7 Effective Ways to Deal With Criticism
Nobody likes being criticised but, unfortunately it is a fact of life. To be able to respond to criticism with nobility and detachment is an important life skill, which few people have. If we respond to criticism without careful consideration, it can easily lead to unnecessary suffering.
1. What Can I Learn from Criticism?
Most criticism is probably based, at least in part, on some truths. Criticism may appear negative. But, through criticism we have the opportunity to learn and improve from their suggestions.
2. Respond to the suggestions not the tone of the criticism.
The problem is that people may make valuable critical suggestions. However, there tone and style of criticism means that we respond not to the suggestions but remember there confrontational manner. In this respect we need to separate the criticism from the style of criticism. Even if people speak in a tone of anger, we should try to detach their emotion from the useful suggestions which lie underneath.
3. Value criticism.
The problems is that quite often, we only value praise. When people speak kind words we feel happy. When people criticise we feel miserable. However, if we only received insincere praise and false flattery, how would we ever make progress? If we wish to improve and develop we should invite constructive criticism and appreciate their suggestions.
4. Don’t take it personally.
This is often the biggest problem which occurs with regard to criticism. If I criticise my Mother’s cooking, she feels personally offended. But, it is a mistake to identify ourselves with an apple pie. Somebody may find good reasons why our cooking is bad; but, this does not mean they are criticising ourselves. When people criticise us directly, we should feel they are not criticising our real self; but, just an unillumined aspect of ourselves. When we criticise others, we are perhaps criticising their pride or jealousy; but, the jealousy is a mere passing emotion, it is not the real person.
5. Ignore False Criticism.
Sometimes we are criticised with no justification. This is a painful experience. But, potentially we can deal with it more easily than criticism which is justified. One option is to remain aloof and ignore it completely. We should feel that false criticism is as insignificant as an ant trying to harm an elephant. If we remain silent and detached the criticism is given no energy. If we feel the necessity of fighting it – in a way, we give it more importance than it deserves. By remaining silent we maintain a dignity that others will come to respect.
6. Don’t Respond Immediately
It is best to wait a little before responding. If we respond with feelings of anger or injured pride we will soon regret it. If we wait patiently it can enable us to reflect in a calmer way.
7. Smile
Smiling, even a false smile, can helps us to relax more. It creates a more positive vibration and smoothes the situation. It will definitely help psychologically. Smiling will motivate the other person to moderate their approach.
Tejvan Pettinger works as a teacher in Oxford. In his spare time he enjoys writing on topics of self-improvement, meditation and productivity. He writes a blog on meditation and self improvement called Sri Chinmoy Inspiration. He also gives Meditation Classes on behalf of the Oxford Sri Chinmoy Centre. Photo by Tejvan Pettinger.
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Comments
David B. Bohl at SlowDownFAST.com says on September 4th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
#4 and #6 are excellent and things I need to remind myself of. I put it this way:
Stop engaging. Avoid the news and email and on-line chats and forums that require immediate responses from you. Don’t show up to every argument. Walk away instead of feeling like you have to state your case or defend yourself.
Susan R Meyer says on September 5th, 2007 at 4:49 am
This is excellent advice for handling criticism. I would add a pause between hearing criticism and any action at all. A three-beat is just enough time to catch your breath, smile, and decide what – if any – response is appropriate. Not all criticism is constructive – or well-intentioned. Consider the context and feel free to discount the message!
Steve says on September 5th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Biggest lesson I learned is to never take anything personally, whether it’s good or bad criticism.
When people criticize, it’s about them. If someone says to me, “Hey Steve, you’re an idiot!” I’d say to myself, “Wow, that guy thinks he’s an idiot, what a shame.” It’s that simple. It’s never about me, it’s about him.
Learn to never take anything personal. Realize that criticism is rooted in the individual who is being critical.
Cheers,
Stephen Martile
Personal Development Made Simple
http://www.stephenmartile.com
Jason Falls says on September 5th, 2007 at 8:55 am
Great post. As hard as it is — and for some reason it never gets easier — using criticism constructively, even if it isn’t given as such, is what separates the wannabes (as in managers, leaders, etc.) from the gonnabes. I’m a writer and nothing irritates me more than having someone red-ink my work. But in the end it makes it better, whether I like it or not.
Great reminder for us all!
Jon King says on September 5th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Outstanding post. Anyone even remotely linked to design or being creative has had to contend with “criticism”… and as those who have commented on this have suggested, it never gets easier. But you learn over time who really has something valuable to share with you and who is just venting their own issues. And over the years I have grown to admire those that take it well and don’t take it to seriously.
TejvanPettinger says on September 5th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Thanks for the kind words. No criticism yet! – which of course makes me happy.
It’s easier to write about how to deal with criticism – than actually live up to your own advice!
Suzanne says on September 6th, 2007 at 8:49 am
remember there confrontational manner
Here is a little constructive criticism
don’t confuse “there” with “their”
Genesis says on September 22nd, 2007 at 9:31 am
Great post. It can be difficult to deal with criticism. My technique is just to say, “Ok, thanks for letting me know what you think.” Then I leave and think about the criticism later, analyze it when I´m not so upset and figure out if it can be useful to me or not. If not, it´s discarded.
Ruth says on September 28th, 2007 at 5:31 am
How do you tell the difference between genuine constructive criticism and false criticism? I have a problem with this as I hate to be criticised and it’s easier to reject all comments as false criticism than to deal with my flaws. The point about not taking it personally is very helpful to me, so thank you for that.
Matt says on September 28th, 2007 at 7:42 am
I think the point about not responding immediately is particularly useful. It’s not easy to do, but if you can just absorb it with grace you can go away and think about it dispassionately.
Even if you come to the conclusion that it’s unwarranted, you will be cool when you next see that person.
Fair criticism helps you learn about yourself. And if it’s unfair, you learn about the person who criticised you.
Linzie Thornock says on May 31st, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I really enjoyed reading this article. I believe you should look at the criticizing individual’s life and behavior in order to really tell if they are being genuine or not.
No one has the right to criticize another person if their own life, goals, and internal motives are skewed. We need to constantly ask ourselves, “Am I criticizing this person for my own personal gain or am I going to help build their character and reputation?”
Tolken says on June 30th, 2008 at 10:02 am
#4 and #5 are quite wrong, and the author would do well to mend them. If a criticism about your monther’s cooking is not about herself, what is about herself. Most people identify themselves both with and by the work that they have invested effort into. If you tell a professional chef his cooking is no good, and he appears not to care, are you likely to try his food again? I doubt it. If he clearly takes is personally, however, you may well believe him when he says he will try to please you better next time; a chef is not merely what he does, it is who he is.
The author’s error on #5 is the other side of the same coin. If someone offers me a criticism, well founded or not, and I remain aloof, they will assume that I don’t care for their opinion, or that I don’t care to improve myself. Either way, this will lead to a degradation of relations. On the other hand, there is almost no reaction stronger that to respond to false criticism with something along the lines of “I wondered about that myself, but on reflection, I don’t really think that’s true.” This gives the critic the opportunity further to argue his case, or to let it drop, his choice.
Tolken says on June 30th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Um… I don’t mean to criticise, but it would be nice to have a ‘preview’ function.
Jennifer says on June 30th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
This information and advice is very good but it is in desperate need of editing. Spelling and grammar are needed to give the article a more professional and knowledgeable appearance.
iyke says on August 27th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Well,at all i will keep to ways to learn and to correct avenues for better levels.