Do You Determine Your Beliefs, or Do Your Beliefs Determine You? (Part Two)
Following on from Part One of this three-part series on beliefs. Here is part two:
Catholic Craig
Growing up in a Catholic home which was regularly frequented by nuns and priests (friends of my folks), attending only Catholic schools, being taught about life (God, religion, marriage, relationships, sex, good, bad, right, wrong) exclusively from a Catholic perspective, hanging out with my Catholic friends and only ever seeing the inside of a Catholic church, I was probably never gonna be a Buddhist by my fifteenth birthday. Or even a Baptist or Anglican for that matter. My upbringing, my environment and my education taught me that I was born into the one true church. Whatever that means.
As a teenager, I honestly felt sorry for all those non-Catholics who were going to hell; the ones in the fake churches. Whatever that means. After all, we had the Pope on our team; God’s personal representative on planet earth and a direct successor to good old Saint Peter – the first Pope. Apparently. How could I possibly go wrong?
Fortunately for me, I had somehow stumbled on to the right team. What are the chances? All those religions and I was born into the only one that has a hot-line to God and an old bloke in the Vatican with a big hat and his finger on the eternal pulse. And of course, the only religion that could get me to heaven. Talk about luck. Or Karma. Oops, we don’t mention Karma do we? That’s the other team.
Sister Mary Patricia
Here’s a sentence I was never gonna hear from the nuns in my religious education classes at school; “Okay students, we’ve decided to provide you all with an extensive overview of the core theology, philosophy and teaching of all the major religions of the world, then we’ll leave it up to you to explore the ‘God thing’ in your own way and see where you land; it’s important that you find your own truth, listen to your own heart and develop your own religious and spiritual beliefs and understanding.”
Nope, there was never gonna be a bar mitzvah for me.
No Hat Here
Now, before you think I’m getting my anti-Catholic hat on, I’m not. I don’t have one. I loved (most of) my childhood, my Catholic friends, my education and I was taught and mentored by some fantastic nuns and priests. And of course I love my (very) Catholic parents.
What I am talking about is social, emotional and religious conditioning (in any system, organisation or religion) that tells me what to think, do and believe and doesn’t encourage me or allow me to explore and discover my own truth beyond the walls of that system. In fact, it discourages my exploration and free thinking by being critical of groups and individuals who think, believe and behave differently. And when I start to question the system or parts thereof, I am ridiculed and criticised. Possibly labelled rebellious, misguided and troublesome.
The only reason I’m even talking about my Catholic upbringing is because that’s the only childhood I have. That’s my reference point. My experience. My story. I could just as easily be talking about any system that requires people to think, behave and believe a certain way in order to be a ‘member’. “If you don’t align with our doctrine, theology, thinking and rules then you can’t be part of our group; that is, you must believe what we believe. You won’t develop your own spiritual and religious beliefs, we will tell you what you can and can’t believe.”
It’s in Our DNA
In reality, we are all constantly being programmed (taught, influenced, impacted, shaped) by our world and everything and everyone in it. Our beliefs are always being moulded and manipulated (for better or worse) without us even being aware of it. Most of our beliefs are formed over a long period of time, which is why they become such a firmly entrenched (non-negotiable) part of our DNA. Our mental and emotional DNA anyway. And that lifetime of being taught a certain message and philosophy is what makes it very hard for us to consider another truth. Different beliefs.
In considering something else (another version, option, way of living, thinking, seeing, believing) we often need to question what we’ve believed for ever and that makes us very uncomfortable. Scared even. I’ve worked with people who get angry when I even question what they believe. And I’m not talking about criticizing their beliefs, I’m talking about asking logical, thoughtful, intelligent questions. They won’t even consider that their beliefs may be wrong; it’s too traumatic, too painful and too uncomfortable. They’ve based an entire life around some of those beliefs, so who (the f***) am I to suggest anything else?! They make it impossible for themselves to learn anything new. And did I mention the anger?
The Pressure to Conform
The pressure to conform (think, talk, act, believe a certain way) exists in all areas of the human experience way beyond the religious arena; schools, homes, workplaces, sporting clubs, political parties, gangs… anywhere that people gather. Even in Cyberspace (on-line).
The Brain Hijacker
Am I saying that our own beliefs shouldn’t align with a larger group? No, absolutely not. What I am saying is that we need to discover our own truth, learn our own lessons and determine our own beliefs and then if our core beliefs happen to align with a group that we want to be a part of, so be it. But don’t let someone else hijack your brain, your potential or your free will because you want acceptance in to their group. To conform is to compromise.
I like the idea of being part of a group where identical beliefs and consensual thinking is not a pre-requisite for membership. Or acceptance. Or respect. That kind of group appeals to me. I think I might start one. Hang on, I have. And you’re part of it. You got that membership card right?
It Ain’t a Cult
By the way, I don’t want conformity in my group; I want thoughtful consideration of what I teach. I want you to consider what I write, explore it for yourself and see if it seems like ‘truth’ for you. Don’t accept what I write because you respect me; I may be wrong. You and I can respect each together without agreeing on every topic. Accept what I write when you know it to be real, valid, meaningful and relevant for you. If what I write feels right for you, it probably is. If it feels wrong for you, it probably is. I can teach you and motivate you (for a minute), but only you should determine your beliefs and only you can change your life. I’m not the answer for anyone; I’m a resource. The answer you’re looking for is in the mirror. Always has been.
Next time, in part three of this very long post I’m going to talk about:
- When should we change/question our beliefs.
- How we can change our (negative) beliefs.
- How our beliefs get in the way of our potential (and what to do about it).
Let me know your thoughts on this topic. You know the drill.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Craig Harper
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker.FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.
ARTICLES BY THIS WRITER »
Tags: 
Get your own Avatars at 
Loading ...
Comments
Emmett says on November 18th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Religion is one of those things that you have to be pretty sure you have right to even participate. As a result it can be a difficult subject to discuss with people.
That’s why I’m glad my religion has always encouraged it’s members to know about all the different religions out there, what they believe and why.
I’ve always been able to ask questions and if I don’t understand the answer to ask more questions.
In fact you are not fully a member of my religion until you are old enough to decide for yourself that you want to be. You can be involved and a member of the congregation but my children are not fully members until they decide to be.
Yes, not every religion tells you “don’t talk to them, don’t let them question your beliefs.” The one that I’ve chosen actually encourages it!
Michael W says on November 18th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Agree with Emmett.
I know this wasn’t the crux of your argument, but when you were talking about how lucky you happened to be born into the right religion, in the right church…etc… That is certainly not a reason to disbelieve in and of itself. It is like the man who is thirsty in the desert, and wishes for water…This doesn’t mean the water no long exists, just because he wishes for it.
Also, had you not be born in America (I have no idea where you were born, I am just illustrating), gone to a University, you likely wouldn’t be a postmodern relativist (again, I have no idea what you believe, I am just using your story as an example, as you used the Catholic story as an example). How lucky to have been born into that system!
Nels says on November 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
While I do agree that we should ask questions about our religion and beliefs (most especially the question “why?”), but I COMPLETELY disagree with your statement, “What I am saying is that we need to discover our own truth…”
That statement does not make any sense. Truth is truth. There is “my truth” or “your truth.” There is only truth. That is why I am involved in faith and religion, because it is the truth.
Also, I think that your experience in your religion tainted the reality. I have seen that the Pope John Paul was very interested in having conversations with other religions. Perhaps those who taught you were afraid to explore other religions, but I think that you are wrong to say these religions prohibit one from exploring other truths.
I look forward to your next post. Thank you.
Jesse says on November 18th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I’m going to disagree with Nels here, and offer my own quote from Obi-Wan Kenobi: “Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”
Truth is subjective. While we could probably agree that MOST beliefs (i.e. Don’t kill) are truths, we also disregard those essential truths when they suit our purpose (i.e. war with killing is sometimes necessary). Does this mean that the idea of “killing is wrong” ISN’T true? Not necessarily – but a culture that believes this as an existential TRUTH should not make exceptions. This is but one example, and not necessarily the best that could be made, but there you are.
Yes, there is “my truth” and “your truth” – because “your truth” may say that, for example, confession given to a priest is an essential sacrament that should be followed and participated in with regularity, there IS the fact that a GREAT deal of Americans belong to a religious tradition that finds the idea of a confessional a laughable thing. “My truth” says that, being Agnostic, I HOPE there is something after death, I believe there is something after death, but I have found no proof of God, and the Bible has never been able to prove it for me, so I don’t believe Creationism is true. Yet, while I don’t believe in childhood indoctrination, I DO think that, when my daughter reaches an appropriate age, she should learn about the various religious traditions/beliefs and make her own choice based on what SHE believes to be true.
And finally, I will add that it’s not just his experience that tainted him – I, too, experienced this from various angles. I was raised Catholic, and told that “we’re right and they’re wrong” when it came to VARIOUS things (Confession, transubstantiation and Communion, etc). I also attended Protestant services where they LITERALLY made fun of the way Catholics do things “wrong”, and Charismatic Christian services (look up “speaking in tongues” and “slain in the spirit”) where they actually told me that they, too, were once Catholic before they were shown the “true” way. And it’s not just been with the Christian religions. Passing your way off as the ONLY way is merely another form of indoctrination and fear that your descendants will not choose YOUR truth, thereby possibly voiding the possibility of the choice actually BEING true. And that is the end of it all, the REAL truth – we’re petrified of being “wrong”, so we try to convince others (sometimes forcibly) of our being “right”.
All in all, GREAT post, and though perhaps controversial to speak of your religious experience (isn’t that what our grandmothers always tell us not to talk about? *grin*), I thought it was spot-on in this case. I look forward to the next one in the series.
Thanh says on November 18th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Though the article is a good discussion point, I was just thinking that the original questions is really ineffective. It is like asking are you intelligent because of your personality, or does your personality determine your intelligence?
Or the question does the ingredients make a hamburger, or does a hamburger determine the ingredients? They are in a sense two sides of the coin, or more accurately, two ways to define the same object.
We ARE our beliefs, world perspective, or paradigm of reality. Though these things can change over a lifetime, we can not separate ourselves from our belief system. A change in one end will cause a change in the other.
Thanh says on November 18th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I also agree with Nels’s statement. Truth by definition is usually a fact. If it varies from person to person, then it is an opinion, or merely a perspective.
So we can all search for our own perspective, or for what we *perceive* to be true. But we often get that confused with actually searching for truth.
Can you imagine if mathematicians or scientists, instead of searching for truth, they only search for the best truth for themselves? They may all have different theories about what is true, but the goal is to DISCOVER truth, and not to CREATE truth.
Adriel Brunson says on November 18th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
What is true?
It all depends on how you look at it.
What science accepted as truth a few years ago often changes as new discoveries unfold.
What I accepted as truth a few years ago often changes as new discoveries unfold.
Sidestepping the issue of truth, it does seem that how I believe has a lot to do with my experience in life. Maybe it’s even more important than what I believe.
As Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living.
Thank you for your wise and gentle perspective, and for opening this discussion.
-a-
Dean Johnson says on November 18th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
The problem with most of the major religions is that they’re adherents spend less time evaluating their options than they do buying a used car.
There are two predominant methods of “choosing” a religion: 1) What religion are/were your parents, and 2) What is the closest church to your house. Both are really stupid reasons to choose a religion, IMHO.
You would think that educated people with a certain amount of free will would give much more consideration to such an important choice in their life. Actually I think thats the issue. People consider it important, but don’t actually treat it that way. In the US the choice comes for free, so consequently it doesn’t have value, or so you would think.
I have somewhat forced my son to take advantage of opportunities to experience other churches and religions so that he will make his choice on his own rather than inflict bullsh*t guilt on him to mindlessly accept whatever religion his parents are. Thankfully he has taken full advantage of those opportunities to kick the tires of various religions and some of it seems to have sunken in.
Cowoo says on November 19th, 2008 at 7:17 am
I am really interested in these “logical, thoughtful, intelligent questions” mentioned.
jjensenii says on November 19th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
“Can you imagine if mathematicians or scientists, instead of searching for truth, they only search for the best truth for themselves? They may all have different theories about what is true, but the goal is to DISCOVER truth, and not to CREATE truth.”
That’s because math is a formal system and the sciences are collaborative projects. That doesn’t mean that at the end of the day mathematicians and scientists don’t have a core set of beliefs that is unique to them.
You also give math and science too much credit. New truths in math are discovered by working out the consequences of the basic assumptions — that’s what a formal system means. Science works the same way, except that scientists check their ideas empirically — although as Hume pointed out a long time, the empirical method is still another assumption. So while mathematicians and scientists don’t create truth, they don’t discover it in any straightforward manner, either.
Vincent says on November 19th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I believe we should question our beliefs when it starts to hinder our full potential from showing up. Great post by Craig.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Mark Kanninga says on November 20th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
The fact with most religions is that their ‘truth’ often can’t be scientifically proven so it requires you to have faith in those ‘truths’ as with many other aspects of life. I was raised with a mixture of religions in my surrounding and learned to take from those religions what felt right to me and that I could perceive as the truth. It is indeed all about the perspective… to us the sky is blue but when scientists look at it on say a molecular level than the same statement is false, we all perceive it to be blue so it therefore is. The most important thing is to keep an open mind on everything because life is about living, experiencing and learning.
Marianne says on November 20th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Our modern world is full of relativism–the idea that there is no objective truth, and all that matters is our opinions.
But this goes against common sense. Even if people have at times been in error about various things, that doesn’t mean there is no truth.
The only reason we can say that science progresses is that we recognize there were false beliefs before (like the earth being the center of the universe).
As for religion, the Catholic tradition has a profound respect for reason. Pope John Paul wrote an encyclical called “Faith and Reason” in which he discussed at great length the relationship between the two. I can’t add much to what he said there. If you’re really interested in this topic, go and read it.
Ruth says on November 20th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I really like what you have to say about not allowing others to hijack our brains. We’ve been fed so much of others’ beliefs all our lives that it’s time we started using our own thoughts to determine what we want our lives to look like. An excellent book on the topic is Living Life as if Thinking Matters by R. L. Wysong. It ranks right up there as one of the best books I’ve read this year.
randomlife says on November 23rd, 2008 at 7:42 pm
It’s possible that someone that truly believes in their religion could think that they are saving their friends and family from the burden of having to go out there and figure it all out for themselves. Why not benefit from the learnings of previous generations?
We don’t make our children re-invent the wheel, right? Or refrigeration or running water. If every generation had to start from the beginning, our society would never get anywhere.
I use my indoor plumbing every day, but I don’t know how it works. Is it possible to have a better plumbing system? Probably. But there are so many people using this one and it works for me. That’s good enough evidence for me to not go out there and research other kinds of plumbing.
I’m just saying this might be the type of reasoning some parents have for raising their children to believe their own religion. All of the research has been done by people they trust, so they feel comfortable continuing the tradition.
Researching all of those religions is a lot of work and they want to at least take that worry from their children.
Ron Towns says on November 24th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Religious beliefs, along with other ingrained beliefs change the way we behave. They affect our habits, which then affect our outcomes in life. I have been researching more about the power our beliefs have on us and have found John Assaraf’s newest book “The Complete Vision Board Kit” to be very helpful. Here’s a link to the book’s site: http://www.thevisionboardkit.com.
Amy says on December 8th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
We don’t choose our beliefs. Do you choose to believe that the sky is blue, or that your puppy is cute? No. You think it’s true, so you believe it. We will come to different truths based on our experiences, and those experiences will shape our future choices.
I’m an atheist, but I couldn’t choose to be religious if I wanted to. Religion seems silly to me.