7 Effective Ways to Deal With Criticism

September 4 by | 49 comments | Featured, Lifestyle | Tags: ,
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Nobody likes being criticised but, unfortunately it is a fact of life. To be able to respond to criticism with nobility and detachment is an important life skill, which few people have. If we respond to criticism without careful consideration, it can easily lead to unnecessary suffering.

1. What Can I Learn from Criticism?

Most criticism is probably based, at least in part, on some truths. Criticism may appear negative. But, through criticism we have the opportunity to learn and improve from their suggestions.

2. Respond to the suggestions not the tone of the criticism.

The problem is that people may make valuable critical suggestions. However, there tone and style of criticism means that we respond not to the suggestions but remember there confrontational manner. In this respect we need to separate the criticism from the style of criticism. Even if people speak in a tone of anger, we should try to detach their emotion from the useful suggestions which lie underneath.

3. Value criticism.

The problems is that quite often, we only value praise. When people speak kind words we feel happy. When people criticise we feel miserable. However, if we only received insincere praise and false flattery, how would we ever make progress? If we wish to improve and develop we should invite constructive criticism and appreciate their suggestions.

4. Don’t take it personally.

This is often the biggest problem which occurs with regard to criticism. If I criticise my Mother’s cooking, she feels personally offended. But, it is a mistake to identify ourselves with an apple pie. Somebody may find good reasons why our cooking is bad; but, this does not mean they are criticising ourselves. When people criticise us directly, we should feel they are not criticising our real self; but, just an unillumined aspect of ourselves. When we criticise others, we are perhaps criticising their pride or jealousy; but, the jealousy is a mere passing emotion, it is not the real person.

5. Ignore False Criticism.

Sometimes we are criticised with no justification. This is a painful experience. But, potentially we can deal with it more easily than criticism which is justified. One option is to remain aloof and ignore it completely. We should feel that false criticism is as insignificant as an ant trying to harm an elephant. If we remain silent and detached the criticism is given no energy. If we feel the necessity of fighting it – in a way, we give it more importance than it deserves. By remaining silent we maintain a dignity that others will come to respect.

6. Don’t Respond Immediately

It is best to wait a little before responding. If we respond with feelings of anger or injured pride we will soon regret it. If we wait patiently it can enable us to reflect in a calmer way.

7. Smile

Smiling, even a false smile, can helps us to relax more. It creates a more positive vibration and smoothes the situation. It will definitely help psychologically. Smiling will motivate the other person to moderate their approach.

Tejvan Pettinger works as a teacher in Oxford. In his spare time he enjoys writing on topics of self-improvement, meditation and productivity. He writes a blog on meditation and self improvement called Sri Chinmoy Inspiration. He also gives Meditation Classes on behalf of the Oxford Sri Chinmoy Centre. Photo by Tejvan Pettinger.

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  • http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/stress-burnout-and-life-balance/ David B. Bohl at SlowDownFAST.com

    #4 and #6 are excellent and things I need to remind myself of. I put it this way:

    Stop engaging. Avoid the news and email and on-line chats and forums that require immediate responses from you. Don’t show up to every argument. Walk away instead of feeling like you have to state your case or defend yourself.

    • 86kylexj

      Have you ever encoutered what is termed: *Forum Bullies* who manipulate their way to the top of the mountain?

  • http://www.susanrmeyer.com Susan R Meyer

    This is excellent advice for handling criticism. I would add a pause between hearing criticism and any action at all. A three-beat is just enough time to catch your breath, smile, and decide what – if any – response is appropriate. Not all criticism is constructive – or well-intentioned. Consider the context and feel free to discount the message!

  • http://www.stephenmartile.com Steve

    Biggest lesson I learned is to never take anything personally, whether it’s good or bad criticism.

    When people criticize, it’s about them. If someone says to me, “Hey Steve, you’re an idiot!” I’d say to myself, “Wow, that guy thinks he’s an idiot, what a shame.” It’s that simple. It’s never about me, it’s about him.

    Learn to never take anything personal. Realize that criticism is rooted in the individual who is being critical.

    Cheers,

    Stephen Martile
    Personal Development Made Simple
    http://www.stephenmartile.com

    • 86kylexj

      Hi Steve  I am a fool!   :)

  • http://www.straightpitch.com Jason Falls

    Great post. As hard as it is — and for some reason it never gets easier — using criticism constructively, even if it isn’t given as such, is what separates the wannabes (as in managers, leaders, etc.) from the gonnabes. I’m a writer and nothing irritates me more than having someone red-ink my work. But in the end it makes it better, whether I like it or not.

    Great reminder for us all!

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  • http://theeffectivelife.wordpress.com/ Jon King

    Outstanding post. Anyone even remotely linked to design or being creative has had to contend with “criticism”… and as those who have commented on this have suggested, it never gets easier. But you learn over time who really has something valuable to share with you and who is just venting their own issues. And over the years I have grown to admire those that take it well and don’t take it to seriously.

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  • http://www.richardpettinger.com TejvanPettinger

    Thanks for the kind words. No criticism yet! – which of course makes me happy.

    It’s easier to write about how to deal with criticism – than actually live up to your own advice!

  • Suzanne

    remember there confrontational manner

    Here is a little constructive criticism

    don’t confuse “there” with “their”

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  • http://www.athomemomblog.com Genesis

    Great post. It can be difficult to deal with criticism. My technique is just to say, “Ok, thanks for letting me know what you think.” Then I leave and think about the criticism later, analyze it when I´m not so upset and figure out if it can be useful to me or not. If not, it´s discarded.

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  • Ruth

    How do you tell the difference between genuine constructive criticism and false criticism? I have a problem with this as I hate to be criticised and it’s easier to reject all comments as false criticism than to deal with my flaws. The point about not taking it personally is very helpful to me, so thank you for that.

  • http://matthemattrix.ws Matt

    I think the point about not responding immediately is particularly useful. It’s not easy to do, but if you can just absorb it with grace you can go away and think about it dispassionately.

    Even if you come to the conclusion that it’s unwarranted, you will be cool when you next see that person.

    Fair criticism helps you learn about yourself. And if it’s unfair, you learn about the person who criticised you.

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  • Linzie Thornock

    I really enjoyed reading this article. I believe you should look at the criticizing individual’s life and behavior in order to really tell if they are being genuine or not.

    No one has the right to criticize another person if their own life, goals, and internal motives are skewed. We need to constantly ask ourselves, “Am I criticizing this person for my own personal gain or am I going to help build their character and reputation?”

  • Tolken

    #4 and #5 are quite wrong, and the author would do well to mend them. If a criticism about your monther’s cooking is not about herself, what is about herself. Most people identify themselves both with and by the work that they have invested effort into. If you tell a professional chef his cooking is no good, and he appears not to care, are you likely to try his food again? I doubt it. If he clearly takes is personally, however, you may well believe him when he says he will try to please you better next time; a chef is not merely what he does, it is who he is.

    The author’s error on #5 is the other side of the same coin. If someone offers me a criticism, well founded or not, and I remain aloof, they will assume that I don’t care for their opinion, or that I don’t care to improve myself. Either way, this will lead to a degradation of relations. On the other hand, there is almost no reaction stronger that to respond to false criticism with something along the lines of “I wondered about that myself, but on reflection, I don’t really think that’s true.” This gives the critic the opportunity further to argue his case, or to let it drop, his choice.

    • rachaelflorence78

      They meant from the critic’s stand point it’s not always meant to be directed specifically toward the mother but rather just the meal.

  • Tolken

    Um… I don’t mean to criticise, but it would be nice to have a ‘preview’ function.

    • 86kylexj

      That’s called constructive criticism where you are pointint out something that could be improved/fixed for not only yourself but others as well without attacking the author.

      There is a fine line between criticism and constructive critisicm which often times people are labled trolls for not agreeing to the majority and that’s called a *Forum Bully* where they have their inner group and will do anything to keep themselves in power. 

      Especially if user X uploads a lot of stuff or contributes in a major way.

  • Jennifer

    This information and advice is very good but it is in desperate need of editing. Spelling and grammar are needed to give the article a more professional and knowledgeable appearance.

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  • iyke

    Well,at all i will keep to ways to learn and to correct avenues for better levels.

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  • Lucy Wang

    Very good summary of ways to deal with criticism. It is easier to follow when we deal with criticism of work, harder for criticism from friends. The most difficult one to deal with is from family members, who are cloest to us. We normally just throw out what we feel without thinking one second. What is wrong with us? We know the answer, but still can't help to do it. Let's give our family members a big hug.

  • doug

    I say the best way to deal with criticism is to ignore it. When you think about it, you make the person feel stupid when they criticize you and don't get a response. It's as if they just wasted breath and a few seconds thinking of something critical to say.

  • http://www.designmybox.com Manik

    Excellent post. These tips would be helpful for designers to deal with criticism.

  • Mahis-85

    hi i am studette ,i warrant to lerrn ::::::::::::::!!!

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  • 86kylexj

    I am learning the last step but it’s very hard for me as I hear voices in my head telling me to give in and fight for my life.

    If I fake a smile I’ve always had the situation calm down in which the other person either stops or is more moderate in their approach versus if I try to defend my position they will not only refuse to listen but counter-attack my points in extreme cases.

    It’s almost as if defending myself is basically saying to them: “Go ahead and attack me, do your worst!” which is how they seem to take it.