A Quick Survey
Before we get under way with today’s briefer-than-normal chat, I want to conduct a little research on the run. Put up your hand if happiness is one of your aims in life. And no, participation is not optional at Stepcase Lifehack today. Yep, even you scaredy cats. Okay, keep ‘em up so I can count… 1001, 1002, 1003… yep; that’s all of you. Guessed as much. So it seems that despite the fact that we’re all different people, in different situations, inhabiting different parts of the globe… we have one common goal; happiness.
Who’da thought?
But do we Need a Happiness Plan?
We create plans to build wealth. And plans to lose weight. Plans for our dream home. Future plans. Travel plans. We plan the academic path that will lead to our ideal career. Or so we think. We plan our wedding (well, some do). Our marriage. Our family (2.3 kids and a Golden Retriever). It seems we have a plan for pretty much anything that’s remotely important in our lives, so why wouldn’t we have a plan for the thing which drives us all: a desire to be happy? Perhaps we think we’ll find it in all our other plans? That is, happiness will be the net result of all the other.. stuff.
Blaah Central
If happiness is such a universal pursuit, why does it prove to be so elusive to so many? Dare I say, to the majority? Perhaps not in your (personal) world, but step back a little and take a peek beyond your fence. Take a look around. And not a cursory glance, a proper look. Examine the faces, the body language, the posture. Listen to the conversations, the words, the tone. So much of it reeks of… blaah. So much of it seems to be devoid of happiness.
Why the Long Face?
Walk around your city and look people in the eye (don’t get beaten up in the process) and what do you see most? Fear? Uncertainty? Stress? Self-doubt? Frustration? Apathy? If you had to label it, what would you say the dominant emotion is these days? Would it be closer to the positive or negative end of the emotional scale? To be honest, I’m not seeing a whole lot of joy out there lately. Why all the long faces? Why all the busy therapists? Why all the affairs? And body-modifying surgery? And substance abuse? And other addictions? And why all the accumulation of stuff we don’t need with money we don’t have?
Could it be that when it comes to the universal goal, we’re missing something crucial? Something massive perhaps? Like the whole point? Could it be we’re looking where happiness ain’t? Perhaps we’re chasing the wrong things? Perhaps we shouldn’t chase at all?
Could it be that happiness is not to be found in the chasing but rather, in the choosing?
The Accumulation Lie
Maybe happiness doesn’t live in places or things? Maybe our happiness methodology and mentality is all wrong? Could it be that we don’t really understand it? Or maybe we don’t recognise it because we’re not sure what it looks like. Perhaps we already have it and don’t know? Perhaps we unknowingly and unintentionally make happiness an impossibility? Perhaps that’s it over there, hiding behind our insecurity, fear and self-doubt? Maybe it’s in the second drawer underneath all our issues? Perhaps it’s obscured by the crap. The cerebral crap. The emotional crap. The human crap. The crap we hold on to. The crap we believe. Perhaps we don’t see it because, like the masses, we have somehow bought into the lie of the ego; the accumulation lie. The when we get enough stuff we’ll be happy paradigm. You know the one. And if we’re not happy, it’s obviously because we need more stuff. Or new stuff. Or different stuff. Or best of all: stuff nobody else has.
Bingo.
Perhaps happiness is not to be found in the chasing, the acquiring, the accumulating or even the planning; perhaps we’ll find it in the letting go. That’s where I find it.
I’s love to hear your thoughts on happiness. It’s such a universally relevant issue — it might make for some interesting group discussion. Feel free to be as deep, philosophical and/or spiritual as you like. What has your journey taught you? What do you have to teach the rest of us? Could we (the collective mindset) possibly have it wrong? Has your thinking (about happiness) changed over time? If so, how? What have you had to un-learn along the way? Can happiness be a permanent state or will it always be transient? Is happiness a matter of perspective? Is it different things for different people? Is happiness.. joy? Is it contentment? Is it the absence of fear? Or perhaps the absence of pain? What do you think?
As always, we’re not about “right or wrong” here at Stepcase Lifehack, we’re all about the respectful sharing of ideas, lessons and experiences. And yes, we’d love to hear from you Newbies and Lurkers too. We don’t bite.
[...] November 2, 2009 A Happiness Plan? Posted by Will deBock under Uncategorized Leave a Comment I thought this was a good question to start a Monday morning. We plan everything, but do we ever consider a plan to maximize our happiness? The folks at lifehack.org have a nice little article on the topic. [...]
There seem to be 2 main approaches to happiness. 1) getting what you want 2) wanting what you have. The problem with #1 is that every time you get what you want something else takes its place that you then have to strive for, so it becomes a never-ending cycle.
My approach is somewhat of a balance between the 2. Of course, “getting what you want” isn’t always your superficial examples of vain attempts to be happy by buying pointless luxuries on credit. It could also mean something deeper like making a positive difference in the world or accomplishing a major life goal.
I think that happiness is in the decision. Is decision letting go? It quite possibly is.
I have a recurring discussion with my six year old. You get to decide whether you are mad, happy, sad or anything else. She keeps saying we make her mad, sad, happy, etc. So maybe for her it’s letting go of how she thinks we feel so that she is free to feel her own feeling that she decides to have. I think for me it was realizing that I was the only one who could make me feel a certain way and i was the only one who could change the way I felt. I thank g-d and Tony Robbins for helping me realize that.
What a fantastic post, Craig! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and asking us for ours.
Personally, I think people can choose how they feel in any given moment. It’s difficult, of course, or everyone would be happy.
But great leaders do this (control their minds and feelings) so they can focus on their vision of what they want (instead of focusing on current results and what’s not right in the situation) in order to come up with creative ways of achieving success.
So I believe it’s an ability we all have and can master with practice!
You mentioned the idea of letting go. I think we get into trouble when we associate our happiness with a person, place, object, job title, life role, etc. Since happiness is just a feeling, and feelings come from thoughts, perhaps we can find happiness by “letting go” of our ideas in where happiness comes from?
What if we stopped searching “out there” for happiness and started searching for it within ourselves?
Over the last few years or so, I’ve learned a trick or two about summoning happiness and emotional control. It IS possible! And I think a happiness plan is a great idea, Craig!
[...] However, Craig Harper has some interesting thoughts about happiness today at Lifehack.org. [...]
A year and a half ago I was totally unhappy with my life. Hated the way I looked, hated my parents, hated my friends. I wanted to just be someone else so bad that I developed an eating disorder and fell in love with the first girl that would love me back. I felt worse. I became a monster. She wrecked me. And in the end. She left. I was standing there with nothing.
But in the end. I was standing there with a lot more of nothing. Since I had nothing there to hold me back. The world came with sudden clarity. I soon realized that the best way about feeling better about yourself is helping others. I’ve found no better joy than to give someone a hug on a rough day or spend hours on the phone late at night just listening to their problems. My problems seem so distant when compared to those around me. And the truth be told I’m honestly starting to love myself because I know others around me love me for me.
The U.S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.” — Benjamin Franklin
If you’re interested in a new approach to boost your happiness based on the latest positive psychology research, check out our iPhone app: Live Happy; it’s based on the work of Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of “The How of Happiness” and provides a unique method to create a personalized program to increase your happiness.
You can also learn more about the iPhone app on our Facebook page.
Happiness is a choice. always has been always will be. if you let other influences make you happy then they can also make you said. You make you happy.
it is harder to do then to say. but the plan you posted is a great start!
Ah, thank you for such a great post, getting across the important message to more and more people. I am so glad of increasing numbers of people getting it!
IndependentHappiness.com
In my experience, its not so simple. Choosing happiness is easier said than done. I believe that humans have an deep primal desire to succeed socially. So what is success in that regard? Respect, acknowledgement, wealth? I had a faissez-faire upbringing which meant i had to define all the criteria for success myself. Which is quite opposite of my family’s. I would have found it a tad to challenging to achieve anything if i couldn’t tap into my fear when things needed to be done. Breaking social heritage requires dedication, hard work and purpose. For most people, its not easy to achieve. It requires blood, sweat and tears. Stuff that don’t make you happy in the moment, but (might) do longterm. Also what is happiness and how is it linked with other terms like: Satisfaction, Recreation (are drunk people happy?, life confirming movies?) and Achievement (promotion?, academic success?). “Hippies” (pardon my broad and non-specific term) would claim that they are happy. But try to talk to them about work and achievement and they get insecure and evasive (in my experience, as raised among them). So after all is said and done, it seems that they are just compensating at some level. Maybe from fear of not succeeding, they are choosing keep their work or the nature of their at an absolute minimum).
In my opinion this competitive focus on achievement is an unavoidable side-effect of an economic model that emphasizes competition in all layers of society (sports, career, business aso.). (don’t get me wrong, i am all pro market economy).
And now for a small deviation, but in the same context: why is it that only people who have already achieved success, wealth or respect tend to talk about stuff like prioritizing happiness. My bid: because after their rise in status they have the time to ponder and the confidence to talk about it. Of course it also happens buttom up in the shape of miserable philosophers who will never be able to practice what they preach anyway. Of course there are people who take a more scientific approach, but are they really measuring happiness? Most seem to focus on motivation for work which implies that happiness equals professional success.
Taking a stroll down the mainstreet here in Cannes where i am presently located, sure, i don’t see many happy faces. Its the same everywhere, whether i am in Denmark (supposedly the most satisfied people), France or Malaysia. Do you think people where happy 100 years ago or a thousand? Are we supposed to be happy all the time?
Also you talk about “planning for happiness”, what does that mean? Planning to do what you really want? What if work is what you really love to do, should you neglect the family. Or are one just plain “wrong” to prioritize work. What if it is the other way around. Sacrifice your career for time with your family?
We all come with such a variety of experiences and emotional luggage (danish term, not sure it exist in English, but i am sure you get my point), that happiness needs to be defined in detail before any discussion of its achievement makes sense.
Pardon my English, its not my first language.
What a great thought provoking post. Like so many others have already said, I think happiness is a choice. So many people will claim that we can choose happiness all we want, but everyone will experience the ups and downs of life and that will in turn impact their ability to be happy. While it is true that we will experience different things and challenges in life, we do get to choose our perspectives and how we allow things to impact us. Once we choose to be be happy, it really can be continual regardless of what is going on around us. We just have to be disciplined enough to do those things that will help us control our thinking and maintain the perspectives that allow us to continually be happy.
Great post and responses, esp. Kristoffer, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts everyone. Is it possible to experience happiness all the time? For me it is impossible. Is it possible to have night with no day? I think not. I aim for ~5% happiness, 35% sleep and 60% blood, sweat and tears! I just try to enjoy all of it and build a few memorable moments (isn’t it wierd how many moments and experiences in life we simply forget).
Today consider that your life has structure that creates feelings you never designed. With awareness comes flexibility. When you start being more flexible, new options appear. Options give you power. When you feel empowered, you feel happy. Awareness is the key.
[...] » Your Happiness Plan (lifehack.org) [...]
Being content with what you have is sooooo important in life! You can want more (and if you do, you should work hard to get it, not just accept your current state of affairs). But even if your life is not perfect, you should see what you have, and be thankful for it, and be content. “If this is the way my life will always be, I will still be content, and appreciate all the things that I have”.
Why is the default avatar to the left side female? This could make my day ;), the first time I’ve seen a FEMALE default avatar instead of a male one. Is this a female-dominant website, is that why?
You can’t be right or wrong when telling about happiness. It is just feeling of life. There is a good video of Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard that we can train our minds and habits. Take a look at the video – Matthieu Richard on the Habits of Happiness
perfect! great and simple idea about plan) it works)
This is such a great post. Actually, I read an article at CNN (http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/moneymag_archive/2007/04/01/8403587/index.htm) that said researchers looked at happiness and found that there was little difference in happiness between the middle class and rich people. It recommended buying experiences rather than things.
we ask ourselves the “what is happiness” question and where do i find it when we are not sick, or hungry or in danger…etc
there was a saing that man is like a citadel tring to brake his own walls for freedom, but is when he starts seing the stars that fear and uncertainty comes.
I find my happiness in my religion; although I haven’t mustered up the desire to look up the official term, I made up my own religion. It’s a largely vague one, but it works for me. It allows me to be myself, and yell at myself, which I can be fond of doing so long as I achieve goals at the end of it. I’ve held on to pretty much everything I’ve ever owned, so it came to be that my stuff was basically owning me. However, today I’m giving my guilt-inducing stuff away to my family, mostly my li’l sisters, who are around five.
It interesting to me to see the many different ways that many feel they can “obtain happiness”. Almost like it’s the holy grail of living your life. Some seek it and find it; some never find it and desire it. And yet for some, it comes naturally.
I believe it’s as personal as our identities. It can take many forms. And yet, may not take any form for some. For instance, my father blew his brains out two weeks before Christmas. I assume he wasn’t happy and that happiness was something he could not obtain. At least the “happiness” that he personally felt should have been his.
With me it’s different as well; I am always referred to as the “female Elf”. I find absolute happiness and great joy in seeing others happy. It somehow proves to be contagious for me. You smile, and I smile.
I love doing things that bring me joy in their accomplishments. Like knitting a blanket; hand quilting a quilt that takes me many months to complete; doing my sketches that take me weeks to finish; writing; baking with my children; teaching/home schooling; and believe it or not – work. I love my job.
It’s not a high paying job. And it’s probably a job that many wouldn’t want or care for. But I love it. I get to see different people every single day I work. I get to talk with them; interact with them. Help them with simple decisions. And I get amazing feed back from them. They love coming back and asking for me because they know how much I enjoy doing my job – and it makes them feel good too. I work at a department store. Like I said, nothing special to most.
I think for me happiness is certainly obtainable. I also think that too many are into the whole “me” generational way of thinking. I never have been. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. I don’t have a mega house; I don’t drive a new car; I don’t have the latest in fashion or accessories; I don’t wear make up and have never been to a beauty salon; and have never had a manicure my entire life, and I’m fifty years young.
I’m fine with whom I am and how I look. I don’t read fashion magazines. I don’t worry about what others have that I don’t have in comparison. I know that even those who may live “large” aren’t happy. Things and possessions don’t bring happiness; money doesn’t bring happiness. Our spirit; who we are “inside” is what can bring us joy and happiness.
It’s amazing to me how much your happiness can spread in a matter of one day’s time. I mean try it sometime. Even if your having the worse day; try smiling at someone who looks like they are having a far worse day than you are; you’d be surprised how people respond to your small gesture of merely looking them in the eye and smiling. It’s a good feeling when someone acknowledges your presence; whether your the acknowledge or receiver.
I believe happiness can be spread so easily. I “chose” to be happy. I don’t want to be burdened down with sadness. I don’t want to be depressed. Yes, we all experience it at times. I “allow” myself that time for these feelings as well. But then I say to myself, “okay, you’ve had your moment – it’s time to move on!” That way you don’t try to suppress what happens naturally on both sides of the fence.
Hope this makes sense to anyone who took the time to read it. I have had enough sadness and pain to last five life times. I decided long ago that I wasn’t going to “use” that pain as an “excuse” to be Unhappy. I refuse to. I am entitled to be happy if that’s what I want – and yes, it’s what I want.
Be happy – life is too short! Share your happiness with your children, I do. I want them to remember their mom as someone who laughed out loud every chance she had; who laughed so hard she cried; and who loved making others smile. Hug someone today tell them you love them. You’d be surprised how many folks just never hear that enough…
Diane
1. Allow yourself to make mistakes. We’re all human and we all experience a wide range of emotions, not all of them helpful. However, if you accept these as natural, then that’s the first step to be deal and address them. Don’t try to supress your emotions.
2. Know that you deserve happiness. If you feel that within yourself, you need to first realize that you deserve happiness. Monitor your thoughts and catch negative ones. Try to think of something good instead. For example, look back over your achievements and what new things you want to achieve.
3. Keep it simple. Generally, we try to do more and more in less and less time. Multi-tasking leads to frustration and often dissapointment.Single-tasking not trying to do too much allows for time to savor life. Resolve to to LESS each day. Then enjoy doing each thing slowly, trying to be present in the moment.
4. Understand what makes you happy, experiment. Everyone is different, what makes me happy won’t necessarily make you happy. You’re an individual and don’t have to comply with other peoples definitions of happiness.
Once you know what makes you happy (at both home and work) make a plan to increase your chances of doing these activities. You’ll be pursuing a goal which you’re passionate about, is pleasurable and which will have meaning to you. You’ll feel better about yourself for going after something you value and want.
5. Choose your friends wisely. Negative people begin to make you feel negative, the opposite applies. Spend time and make regular contact with those positive people in your life.
6. Count your blessings. When something goes wrong don’t dwell on it. Instead, count your blessings. This different focus will give you the opportunity to identify all of the positive things in your life instead of the negative ones.
7. Exercise to maintain your health. Being overweight or not eating nutritious foods can have a negative effect on your mood. Exercise releases endorphins that makes you feel happy. Even just a short walk or jog could lift your spirits and reduce stress. Nothing too strenuous. Just get outside, appreciate nature and move.
8. Instead of thinking about problems, think about solutions. When someone says to me, “Oh, this is so hard,” or “Oh, I can’t seem to do this,” or “Man, we don’t have any more of that,” I just ask them, “Well, what’s the solution?” If you develop solution-oriented thinking, you’ll be much happier.
9. Take time each day to give yourself a treat. Whatever it is, treat yourself. You deserve it.
10. Have a laugh. Just the act of laughing can make you happier. If you’re in a bad situation, think will anyone care in a 100 years about this? Probably not, so laugh now, and be happy now.
Focus your attention on the Now and tell me what problem you have at this moment. I am not getting any answer because it is impossible to have a problem when your attention is fully in the Now. A situation that needs to be either dealt with or accepted – yes. Why make it into a problem? Why make anything into a problem? Isn’t life challenging enough as it is? What do you need problems for? The mind unconsciously loves problems because they give you an identity of sorts. This is normal, and it is insane. “Problem” means that you are dwelling on a situation mentally without there being a true intention or possibility of taking action now and that you are unconsciously making it part of your sense of self.
-Eckhart Tolle
After all of my life experiences, I feel like I finally got it. Happiness definitely comes from the right relationship with ourselves. Do you know yourself? Do you understand your needs and desires? Knowing yourself, willing to accept yourself, striving the best person you can be and being open to the idea of happiness is very empowering. The more I let go of the past and focus on the present moment, better I get to know myself, more compassionate I am with others. Being happy doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t experience sadness or loss, happiness is not only about joy all the time. It is knowing that we are alive and cherishing every moment of your life… Things happen, disasters come, love take over our hearts, but through it all if we know ourselves and happy with ourselves we are able to see the beauty behind everything. Things fall in place, there is a feeling of being content with the course of life…
Being happy … is my new objective. I feel that I forget how it is or better said I forget to observe when I realy am happy. Everyday I laugh, make other people smile but I don’t feel happy since too much time.
I was used to know how to do my best to feel good and I don’t know when I stop doing this but is the moment to change.
I think that happiness is in our self and if we don’t want to explore our personal ways to be happy will wake up in a day regreting all our lifes, all we shoud doing in a moment and we didn’t. I really believe that the hapiness is made by happy moments. If we are used to live happy moments we’ll try to find them more and more and to go ahead for them.
Is very important to chose very well the people from our lives because they are who can make the diferences.
Sad, pesimistic, problematic people could bring this in our live too and more then that we can be tented to help them and to forget that we are not like them.
Optimistic, happy, bright, experienced people can bring a light, can make us to want to do our best to feel happy and to enjoy moments. They are the ones which can give you a desire to be happy as much as you can in every moment and to go for your ideals even it seems quite imposible.
I decide to make a change and the first one is to be more elective with my “friens”.
Personally its not just doing like you said but being creative in my Doing that is rewarding. but thats the Verb action that I partake in and what I give to the world.
The Thing that i crave and yet depends entirely on others is Love. Love provides me with a sense of acceptance, a place to belong, it fills my heart with Joy and gives me strength to face the bad and horrible in this world. Love is infexctious as well .
Babies die for lack of love… why 100 years ago when babies were put in orphanages 99% died within 7 months!
What I would encourage everyone to do is find the place in this world where you feel loved. Then Go out and start creating! but dont follow what most inventors do… create a new way to create… not just a new business… maybe a new way to walk down the street, a new way to do everyday things… maybe a new smile, or a new drink! who knows… but be creative!!
if you have a mum and dad, be so grateful! Could you imagine all the lonely orphans around the world? If you have a loving set of parents, chances are you’ll grow up and find you’ve grown into a well-rounded adult.
If something makes you nervous, like public speaking, if you do it once then the second time around things will be easier.
Appreciate what you have. THIS REALLY WORKS. None of your bones are broken, you’re not blind, you can taste amazing food and can walk around, swim, run and jump. You even have the power to change your circumstances through positive thinking.
It’s great when someone smiles at you on the street for no good reason, isn’t it? When you’re having a bad day, for that moment that person who smiled at you is your angel. So be someone else’s angel.
Bake something. This is totally random, but it’ll give you a great, short-term satisfaction that you’ve achieved something. Then ice and decorate whatever it is you baked! :)
Get a new hairstyle or buy new clothes.
Give someone who is stressed a massage. You’ll help their long-term health. Stress is a killer!
Plan for a holiday, even if you can’t afford it. It’ll give you something to look forward to.
Tidy your house.
Have a DVD night with your friends.
Confess positive things about your life. Words are powerful, so use them to your advantage..
I think the ultimate happiness is having a purpose to live for. It really is. No-one lives on this earth forever, and I bet the ones who have died wished they could have a second chance. And once someone does something, someone else will do it, and then another. So if you leave a legacy for others, others will also leave a legacy. If you’re looking for fulfillment and purpose in life, consider giving God a chance. He really does make all the difference – I know from experience. Just ask Him. Even if you don’t believe in Him, He’s waiting for you :)
Happiness is not something that is a goal. Too many people think about happiness as “When I achieve this/have that/have time/change my relationships/lose weight/get my teeth fixed/etc.” Happiness is a realization/recognition. Happiness is NOW. When we turn loose of hopes, plans, worries, dreams and become suddenly aware that “I am happy. RIGHT NOW!” “I have everything I need RIGHT NOW!”
The future will change, but why should I suppose I will be anything but happy RIGHT THEN?
Live in the moment and love it.
The Bible puts it beautifully in the parable of the Prodigal Son. “…and when he came to himself…” He realized WHO he WAS. He recognized his birthright. He was the child of a King. As far as this world goes, he had diplomatic immunity.
Wake up! Be happy! NOW!
I found peace in the reading of “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. A sceptical like me would have never read what I would have considered esoteric literature, had it not been recommended to me by a great sophrologist (yes, when you need to talk to someone really understanding, you don’t bother with being sceptical and going to see a sophrologist).