Crossing the Line
In life, there often seems to be a line where many things move from being a positive to a negative. From a healthy part of our existence to an unhealthy one. From a functional and normal process to a dysfunctional and abnormal one. From something that should be life-enhancing, to something that becomes potentially life-destroying.
Food
Take food, for example. Over the years, I’ve worked with many people who have turned their healthy eating habits into completely unhealthy eating disorders. Somewhere along the way, they went from being focused on eating well, to being totally obsessed with, and preoccupied by, food. Something which is fundamental to human existence and survival (eating) somehow becomes their biggest challenge in life. The very thing that will sustain most of us, might well destroy them.
Exercise
The same thing happens with exercise. The unfit person becomes fit. Before long, they feel better, look better, function better and get lots of approval and recognition – all highly desirable (and potentially addictive) outcomes. So, they decide to get a little fitter and leaner and train a little more. And more again. They reason: “Well, if one hour of exercise is good, then two hours will be twice as good and three must be amazing!” Before long, they train whenever and wherever possible. They begin to lie about their exercise habits. They experience anxiety and even anger when they can’t do their workout. They start planning their life around their exercise regime. It affects them mentally, emotionally and socially. They lose perspective and the healthy pursuit of exercise has now become an unhealthy obsession.
Money
We see this type of unhealthy behaviour in a range of settings and wrapped around a plethora of everyday issues and responsibilities. For some people, making money will transition from being a normal, everyday responsibility and necessity to a complete obsession. They will eat, sleep and breathe it. Money will become their identity. Their self esteem. Their sole focus. Or should I say, soul focus? And, in the middle of their fanatical pursuit of the almighty dollar, they will become physically, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. They will lose themselves. Their success will not be success at all. Their practical and sensible goal (to earn and save money) will have become an unhealthy and destructive obsession.
Religion
And speaking of destructive and dysfunctional habits, behaviours and beliefs, I guess I could play the religion card… but do I really need to? Thought not.
Personal Development
So, let’s talk about the potential dangers of personal development instead; the reason I started this long-winded monologue. “But Craig, surely immersing myself in personal development can’t lead to any kind of undesirable or negative outcomes, can it?”
Er, only about a thousand.
Like anything else that we might focus on, the pursuit of personal growth can produce a myriad of negative outcomes when we go about it the wrong way. Some people will become quite fanatical and emotional about their new-found insight and reality. Which might compel them to evangelise their un-impressed family, friends and colleagues with an ever-expanding range of theories, ideas, stories and shonky research. And, naturally, that’s always well received.
For the most part, being excited, educated and passionate about something is good, especially when it leads to some kind of positive behavioural change and desirable outcome. When the information (like the mountains of stuff on this site) is the genesis for practical application and lasting transformation, then personal development is serving its intended purpose. It’s positive. It’s practical. It’s transformational. It’s a valuable resource.
The Reality
But when we step back from all the motivational language, the theories, the mantras, the affirmations and the emotion, can we honestly say that personal development products, programs, services and resources typically (that is, most times) result in significant and lasting transformation for the individuals who partake? Of course, there is no independent data or research to answer that question accurately or quantitatively (to my knowledge) but if I had to take an educated stab my answer would be… no, most people don’t create significant or lasting change. That’s not to say that they can’t but, rather, that they won’t.
Life Ain’t No Theory
For some people, the answer will be yes but it’s my experience, observation and opinion that far too many people delude, delay and deny themselves in the theory of transformation (yes, even people who frequent this cyber-classroom) when they should actually be rolling up their sleeves and immersing themselves in the practical, messy, uncomfortable reality of the change process. The doing part.
Stop listening, watching, reading, researching and studying, and start applying what you’ve learned.
After decades of teaching, coaching, learning, studying and watching this stuff in action, I’m of the opinion that, for personal development to be a genuinely effective transformational tool – in a practical, measurable and experiential way – the change process should be somewhere in the vicinity of ninety percent doing stuff (the practical) and ten percent learning stuff (listening, watching, reading, researching, studying). Of course, the percentages might need to vary a little depending on the individual goal and what stage of the journey we’re at with that goal but, for the most part, I think 90/10 works.
Sadly, for many people, the percentages are more like 1/99. That is, one percent doing and ninety-nine percent… not doing.
What are your percentages?
Great post. I’ve fallen into this trap before and do tend to be far more aware of the ‘perils’ of personal development. I think one of the problems is that personal development doesn’t often deal with the real issue, which is how to get the individual to motivate themselves into action of any sort (into a doing activity rather than a passive one). That’s the key, as you’ve rightly said. At the same time: the pursuit of ‘motivation’ and ‘discipline’ that people look for often becomes an obsession, and can end up causing completely the opposite. PD teaches way too many mental barriers in front of the DOING part of any process.
The only thing you ever need to practice, is taking several deep breaths, decide what needs to be done next and then get it done, whenever your mind wanders bring it back to task. That’s the key to building your control, and therefore control of actions.
People can have several obsessions that keep everything in balance, remember!
This post opened great… as I can relate to the eating and exercising. If I had time, I’d keep increasing my exercising. I am uptight about tracking what I eat and it makes me crazy when my weight changes against my journaling will (I track every crumb).
And I don’t get it. What’s the answer? I made a life change. That’s why I continue to exercise, watch what I eat, track what I eat… so what’s the point of this message? It’s not loud and clear. It’s confusing and murky.
I disagree there are lectures approaches that can amplify a perspective and alter ones approach to how one judges and interacts. I would cite Myers Briggs helped me understand a lot about the quality of certain interactions for those on more of the extreme end of the spectrum. Crucial conversation allowed me to view conflict in a less threatening way and muster up courage to approach tough discussions that I would have allowed the tide of time to move away from. I did get so enamored with seeing my self get thinner and thinner that i abused my metabolism for a number of years in the teen years. I found the health balance under circumstances where I could easier carve out a zone for being physically fit to augment my mental well being in a difficult environmental circumstances. My heart and endurance were stronger than ever than my 20′s. when that environment changed the luxury to map it out went away. Reaching people authentically from where they are and getting them to see a vista or an alteration of their vista transforms especially with the mental payback of the new opportunities it brings but I believe every formula is a little different for the individual.
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This year I’ve really turned my percentages around. For years I was reading and researching personal growth constantly to the extent that is was probably 95% reading and only 5% doing.
This year I’d say I’m up to 65% doing and 35% reading and thinking. I’m still far too analytical and scared of making a wrong move, but on reflection I’ve come a long way in say 14 years.
I like it when things are broken down into numbers :)
10% learning is enough? 90% doing?
Close schools und universities then.
Learning is doing. And if I learn something to get a deeper understanding of a certain subject – then I have the basis I need to even delve deeper into that subject. Without this, how is progression possible?
When I look at all the idiots out there who aren’t able to reflect about themselves, who are addicted to tv, drugs, religion and aren’t just able to establish an opinion – I really feel that we need more THINKING, not DOING. Wrong moves are often lack of wisdom.
I think sometimes people want to cross the line and push the limits.
Me myself I cross the line with the food and sleeping hours.
I usually sleep 3 hours a night and that’s because I think I will get to much sleep after life.
Great post. It’s almost exactly the closing tagline of my podcast, Your Do Over. Get out their and “Do” Over. This is not your “Learn” Over, it’s Your Do Over!
No shameless plug intended.
Nice.
Well, appreciated your blog regularly until you felt the need to put down man’s religion; “Religion And speaking of destructive and dysfunctional habits, behaviours and beliefs, I guess I could play the religion card… but do I really need to? Thought not.”
It was an unnecessary comment and I am sad to go
While I absolutely agree that action is required to see any real change, sometimes we need to see the message a dozen, or a hundred, or a thousand times, before it really sinks in. I keep reading about personnel development because I need the reminder to focus on my behavior.