Things I wish I’d known when I was younger

Kevin says on July 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 am

The title should be “known” not “know”

Matt says on July 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am

This is downright depressing. How about a little optimism! This one in particular struck me as extremely defeatist:

“Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces results about half as good as you hoped. There’s no reason to be downhearted about this. Just allow for it and move on.”

I’ve found this to be the case only if things are not well-planned and thought out ahead of time. How about some tips for that?!

Damian says on July 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 am

Damn, the world sounds like a sad place indeed… good bye cruel world!

Reginald Adkins says on July 23rd, 2007 at 3:33 pm

“Most of it doesn’t matter” Man, I hope your wrong about that.

Nicola Larosa says on July 23rd, 2007 at 5:23 pm

Ehi, *great* list! I agree with every single you said, I can’t believe it.

Well, I am glad that being in my forties apparently brings some understanding of life.

This would be useful reading, understanding and discussing for many young, and not so young, people.

me says on July 23rd, 2007 at 6:27 pm

Most of it doesn’t matter.
this is definitely true.

I started to think: what will happen if I fail? -> well: you don’t know -> probably nothing what you won’t be able to handle.

friends and family are important. the rest “can” be a bonus.

Jimmy says on July 23rd, 2007 at 6:30 pm

“Look at all the terrorists”, you mean Americans? What past, many past for you but for most the world it is present! last time I remember you country is still supporting their puppets, their latest favorite is Busharaff! Obviously before you open you mouth try researching your topic other wise you advise on sound good to idiots like you!

Alex Makita says on July 23rd, 2007 at 10:30 pm

Jimmy..please stfu..are you not understanding USA mores….hmm ASSimilate my man..You are in America.Been older i can more appreciate this writing..pensive peaceful…only so many heartbeats.

John says on July 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 pm

Unfortunately the guy who wrote this wasn’t successful with women, his job, or anything else in life. The bitterness just oozes through his writing.

Dan says on July 23rd, 2007 at 10:51 pm

“The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is clinging to past hurts. Look at all the terrorists and militant groups that hark back to some event long gone, or base their justification for killing on claims of some supposed historical right to a bit of land, or redress for a wrong done hundreds of years ago.”

I do agree here but why is it ok to ignore “terrorists” on this but not native aboriginals? The situation regarding land and past acts are exactly the same one has just resorted to violence because for some reason they don’t get the same sympathetic ear as aboriginals do.

I use the word aboriginal in it’s true sense, not only describing Australian aboriginals.

Chriss Pagani says on July 23rd, 2007 at 11:01 pm

Most of these points are half-true at best.
“Most of it doesn’t matter” - maybe, but also the smallest things that you THOUGHT weren’t important at the time are the ones that come back to bite you.

“The greatest source of misery…clinging to past hurts.” No, it would be CURRENT hurts, actually. Palestinians are being oppressed and killed *today* ..these things aren’t in the past. One has to let go of the past at some point, but the example is incorrect.

“Waiting to do something…means waiting for ever.” Going off half-cocked is an expression that comes to mind. Our problems aren’t usually caused by people waiting to get things right but by people who dive into stuff without knowing what the hell they are doing.

“Following the latest fashion…” It depends on what you do in life. If you are a model or an artist or a critic or an interior decorator, failing to follow the latest fashion will mean the end of your career.

“If people complain that you’re too fond of going your own way…you must be on the right track.” It’s always possible that you are thinking outside the box and creatively…it is also possible that you are mentally deranged. Who knows? For that reason alone, this statement is dangerously inaccurate.

“If you make your work your life, you’re making your life into hard work.” Um, tell that to Picasso or Rembrandt! For some things, to be great, you MUST absorb your life into your work. Of course, if you work at McDonalds then this statement is correct.

“The quickest and simplest way to wreck any relationship is to listen to gossip.” One poor woman I knew several years ago believed this. Her friends told her that her husband was up to really bad things. She knew she shouldn’t listen to gossip, and she should trust him instead. Now she’s dead and he’s in prison. She should have listened.

“Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces results about half as good as you hoped.” That’s just one possible outcome. What about when you do a project just for fun and it turns out that you win an award for it? The opposite outcome also has some probability of being true.

“When it comes to blatant lies, there are none more egregious than budget figures.” Well, that is just nonsense. Facts and figures are the MOST trustworthy things, IF they are properly done. If they are wrong, it is either because of incompetence or fraud.

..just setting the record straight.

Andrew says on July 23rd, 2007 at 11:53 pm

Reading the comments to this (what i think should be self-evident) list I felt strangely compelled to rebut every ignorant rebuttal that Mr. Chriss Pagani. By ignorant in this case I do not mean stupid, just ill-considered and having missed the fact that for every counter-argument he offers there are many counter-counter-arguments waiting to be made. I however cannot be bothered to make them because they will not do Mr. Pagani any good as he clearly has little in the way of a faculty for reasoning, and as a result will be a waste of my time.

I would, however, very much like to congratulate you on your list. The world would be a much better, if less technologically advanced, place if everyone made good use of it.

Dave says on July 24th, 2007 at 12:01 am

So much of this feedback knocks Adrian for being such a downer. Maybe one or two of you will actually trade false hope for real wisdom. The collective experience of pretty much everyone I know can be summarized thusly:

It’s all about the money.

Real money comes from marketing yourself as something people will pay for.

It’s basically a zero sum game “synergy” is just another marketing tool.

Boy that stuff about twice as long and half as good is on the mark! If you have any goals you’d better have an acute sense of urgency.

Guys want sex and women want a family (and someone to pay the bills)
Fatherhood will be great for a few years. After that every single father I’ve ever met is frustated, weighted down and way undersexed.

Paradoxically, If you can really internalize all of this, its liberating. You don’t have to become a bad person or fall into dispair. Just embrace clarity and make something happen, I did.

D. Coit says on July 24th, 2007 at 12:05 am

I wrote a short ebook on the very same subject but with 30 items.

http://www.ebookmall.com/ebook.....ebooks.htm

Peace
D. Coit

Vinay says on July 24th, 2007 at 12:30 am

very thoughtful. I like the one liner “Waiting to do something until you can be sure of doing it exactly right means waiting for ever.”

jim says on July 24th, 2007 at 2:24 am

Matt:

You’ve never done any engineering, have you?

There is an engineering truism you may want to familiarize yourself with. “The first 90% of the prototype takes the first 90% of the time and money. The final 10% of the prototype takes the SECOND 90% of the time and money.”

I don’t give a damn how well you plan. The Law of Unintended Consequences is going to bite you on the ass, either way.

Idiot.

Robert says on July 24th, 2007 at 2:44 am

One of my thoughts for many years has been
that if you gave out $100 dollar bills on a street corner, someone would b*tch that they weren’t brand new bills. You can never please 100% of the people 100% of the time-trying to do so will make you very miserable in life.

Will says on July 24th, 2007 at 3:49 am

I always find I worry about things, but once Ive done them I feel stupid for bothering to worry. I hope I grow out of it soon because it causes so much unneeded stress!

Nidis says on July 24th, 2007 at 5:23 am

I must concur u_u while it’s true that it’d help if we were taught such things early on, realistically, there’s a reason why thats impossible to be effective. Because… the lessons outlined are ones that have to be realised through copious amounts of firsthand experience. It takes about 100 instances of seeing stupid people argue about unimportant matters before it really washes over you, and you think “… jesus, it IS pointless. Any old idiot can complain, it takes solid well composed input to really make a point.”

Dxpert says on July 24th, 2007 at 8:04 am

”
If you make your work your life, you’re making your life into hard work. Like most people, I confused myself by looking at people like artists and musicians whose life’s “work” fills their time. That isn’t work. It’s who they are. Unless you have some overwhelming passion that also happens to allow you to earn a living doing it, always remember that work should be a means to an end: living an enjoyable life. Spend as little time on the means as possible consistent with achieving the end. Only idiots live to work.
”

You spend most of your time working or sleeping, I sure hope that I find a job that I love.

Dave says on July 24th, 2007 at 8:14 am

Great article. The secret to understanding the article is to read the points with a positive perspective. Yes, the article points out a lot of things *not* to do. Why? Because that is the point. If you are going to live life as a unique person with unique talents, you cannot work from a list of someone else’s positive “to do” items–instead, all you need to do is avoid these things identified on the negative list.

My attempt at some positive tips:

As young as possible, figure out what you are good at, what you like to do, then find a way to do it.

Evaluate which friends and family are helping you do what you are good at. Spend more time with them.

Live as cheaply as possible and share your money, time, and talents with the poor.

Learn to listen to other people. Learn to hear what they are saying and feeling. Learn to talk with them.

In summary, people matter.

ray says on July 24th, 2007 at 8:31 am

What a load of condescending twaddle.

Steve Bildermann says on July 24th, 2007 at 8:41 am

…and of course each one plagiarized from Arthur James Balfour, 1st Earl of Balfour.

‘Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all’

etc

jim says on July 24th, 2007 at 8:50 am

You forgot one:

Always remove replies I don’t like so others are not able to read them. This makes me feel good.

CM says on July 24th, 2007 at 9:20 am

Good stuff, but I don’t agree.
If you knew all this when you were young, then you would be complaining about something else today.
When you come to the realization that there is no difference between a terrorist and the victims or between a wealthy and a poor person, then you will find happiness.
Solve the paradox and you will see the truth.
CM

Alex says on July 24th, 2007 at 9:22 am

“but often learning comes too late to be fully useful”

For someone giving advice to other people. That is an awfully stupid remark.

Learning NEVER comes too late. In fact it is always on time.

Jeremy says on July 24th, 2007 at 11:14 am

Great one about the “asshole.” Made me laugh, and that’s worth a lot these days.

Wow, some people are taking this pretty seriously. It doesn’t have to be so. Lighten up, take what you can, and move on. I like the sarcasm, and a little laughter at life’s annoying tendencies can make it all go easier.

Enjoy your moment. You’ll never get it back.

Cheers.

dajolt says on July 24th, 2007 at 11:24 am

How about some really good advice that’s easy to follow.

Like: Make a list of all the people’s birthdays you know and congratulate them on the day?

If you start this age ten, but age forty you’ll be popular with many people if only because you were the only one remembering them on their special day.

Jerry Kindall says on July 24th, 2007 at 11:47 am

Five things I wish I’d known:

1) Music isn’t the absolutely most important thing in the world.

2) It’s easier to not gain weight in the first place than to lose it.

3) Making decisions with your heart is a good way to make lousy decisions.

4) Don’t make too many commitments; you’ll wind up living your life for others with no time to do anything you want to do.

5) Save a hundred bucks a week and don’t touch it until you retire.

6) Trying to always have the latest cool thing (gadget, car, etc.) is an expensive treadmill to be on.

CD says on July 24th, 2007 at 12:00 pm

You British people are so funny.

OneYearGoal.com - Make Money Online says on July 24th, 2007 at 12:34 pm

All excellent tips.

burrowingowl says on July 24th, 2007 at 12:44 pm

At 40, I agree with all of these points. At 20, I wouldn’t have understood most of them even if you gave me the list. “Most of it doesn’t matter.” This is truly a tough one to grasp, and one could mean a lot of different things by it. Don’t worry be happy? Don’t sweat the small stuff? Don’t get your knickers in a knot? I don’t think that’s quite it. Certainly indifference is not the path to happiness. As the French say, il faut avoir envie (you’ve got to want something). Everything matters, just not to the same degree. It’s about balance and perspective. Check out the Tao Te Ching.

sl says on July 24th, 2007 at 1:13 pm

The most useful thing I wish I’d known when I was young is you have to pay your parking tickets. They won’t go away, the fees will triple and you’ll get your car towed and end up in court. No I pay them online immediately after I brief swearword and the hassle vanishes.

Just pay ‘em!

Darren says on July 24th, 2007 at 1:59 pm

This list is very interesting…and true on so many levels.

At 42 I realize most of these to be very true…at 20, I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. Actually, I would have refused to believe it.

To be frank, I am not sure younger people SHOULD read/believe these listed items. It would render them old. Being young is magical with idealism and dreams. 99% of those dreams will be cruelly crushed by exterior forces and they will succumb just like we have.

Why do you think most old people are grumpy? Have you ever REALLY thought about that? Some of it is illness but most of it is crushed optimism, a nihilistic revelation.

The truth is horrific. There are studies that show the more learned you are, the less happy you are(Google it or read some interesting stuff on depressive realism http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=864). Stay as idealistic as you can, for as long as you can. That is where you will find your happiness. Most of the truth will crush your soul.

BTW, my life is great. I know this sounds like I’m suicidal or something but I am not. I just learned too much truth and now I can’t go back.

Federal says on July 24th, 2007 at 2:20 pm

You mention “militant groups that hark back to some event…edress for a wrong done hundreds of years ago”
Who specifically are you talking about?

You talk about being unique but like millions worldwide your blogging for money.

Not so unique.

WhiteMonkey says on July 24th, 2007 at 5:40 pm

> If you make your work your life, you’re
> making your life into hard work.

That’s gotta be the worst piece of advice I’ve ever heard. Here are the facts:

1) In your life you will spend more time at work than doing anything else, including sleeping.
2) You spend more time with your work colleagues than with your partner or any member of your family.
3) The “deferred gratification” model of working in a job you hate but get well paid for so that you can retire and then do all the things you wanted to do in life is total fiction. No paycheck is worth your precious time on this planet.

What this means is that it is imperitive that you love your job - the real secret is that most people do, it’s just that in the West it’s become cool to moan about your job and bitch about your boss (see the final point in the article, which is spot on).

The truth is that everyone has “some overwhelming passion that also happens to allow [them] to earn a living doing it” - I emplore everyone to ensure that they are following this track!

Brent says on July 24th, 2007 at 9:08 pm

Pretty easy to tell the difference between the, oh, 17-25 year olds in the posters above, and those of who have actually lived life and learned a few lessons along the way. That takes time, pain, and loss.

The young ‘uns are contemptuous of most of the observations in the original post — “ah, the arrogance of youth” — while those of us who have actually lived lives nod in agreement to most of the points the author makes.

I guess I was similarly cynical (and clueless) when I was 20-something myself. But I’ve grown up since then.

Chase says on July 24th, 2007 at 10:51 pm

Well, it looks like you all have some more growing up to do. The main post is bullshit. Where’s the fun in life if one doesn’t allow for small excitements and times of extreme energy expenditures for the sake of trivial matters? Yes, family and spiritual fulfillment are important, but what about everything in-between? It’s absolute misery to try and prioritize the things that SHOULD make a person happy. If anything is a fruitless waste of time and energy, it’s making an internet post about regrets and dwelling on past mistakes.

jim says on July 24th, 2007 at 11:33 pm

This article is filled with vapid ideas from a person with a vacuous mind who can only echo meaningless platitudes which are plagiarized from other similar vacant minds.

snelata gohel says on July 25th, 2007 at 5:27 am

yes to do something u really what, u feel meaningfull when u have settled and not yet fully settled is thrilling and one should not bother to take risk and fear to get ridiculed .After all we live only once.

chixor says on July 25th, 2007 at 9:40 am

For me, this is great advice. I can recognize what some of these points refer to in my own failings. I can imagine where I might be lead astray by trying to console assholes or caring too much about work. It’s great to get the reality check from someone who’s been in a very similar place to where I’m going.

However, everyone is different. There is no universal set of guidelines to live your life by, because if there was it would be generic to the point of being useless.

Take what you can, reflect on who you are and where you want to go, then keep moving. Don’t hate just because someone has different ideas. Chances are they are valuable, just not for you.

Daniel Billotte says on July 25th, 2007 at 11:46 pm

I think you are dead on here. It is funny how many positive ideas can easily be cast into a shadow by a person’s individual point of view or context. A great example are the teachings of Sidhartha Gautama, aka The Buddha. I use his “human” name here to emphasize the difference between the man and the legend. Many people see his teachings as defeatist. They interpret a statement like “life is suffering” as depressing and fatalistic, when what he was really saying was “life has its ups and its downs”. His basic tenants were around embracing life for what it is instead of trying to find the silver bullet that makes the downs go away. That silver bullet doesn’t exist. No amount of money, personal or business accomplishment, or sex appeal will keep you from having a downright bad day from time to time. Note: I am not a Buddhist, but I do see value in the teachings of Gautama, the man.

I venture to guess that many of the folks leaving negative comments on your posting here still have a thing or two to learn about life.

While it would be nice to think that some of these ideas could have been magically implanted into our brains when we were younger (I wish that they had for me), the fact is that only through taking many trips around the sun and working through successes and failures, do these lessons of life finally sink into our brains.

When I stop and think about it, I can remember older folks trying to give me some of these lessons. My naivete and youthfull optimism prevented those seeds from germinating. I still consider myself to be quite an optimist. However, that optimism is balanced with a dose of realism.

Those of you with your negative comments here, take a minute to really remember what you have said. If you find personal growth in your lives and then remember your oh so poignant words from today, you will sit back, laugh, and think “gee, you know, most shit in life really isn’t that important”

Condouchecious says on July 28th, 2007 at 5:00 am

One of mine is:
Excessive use of fortune cookie philosophy makes you look like a douche

amar عمار says on July 31st, 2007 at 1:29 am

I just want to say that “this is the most thing ever I read in My Life”.

thanks LifeHack I Love you

Mr. Sand says on July 31st, 2007 at 6:41 am

I TOTALLY AGREE with MOST of it for sure !
- and I’m 23.

WISDOM for the ages !!!
GOOD SH!T !!!

RAWK ON !!!

g4b says on August 2nd, 2007 at 4:17 am

Maybe, you can’t get so far, if you listen to that too early. Maybe, you have to experience.

Darren said it right, I think. What she also said, was, that truth is crushing.

Well, I don’t completely agree, but I just quote Salomo, the wise, who came to the same conclusion in Kohelet/Preacher/whatever the book is called: Wisdom bears suffering. Nothing under the sun can fulfill you.

You can be a wiseman, seeking for depths in the world, or just follow those who do it, by listening to their advice. second is better. Great Thinkers admire “the easy mind” (like Tolkien said), because great thinking and understanding bears a lot of depressive power.

However, you have to conquer that. You can decide how deep you go in live. You shouldn’t think too much however.

What you do, shapes your heart. Not the other way round.

I am 26. I understand those things said, but I agree to them only in a thought level. In reality, those words only should be a reminder, not to worry too often. But you still will worry, and it is good not to stop, because only concentrating on what is important is quite closed minded in the end. And you have to have dreams, or you wont reach anything. Like the book of Daniel tells us.

SupaW says on August 7th, 2007 at 8:47 am

Yeah, what a boring world it would be if everyone thought like that though!
OK for some though!

Armand says on August 7th, 2007 at 10:27 am

Great post, dead on.

I especially enjoyed the “Most of it doesn’t matter” point. If you realize that at a young age, it’s pretty safe to say that you’ll be successful in whatever you choose to do later on.

Mike says on August 9th, 2007 at 10:35 pm

Hm, funny - I don’t understand what depressed people about this. I didn’t find that it blew my mind, but I did find the tone distinctly hopeful.

There is so much to be gained and so litle to be lost by realizing that we don’t have to put so much energy in to controlling and preparing for things.

This wasn’t a message of pessimism, it was a reminder to relax and free up your time for the meaningful things, as opposed to the “important” things. This world would be so much less violent if people wanted less and enjoyed more.

Jack says on August 11th, 2007 at 9:29 am

Yup, even though I agree with everything on that list, having come to the same basic conclusions, these points are really more suitable for people who have already settled down. Otherwise, we’d be a race of easy-going lazy people, being unable to become incensed about much anything because in the end, things will all smooth out so long as you put in a little effort in the right direction, among other things.

I’m 17 and well, I’m pretty lazy (I’m just not lazy where it counts so not that many people notice - cept me parents). And I blame the things on this list! Because of such thinking - such as it’ll all smooth out in the end - has made my life more than a little bit boring!

Even though they are true, I warn every younger reader of the effects of such thinking. In the end, you’d end up thinking a lot and doing little.

Littlewren says on August 11th, 2007 at 10:29 am

1. Spot on.
2. Likewise
3. Just do it.
4. I like fashion. See point number one.
5. Yes you can. You can be humble.
6. Work, not work, whatever. Semantics. Do what you love, love what you do.
7. A little emotive, but yeah. Gossip is bad.
8. Gee, sounds like there’s a little past hurt there. Be kind to everyone, but you don’t need to bend yourself out of shape to do it.
9. See point number one.
10. Hm. Learn, if you can, to recognize the fear in others and do not let it become your own.
11. See point number one.
12. Remember point two.
13. True.
14. See point number one.
15. Bravo.

tempusfugit says on August 22nd, 2007 at 2:53 pm

The many juvenile, imbecilic posts in response to this sensible and plain piece of writing are such a mirror of the abattoir we now live in. Practicality and intelligence are called ‘bitterness’ and ‘defeatism’ by morons incapable of polysyllabic discourse, complex sentences, or reading anything more demanding than video game directions. Grow up, you haploids, and learn to read something besides the tiredest recycled pop-psychology cliches. Perhaps you might even do something about your ROOM TEMPERATURE IQ! LOL

GT says on September 4th, 2007 at 12:54 pm

pretty cynical….

Showstopper says on September 12th, 2007 at 10:01 pm

Nothing is impossible in this world.Everything is possible.You can achieve anything by simply doing hard work.It is the key to success.Plus never forget your parents and take care of them they are the one who really loves you.

Nathaniel says on October 13th, 2007 at 11:03 pm

Well, I enjoyed the article.

Another one on encouraging people rather than discouraging people could have been included.

Charl says on December 7th, 2007 at 7:57 am

This is a really good list. Thank you. The people who don’t understand this list, will one day. They are called brand people. They only buy the latest brands and shit and follow trends. Earthly stuff that will be left here when you die one day.

Oh and about the terrorists….take out all the palastinians and the rest of them. I hope the US nukes each and every terrorist country so the rest of the normal people can live in peace and can stop listening to their damn whining. The arabs stole turkey in the 1400’s but you don’t see anyone complaining about that. what’s in the past is in the past.

petersburg says on December 15th, 2007 at 6:43 am

this article blows

Louise Aspden says on January 6th, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Although edgy and “in your face” you point out some great truths about life.

One of the sad truths is some people never learn from their errs. If only our youth would listen to us a little more.

Makes me feel better for being a part of the self-help community - bringing awareness and hopefully, more joy.

Isabeal says on January 18th, 2008 at 10:39 pm

I loved a lot of this list. Only one part bothered me:

“Unless you have some overwhelming passion that also happens to allow you to earn a living doing it, always remember that work should be a means to an end.”

What the heck does this imply? Seems to me it is to suggest you should settle for a job instead of finding your overwhelming passion and figuring out a way to make a living at it. I don’t agree with that. If you can follow your passions, thrown in with a touch of business sense and a whole lot of persistence, I believe anyone can carve out a niche for whatever it is they love doing.

As long as you are contributing to human existence with your passion, there will always be a market for it somewhere.

WishMaster says on January 26th, 2008 at 8:52 pm

Have your wishes come true at http://www.makeawishonline.net

Mara says on February 2nd, 2008 at 5:01 am

Definitely one of my new favorite quotes: “Religion isn’t the opiate of the masses, fashion is.”

As for the rest of it, it’s pretty vague and it’s not like it’s telling you exactly how to live life, so I don’t see why everyone is bitching about it. Really, most of it just seems like common sense to me.

rivermerchant says on May 13th, 2008 at 9:27 pm

The last suggestion was wonderful. Exactly how I feel.