New Years Resolutions Don’t Work – Here’s Why
I just Googled ‘New Years Resolutions’ – guess how many results turned up?
Over 24 million.
I’m not particularly surprised. Coaches and lifestyle guru’s right around the world are espousing the need to make ‘realistic’ resolutions and offering all kinds of ways to stay on track with them.
Not me.
Let’s face it — it’s pretty pointless waiting all year to decide on one or two things that you kinda, sorta want to stop doing, but that you know full well you’re not really committed to following through with anyway.
How crazy is that?
Resolutions don’t work for 4 reasons.
1. They’re all about what you think you should do.
Stop smoking? Start exercising? Eat healthily? More work/life balance?
These all sound good on the surface, but typically a resolution is based on what you think you should be doing, rather than what you really want to be doing.
Too often, resolutions are decided upon by looking at other peoples expectations or by reading a magazine that tells you how to ‘get fit by summer’.
Nonsense – forget about what you or other people think you ought to be doing and look at what you really want.
2. Resolutions are like goals.
Some resolutions are like goals in that they’re about getting more of something. The trouble is that goals – which have been pushed down our necks by the self-help industry for at least the last 20 years – rarely work.
The problem is that as soon as you set yourself a goal you’re saying to yourself that you want more in your life than you have right now. The very nature of goals make you look forwards at what’s next, never at what you’ve got right now.
Goals have the tendency to make you feel less-than, because there’s something you don’t have now that you aspire to have in the future. Goals introduce a gap between where you are and where you’d like to be, which instantly makes part of where you are right now a place you don’t want to be – and this is how the very nature of having goals can hurt your self-confidence and self-esteem
Most people tend to think they need to set themselves goals and objectives to see things happen, but that’s missing the point. Show me a goal-hungry person and I’ll show you someone who’s always wanting something better to come along, someone who’s convinced – albeit perhaps not consciously – that reaching their goals will lead to their happiness. Even if that person reaches a goal it’s all too likely that it lacks meaning and personal relevance, and so the hunt for meaning, relevance and happiness goes on.
Once you reach a goal, what’s next? Gotta have another goal. Then another, then another. When do you get to stop and just enjoy life right where you are?
The real gold and real value is in the experience, NOT in the end result.
3. There’s no motivation or commitment.
Over a third of resolutions don’t make it past January and over three quarters are abandoned soon after. The reason?
No commitment.
The problem is that you’re taking something that doesn’t mean anything to you and trying to make it happen. Resolutions lack a foundation of meaning and personal relevance that makes sure they run out of steam.
Sure, you might get an initial burst of motivation that gets you started, but that never lasts. Motivation is like the big rocket boosters on the space shuttle – it gives you an initial spurt of energy to get up and get moving, but it’s just not sustainable.
What you need is something more fundamental, more central and more important to you. What you need is something that comes from the inside, something that’s based on what’s important and what matters to you.
That’s the only way to get behind it, have confidence in it and keep the motivation and commitment going.
4. The timing’s all wrong.
Not only are you coming off the back of the holidays and getting back to the harsh realities of the world, but you see the whole of the year stretching ahead of you and summer’s a whole 6 months away.
It’s not exactly an inspiring picture, is it?
And what kind of person waits all year to make a choice about something anyway? Why wait for one particular day to make a decision, when there are 364 other equally great decision-making days available to you?
So forget about making New Years Resolutions.
Living a full life isn’t about making some woolly, half-hearted decisions that don’t really mean anything. That’s not what truly confident people do.
Instead, make confident choices based on what really matters to you, and jump in with both feet.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Steve Errey
Steve Errey almost died at age 5 as he choked on a grape. Today, Steve is a leading confidence coach for entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs, with a reputation for talking sense and getting results. Read more at The Confidence Guy and follow him on Twitter. He still loves grapes, despite the risks.
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Comments
James @ Organize IT says on January 1st, 2009 at 10:45 am
One of the biggest issues I have with new years resolutions is it’s so easy to get carried away at this time of year and set unrealistic targets and goals. I’ve done a post about this and have taken to calling it new years fever. My approach now is to avoid doing any planning, whether it be setting resolutions or just basic goals, until the new year is well and truly behind me. That way I can think rationally again without getting carried away by the news years fever.
Mumbai says on January 1st, 2009 at 11:09 am
To hell with the resolutions. Life goes on. I aint gonna ruin the start of my new year with a resolution. Never made on, dont think I will
Josette says on January 1st, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Good question. Why wait to make resolutions on Jan 1 when there are other days too? I don’t think it’s wrong to make resolutions in June or October or any other month. We can improve ourselves any day and not only wait for Jan 1.
And yeah, it’s true. Most resolutions are forgotten by the end of the month. :/
Albert says on January 1st, 2009 at 1:34 pm
You seem to suggest that goals are bad as well. How are we supposed to give our life direction then?
msmerlin says on January 1st, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Guess I don’t really get why this article is on here or why it was even written. Don’t set goals, don’t make resolutions, don’t think about the future, don’t think about anthing you don’t already have…..so why even bother to write this? The people who have no interest in improving themselves aren’t going to be reading this anyway, and they certainly don’t need some article to tell them they’re just fine the way they are, no need to lose weight or get healthy or learn something new or do anything but be a couch potato in front of the TV. The purpose of this article totally escapes me. The people who are living the lifestyle he propounds would never read something that just MIGHT have to do with improving themselves! The people who do have an interest in improving themselves know this article is basically moronic, although I’m sure the gentleman who wrote it is a nice enough person. May he be happy in his couch-potatoness!
roxanne says on January 1st, 2009 at 4:39 pm
@ msmerlin:
I don’t think you get it. The author of this article is not saying that goals should never be made, or that everyone’s fine the way they are. He or she never explicitly said to never set goals. In fact, under the fourth heading, the article clearly states: “Why wait for one particular day to make a decision, when there are 364 other equally great decision-making days available to you?”
I believe that the goal of this article is really to give more insight to people, allowing them to question their own goals. Those who DO set New Year’s resolutions should really think about their goals: Are they too lofty? Are they attainable? Will I stay committed to this goal for the rest of the year? These are the questions that I asked myself while I was reading this article.
And another thing: this article was written with the intent of helping people. Calling it “moronic” when someone took their time and effort to write it isn’t exactly in the spirit of our community, is it?
twicker says on January 1st, 2009 at 5:59 pm
@roxanne
The bigger issue is that the premise of the article is wrong: New Year’s resolutions work more often than other kinds of resolutions.
NPR’s Talk of the Nation:
How to Make New Year’s Resolutions Stick
http://www.npr.org/templates/s.....d=98738130
WSJ:
How to Make New Year’s Resolutions Rewarding
http://s.wsj.net/article/SB123006807320931069.html
There does seem to be a difference in the psychology of making a resolution at a random date in the year and making a resolution at the start of a fresh new year. It’s actually pretty easy to see if you think about conversations you have with friends: many (not all, but quite a few) will talk about their new year’s resolutions, and take time to look back at the past year (I’ve been bombarded with Facebook and Twitter feeds on people’s reflections and what they’d like to improve on). Further, it’s a time when people have time off – i.e., time for reflection.
So, yeah, there’s something in making New Year’s resolutions. Not for everyone (including not for me – I make resolutions as I see a need), but for some. ‘Tis a problem with many self-improvement ideas (and one, curiously, that’s recently been explored on this very site): nothing is perfect for everyone – including *not* making New Year’s resolutions.
(interesting research question: how many people surveyed by FranklinCovey made resolutions at times *other* than New Year’s, and how successful were those?)
Jason Mitchener says on January 1st, 2009 at 6:16 pm
I think it’s entirely possible to make resolutions and set goals while still appreciating who you already are and what you already have. My strengths are writing, art, and maintaining a positive attitude, but I can still make resolutions to enhance these areas.
Steve Errey says on January 2nd, 2009 at 6:51 am
@ James: I think you’re right – it’s always best to make rational, deliberate decisions rather than feeling rushed by a date on the calendar. Course, sometimes there are decisions that just feel incredibly right that you can jump right into.
@Mumbai: LOL! Life does indeed go on.
@Josette: Exactly. You can make decisions that serve you well any day of the year, rather than half-hearted decisions on Jan 1. Friends of mine have already broken their resolutions for 2009!
@Albert: Goals have a role to play, but I only use them in very specific situations these days. That’s normally with small, bite-sized chunks of things that can be easily measured, like losing 5lbs or having a writing project finished by the end of the month. The bigger stuff, which by their nature can be more nebulous and problematic, needs a bigger context and a different structure. I’ll be posting about this over the next couple of weeks over on my blog.
@msmerlin: The purpose of the article is to challenge what people normally do. The purpose is to get them to ask some different questions that will serve them better. And yes, I’m a lovely person :P
@roxanne: Thanks for getting my back! You’ve certainly got the idea – any ‘decisions’ made for 2009?
@twicker: I’ll accept that the symbolism of the New Year (fresh start and all that) can help people rationalise what’s not working in their lives or look at where they want to see improvments.
The problem comes with what they do with those insights – i.e. they typically set a poorly defined goal with no structure that isn’t actually connected (or connected strongly enough) with the original insight.
There certainly are good strategies for reaching a goal, but most don’t consider whether the goal has a personal resonance that goes beyond ’shoulds’ and ‘oughts’.
@Jason: Sure thing – but what you seem to be doing is engaging with your strengths on an ongoing basis – and that makes all the difference in the world to your success, fulfilment and self-esteem. Nice work!
Cardin says on January 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 am
Not entirely convincing argument to forgo New Year’s Resolutions altogether.
It’s often a great way to look at your life, and decide what needs changing.
It surely has more commitment behind it than any other resolution in the year. After all, it’s the NEW YEAR. That must have a little oomph, doesn’t it?
If you’re not going to decide anything, have commitment for anything, feel daunted by the rest of the 364 days, when will you be ready?
Start change. Today. Now.
=)
anna says on January 2nd, 2009 at 9:09 am
I like this post. I, personally, have a love/hate relationship with goals. The minute I set a goal I feel like a failure. I know it’s “just” semantics, but our words mean something. Usually in January I think about a direction I would like to move toward or an attribute I would like to enhance. Goals are so concrete. You hit or you miss (more often you (I) miss). I prefer a direction, a path. I want to measure my steps and be thoughtful about where I’m going, but the language of resolution and goal is, for me, counter-productive.
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet says on January 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Hi
Interesting.
I also must admit that I got a little stuck over the goals bit. I get – and agree – with what you say about goals giving a sense of disgruntlement with current life. But, I’m wondering about your alternate suggestion…
I see you say you will be writing more on it… guess I’ll see you then ;)
Juliet
Nicolas says on January 2nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
“summer’s a whole 6 months away.” only if you live in the northern hemisphere…
Steve Errey says on January 3rd, 2009 at 9:17 am
@Cardin: This is my point – why wait all year to get that oomph and make decisions that take you forwards? You can do it any day of the year, and by doing in the right ways you can ensure that commitment and fulfillment will be there (which in my experience isn’t there with NYR’s or doesn’t last long enough to see things happen).
@Anna: I like your idea about choosing a direction or a shift in attitude. That’s more in line with the way I work and I’ve seen it work much better. It’s also worth pointing out that often, what you find along the way of going for a goal is worth more than the goal itself.
@Juliet: Hehehe, there’ll be a bunch of articles starting on Monday which will fill you in on the alternate approach. See you there.
@Nicolas: Good point, well made. I admit it, I’m Southern-hemisphere-ist.
Jodi Cleghorn says on January 5th, 2009 at 2:04 am
I didn’t make resolutions last year – because as Steve so rightly points out – its often about what you think you should do,rather than what you want to do.
Coming out of a full on year in 2007 and having just turned the world upside by choosing to write for a living, I gave myself a theme for the year – which for 2008 was ‘authenticity’ … it meant that every time I started to do something – I was able to ask myself – am I being true to myself by doing this. If the answer was yes, it was full steam ahead, if the answer was no, then I needed to spend more time looking into why I would want to do it.
I worked for me. This year my theme is ‘action’ after a quiet year of aclimatising.
I also find that the time between the Western New Year and the Eastern New Year is plenty of time to reflect and relax – because as you point out, December is crazy (added into the mix we have three birthdays in Dec). I start my New Year officially on the Chinese New Year with a new moon’s energy behind me.
John Belo says on January 5th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Personally I prefer to use the year’s end as a time to consolidate changes I’m already making than coming up with entirely new ones.
It’s artificial to use the new year as an excuse to change something – it will rarely work, as you well say. On the other hand, if you use the year’s end period to focus on the changes you have already committed to in the past few weeks/months, you will feel energized and accomplished as you use the last few days of the year to focus on what you truly want to be changing.
Steve Errey says on January 5th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@Jodi: The idea of having a ‘theme’ is a great one Jodi, and your question of ‘Am I being true to myself?’ is one that more people need to ask (and answer).
Hope your year of action proves as fruitful as your year of authenticity!
@John: Consolidation is a great idea – I love the notion of bringing together everything you learned and achieved in 2008 and using that to recommit to what matters. Nicely done.
Kaleb Mussell says on January 6th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Wow, you have all of these harsh opinions on why NOT to make a new years resolution. Thats stupid to just put down MAKING one if thats what someone actually wants to do.
On your first reason, yeah they’re what people think they should do therefore making a resolution to do that thing gives it purpose TO do it. Like a craftsperson to actually focus on finishing a certain project without moving unto another because theyre stuck. Or a writer stuck on a certain chapter and cant write more. Well for them maybe making a new years resolution will help them get out of that funk they are stuck in, and yeah some new years resolutions are based on what others think of them, and yes those are the ones that do end up failing. But if you make a resolution actually based on something you yourself wants to do you will have more determination to achieve it.
On your second reason, resolutions maybe alot like goals, but they are not forced upon us, they are something you yourself want to do. Yeah there are goal hungry people but thats different then a resolution. There doesn’t have to be goal after goal after goal, you can achieve a goal and be happy that you did so.
On your third reason, there IS commitment and resolutions sometimes lack foundation based on if a person truly wants to achieve what they want to do. You have family and friends that all would help you along if you should stumble dont tell me there is a lack of foundation when it sits right in front of you.
Your fourth reason, how is it a wrong time??? Its the beginning of a new year and fresh starts to give yourself a resolution to accomplish. Yeah there are 364 more days in the year to make a decision but the new year signifies a new start that people have.
So before you say those things think over and read what I said,
Toons says on January 6th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Sure, January 1 is another chance to get it right; so are the other 364 days of the year. I just don’t understand why we, as an American culture, are obsessed with the idea of ’starting fresh’ with each new year. The fact is that we all make weekly, daily and sometimes even hourly resolutions and these declarations are not limited in time. Everyday Americans make life changes, and they don’t need a new year to do so. That’s what life is all about. Adapt and overcome! Instead nearly half of American adults (This site has statistics, but I question how accurate they are) make mostly insignificant and materialistic resolutions for one year. ‘In 2009, I will not eat fast food’ or ‘I will lose weight in 2009.’ How about, ‘I want to cut back significantly on my fast food consumption’ or ‘I am going to go on a diet and start exercising so I will lose weight.’ These declarations are realistic and not contained by time.
van dealer says on July 30th, 2009 at 5:50 am
haha, couldnt agree more, i used to try new years resolutions until i realised they dont work at all….if i’m serious about a lifestyle change i can implement it any time of year