February 4th, 2010 in Featured, Lifestyle

5 Steps to a Calmer Evening

Whether you work outside the house or stay at home full-time, the toughest part of the day is the same: those frantic early evening hours when there are mouths to feed, homework to do, and cranky kids to handle. The trick is to streamline your to-do’s so you can feel calmer and focus on what counts – spending time with your family. Here’s how.

1) Ease into the Evening

Instead of walking in the door after work or errands and immediately launching into another chore, allow time and space to downshift into evening mode. It’s basically about transitioning. In other words, giving yourself and your family that unwind time.

Creating a calming ambiance, by turning off the TV and playing soothing classical, jazz, or instrumental music, can instantly reset the emotional tone of the house. Another idea is to dim the lights and light a few candles – it makes for a warm, cozy atmosphere that will relax the family.

Another transition idea is to create a ritual. Set vegetables and dip or cheese and bread on the counter and serve juice or water in fancy wine goblets. This will not only take the ravenous edge off so you avoid meltdowns before dinner, but it will feel special and establish the transition time.

2) Create a Dinner System

Rushing to get dinner on the table is a major source of evening mayhem, but a little bit of preplanning can help you power through with a minimum of stress. Use weekends to chart out your nightly dinners, grocery shop, and even preassemble parts of a meal when possible. Consider writing a weekly plan and checking the calendar to see which nights are going to be particularly busy – so you know when frozen pizzas or easy-prep meals are a must.

3) Keep the Kids Busy

All the shortcuts in the world won’t help if you’re constantly being interrupted, so a little creativity may be needed to get the kids out from underfoot.

Make the time you cook be about you and let your older kids, who should be doing homework, know that you are there only to be asked a very important question. Other than that, you are off limits. For younger children, it might be necessary to involve them in the meal preparation or to put on an appropriate DVD. When my son was younger I used to put him in his highchair and talk in an animated way – sort of my own version of a cooking show. Now that he’s older, he helps put ingredients in bowls and pots and stirs just about everything!

4) Plan Homework Time

To avoid last-minute cries of “Mom, I haven’t done my homework yet,” having a homework routine is a must.

After the kids have had a healthy snack and 30 minutes down-time after school, they should begin their homework so that it is completed before dinner.

5) Share the Work… and a Break

Dividing tasks between you and your partner can make family time more serene for both of you. It might be that when your husband walks in the door, it’s his turn to take the baby for 30 minutes so you can get dinner started. Then, after 30 mins, you take the baby back and your partner has 30 minutes to change and unwind. This way you’ll both be refreshed enough to start your evening together.

Be flexible with this. If your partner is stressed when walking in the house, offer a later-in-the-evening task, such as washing dishes or packing lunches for the next day.

All in all, evenings can be calm if routines and decisions are made ahead of time. Decide what you and your partner truly value and then set up some systems to make it work.

ErinKurt

Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.

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19 Responses

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Aaron Taylor - HelpCreatePlan says on February 4th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Number 1 – Thats the one for me. Easing into the evening – I LOVE THAT IDEA! Coming in from work, its quite easy to continue in ‘work mode’, but you’ve definitely hit the nail on the head here. Easing into the evening is in the right place at number 1.
Very useful post to be referenced for future use. Thanks.
Niki says on February 5th, 2010 at 12:54 am
love number 1 idea too :)
I also love the conclusion as well.
great article, I’ll definitely keep this in mind!
Bev Toogood says on February 5th, 2010 at 3:12 am
Oh how I could have done with these last night – I will have fancy goblets at the ready tonight (love that idea!). Pre-planning meals can work well too, plus I seem to spend less on food when I do it. Love this post, thanks.
Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com says on February 5th, 2010 at 5:20 am
Its something that hardly anyone does but relaxing into the evening is really important. You need to be calm to get good sleep. Great post.
Jamie says on February 5th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I don’t know if I like the direction that Lifehack’s articles have been going lately. There’s a lot of family and children articles instead of focus on real business-minded productivity.
Not that this is a bad article, of course. It’s just entirely not what I expect to read on this site – there are enough parenting blogs out there, but far too few productivity blogs.
Bill says on February 6th, 2010 at 5:01 am
Number 1. So simple but yes. I will try it tonight.
Tim says on February 6th, 2010 at 5:22 am
Good article, and I disagree with Jamie here because I think these kinds of articles are quite productivity-related too, at least for me as a relatively new father of two kids, and struggling how to keep the stress-level down in the evening and find time to unwind so that I can do something productive again when the kids are in bed, instead of doing what I do currently unfortunately: just collapse on the couch exhaustedly.
Roseanna Leaton says on February 7th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
As a person who works from home, I have found that putting soothing music on, changing the lighting and sharing a plate of nibbles works well as a way to trigger an immediate “relax mode”.
Michelle Taming Time says on February 8th, 2010 at 4:47 am
I love this:
“Another transition idea is to create a ritual. Set vegetables and dip or cheese and bread on the counter and serve juice or water in fancy wine goblets. This will not only take the ravenous edge off so you avoid meltdowns before dinner, but it will feel special and establish the transition time.”
Especially the bit about taking the edge of the dinner hunger pangs! It is so hard to unwind whilst hungry!
Craig Thomas says on February 8th, 2010 at 11:40 am
Nice tips. I haven’t got a situation where they’re needed just yet, but nice tips regardless.
All Women Stalker says on February 9th, 2010 at 1:03 am
I think my parents never learned to ease into the evening. And I think I’ve inherited this habit. But the family is slowly changing this. I’m happy to know that it’s for the better!
rezyde says on February 11th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Me and my wife share the duties and try to get everything done so we can have a break after our baby goes to sleep.
Erin Kurt says on February 12th, 2010 at 6:24 am
That’s wonderful, Rezyde! It shows you value your relationship. Congratulations!
Teresa says on February 15th, 2010 at 4:16 am
Thank you for these relaxing tips! Since I’m not married and don’t have children yet, the first two are the most appropriate moves for me – ease into the evening and create a dinner system.
I love the idea of easing into the evening. When I get home, I make it a point to watch a favorite show or read a good book while an oil burner stands nearby to spread a little ambience into the place. It’s frustrating too when you get home and don’t even have an idea on what to cook for the evenings. It’s definitely easier when you plan ahead and know where to start, especially if you’re famished! :-)
P.S. See how not letting your fears rule you (http://budurl.com/9nh7), knowing what you want in life (http://budurl.com/kqk7) and adding a little laughter (http://budurl.com/k772) help you contentedly and peacefully live your evenings and have a good night’s sleep every night.
Flashman says on March 2nd, 2010 at 8:46 am
You make ‘keeps the kids busy’ sound easy!
Travis@withinthebody says on March 4th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
I think this is everything I don’t do lol.