April 17th, 2007 in Lifestyle
How To Be A Happy Introvert
Being an introvert isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If it prevents you from doing what you really want to do, or hinders your working and personal lives, then something should change. However, introverts should be happy being so.
Author on Introverts, Nancy R. Fenn, wrote a Top Ten to get introverts through their day, and it’s mostly a How To in getting out of negative situations and keeping positive about their character.
- 1. Assert yourself as a legitimate personality type.
There are two legitimate personality types: extroverts and introverts. - 2. Correct people when they refer to introverts as neurotics.
Introverts are not neurotics. They are introverts. - 3. Correct people when they refer to introverts as prone to mental illness.
Introverts are no more prone to mental illness than others. When extroverts are under stress, they overeat, smoke, drink and become violent. When introverts are under stress, they withdraw. This does not make them mentally ill. - 4. Correct people when they assert that introverts are anti-social.
Introverts are not anti-social. They are drained by other people and must limit their time in company, but they are friendly and loving people. - 5. Correct people when they assert that introverts have nothing to say.
On the contrary, introverts won’t speak unless they have something important to say! - 6. Put a proper value on your ability to be a good listener.
Good listening skills are invaluable in all areas of business and industry. - 7. Do not apologize for time spent alone.
Explain to critical “others” that introverts need to spend at least half their time alone for good mental and emotional health. Then assert, if necessary, that introverts are a legitimate personality type. - 8. Introverts are not losers.
Take pride that you are in the company of such introverts, past and present, as Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles Darwin, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan and Bruce Lee. - 9. Stand up for introverted children who are being misunderstood in your presence.
This is one of the most healing things you can possibly do for yourself as it will heal your own inner child. - 10. Don’t let pushy extroverts interrupt you while you’re reading a good book.
Explain politely that you can’t talk right now, you’re reading a book.
Personally, I think some kind of middle-ground is ideal. Any introverts out there have more suggestions?
The Top 10 Ways to Protect Yourself from Wrong Accusations as a Result of Being an Introvert – [ResourceCenter]
We’ve previously written these on the topic:
Top 10 Advantages of Introvert
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Comments
Ben says on April 18th, 2007 at 12:00 am
1. Assert yourself as a legitimate person, not a personality type.
3. Correct people when they state that, when extroverts are under stress, they overeat, smoke, drink and become violent. There are as many ways that extroverts and introverts deal with stress as there are people.
Nenad Ristic says on April 18th, 2007 at 3:53 am
Good Article… I have met too many wonderful people who think there is something wrong with them when they are introverts.
Jeffrey Wiggs says on April 18th, 2007 at 10:18 am
What about the third personality type? Ambiverts are real people. We are the middle of the road. Sometimes we are drained by people and sometimes we need to be heavily involved in conversation. It seems to me that the two extremes would realize that there must be a middle ground. :)
whurleygrrl says on April 18th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Numbers 4 and 7 especially resonated with me. I have to work at not feeling guilty when I take time away from the social scene. An additional suggestion for other introverts is choose a job with care. Any form of employment that requires interaction with a large number of people on a daily basis (usually in a fast paced environment) will use up all of an introvert’s “people time.” An introvert will then be less likely to socialize outside of work, rather than give up hours that could be spent on “alone time.”
Thanks for posting the article. More introverts need reaffirmation that their lifestyle is a valid one.
Andrew says on April 18th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Numbers 4 and 9 strike me as particularly important now, when the Virginia Tech shooter is being described as a “loner.” Anneli Rufus in her excellent book about introversion Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto” writes about the damage that can be done to children when parents start to fear their introverted child may grow up to be a crazed killer just because she prefers playing alone to socializing with other kids.
American culture puts so much pressure on people to be extroverted. As whurleygrrl said, posts like this one are important to reinforce that introverts’ feelings and inclinations aren’t social failings in need of modification.
John says on April 18th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
4, 7, & 8 resonated with me. The whole article did, but those three points stick out.
My parents were extroverts and just didn’t understand why I didn’t want to play with my friends every waking moment and told me I was weird for wanting to play in my room by myself. I needed downtime from other people.
I see the same in my son. He has friends and is socialable, but some days he just wants to shut the door and play. No friends. No parents. Just be by himself. And I let him!
John says on April 18th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
More on being a loner. I grew up during the 80’s and it seemed like we were bombarded by anti-suicide films. In every case the suicide victim in their films a) liked heavy metal music and b) was a loner. I was as far from being suicidal as you can imagine, but I liked heavy metal and I was a loner and really questioned my own sanity, even though there was nothing wrong with me.
This has an interesting side effect. Apparently right before someone kills themself, they give away things. I became very stingy not wanting to give the impression I was about to commit suicide.
There was a recent article on Slashdot that said gifted kids are more likely to enjoy heavy metal music. So that was my real problem. :-P
Seth Thomas Rasmussen says on April 22nd, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I don’t see why this has to be in the context of yet more unecessary labeling, even if you’ve whittled it down to an attractive pair.
The issue is really asserting yourself with people, period. If you would prefer not to be interrupted because you are reading, it doesn’t mean that the other person is an extrovert or that you are an introvert. It just means that you would prefer not to be interrupted because you are reading a book.
I think if you want to talk about mental illness, you should look at how humans obsessively search for categories to define themselves by. Especially the dualism of us(introverts, in this case) vs. them(extroverts). I think that is one of the most often sickening and damaging things we do.
Try to be true to your thoughts and feelings as you have them, and appreciate others that appreciate the degree to which you can do that, no matter what they are, where they come from, etc.
Sean Hackbarth says on April 26th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Introverts being assertive. To an extent yes but that plays against the personality type. Why bother wasting precious energy?
I’d just ignore these myopic bozos.
Ryan says on August 22nd, 2007 at 12:24 am
Im 15,a freshman at highschool in Bangladesh. The trouble becoming a introvert is the continous agression of the extroverts on introverts. and also, not only in the US, almost every society puts a great deal of pressure on being outgoing.
xxdrowningkittenxx@hotmail.com
Pril says on October 12th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Wow thanks for this post i don’t agree with all of them the book and intruption i can understand and it bugs me but who likes being interupted… no one that i know of!! so i get that point however interuptions in general makes peeps lose there thought and sence introverts are more into there brain then others this is distrubing!
my hole life i just thought i had a problem i was a loner, i had social issues i didnt’ want to sit with the peeps at lunch all the time sometimes yeah i wanted people. then reasently i thought i had social anxity or was just anit social but then sometimes i wanted to be social so i was just confused! ‘nver heard this word before however “Intovert” but it’s me!
how to help someone like me feel accepted just don’t talk down to them…
mad says on October 22nd, 2007 at 12:08 am
Long time ago i think.. im just a freak.. different from others people.. and cannot be same like them it really make me stressed.. Im feeling lonely cause my personality.. (shy.. having problem to have friens) Now i know that theres nothing wrong about myself.. theres many people like me.. Eventhough until now i still jelous to ekstovert cause they could have many friends, could express theyself, i just dont know.. sometimes i just feel life is just unfair… :(
mad says on October 22nd, 2007 at 12:14 am
can someone help me to save myself from this lonelyness? This feelings kills me..
Aesthier says on January 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am
The last time someone told me I should be more social, “get out more” and called me an introvert in an accusing tone I told him…
“Introverts are independent while extroverts are co-dependant so I am doing just fine as I am thank you.”
That was the “last” time anyone has chided me for my introspective ways.
persephonevii says on April 26th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I DEFINITELY agree with Point 7. I have recently moved in with a group of extroverts. I like to spend time alone. They do not understand this and think it is odd. One of them even inferred I had some sort of mental illness because of it >:(
Obviously, I was hardly pleased with his comments and though I did not say anything wondered how would he like it if I inferred he had a mental illness because he talked too much.
Izzy says on August 1st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
At my new job, my boss gets freaked out just cause I barely talk, I’m like aren’t you paying me to work? Talking waste times and slows down productivity. It’s very tiring for me when so many people are asking you so many personal questions, and they pretty much think I’m weird just cause I don’t go party every night or something, or that I must have some big even planned out for my weekend, other than the fact that I would rather rest.
Jim Hallowes says on September 5th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I’m Jim Hallowes and I wanted to both introduce myself and I also want to invite you to visit my website: http://www.HighlySensitivePeople.com.
Hope you have a very nice weekend!
Keep up your great work!
Warmest regards,
Jim
Jim Hallowes
http://www.HighlySensitivePeople.com
11260 Regent Street, Los Angeles, CA 90066-3414
Tel: (310) 390-4767, Office: (310) 556-3466, Cell: (310) 753-9381
Cynthia Schultz says on November 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 am
Hi all, great to see this discussed – we recognize it’s normal to be introverted. And we have an unusual advantage in this day with technology being such a compliment to the introverted personality.
Jim, great site too. I’d like to introduce mine as well: Introverted By Design at http://www.introvertbydesign.com
Lots of great information there to enjoy, a bit of humor too!
Cynthia
Hrishikesh says on November 27th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Good article i must say… and I do agree that a person with a bit of both features will be successful in life. (I also agree that this view is from an introvert’s perspective)
I think the worst thing that could happen to an introvert is ” not knowing that he’s an introvert (people not knowing the true meaning of ‘introvert’)”
and the best thing… the “internet” lol
Whereas an extrovert’s best friend is his mobile!! (I really do pity the mobile though…how does it tolerate the bad smell for such a long time..lol)
Hrishikesh says on November 27th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
And Craig ….one more thing dude!! did u just observe these comments on ur article…They clearly suggest that Introverts never give out their opinions in one shot… they need a minute or 2 to think before saying the next statement…lol
IamMe says on December 31st, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I agree that something has to be done to clear up the various misconceptions and stereotypes about introverts and introversion. However I think you approach is way to assertive for you average introvert to implement. Your advice would be great for an extrovert, but not so much for an introvert. If I didn’t no better I would say this article was written by an extroverts trying to help us “poor” introverts out. I think a more suttle approach on how to better deal with pushy extroverts would be more effective. I essence I am advocating finesse over the brute force method. I think finesse lends it self more towards introverts and introversion. For information on how you can do just that I suggest heading over to http://www.introvertcentral.com/
HoppingIntrovert says on January 24th, 2009 at 5:27 am
Aesthier,
LOVE your comment, “Introverts are independent while extroverts are co-dependant so I am doing just fine as I am thank you.”
You are SO right in that statement!! As an introvert myself, I’m my own best friend!! I’m SO thankful that I’m not dependant on others for my happiness! Sure, we all need a “little” bit of socializing – but not much!! How lucky are we??!! :)
David says on January 24th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
My blog is about learning to succeed as an introvert. It can be a long road. But the internet and blogging are wonderful tools that can help lead to success.
xy says on February 13th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I had a fairly difficult childhood in the sense that I am an introvert and on the top of that – shy. I grew out of being shy but am still an introvert ie. I can talk to people (my job requires lots of people interaction anyway – I am a medical student!) as part of work but outside uni and hospital, I’d prefer to be alone. It takes courage to reply ”I’m going home to spend some ‘me-time’ ” without feeling like a loser. Lots of my colleagues are party-loving extroverts!
All the points mentioned in the article resonate with me but I often encounter #5; I often get asked if I’m feeling alright/depressed etc when I’m quiet. It’s true we don’t talk unnecessarily unless we have something worth mentioning.
Good luck to fellow introverts out there. Be proud we’re spending alone-time well doing whatever we enjoy best – be it reading, watching films or plain nothing.
GetOverMyLife says on February 26th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
A lot of people have a hard time being alone. I don’t. I enjoy being with my immediate family, I enjoy reading, gardening, drawing… What I find interesting is how people want to label me when I’m just fine, thank you.
One other thing, Howie Mandel (OCD and ADD) is not criticized to any great extent. We’re all different, as long as we’re not hurting anyone… “To each his own.”
Iris says on April 7th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I always thought I had a problem. I was a very shy child in the late 80s and early 90s and my Dad would always criticized me for being anti-social. In taking the Myers-Briggs test, I found out I had an INTJ personality, which explains the reason why majority of the population (mostly the extroverts) thought I’m weird for being an introvert.
Now, as an adult, I’m able to carry conversations at work comfortably, but I rarely go out of my way to talk to people. Frankly, I just don’t care knowing about their personal business (their miserable marriages, problems with their children, etc.) and I do not want to share my own private life. However, I do love intellectual and stimulating conversations, but finding these type of people are rare.
Anyway, I am comfortable and very confident with myself. Although it took me many years to feel this way.
Dolph says on April 13th, 2009 at 9:30 am
It’s very important to understand how you operate in the world because it enables you to understand others better as well. I’ve found for myself that there is a tremendous amount of shame that goes along with not being the preferred personality type. I have found that acceptance is vital to my mental health. I have to work at it everyday and it’s great that information about personality types is available. I don’t think it’s a black and white issue, but self-awareness is critical for everyone. I think it may go under the category of emotional intelligence.
Nikey says on October 7th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Lovely!!!
Thanks a lot!
The Straight Dope Dad says on December 11th, 2009 at 8:04 am
I’d say the list is pretty complete. Introversion conflicts mainly happen when you are young.In high school, being an introvert is a huge disadvantage to enjoying school which emphasizes and rewards the extravert style of socialization. As an adult I don’t notice any issues as I work at home and my close friends are all introverts as well. We kind of gravitate towards each other, just like extroverts do. I wrote about parenting and introvert here: http://www.straightdopedad.com.....ti-social/