge to second guess.
One other thing I have found useful is to try to differentiate between the important decisions and the more trivial ones. What to eat for breakfast is obviously trivial, but there are many others where it may not be as clear. What I try to do is set the bar high for what is really an important choice–it should be something where the decision will have an impact for a significant amount of time.
For the big decisions, I think that some second guessing and more extensive thought is justified. For everything else, I agree with #3–flip a coin and move on.
f. garza says on February 21st, 2010 at 12:02 am
I have just learned to trust my gut.
amily says on February 21st, 2010 at 2:59 am
Does not seem easy to do that
http://www.udtek.com/car-charger-c-7.html
john says on February 21st, 2010 at 6:55 am
hard to decide. My head is sometimes confused. may need professional help.
Martyna Bizdra says on February 21st, 2010 at 1:57 pm
small choices are as important as the big ones. you shape your future by your decisions…:)
Steve Errey - The Confidence Guy says on February 22nd, 2010 at 5:50 am
@Allen: Thanks, hope it helps!
@Trish: You’re probably right, it’s a fine line and takes a lot of practice to know which voice to listen to. I’ll try to pull another post together on that.
@Hulbert: Good for you – going with your intuition is always a good call.
@Aaron: I’ve been paralysed by “What If’s” in the past so I agree with you entirely. The trick is to spot when that spiral starts and then take a step back. Thanks.
@Sarki: Not sure I understand, but if you mean that people make decisions based on having people’s approval then I completely agree!
@Eric: Practice indeed – any new behaviour needs to be applied repeatedly before it sticks. Holler if you have any questions.
@Dan: I think that makes a lot of sense – not making a decision is a way of side-stepping responsibility, but it’s actually a decision in itself.
@Dan Kligerman: Good point. Knowing which strategy to apply with big or small decisions can help., as my breakfast cereal conundrum demonstrated! That said, I think even big decisions can be made quickly when you trust yourself to deal with whatever happens.
@F. Garza: Awesome, good for you!
@Amily: Nope, not easy. At least to begin with. It does become easier, and ends up being natural.
@John: Ah confusion. Are you trying to decide what kind of help you need?!
@Martyna: Interesting point. I guess small decisions can have big impacts – the point is that they’re all decisions YOU make and YOU take responsibility for, right?
Craig Thomas says on February 22nd, 2010 at 8:59 am
Nice post! Really makes sense. I tend to get held up with collecting information – definitely my ‘wasting time’ stage.
Bursa Magazin says on February 22nd, 2010 at 11:09 am
I like this post. There is nothing worse than feeling like you’ve been ripped off. I hate decisions i regret because i did not have enough information or i didnt trust my gut.
SallyBeam | SelfHelpFriend.com says on February 22nd, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Thanks for your post. This reminds me when I’ve face this kind of situation.
I cannot make a decision until I’ve got a motivation quote from a friend. He told me “There is no right or wrong decision. Just decide and make it a RIGHT one.”
motivational and inspirational sayings are great especially when we need them.
Robin Pearle says on February 22nd, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Thanks for this post! This topic has truly been on my mind lately. You have outlined a positive reminder, thanks!
Phil - Less Ordinary Lliving says on February 23rd, 2010 at 8:14 am
Steve –
Great post. You could really have stopped after points 1 and 2. If you can live authentically and trust your values, your gut will tell you when you are taking a wrong turn. If you learn to live with success and see failure as growth, the authentic choice will always bring success.
Phil
Dion Nicolaas says on February 23rd, 2010 at 8:55 am
I miss one: ask for help. Other people’s opinions may help, but explaining your problem to others is even more helpful.
DebraC says on February 24th, 2010 at 2:19 am
It’s funny how even small decisions can chew up a disproportionate amount of our time. But once we recondition ourselves to making decisions a bit quicker, for good or worse, at least the decision is done. And we can move on to the next. Staying in motion through active decision making is a good approach to adopt.
Flashman says on March 1st, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Number 3 is probably the most important i rekon
Ched says on March 12th, 2010 at 5:15 am
Fear is an impediment to happiness and success. Sometimes we don’t trust ourselves enough, and this is the hurdle that everyone has to get over. We should develop ourselves and then we should trust ourselves. If we don’t trust ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to trust us?
hassan says on March 15th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
great post i think guessing your self is difficlut most of times specially in this time becoz most of people they don”t trust their instinct they are influenced by social proof they just go with fellow
http://mastery-journey.com/site/why-cant-we-listen
Martyna says on August 22nd, 2010 at 10:53 am
Steve,
even when the impact is small, it is one more step in creating a habit. yes:"they're all decisions YOU make and YOU take responsibility for"
M.