Warning: Believing These 10 Famous Myths Might Be Making You Dumb
November 27 by Bobbi Emel in Lifestyle | 849 Shares
You want to improve your life.
You wouldn’t be reading Lifehack if you didn’t.
But you might be shooting yourself in the foot if you believe any of these growth-stunting famous myths.
1. Life should be how you want it to be.
You have this idea in your head, a script, of how your life is supposed to be. But it’s not happening that way.
And you hate that.
That’s because you’ve bought into the myth that life should be how you want it to be rather than accepting life as it is.
There’s nothing wrong with goals and forward motion in your life.
But your life is happening now. Engage it, learn from it, experience it.
Not experiencing your life because it’s not how you want it is making you dumb.
2. Life is linear rather than a spiral.
This myth, which is rampant in our American society, says that we should always be progressing forward in an upward, straight line.
However, this doesn’t leave much room for the normal bad habits and problems that we struggle with from time to time.
You see, life is much more like a spiral than a straight line. We move forward but eventually return to the same spot where those struggles keep popping up.
Instead of getting down on yourself about them, remember that you have been moving forward, it’s just that it’s the time on your path when you need to work on those issues again.
You’re moving up and around at the same time.
3. We should be happy all the time.
At least, that’s what the Self-Improvement sections of bookstores would have you believe.
The reality is that happiness is a fleeting emotion just as all emotions are. The emotions that tend to be more constant are feelings of contentment and ease.
Happiness is great, but it’s not something we are going to experience all the time.
I wish you much happiness, but I also wish you wouldn’t put yourself under the pressure of thinking that something is wrong with you if you’re not happy. You’re just human.
4. Resisting something is the best way to overcome a crisis.
Not so much.
Although the natural response to a crisis or even a fairly routine problem is to resist it, that behavior only drains your energy and reduces your ability to problem-solve effectively.
The best approach is to accept, rather than resist, what is happening.
This doesn’t mean that you are giving up. It just means that you are being realistic about what is in front of you.
It means that you are working within the crisis rather than against it. This is like walking downstream to cross a river rather than walking upstream against the current.
Resisting is a very natural, human response, but it’s dumb.
Learning to accept the bad with the good in our lives is smart.
5. Being hard on yourself is the only way to get motivated.
For some reason, many of us will listen to that Inner Critic, that nasty voice in our heads, because we think it’s the only way that we’re going to get anything accomplished.
After all, if we weren’t hard on ourselves, how would we get anything done?
Perhaps we could try being nice. Not just to others, but to ourselves as well.
There are tons of motivational tips out there that focus on rewarding yourself rather than whipping yourself to accomplish goals.
Challenge the myth that your Inner Critic is right and try something new. And kinder.
You’ll be surprised at what a little kindness can do for you.
6. Self-compassion is for wimps.
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!
Man up!
None of this namby-pamby self-compassion stuff! Don’t be a wimp!
Actually, research has shown that self-compassion isn’t wimpy.
Being kind and empathic to yourself results in a healthier, more productive life than being self-critical. And research also shows that self-compassion increases a stable sense of security and self-worth.
So next time you are being harsh with yourself, ask yourself if you would treat a friend that way.
It’s okay to treat yourself as you would your best friend.
7. You can get back to your old self after a crisis happens.
“I just want life to get back to the way it was.”
I hear this a lot when people are in the middle of grief or another kind of crisis.
But the truth is, you won’t be the same person you were before the crisis happened.
And that’s okay.
You may find that you are more sensitive to others who are in crisis and more thoughtful about your own habits and behaviors.
While you won’t be exactly the same as you were before life’s storm blew your way, you might actually find that you’re a little better.
8. Your thoughts are always true.
Our minds are constantly going.
Constantly.
It’s easy to listen to all of that chatter and, because it emanates from you and your mind, believe it.
However, your thoughts aren’t always true.
Your inner chatterbox may tell you that you’re a worthless piece of crap.
Just because you thought it doesn’t make it true. You’re not a worthless piece of crap.
Maybe you’re struggling right now, but we all struggle at times. It’s part of the human condition.
Don’t let your own irrational and unrealistic thoughts make you dumb. Cull out the productive, kind thoughts from those that are destructive and cruel.
You don’t have to believe everything you think.
9. My life will be better when ______ happens.
What are you waiting for?
What happens if fill-in-the-blank never happens?
“When I retire my life would be better.”
Okay. Well, my friend Cathy retired and then she died several months later.
“My life would be better if I had more money.”
Maybe. But how much is enough? Will you let your life go by while you are vainly struggling and waiting for the mystical “more” to happen?
You get the idea.
Life is in front of you right now.
Don’t wait to live it.
10. If I work hard enough, things won’t change in my life.
Change is inevitable.
You know this but do you know it?
Have you taken it into your core and made change a regular part of your life, a routine?
You don’t have to like change, but you need to not resist it.
The myth that you can outrun change is making you dumb. Be smart and allow change to work its magic where it can.
Need to bounce back in life? Download my FREE ebook, Bounce Back! 5 keys to survive and thrive through life’s ups and downs.
Featured photo credit: the girl in the wood looks up via Shutterstock
Hi Bobbi,
Wonderful post. I loved this: “life is much more like a spiral than a straight line”. And Yes! to moving up AND around.
Thanks, Dave!
9. My life will be better when ______ happens.
oh I am know so many people that believe this… very very sad!
It is sad AND I think it’s easy for many of us to think at a subconscious level :-(
Great points Bobbi. I particularly like point six about self compassion. How we treat ourselves has such a huge impact on our actions and therefore our results. Fostering compassion is such a powerful way to change our reality and outcome almost immediately.
Yes, Ali, and it’s interesting how much easier it is to feel compassion for others rather than ourselves. Self-compassion, as important as it is, is still a difficult concept for many of us.
Excellent
post Bobbi. I know at one point in time I have acted out of everyone of these
only to be disappointed. I now believe that if you live in the
present, work with life and the challenges it presents, you will always move
forward. Granted you will move backwards a bit as well, but overall you
will feel a lot better.
I’m right there with you, Derek. I’ve engaged in all of these at some time or another, too. I still struggle with some, but I’m trying to learn the same lessons you are and keep moving forward. Even if we DO hit that same spot on the spiral sometimes!
Thanks Bobbi – nice post. There’s one – although I’m not sure whether it qualifies as a myth or as a more esoteric belief system – that I come across that is desparately unhelpful – that your thoughts create your reality. (Sometimes taken to the extreme of The Law of Attraction.) I occasionally get told that my career etc is difficult, because I make it so by not believing… There are undoubtedly times when I do get in my way, but I’m inclined to think that there are other factors – such as I’m at the forefront of new thinking in organisational terms and complexity approaches; I’m disrupting established patterns and business practices; and I’m operating in a UK economy that is extremely difficult. I suspect they have at least something to do with the difficulties too…
Yes, I understand what you mean, Tony. It can get really frustrating when well-meaning, but kind of extremist, people insist that you are creating your own difficulty at work. The reason I say “extremist” is that I think this idea that your thoughts create your reality can be taken too far. You’re absolutely right that there are external mitigating factors that are influencing what’s happening to you at work. Your thoughts didn’t create the economic problems we’re all having right now.
Do our thoughts influence our decisions, moods, and choices? Sure. But we all are intertwined in this world with a multitude of circumstances and the trick is figuring out which ones are within our control and which ones aren’t.
Thanks for your interesting comment, Tony.
Great post, Bobbi. #5 and #7 are both hard for me as I tend to push myself no matter what the conditions are’;taking care of a mother alone at a preteen age, making great grades while working two jobs to get my degree, and that carried through my career and still I battle with it. I think that the best thing to do is to cherry pick the best of these “well-intensioned” myths with some corn-feed common sense and leave the rest for mulch. :)
Yep, I think you’re exactly right, Lee!
Bobbi,
Thank you for the inspiring article. I especially like `Self compassion is for wimps` Amazing how some people are still thinking this way.
I recently picked up a book by Carol Richardson, ` The Art of Extreme self Care`, which I highly recommend, she takes about very similar things. We need to be kind to ourselves :)
Thanks for the recommendation, Tania. I’ll check Richardson’s book out.
Hi Bobbi,
I bet you could have gone on and on with these myths! They’re all created by that “ego-mind” character that doesn’t want us to connect with our inner being truth. It’s really not that often that discipline really accomplishes much. Love, passion, interest, and those positive feelings take us so much further. And even if we fight hard enough to “win” with discipline, we’re often miserable throughout! Love the post. :-)
Thanks, Carmelo! Yes, I bet you could have come up with a lot more as well! I think discipline has it’s place, but certainly not to the detriment of the qualities you mentioned.
Very true. Maybe it’s like using a knife … in the right hands and with a worthy objective it is a wonderful tool. But, in the hands of a novice without purpose it can really get you in trouble. ;-)
Hi Bobbi,
I enjoyed this post because there are a few points that I was generally conflicted about, and you cleared them. However, I’m still a confused about Self-Compassion — is that same as self-pity? I generally don’t like to be consoled by friends, instead I used to pity myself for I felt I had better insight into my mistakes. However I noticed that I often got lost in self-pitying and became pathetic. Would you say it’s the fault of doing it in excess?
Those are great questions, Nithin. Self-compassion is not the same as self-pity. Self-pity is about feeling sorry for yourself and, yes, it is easy to become pathetic then! Self-compassion is rightly acknowledging that you are hurting in some way and treating yourself kindly, much as you would do for a friend. Self-pity says “Alas, poor me” and self-compassion says, “Oh my, I’m really having a hard time.” Self-pity generates inaction and whining while self-compassion generates empathy and kindness.
Does that help?
Yes, thank you! :)
I like the one ” it will be better when ____ happens” its true life is happening now and we are to often concerned with what is coming that we forget to see what is here. Great post about getting out of our own way!
Thanks, Tabitha!
There is some great myth-busting action going on here. At this point in my life I think I’ve got most of these myths under wraps, but not without lots of struggle and back and forth.
As someone who blogs about happiness… perhaps I’m not in touch with American culture well enough, but “we should be happy all the time”? People believe this? I never did. I was never told to believe something like that either. And my friends have never voiced this belief either. But then again, most of my friends are not ethnically American….
I am currently facing one a life change that has really effected me. I lost my job after 25+ years and have not had much success in getting even getting the opportunity to get interview let alone land a job. I am currently fighting myth # 8 and working to pull out the kind thoughts.. Thank you for your post!