The Top 10 Things Children Really Want Their Parents To Do With Them
What do you think matters most to your children? You driving them to lessons and practices, or is it the smile and hug you greet them with after school? If you guessed the latter, you are correct.
Sixteen years of teaching and giving the same assignment every Mother’s Day has led me to the exact same conclusion. You see, every Mother’s Day I would ask my students to give me advice on being a mother. They were to think about things their mother or guardian did for or with them that made them feel happy or loved. The classroom would go silent as the students wrote intensely for longer than they had ever written before. Often smiles would appear on their faces as they reflected on the happy experiences they were remembering. After reading their responses I would add to my list all the ideas they mentioned. Surprisingly, many of the responses were the same. Year after year, in every country I taught, and in every type of demographic, the students were saying the same things and had the same message: It’s the small things that their mothers did that meant the most and that they remembered.
Many moms today feel as if they are not good mothers unless they are racing around, shuttling their children from lessons, to practices and back to lessons again. I’ve had mothers tell me that they want to give their children every opportunity they did not have. While this thinking might bring the mother some comfort, it really does not do the same for their child who is potentially feeling overextended, stressed and tired.
After speaking endlessly about this topic with my students, it became clear to me that children today are involved in too many activities and are in turn becoming less in touch with themselves and their families. In addition, my students told me they really wished for more time to “just play”. Of course many of them enjoy their extra curricular activities, but it is not necessary they said to be allowed to do everything. What they enjoyed most, and what made their hearts happiest was when their mothers did simple things for or with them.
Here is a list of the top ten things students around the world said they remembered and loved most about their mothers.
- Come into my bedroom at night, tuck me in and sing me a song. Also tell me stories about when you were little.
- Give me hugs and kisses and sit and talk with me privately.
- Spend quality time just with me, not with my brothers and sisters around.
- Give me nutritious food so I can grow up healthy.
- At dinner talk about what we could do together on the weekend.
- At night talk to me about about anything; love, school, family etc.
- Let me play outside a lot.
- Cuddle under a blanket and watch our favorite TV show together.
- Discipline me. It makes me feel like you care.
- Leave special messages in my desk or lunch bag.
Children are incredibly wise and tend to see the world more simply than we do. Perhaps it is time we start taking their advice. Maybe we would all feel a little less stressed and be satisfied with the fact that doing little things really is… good enough.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
ErinKurt
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
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Comments
mary Burnette says on December 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Not only are kids becoming less in touch with themselves and their families, but also with nature. Today’s children are becoming “indoor kids”, glued to Wii, computers, TV etc. The National Wildlife Federation has a cool web site that helps moms do one of the top 10 things kids want “let me play outside a lot”. Check it out at http://www.beoutthere.org. You can also make a New Years Resolution to get your kids outside more at http://www.beoutthere.org/resolution. I’m going to make sure my kids know why they call it the GREAT outdoors!
Anne Keisman says on December 29th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Love this list — especially # 7. The Be Out There movement has a great online resolution you can take to pledge to get outside more in 2010.
http://www.beoutthere.org/resolution
If you take the pledge you’ll get all sorts of activities and tips to make it a reality!
Anne Keisman
National Wildlife Federation
timgray says on December 29th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Top 10 things a Teenager wants you to do with them….
10. leave me alone
9. leave me alone
8. I said leave me alone
7. Can I have a credit card?
6. Stop asking about my friends
5. Leave me alone
4. No I dont want to shop with you.
3. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME!!!!!
2. Can I have my own car but you pay for gas and insurance?
1. Can I have a lock on my door?
Oh how they go from wonderful children to evil spawn when they cross the 13 year old line and act that way until 18, some act that way longer…..
Cynthia says on December 29th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Timgray, though I do have a teen who says all those things out loud, inside I think he still wants the things on the other list. Instead of a note in the lunch box it may be a text message but the result is the same.
Great article to remind us of the simple things.
Bargain Junkie says on December 29th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I have an only child, and when he was little he used to ask me why he didn’t have any brothers or sisters. My answer was, “We didn’t have more kids because we got the one we wanted.” This was almost true. He was indeed a great child, but we actually didn’t feel we could afford a second one. And I didn’t mind telling a little white lie to make him feel special and loved.
Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com says on December 30th, 2009 at 5:42 am
I think the idea of spending quality time with each child is really important. If not, the children will fight for attention. It gets tough if you have more than 4 kids though.
ErinKurt says on December 30th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Thank you for the link to that Outdoors site – I will definitely share that with my ezine subscribers!
To Richard, yes it definitely does take more organization to spend some time with 4 kids, but what kids have told me is that it really doesn’t need to be that long – 30 minutes is great! Even 10 minutes of quality reading time is fantastic – just the fact that they know you have specifically scheduled time to be with them is enough in their eyes.
Love the comments, everyone:)
Erin
Sav says on December 30th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I would like to report a glitch that was also in the New Years Resolution article. There is no picture for the article in the avatar slot and when I open the page, the only thing there is one introductory paragraph. However, when I opened the comments page, the full article was there.
Sav says on December 30th, 2009 at 8:55 am
This is a nice message, but I think that it would apply only to younger children, before they become embittered. Also, under some circumstances the kid would want your attention just not from you. If you’re unpredictable, with stuff like yelling.
Noah says on December 30th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Reminds me of a magnet that my wife has stuck on the fridge:
“Your children want your presence, not your presents.”
All Women Stalker says on January 1st, 2010 at 1:45 am
I want my mom to be my friend. But maybe the generation gap is too much for that to actually happen. We’re having a hard time adjusting to each other.
Cogiterium says on January 2nd, 2010 at 12:50 am
I would add camp-outs, sleding, and making banana splits!
andy says on January 5th, 2010 at 2:42 am
A few years later be useful for me.
Melanie | Dietriffic says on January 14th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Some really nice ideas here. I also love the quote from Noah, “Your children want your presence, not your presents.” So true!
Bill e.Goatt says on January 21st, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Could you make two separate lists: One that addresses the needs of boys and another for girls. I am certain that the lists would be different. For example, would a boy care if he were to get special messages in his lunchbox?
Erin Kurt says on January 21st, 2010 at 6:37 pm
In response to Bill’s comment… this list was compiled from the letters both boys and girls gave to me. Out of the thousands of children I surveyed, boys as well as girls told me these were their top ten.
Randolph says on January 21st, 2010 at 8:25 pm
I wish you came out with this top 10 decades ago. I believe it’s a matter of laying down the ground rules for kids as they grow like the sensei of a good martial arts dojo, but also with joy of life like the Von Trapp Family when Maria joined them in “the Sound of Music.” Kids should hand those “10 Commandments” to their parents.
Too many parents are coming from the “if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t exist” and “what was good enough for me is good enough for you” attitudes. Start fresh with that list of 10. Make a better world to live.
Erin Kurt says on January 22nd, 2010 at 5:46 am
So happy that my article resonated with you Randolph. I appreciate your comment:)
Karen says on January 22nd, 2010 at 10:11 am
Kids also need to know about your faith and beliefs. They can choose differently when they get older but they need your guidance to know about what you believe just as you teach them in every area of their lives. If you believe in God / Jesus let them know. Take them to church. Show them by your example.
P.C. regarding this has got to go!
Lara says on January 24th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
My son LOVES getting notes in his lunchbox…elementary. However, I put riddles or jokes in and a little “I LOVE YOU” at the end. My daughter likes math “riddles” and the “I LOVE YOU” at the end.
Thanks for sharing a great list of ideas. I also agree with the middle school/beginning of high school child who SAYS they want to be left alone, but really want the list above. It’s that the list just looks a little different…like the texting idea vs. a note.
Daniel says on March 22nd, 2010 at 12:41 am
“Give me nutritious food so I can grow up healthy.”
Really ???
What child would say that?