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Valentine’s day is here again. And are you still single? Do you want to attract a dream relationship?

Well, make 2009 the year you do just that! You still have almost 11 months left to make sure that at least you spend next Christmas with THE one.

If you are single, then you are not the only one as there are estimated to be over 2 million single people in London alone. And that’s a lot of potential dating material.

Everyone dreams of that ideal relationship – one that is full of love and affection. A relationship with someone that you connect with mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We all want to meet our “soul mate”.

Internet dating, speed dating and dating agencies are all very popular nowadays. But just how does one find that ideal relationship?

The key is not to become fixated about getting into a relationship. Focus instead on getting the life you love and living it. The kind of life that excites you so much that you jump out of bed every morning. Once you are in such a clearing, your dream partner can simply walk in and join you.

Remember that a dream relationship should be the icing on the cake that is your life, and not the end all and be all of your life.

To create your ideal life, ask your self what it is going to be about. What do you want to do for a living and what do you want to contribute to the world? Where do you want to live and how much money do you want to make? The key is to make your self truly happy right now and also to remain happy regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.

This is not to say that you do not go in for things like speed dating or networking events. Just treat these as fun and social events. The trick with making the most of these events is to focus on your best points and be proud of that. For example, you may have a great smile and so show it off.

To make an impact with your speed dating partner, ask unusual or even outrageous questions such as – what turns you on the most about a person of the opposite sex? This is sure to make an impression rather than the usual questions such as what do you do, and where do you come from. Also, listen to the other person – we have two ears and one mouth – so listen at least twice as much as you talk.

Finally it is okay to be rejected when asking someone out on a date. It is only their opinion and their choice. And with all dating related events, have no attachment to the outcome and have fun. Otherwise why would you even do it?

As for creating a clearing in your life for that dream person to walk in, here are some tips:

1. Be complete with past relationships. Drop the baggage from the past. Let go of hurts and resentments towards anyone from your past. Forgive and reconcile with that ex-partner who was so mean to you. The true test is to meet such a person from your past and to not feel any negative thoughts.

2. Take stock of how you have behaved in previous relationships. Since you are single, by definition your past relationships have not worked out for whatever reason. And like it or not, that makes you at least 50% responsible for them not working out.

Get clarity on what you contributed to those relationships not working out. Be kind to yourself as you do this. Do not make it an excuse to beat your self up all over again.

3. Review your beliefs about relationships. What do you think should happen at different stages – from courtship to living together? What are your entrenched beliefs about the opposite sex? For example, from your cultural heritage, what are the expected roles and duties of a partner?

4. Get clear about what you want in a relationship. Make the fulfilment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner.

5. Define and get clear about what you want in your ideal relationship and partner. Be realistic, and ask what your needs are rather than your wants. What must your relationship have? What are the absolute essentials for you to thrive?

6. Socialise and have fun so as to create a varied, rich life and to be part of a healthy supportive community, and to enhance your life. You will therefore focus not so much on meeting your partner and more on creating a rich vibrant life, one which will be so attractive to a potentially dream catch.

Most people usually socialise in various ways in order to meet their dream partner, but simply by having fun and enjoying your life you become so much more attractive.

Make your life work and create room in your life for your ideal partner. Once you have your life working for you, and you are happy, you will indeed attract the right partner.

Remember, you deserve the best. And that includes a dream relationship and the ideal partner. Don’t accept second best.

Get clear about what you want in your life partner and why – and you can have it all.

Get the life you love and live it.

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