How to Spot an Unfaithful Spouse
Let me begin with this disclaimer. These are generalizations. If your mate displays one or even two of these signs it may not yet be time to seek a litigator. However, if your mate displays all or most, you may wish to seek out a good counselor.
His Mannerism:
- You are suddenly receiving more attention than usual.
- You begin to get a lot of unexpected gifts.
- Your instincts are sending you messages.
- He becomes very non-communicative.
- He becomes critical of your once endearing qualities.
- He leaves the room to talk on the phone.
- He stops saying, “I love you.”
- He acts guilty when you do something nice for him.
- He becomes emotionally distant.
- He becomes jumpy and easily startled.
Her Mannerisms:
- She no longer seems to need your help.
- She doesn’t get angry if you don’t spend time with her.
- She stops telling you about her day.
- She focuses all the attention on what YOU are doing.
- Over compensating suspicious behavior.
- A man’s voice on the phone.
- She seems to cry a lot.
- Other people ask you what’s bothering her.
- She’s frequently not at home when you call.
- She suddenly starts working late.
If you notice these signs, the first thing you have to decide is do you really want to know. If you decide you do want to know, you must decide what you want to do about it.
Do you want to try and work things out?
Do you want to seek counseling?
Do you want to know why it happened?
Can you deal with the knowledge that those who cheat once are more often to cheat again?
There are a lot of things to consider, but the best course of action is probably keep your finger on the pulse of your relationship from the beginning to make sure it doesn’t happen in the first place.
Reg Adkins writes on behavior and the human experience at (elementaltruths.blogspot.com).
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Comments
Rich says on October 4th, 2006 at 1:02 pm
This can work some-what with relationships. Its not entirely there. Instincts play a part. The other thing I find is Vauge details. I’m going out with a friend. I have a life too. I need my alone time… which turns into I need to go out … Its over!
Ken Fehling says on October 4th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Very nice list.
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Reg says on October 4th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Butu,
I don’t know the language of your response.
Jeff says on October 4th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
The pathetic crap that passes for journalism in most blogs … This (”a man’s voice on the phone”) is supposed to be insightful??? I hope you’re not charging anyone for this advice.
Reg says on October 4th, 2006 at 7:02 pm
Jeff,
Advice?
There isn’t any advice in the article, it’s an informational.
These are data collected and reported by numerous sources,(here are five).
http://www.pimall.com/nais/n.spouse.html
http://www.e-spy-software.com/.....spouse.htm
http://www.divorcehq.com/artic.....pouse.html
http://www.break-free-from-the...../clues.htm
http://marriage.about.com/cs/i.....lsigns.htm
Please check the sources out.
The data stands for itself.
Now, if you would like to examine the validity of those who report the data I’d be happy to explore that with you.
Thank you for your comment.
Hamish MacDonald says on October 5th, 2006 at 8:08 am
I think there’s some danger in this approach. Storing up ‘information’ like this can only have one purpose: confronting and accusing your partner later on.
If this person is worth occupying the role of your partner, they’re also worth talking to.
It’s far too easy to project things on others, particularly people who matter, based on our insecurities and negative past experiences. As factual as our suspicions might feel, the only real way to know what another person is thinking, feeling, or wanting is to talk to them.
Even if the relationship is coming to a close, that’s still the classiest, tidiest, most respectful way to handle it. If you’re committed to having a life that works, you’ve got to get good at relationships (of many sorts), and the key to all relationships is communication.
Women says on October 5th, 2006 at 9:31 am
Thanks for assuming you can reach your wife “at home”, though. Really. The 19th Century Called, it wants its gender roles back.
Reg Adkins says on October 5th, 2006 at 10:44 am
W,
You may be assuming a gender bias that is not there.
You are also assuming these are my data rather than a collection from several sources.
My position is always, check the data (the links are here in the comment section). If you don’t feel it is valid, I would be delighted to work with you on a follow up article.
Justin says on October 7th, 2006 at 12:39 pm
I’m currently going through a divorce for this exact reason. I was married 12 yrs and regardless of all the “signs”, my advice to anyone (as long as your not normally paranoid) is that if you feel like something is going on, then it probably is. Rich has it right with the friend/alone time- I want to go out crap. If you get those lines you might as well pack up your gear and go.
I personally think that adultery is the absolutely the worst thing you could do to a spouse short of murder. All I can say that short of the pending divorce and things that are related to our child, she is dead to me.
This is the only way I can cope for now. Don’t get me wrong though, I tried to do the “right” thing not once but twice. More advice- If you know deep down that it’s not going to work, don’t waste your time.
heart,
Justin
torn says on January 16th, 2007 at 1:11 am
Well, I’m glad that I (as a female) am not allowed to have any male friends (especially ones that *gasp* call me!) once I’m married. Good to know since my closest friend does happen to be male (and married to someone else), thanks for the tip. I’ll be sure to break off the friendship with him beforehand.
Data can be manipulated, it can be created, and it can be made to fit “generalities”. I often hear the phrase “correlation does not always equal causality”.
(I also wonder what the “facts” say about how many people are, at the end of the day, labeled “cheaters” by PI but were actually innocent. Since almost no one would believe him/her over the PI anyway, that data probably doesn’t exist.)
Lee says on September 27th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Oh, for pete’s sake, clean up the comment spam!
I am struck by the outdated gender stereotyping especially as regards telephone usage: he “leaves the room to talk on the phone”, but she has “a man’s voice on the phone”. What, she isn’t allowed to have a cellphone, or to answer the phone herself?
Oh, and the “working late” excuse is so common with men who are cheating that it’s been a cliche for decades — so why is it only on the women’s side of that list?
Also, 100% agreement with Torn about the assumption that women can’t have male friends (or vice versa, for that matter). This does not jibe with observable reality, unless your reality picture is drawn from sitcoms and soap operas.
You’re the one writing the article; it’s YOUR duty to check the data. Things like that should have jumped out at you every bit as much as they do at the rest of us.
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http://www.thaiboxinghk.com/certs.htm says on May 6th, 2008 at 3:24 am
Oh, and the �working late� excuse is so common with men who are cheating that it�s been a cliche for decades � so why is it only on the women�s side of that list?
http://www.thaiboxinghk.com/kd_fitness.htm says on May 6th, 2008 at 3:26 am
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Muay Thai says on May 7th, 2008 at 6:48 am
tq for ur info,it’s very useful to me
No Name says on September 11th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
The big tipoff for my ex was his sudden, baseless and overemotional accusations against me – I was the guilty one despite the fact that I worked full time, got home at 5:30, and started dinner/housecleaning – where was I having the alleged affair? he didn’t care, he was sure I was cheating.
I think that a good number of the indicators are actually unisex, and that some percentage of either gender might do any combo of them. I don’t find generalizations particularly useful. Maybe this is because I share quite a few stereotypical traits with the men – for example, I hate shopping and love the outdoors sports – while being a woman.