Advice for a Teenage Daughter – Things You Should Never Do
Dear daughter,
You are a wonderful person and your mother and I think the world of you. It will not be long before you leave home to make your way in the world. Can I please give you some friendly advice? Here are some things that you should never do.
1. Never Despise Yourself.
You are great and capable of achieving great things so believe in yourself. When things go badly never stop believing. Some girls get depressed, blame themselves and lose self-esteem. All sorts of problems can follow.
2. Never Get Obsessed with your Appearance.
We think you look great (though some of the outfits you wear worry us!). Please be happy with the person you are and the body you have. Eat sensibly, take exercise and be healthy. Some girls become obsessed with losing weight or getting the perfect shape. You look fine.
3. Never Live Beyond Your Means.
Throughout life try to keep your spending within your income and so save a little. Avoid getting into debt if possible. There are some exceptions – like getting a mortgage to buy a house – but generally if you can live within your means you will avoid all sorts of problems.
4. Never Compromise Your Personal Safety.
Never put yourself at serious risk. This means that you cannot trust people until you really know them and that sometimes you have to avoid things that look like they might be fun. Never get drunk or take drugs. Unfortunately there are some malevolent people out there and it is best not to take undue risks.
5. Never Get Involved with a Married Man.
There are plenty of great single men out there. Don’t get entangled with a married man no matter how attractive he is – it will end in your tears.
6. Never Give Less Than Your Best.
We are very proud of what you have accomplished so far. You should be proud too. Keep doing well. Keep trying your hardest at everything you do. No one can ask for more than that.
7. Never Forget that Your Parents Love You.
Whatever happens in life, your family will still be your family. Whatever difficulties you encounter you can always talk to us and we will try to help. We are here for you.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Paul Sloane
Paul Sloane is an author and speaker on leadership, innovation and lateral thinking. His most recent book is The Innovative Leader. He helps organizations improve innovation, creativity and leadership. He is the founder of Destination Innovation. He has written 15 books of lateral thinking puzzles and hosts the lateral puzzles forum.
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Comments
Shanel Yang says on October 16th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Simple beautiful advice, Paul! I’d also direct any teenagers or college students to watch or read the Sunscreen Speech which I shared with my readers at “Lessons from the ‘Sunscreen Speech’” at http://shanelyang.com/2008/10/.....en-speech/
I’d also stress to any teenagers that suicide is never the answer. Nobody cares about the people who aren’t around anymore — if you really want to make someone miserable, stick around and live a happy life someday! ; )
Renee says on October 16th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Very sweet idea. Though, in a real letter, I’d suggest elaborating on much of this.
timgray says on October 16th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Great words, too bad most teens will ignore them until they are 23-24.
I add one more to my daughters list.
8 – remember boys are mentally retarded and stay that way until their mid 20’s. They will do really, really stupid things. You really need to treat them like babies, and if they act really nice they want something. Unfortunately many never grow out of this.
I am a father who is a realist… she finally understood this at 17 and after 4 boyfriends that were pretty darn stupid.
Harrison says on October 16th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I second what Renee said about elaboration, but I suppose you can’t really go into too much detail if it’s published on the Internet.
This must be one of the Internet’s luckiest and gifted young women I’ve seen.
I have respect for you guys :)
Richard says on October 16th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Does this make any sense?
I don’t like it when advice includes “never” or “always”, situations may happen sooner or later were rules might need to be broken. They should serve as a guide and not as a dogma.
Stuff that parents tell their children are often simplified versions of the “truths”, and this can come back and bite them.
Tertius says on October 16th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
“Always know that you’re beautiful.”
I don’t like the “Nevers” all that much.
Josette says on October 17th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Those are great advice! I’ll try to remember them for life. :)
Anon says on October 17th, 2008 at 1:34 am
Another good one is http://www.christiancourtship.com on relationships. Sure the domain says Christian but girls will find why this advice is damn good advice for keeping themselves from being totally hurt in such an emotional area as relationships..
Kev says on October 17th, 2008 at 7:07 am
Why is “your parents love you” last on the list?
Silke says on October 17th, 2008 at 9:15 am
These also apply to adults, except if the married man is your husband.
Lowtech says on October 17th, 2008 at 10:23 am
I have a 12 y/o boy and 9 y/o girl. At 9 y/o, I am already dreading teenage years, I can’t believe the drama, appearance issues and my own worst enemy issues “nobody loves me” “I am Stupid”. It is up and down, but sheez at 9? Change cloth like 5 – 8 times in a day. I blame Barbie and those princess movies they pump out. We positively reinforce as much as we can. We don’t tolerate with her the “I am” – negative phrase here, that I think she does for attention. Also the appearance thing comes from us as parents without realizing it. “I am getting fat”, “does this look good”, “I am 40, why is my skin still bad”.
My 12 y/o boy, I have to agree with the comment about, something clicked in his brain, and now he is retarded. Granted he is keeping good grades and staying out of trouble, but he is driving me crazy with his mass confusion – I never really know what is going on, when you talk with him. I’ve pull every trick in the book with my parents, and I remember those times. Obsessive when he sets his mind on something he wants us to buy, also our fault as parents giving them typically what they want. Son – “I know what I want for x-mas” Dad – “What? Peace and good will?” Son – “Ha, PSP 3000, it cheaper than my cell phone and I can get skype..blah blah blah” Dad – “whatever, I think we’re all getting coal”.
Too bad there wasn’t a owner’s manual to kids :P
Joi says on October 17th, 2008 at 10:33 am
As the mother of three daughters, I just wanted to say “Well Done!” I think keeping each one short and to the point is ideal when dealing with young people. You don’t want to lose them or overwhelm them.
Also, I love that you saved the most important one for last. Sort of illustrates that a parents love is the final word!
I also appreciate the “Never live beyond your means” one. My husband keeps trying to drill that into his most stubborn girl’s head. But I just ain’t listening. ;)
Anonomya says on October 17th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Never get drunk – what?!? you would have lost me there!
Juliet says on October 18th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Hi
Please would you explain the background to your article. I certainly know that some adults don’t (and never have) believed that their parents were/are proud of them or did/do love them.
What should / could this article mean to such adults?
Can they change those negative feelings of theirs and clear any hurt that these beliefs may have caused?
I’m with you on the points such as do your best etc. as that is advice, whereas something such as “we love you” may not always be the case.
Thank you
Juliet
Michael says on October 18th, 2008 at 11:50 am
As advice for a TEENAGE daughter, I think this is reasonable guidance. I’d also hope it’s explained to her these are age appropriate behaviors and is NOT guidance to carry her through adulthood.
- “Never despise yourself.” Unless you’ve done something despicable, like murder your newborn children.
- “Never give less than your best.” Unless you have more than one thing to do at a time. The essence of time management, which is important in college and beyond, is recognizing when to put in the time and effort and when to just let it go.
- “Never compromise your personal safety. Never get drunk or do drugs.” Remember this when watching commercials for pharmaceuticals, or thinking about taking something for your allergies.
Michael Gilbert says on October 22nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Perfectly fine advice and even the simplest is often hard to follow.
But I have to take issue with #5: The fact is that the vast majority of people are not monogamous, no matter what their proclamations or stated aspirations. More importantly, there are a great many people who are married but in open relationships conducted with love and integrity. Perhaps what you meant was: Never get involved with a cheater! I could certainly support that one.
emme says on December 17th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
i love your advices can we have more in deep
Ye Yuzhi says on August 4th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
i love point 7 where never forget your parents love u.