April 17th, 2007 in Lifestyle
How To Be A Happy Introvert
Being an introvert isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If it prevents you from doing what you really want to do, or hinders your working and personal lives, then something should change. However, introverts should be happy being so.
Author on Introverts, Nancy R. Fenn, wrote a Top Ten to get introverts through their day, and it’s mostly a How To in getting out of negative situations and keeping positive about their character.
- 1. Assert yourself as a legitimate personality type.
There are two legitimate personality types: extroverts and introverts. - 2. Correct people when they refer to introverts as neurotics.
Introverts are not neurotics. They are introverts. - 3. Correct people when they refer to introverts as prone to mental illness.
Introverts are no more prone to mental illness than others. When extroverts are under stress, they overeat, smoke, drink and become violent. When introverts are under stress, they withdraw. This does not make them mentally ill. - 4. Correct people when they assert that introverts are anti-social.
Introverts are not anti-social. They are drained by other people and must limit their time in company, but they are friendly and loving people. - 5. Correct people when they assert that introverts have nothing to say.
On the contrary, introverts won’t speak unless they have something important to say! - 6. Put a proper value on your ability to be a good listener.
Good listening skills are invaluable in all areas of business and industry. - 7. Do not apologize for time spent alone.
Explain to critical “others” that introverts need to spend at least half their time alone for good mental and emotional health. Then assert, if necessary, that introverts are a legitimate personality type. - 8. Introverts are not losers.
Take pride that you are in the company of such introverts, past and present, as Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles Darwin, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan and Bruce Lee. - 9. Stand up for introverted children who are being misunderstood in your presence.
This is one of the most healing things you can possibly do for yourself as it will heal your own inner child. - 10. Don’t let pushy extroverts interrupt you while you’re reading a good book.
Explain politely that you can’t talk right now, you’re reading a book.
Personally, I think some kind of middle-ground is ideal. Any introverts out there have more suggestions?
The Top 10 Ways to Protect Yourself from Wrong Accusations as a Result of Being an Introvert - [ResourceCenter]
We’ve previously written these on the topic:
Top 10 Advantages of Introvert
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Comments
Ben says on April 18th, 2007 at 12:00 am
1. Assert yourself as a legitimate person, not a personality type.
3. Correct people when they state that, when extroverts are under stress, they overeat, smoke, drink and become violent. There are as many ways that extroverts and introverts deal with stress as there are people.
Nenad Ristic says on April 18th, 2007 at 3:53 am
Good Article… I have met too many wonderful people who think there is something wrong with them when they are introverts.
Jeffrey Wiggs says on April 18th, 2007 at 10:18 am
What about the third personality type? Ambiverts are real people. We are the middle of the road. Sometimes we are drained by people and sometimes we need to be heavily involved in conversation. It seems to me that the two extremes would realize that there must be a middle ground.
whurleygrrl says on April 18th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Numbers 4 and 7 especially resonated with me. I have to work at not feeling guilty when I take time away from the social scene. An additional suggestion for other introverts is choose a job with care. Any form of employment that requires interaction with a large number of people on a daily basis (usually in a fast paced environment) will use up all of an introvert’s “people time.” An introvert will then be less likely to socialize outside of work, rather than give up hours that could be spent on “alone time.”
Thanks for posting the article. More introverts need reaffirmation that their lifestyle is a valid one.
Andrew says on April 18th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Numbers 4 and 9 strike me as particularly important now, when the Virginia Tech shooter is being described as a “loner.” Anneli Rufus in her excellent book about introversion Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto” writes about the damage that can be done to children when parents start to fear their introverted child may grow up to be a crazed killer just because she prefers playing alone to socializing with other kids.
American culture puts so much pressure on people to be extroverted. As whurleygrrl said, posts like this one are important to reinforce that introverts’ feelings and inclinations aren’t social failings in need of modification.
John says on April 18th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
4, 7, & 8 resonated with me. The whole article did, but those three points stick out.
My parents were extroverts and just didn’t understand why I didn’t want to play with my friends every waking moment and told me I was weird for wanting to play in my room by myself. I needed downtime from other people.
I see the same in my son. He has friends and is socialable, but some days he just wants to shut the door and play. No friends. No parents. Just be by himself. And I let him!
John says on April 18th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
More on being a loner. I grew up during the 80’s and it seemed like we were bombarded by anti-suicide films. In every case the suicide victim in their films a) liked heavy metal music and b) was a loner. I was as far from being suicidal as you can imagine, but I liked heavy metal and I was a loner and really questioned my own sanity, even though there was nothing wrong with me.
This has an interesting side effect. Apparently right before someone kills themself, they give away things. I became very stingy not wanting to give the impression I was about to commit suicide.
There was a recent article on Slashdot that said gifted kids are more likely to enjoy heavy metal music. So that was my real problem.
Seth Thomas Rasmussen says on April 22nd, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I don’t see why this has to be in the context of yet more unecessary labeling, even if you’ve whittled it down to an attractive pair.
The issue is really asserting yourself with people, period. If you would prefer not to be interrupted because you are reading, it doesn’t mean that the other person is an extrovert or that you are an introvert. It just means that you would prefer not to be interrupted because you are reading a book.
I think if you want to talk about mental illness, you should look at how humans obsessively search for categories to define themselves by. Especially the dualism of us(introverts, in this case) vs. them(extroverts). I think that is one of the most often sickening and damaging things we do.
Try to be true to your thoughts and feelings as you have them, and appreciate others that appreciate the degree to which you can do that, no matter what they are, where they come from, etc.
Sean Hackbarth says on April 26th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Introverts being assertive. To an extent yes but that plays against the personality type. Why bother wasting precious energy?
I’d just ignore these myopic bozos.
Ryan says on August 22nd, 2007 at 12:24 am
Im 15,a freshman at highschool in Bangladesh. The trouble becoming a introvert is the continous agression of the extroverts on introverts. and also, not only in the US, almost every society puts a great deal of pressure on being outgoing.
xxdrowningkittenxx@hotmail.com
Pril says on October 12th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Wow thanks for this post i don’t agree with all of them the book and intruption i can understand and it bugs me but who likes being interupted… no one that i know of!! so i get that point however interuptions in general makes peeps lose there thought and sence introverts are more into there brain then others this is distrubing!
my hole life i just thought i had a problem i was a loner, i had social issues i didnt’ want to sit with the peeps at lunch all the time sometimes yeah i wanted people. then reasently i thought i had social anxity or was just anit social but then sometimes i wanted to be social so i was just confused! ‘nver heard this word before however “Intovert” but it’s me!
how to help someone like me feel accepted just don’t talk down to them…
mad says on October 22nd, 2007 at 12:08 am
Long time ago i think.. im just a freak.. different from others people.. and cannot be same like them it really make me stressed.. Im feeling lonely cause my personality.. (shy.. having problem to have friens) Now i know that theres nothing wrong about myself.. theres many people like me.. Eventhough until now i still jelous to ekstovert cause they could have many friends, could express theyself, i just dont know.. sometimes i just feel life is just unfair…
mad says on October 22nd, 2007 at 12:14 am
can someone help me to save myself from this lonelyness? This feelings kills me..
Aesthier says on January 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am
The last time someone told me I should be more social, “get out more” and called me an introvert in an accusing tone I told him…
“Introverts are independent while extroverts are co-dependant so I am doing just fine as I am thank you.”
That was the “last” time anyone has chided me for my introspective ways.
persephonevii says on April 26th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I DEFINITELY agree with Point 7. I have recently moved in with a group of extroverts. I like to spend time alone. They do not understand this and think it is odd. One of them even inferred I had some sort of mental illness because of it >:(
Obviously, I was hardly pleased with his comments and though I did not say anything wondered how would he like it if I inferred he had a mental illness because he talked too much.