How to Drive a Customer Crazy
Through most of my corporate work career I’ve been associated with the “hospitality industry:” hotels and resorts and all the amenities they are made of, e.g. restaurants, retail and recreational outlets and the like. The hospitality industry is a labor-intensive one, where the majority of employees do come face-to-face with the customer. Within it, nearly every manager can tell you how they will limp their way through the dreaded monotony of daily pre-shift meetings, sometimes called “the line up.” For most of the hospitality industry the purpose is the same: 10-15 minutes at the beginning of a work shift to keep staff as up-to-date as possible, and in-the-know enough to have a decently savvy stage presence for the customer.
Coming up with engaging conversations for pre-shift was this on-going game with me; I took it on as my own personal challenge to make the 10-15 minutes as entertaining for all of us as possible, while sharing the knowledge everyone needed for the day ahead. If we had to have line up, we may as well enjoy ourselves and learn something useful at the same time.
One of my favorite line-up routines was to do a 5-minute brainstorm we called “How to drive a customer crazy.” We talked about what not to do in a way that had most of us rolling in laughter at the possible outrageous scenarios. However it was also very effective in actually speaking out loud those reminders of bad habits we really shouldn’t do. The staff would throw out suggestions that sounded awful, but usually they were possible: They really were big no-no’s, and saying them out loud, even in jest, kept us aware of them enough to keep them at bay.
Here are some samples of what would come up for us:
How to Drive a Customer Crazy.
Pretend you haven’t noticed they are there.
Stay in first gear, especially when they are rushing.
Let them overhear your personal phone call, and make no attempt to end it.
Open late. Close early.
Say “That’s not our policy.”
Say “That’s not my job.”
Say “I’m not allowed to do that.”
Say “I have no idea.”
Say “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
Slouch. Chew Gum. Twirl your hair between your fingers.
Give them a blank stare, or worse, roll your eyes.
Fidget distractedly. Appear bored.
Finish whatever other task you have at hand, while they wait for you to attend to them.
Talk story with other employees. Laugh at an “inside joke” they are not privy to.
Speak in a monotone. See how long you can go without smiling.
Be late for their appointment or with their reservation.
Take shortcuts with your service, saying “you don’t really need this part do you?”
Make excuses.
Have a quick comeback for every point they may wish to make with you.
Offer mechanical, routine service that is so uneventful, so ordinary, that they expect to pull a number and listen for you to call out “Next!”
Look at them with open disapproval or impatience.
Speak so softly, or in such a rush, that they need to keep asking “What was that?”
Give them directions so involved or confusing they have to write them down.
Give them “scenic” directions that take them out of their way when they really wanted a shortcut.
Ignore the very young and very old in the group, talking only to the ones you assume are the “responsible ones” – or the paying ones.
Assume that all customers are the same, and you already know what they want.
Is your pet peeve here? What would you add to the list? What drives you crazy when you’re the customer?
Rosa Say, author of Managing with Aloha, Bringing Hawaii’s Universal Values to the Art of Business and the Talking Story blog.
Previous Thursday Column: From Mistake to Marvel.
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Comments
Leonard Bick says on November 18th, 2005 at 11:15 am
Pet peeve:
Criticize the previous customer’s personal or business manner to you (the current customer).
(I have asked, “Are you going to criticize me to the *next* customer?”)
LB
Eric H says on November 18th, 2005 at 11:45 am
After watching the customer search in vain for 10 minutes to find something on a shelf, ask if they need help, and then begin looking *AT THE VERY SAME SHELF*.
neuro says on November 18th, 2005 at 6:16 pm
French administration is considered as a specialist in making customers crazy.
I remember when about 40 people were queuing in order to buy train tickets, and the guy just closed the ticket office saying “it’s trade-union negotiated break”
I’ve heard he was customary to this.
heybob says on November 18th, 2005 at 8:25 pm
Well working in Customer Service I can say the best way to get good service is have some manners yourself. The customer should act polite as well. The majority of people I deal with have no manners or social conscience, so I could see how they get crappy service from time to time. When I go to a hotel, or restaurant, ect. I always say “please” and “thank you” and plan ahead so I am not rushed and therefore not rushing the staff as well. I find I get great service when practising the golden rule. Just because they are “getting paid” doesn’t mean you can treat them rudely.
Paul says on November 19th, 2005 at 1:37 am
If a customer says they’re just browsing, keep pestering them until they leave the shop and go to a less aggressive competitor
Faruk Ates says on November 19th, 2005 at 7:06 pm
It’s not really the same, but a pet peeve of mine is when a customer wants us to redo their website and they tell me they have “already made the design for it”.
It will generally always look like complete and utter shyte. But I can’t tell them that :|
Nick Roy says on January 30th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
It amazes me everyday at the atrocious customer service that I face. Where has it gone? Did many of these companies forget who pays them?
Many companies nowadays care more about their short term profit than about taking care of their customers. We saw that first hand when Hurricane Wilma blew through South Florida, and were without electricity for three weeks. Calling everyday about the situation, and all you get is a recording. Well, it’s an actual live human being reading from a script on what to say to the customer.
I did a little experiment. There was commercial being aired on Fox News Channel for a Ford Commercial and it was in Spanish. I decided to go to the Comcast website and complain about it. I did it twice-one at the beginning of the month and then at the end of the month. I got responses to both complaints. The customer service reps were different, but the responses were 100% identical. This led me to believe that all they had to do is copy and paste from the knowledge base for the answer. There was no human element in any of those responses.
With that experience, I have lost all respect for large corporations. They rather treat their customers like just another sale, and they treat their employees like trained monkeys.
I noticed one thing throughout this whole experience. There is not much skill required to be a customer service representative. Just hit a few keys to find the answer and copy and paste the answer into an email to send to the customer. Not much skill needed their.
So, where as all the customer service gone?
Ali says on October 10th, 2006 at 11:35 am
Customer Service Reps work long hours for little pay and MOST of us truly enjoy serving people, but I frequently get personal attacks, belittled, yelled at, and generally mistreated. I always have the best of the customer in mind, but they can’t always see that because they are upset about their expectations not being met. Or maybe they’re having personal problems and they’re so upset they don’t realize they’re taking it out on the employee. Also, we are frequently forced to keep “policies” that are completely absurd, but we will get fired if we don’t. Often we agree with you, but nowadays the customer isn’t always right, especially in larger companies. Please, if you want good service, ask with a smile, don’t demand. I know that if I’m the one serving you, I will bend over backwards to help you, and maybe bend a few rules too :O)