Are you single?
Around Valentine’s Day, many single people are often left feeling inadequate and missing out due to the fervent commercialisation all around them.
It is almost as if you are incomplete or there is something wrong with you, if you are single. The pressure to be out celebrating with someone special can be immense – I am sure some couples probably just go out together just for the sake of it :-)
So if you are single, how about just doing some thing special just for yourself on that day? And then do the same every day of your life.
Are you blissfully single? Or have you put your life on hold until you are in that “magical” relationship?
There are nowadays more single people than ever before, with a lot of them striving to get into a relationship. But just how do you lead a happy life as a single person?
Many single people wait until they are in a relationship to live the kind of life they want and do the things they love to do. If you choose to be single or if you are in between relationships, rather than getting hung up over not being with someone, focus on what you have right now and on creating a terrific single life.
Ask yourself what your life is going to be about. What do you want to do for a living and what do you want to contribute to the world? Where do you want to live and how much money do you want to make? The key is to make your self truly happy right now and to remain happy, single or with a partner.
Some single people throw themselves in their business or job, and forgo pleasure time and self-care. It is as if their accomplishments are the only things that matter.
Remember that your life is happening today and is not a dress rehearsal for the day you are in a relationship.
Here are some tips for creating a truly happy life as a single person and to prepare yourself for a future happy relationship:-
1. Be passionate about your life. Have a vision for your life and live by it every day. Have a purpose for getting out of bed every morning. What activity energises you? What makes time stop for you?
Your purpose is your own, whether you are single or with a partner, and you will be your happiest when fully living your life purpose. Having a partner is not a substitute for a meaningful life.
2. Build a community. Socialise and have fun. Join clubs around your favourite topics and volunteer your time and energy. Reach out to people already in your life and strengthen your communal ties. You will be creating a varied rich life, and you will have people in your life who care about you and your life, meeting many of your needs. This will in turn make you les needy and thereby more attractive.
3. Pamper and treat yourself everyday with something luxurious and pleasurable. This can be as simple as a ten minute walk, a drink at the local coffee shop, a body lotion that smells good, a tub of chocolate ice cream to have in the bath and so on. Remember that such treats are not just reserved for a partner to give you as gifts. Create a life full of such delicious moments and your whole outlook will improve.
4. Start doing the things that you have been putting off. Find one fun thing to do every week which you had put off doing till you had a partner, and then start crossing them off your list. And one day you can also do them again with your partner.
5. Put the past in the past. Be complete with past relationships and dump any baggage. Stop hanging on to unhappy moments from the past as a reminder to prevent the same thing happening again in the future. Let go of hurts and resentments towards anyone – forgive that ex-partner who was so mean to you.
6. Take stock of how you have behaved in previous relationships. Get clarity on what you contributed to past relationships not working out. Be kind to yourself as you do this and do not make it an excuse to beat your self up all over again.
7. Improve your relationship skills. Read all you can around this topic. Check out relationship workshops and seminars. Dating events are so in vogue at the moment. Go and have some fun – try out speed dating.
Just because you may have been single for a while does not mean that you will not have a successful life long relationship – learn and apply new skills.
8. Appreciate and value what goodness you already have in your life right now. Being single actually gives you true freedom and independence to do just what you desire with your time and resources, and you can choose who to do it with. The world is indeed your oyster.
And always remember – you can choose to be happy, with or without a partner.
Most importantly, remember what really matters all year around and not just on Valentine’s Day – Love.
I’d add one more: don’t believe all the myths about being single. One of the biggest myths about being single is that it means being alone (which, unfortunately, Valentine’s Day tends to reinforce), but for a lot of singles, it really is only a MYTH. Check out authors like Bella DePaulo or Kay Trimberger for the evidence, and read blogs from happy singles (like Onely, Singletude, Quirkyalone, to name a few) if you don’t know what ‘happily single’ looks like.
I’d enjoy my singleness more if people weren’t constantly telling me how to conduct my life! Every post like this implies that being single is an unfortunate condition to be cured or, at worst, tolerated. I know you mean well, but examine your assumptions.
Thanks Juggernaut for your comment. I actually started the post by discounting exactly what you are saying ie that singledom is some “unfortunate” condition.
My only assumption is that everyone ultimately wants to be happy, whether they are in a relationship or single (through choice of course).
Go, enjoy being single. I do!
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I agree with Jugglernaut: Examine your assumptions. Based on your post from yesterday, I don’t think you quite believe that a person is complete no matter what their relationship status. Even in this post, you write that your tips will “prepare [us] for a future happy relationship.” I am perfectly happy being single, choosing to remain single. I don’t need to or want to do anything to prepare myself for a relationship assuming that the relationship you’re writing about is the narrowly defined one. As long as we define relationships narrowly, as long as what we do is preparing for the holy grail, we do not believe that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Only when choosing to be single is just as valid a choice have we overcome singlism.
Hi Arvind,
Just wanted to thank you for this post. I woke up on Saturday and realized it was was Valentine’s day. While I’m happily single and don’t feel down about being single on V-day, I don’t always pamper myself. So I lay there in bed, remembered your post, and read it on my iPhone. Then I got up and filled my day with wonderful, sensual things: I had a delicious lunch, stopped at a bookstore and bought a book and magazine, had a massage and a delicious chocolate that they had there, went and received a pedicure, and then came home and sort of melted into my big, soft recliner and sighed. It was a great day! Thanks for the inspiration.
I AM A SINGLE PERSON AND im trying really hard to enjoy my singleness but its havent been easy may be you can give me some suggestion thanks and God Bless you all.
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