Your Happiness Plan
A Quick Survey
Before we get under way with today’s briefer-than-normal chat, I want to conduct a little research on the run. Put up your hand if happiness is one of your aims in life. And no, participation is not optional at Stepcase Lifehack today. Yep, even you scaredy cats. Okay, keep ‘em up so I can count… 1001, 1002, 1003… yep; that’s all of you. Guessed as much. So it seems that despite the fact that we’re all different people, in different situations, inhabiting different parts of the globe… we have one common goal; happiness.
Who’da thought?
But do we Need a Happiness Plan?
We create plans to build wealth. And plans to lose weight. Plans for our dream home. Future plans. Travel plans. We plan the academic path that will lead to our ideal career. Or so we think. We plan our wedding (well, some do). Our marriage. Our family (2.3 kids and a Golden Retriever). It seems we have a plan for pretty much anything that’s remotely important in our lives, so why wouldn’t we have a plan for the thing which drives us all: a desire to be happy? Perhaps we think we’ll find it in all our other plans? That is, happiness will be the net result of all the other.. stuff.
Blaah Central
If happiness is such a universal pursuit, why does it prove to be so elusive to so many? Dare I say, to the majority? Perhaps not in your (personal) world, but step back a little and take a peek beyond your fence. Take a look around. And not a cursory glance, a proper look. Examine the faces, the body language, the posture. Listen to the conversations, the words, the tone. So much of it reeks of… blaah. So much of it seems to be devoid of happiness.
Why the Long Face?
Walk around your city and look people in the eye (don’t get beaten up in the process) and what do you see most? Fear? Uncertainty? Stress? Self-doubt? Frustration? Apathy? If you had to label it, what would you say the dominant emotion is these days? Would it be closer to the positive or negative end of the emotional scale? To be honest, I’m not seeing a whole lot of joy out there lately. Why all the long faces? Why all the busy therapists? Why all the affairs? And body-modifying surgery? And substance abuse? And other addictions? And why all the accumulation of stuff we don’t need with money we don’t have?
Could it be that when it comes to the universal goal, we’re missing something crucial? Something massive perhaps? Like the whole point? Could it be we’re looking where happiness ain’t? Perhaps we’re chasing the wrong things? Perhaps we shouldn’t chase at all?
Could it be that happiness is not to be found in the chasing but rather, in the choosing?
The Accumulation Lie
Maybe happiness doesn’t live in places or things? Maybe our happiness methodology and mentality is all wrong? Could it be that we don’t really understand it? Or maybe we don’t recognise it because we’re not sure what it looks like. Perhaps we already have it and don’t know? Perhaps we unknowingly and unintentionally make happiness an impossibility? Perhaps that’s it over there, hiding behind our insecurity, fear and self-doubt? Maybe it’s in the second drawer underneath all our issues? Perhaps it’s obscured by the crap. The cerebral crap. The emotional crap. The human crap. The crap we hold on to. The crap we believe. Perhaps we don’t see it because, like the masses, we have somehow bought into the lie of the ego; the accumulation lie. The when we get enough stuff we’ll be happy paradigm. You know the one. And if we’re not happy, it’s obviously because we need more stuff. Or new stuff. Or different stuff. Or best of all: stuff nobody else has.
Bingo.
Perhaps happiness is not to be found in the chasing, the acquiring, the accumulating or even the planning; perhaps we’ll find it in the letting go. That’s where I find it.
I’s love to hear your thoughts on happiness. It’s such a universally relevant issue — it might make for some interesting group discussion. Feel free to be as deep, philosophical and/or spiritual as you like. What has your journey taught you? What do you have to teach the rest of us? Could we (the collective mindset) possibly have it wrong? Has your thinking (about happiness) changed over time? If so, how? What have you had to un-learn along the way? Can happiness be a permanent state or will it always be transient? Is happiness a matter of perspective? Is it different things for different people? Is happiness.. joy? Is it contentment? Is it the absence of fear? Or perhaps the absence of pain? What do you think?
As always, we’re not about “right or wrong” here at Stepcase Lifehack, we’re all about the respectful sharing of ideas, lessons and experiences. And yes, we’d love to hear from you Newbies and Lurkers too. We don’t bite.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Craig Harper
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker.FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.
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Comments
Drew says on November 2nd, 2009 at 12:07 pm
There seem to be 2 main approaches to happiness. 1) getting what you want 2) wanting what you have. The problem with #1 is that every time you get what you want something else takes its place that you then have to strive for, so it becomes a never-ending cycle.
My approach is somewhat of a balance between the 2. Of course, “getting what you want” isn’t always your superficial examples of vain attempts to be happy by buying pointless luxuries on credit. It could also mean something deeper like making a positive difference in the world or accomplishing a major life goal.
kevin says on November 2nd, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I think that happiness is in the decision. Is decision letting go? It quite possibly is.
I have a recurring discussion with my six year old. You get to decide whether you are mad, happy, sad or anything else. She keeps saying we make her mad, sad, happy, etc. So maybe for her it’s letting go of how she thinks we feel so that she is free to feel her own feeling that she decides to have. I think for me it was realizing that I was the only one who could make me feel a certain way and i was the only one who could change the way I felt. I thank g-d and Tony Robbins for helping me realize that.
Head Health Nutter says on November 2nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
What a fantastic post, Craig! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and asking us for ours.
Personally, I think people can choose how they feel in any given moment. It’s difficult, of course, or everyone would be happy.
But great leaders do this (control their minds and feelings) so they can focus on their vision of what they want (instead of focusing on current results and what’s not right in the situation) in order to come up with creative ways of achieving success.
So I believe it’s an ability we all have and can master with practice!
You mentioned the idea of letting go. I think we get into trouble when we associate our happiness with a person, place, object, job title, life role, etc. Since happiness is just a feeling, and feelings come from thoughts, perhaps we can find happiness by “letting go” of our ideas in where happiness comes from?
What if we stopped searching “out there” for happiness and started searching for it within ourselves?
Over the last few years or so, I’ve learned a trick or two about summoning happiness and emotional control. It IS possible! And I think a happiness plan is a great idea, Craig!
David says on November 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
A year and a half ago I was totally unhappy with my life. Hated the way I looked, hated my parents, hated my friends. I wanted to just be someone else so bad that I developed an eating disorder and fell in love with the first girl that would love me back. I felt worse. I became a monster. She wrecked me. And in the end. She left. I was standing there with nothing.
But in the end. I was standing there with a lot more of nothing. Since I had nothing there to hold me back. The world came with sudden clarity. I soon realized that the best way about feeling better about yourself is helping others. I’ve found no better joy than to give someone a hug on a rough day or spend hours on the phone late at night just listening to their problems. My problems seem so distant when compared to those around me. And the truth be told I’m honestly starting to love myself because I know others around me love me for me.
The U.S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.” — Benjamin Franklin
David says on November 3rd, 2009 at 11:28 am
If you’re interested in a new approach to boost your happiness based on the latest positive psychology research, check out our iPhone app: Live Happy; it’s based on the work of Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of “The How of Happiness” and provides a unique method to create a personalized program to increase your happiness.
You can also learn more about the iPhone app on our Facebook page.
pril says on November 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Happiness is a choice. always has been always will be. if you let other influences make you happy then they can also make you said. You make you happy.
it is harder to do then to say. but the plan you posted is a great start!
Independent Happiness says on November 3rd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Ah, thank you for such a great post, getting across the important message to more and more people. I am so glad of increasing numbers of people getting it!
IndependentHappiness.com
Kristoffer Grønnegaard says on November 4th, 2009 at 6:38 am
In my experience, its not so simple. Choosing happiness is easier said than done. I believe that humans have an deep primal desire to succeed socially. So what is success in that regard? Respect, acknowledgement, wealth? I had a faissez-faire upbringing which meant i had to define all the criteria for success myself. Which is quite opposite of my family’s. I would have found it a tad to challenging to achieve anything if i couldn’t tap into my fear when things needed to be done. Breaking social heritage requires dedication, hard work and purpose. For most people, its not easy to achieve. It requires blood, sweat and tears. Stuff that don’t make you happy in the moment, but (might) do longterm. Also what is happiness and how is it linked with other terms like: Satisfaction, Recreation (are drunk people happy?, life confirming movies?) and Achievement (promotion?, academic success?). “Hippies” (pardon my broad and non-specific term) would claim that they are happy. But try to talk to them about work and achievement and they get insecure and evasive (in my experience, as raised among them). So after all is said and done, it seems that they are just compensating at some level. Maybe from fear of not succeeding, they are choosing keep their work or the nature of their at an absolute minimum).
In my opinion this competitive focus on achievement is an unavoidable side-effect of an economic model that emphasizes competition in all layers of society (sports, career, business aso.). (don’t get me wrong, i am all pro market economy).
And now for a small deviation, but in the same context: why is it that only people who have already achieved success, wealth or respect tend to talk about stuff like prioritizing happiness. My bid: because after their rise in status they have the time to ponder and the confidence to talk about it. Of course it also happens buttom up in the shape of miserable philosophers who will never be able to practice what they preach anyway. Of course there are people who take a more scientific approach, but are they really measuring happiness? Most seem to focus on motivation for work which implies that happiness equals professional success.
Taking a stroll down the mainstreet here in Cannes where i am presently located, sure, i don’t see many happy faces. Its the same everywhere, whether i am in Denmark (supposedly the most satisfied people), France or Malaysia. Do you think people where happy 100 years ago or a thousand? Are we supposed to be happy all the time?
Also you talk about “planning for happiness”, what does that mean? Planning to do what you really want? What if work is what you really love to do, should you neglect the family. Or are one just plain “wrong” to prioritize work. What if it is the other way around. Sacrifice your career for time with your family?
We all come with such a variety of experiences and emotional luggage (danish term, not sure it exist in English, but i am sure you get my point), that happiness needs to be defined in detail before any discussion of its achievement makes sense.
Pardon my English, its not my first language.
Sibyl - alternaview says on November 4th, 2009 at 7:52 am
What a great thought provoking post. Like so many others have already said, I think happiness is a choice. So many people will claim that we can choose happiness all we want, but everyone will experience the ups and downs of life and that will in turn impact their ability to be happy. While it is true that we will experience different things and challenges in life, we do get to choose our perspectives and how we allow things to impact us. Once we choose to be be happy, it really can be continual regardless of what is going on around us. We just have to be disciplined enough to do those things that will help us control our thinking and maintain the perspectives that allow us to continually be happy.
Owen J Morton says on November 5th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Great post and responses, esp. Kristoffer, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts everyone. Is it possible to experience happiness all the time? For me it is impossible. Is it possible to have night with no day? I think not. I aim for ~5% happiness, 35% sleep and 60% blood, sweat and tears! I just try to enjoy all of it and build a few memorable moments (isn’t it wierd how many moments and experiences in life we simply forget).
Life Coach says on November 5th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Today consider that your life has structure that creates feelings you never designed. With awareness comes flexibility. When you start being more flexible, new options appear. Options give you power. When you feel empowered, you feel happy. Awareness is the key.
Mia says on November 20th, 2009 at 12:13 am
Being content with what you have is sooooo important in life! You can want more (and if you do, you should work hard to get it, not just accept your current state of affairs). But even if your life is not perfect, you should see what you have, and be thankful for it, and be content. “If this is the way my life will always be, I will still be content, and appreciate all the things that I have”.
Mia says on November 20th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Why is the default avatar to the left side female? This could make my day ;), the first time I’ve seen a FEMALE default avatar instead of a male one. Is this a female-dominant website, is that why?
Serge says on November 21st, 2009 at 12:09 am
You can’t be right or wrong when telling about happiness. It is just feeling of life. There is a good video of Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard that we can train our minds and habits. Take a look at the video – Matthieu Richard on the Habits of Happiness