GTD + Your Emotional Life
It’s a theory of mine that the way you manage your emotions is critical to managing the rest of your life. If you are confused and/or distracted by something emotional – ie. not tangible and in your head – it will negatively affect your work and the people around you.
So why not apply GTD methods of organization to your feelings and everything icky? It may sound stupid to some of you, but I know people who would immediately benefit from this kind of thought process.
If we can manage our emotional relationships like we do business relationships, maybe we’d have less trouble. If we could organize all personal stuff like you do your work stuff, could we become emotionally productive?
To start off with, we’ll run through the GTD Workflow and how we can apply it to new and surfacing emotions.
Emotional Workflow
First things first. You’ve got to get it out of your head. The underlining principle for Getting Things Done is getting it out of your thoughts and into a tangible system. Somewhere that it’s not nagging in the back of your mind.
The first main difference between your regular GTD Workflow and one for emotions, is that some emotions don’t even get to your inbox – which we’ll discuss in a minute. First of all, we’ll discuss whether or not the emotion should be acted on.
Is it actionable?
This is tricky. Firstly let’s assume it is actionable immediately. Your feelings are hurt in public, so you react. If you don’t, it plagues you the rest of the day. That’s an item that should be actioned immediately. It could be done right away, and so should.
What if you shouldn’t action it at all? It’s trash. Someone makes a snide remark, but what is the use in getting into it? You’re bigger than that, so you trash the remark. That immediate feeling of hurt, or anger, is dismissed because it serves no purpose.
Inbox
Now let’s get into those emotions that aren’t so easily dealt with.
Although your head is essentially your inbox, we need to get things out of there. The first idea that comes to mind is a journal. Lots of people keep personal journals [not blogs] and jot down the random occurrences of each day. This is very healthy.
To keep redundancy to a minimum we could maintain a focus in the journal of emotion-specific details. If something really bugged you about someone today, and it made you look at them differently, we can write about that. Just get it out there.
Having to write something intangible down gives it meaning and context. Something that seems so important in your head may look absurd after writing it down.
But say we’re out and we’re not writing in a journal, and something happens. A handy thing would be to have a Hipster PDA or something to write in. Many of us following a GTD process will have something like this, so add another section for emotion-related stuff.
This serves to get the emotion out of our head and in the open. Now it is something we can physically deal with.
Reference
If something comes up that you can’t deal with immediately, we can reference it. This goes back to the journal. Essentially a journal is an emotional reference. What may help, however, is some sort of organization. Instead of writing in the journal chronologically, day by day, we could separate our writing into sections.
Something simple first: ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sections. Good, it’d be nice to look back on this section to help you out of a bad mood, or a confidence booster. Bad, this section may only exist for you to vent. Over time you’ll begin to notice patterns and petty grievances that you grow out of. If there’s a clear documentation of these things, it’s easier to make changes to decrease the negative in your life.
We can organize our reference library into all kinds of sections. Family and friends, or social and personal. However, when we start organizing things into people, then I think we’re creating projects.
Projects
People are continuous projects. Your relationship with your mother goes on. Our emotional relationship with her is an ongoing experience and so can’t be referenced, but worked on.
If we had specific emotional goals to achieve within that relationship, then we can make plans to get things working. Your ToDo list for mum might include birthdays, favors and gifts. You do that anyway, mark dates in your calendar, why not do so in context to a goal in your relationship?
Like people who don’t need systems to keep themselves organized and productive, you may not see any value in an emotional system. You may even find it crass, and un-human. This is true, it isn’t a very human thing to think of emotions so objectively.
Prioritize
The value in prioritizing and organizing your emotions, I think, is important to do, if only in some small manner.
If you’re always caught up in the small problems and can’t get over certain hardships that shouldn’t hold you back, wouldn’t you want to form a habit of not falling into those traps again?
When a system is in place you become used to organizing things into what’s important and of value, and what really isn’t a priority.
Now, I wouldn’t suggest a definitive process that will lead to emotional bliss. There are so many things that affect our lives that we couldn’t possibly pigeon-hole, or delegate times to deal with.
However, we’re trying to organize our lives to be more productive in work so we have more time and energy in our lives. If we can do the same for emotions so we’re not continuously caught up in unimportant squabbles or regularly depressed over something we can’t change, then we can live the lives we want.
Try this:
- Get it out of your head. Write it down and see it objectively.
- Organize to prioritize. If it’s important, it’s probably building on something like a relationship. Put that into a project and work on it. Anything less important is probably just worth archiving for reference. If you’re organizing that into more definable areas, all the better to help you out in the future.
- Think about your emotions. Don’t let anything unnecessary affect the rest of your life negatively.
Emotions define our lives and our relationships with others. Make them work for you and not against you.
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Comments
RichJ says on February 28th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
WOW- I was JUST THINKING along these lines in the car this morning. I had some things (minor) happen last night that were bouncing around my emotional mind that I had to “process” – Turning them into concrete items for the “trusted system” really helps keep them from muddying the waters.
Thanks for your thoughts on this.
Andrew Flusche says on February 28th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Craig,
This might be the BEST GTD article I’ve read – ever!! You took something as difficult, confusing, and complex as emotions, and figured out a way to break it down into the system. Brilliant!!
Keep up the awesome work – to all you guys (& gals) at Lifehack!
Andrew
BlueNight says on February 28th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Fantastic post!
Of course, it works better if you know what emotions are and how they work. Feelings are reactions caused by three types of emotion-concepts: Identities, Relationships, and Desires.
These correspond to who you are, how you interact with others, and why you do what you do.
They can relate to any first, second, or third person, sigular or plural, past, present or future tense, active or passive.
Don’t forget that a feeling of ambiguity is as necessary to capture as a solid opinion or need.
Sarah Clark says on February 28th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Awesome.
Freaking Awesome.
I’ve been doing bits of this instinctively–especially assigning projects to the most important folks in my life (parents, husband, friends etc.). However…this framework of capturing emotional stuff in the moment is new, and extremely helpful to those with a more high-strung temperament (not that I would know anyone like that, mind you…)And what in the world is “unhuman” about consciously acknowledging your emotions, dealing with them in the most appropriate manner, and moving on? Sounds darned healthy to me…
Michael says on February 28th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
This was a really neat article, and I think it is one that could be expanded. Emotional issues can often seem overwhelming, foreign, and uncontrollable. Using an approach like this takes some of the “mystique” out of them. They become more banal and ordinary (which is a good thing).
Deciding on what things are actionable at the time it happens can be a tricky proposition responding to an emotional event can be the exact WRONG thing to do in certain situations.
Great article though, and definitely food for thought.
Michael
Heart_Man says on February 28th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
For over 30 years I experienced several life threatening chronic illnesses. Through the Grace of God I was lead to several people and organizations that aided me in understanding, positively dealing with and transforming these illnesses. For the past few years I have devoted my life to sharing what I have learned with others. The two most impactful organizations I was lead to are The Institute of HeartMath (www.emotionalmastery.com) and Landmark Education (www.landmarkeducation.com).
The American Institute of Stress and The Centers for Disease Control have both reported that up to 90% of all illnesses are due to stress. I was lead to The Institute of HeartMath in 1997 and discovered that all of my illnesses were due to stress and emotions I had been experiencing in my life. Through learning and practicing HeartMath’s tools and technologies, I am able to prevent, manage and reverse the effects of stress and unmanaged emotions, in-the-moment, achieve better health, more energy, improved mental and emotional clarity, and improved performance and relationships. HeartMath’s tools and technologies are scientifically substantiated; they literally saved my life.
Landmark Education provided me with the knowledge and tools to identify and put in my past, barriers that were stopping me from living a powerful life and a life I love. Through this Education, I have reached an unshakeable Faith.
Sharon says on March 1st, 2007 at 2:47 am
I enjoyed your web page/blog.
I would love to run this article on mine. Is that a doable???
Smiles and World peace,
Sharon
http://www.BabyBoomerAdvisorClub.com
smart says on March 1st, 2007 at 3:46 am
Very interesting! Thanks for posting.
I-Loopz says on March 1st, 2007 at 3:55 am
Well written article. I actually went through a similar experience last year where i followed a similar three step algo. As I went through these steps, in an attempt to sort out my emotional distress, that really worked. I can actually relate to whatever has been said. Nice work.
annette says on March 1st, 2007 at 4:21 am
Your article is predicated on our emotions being readily identifiable and available to us – that isn’t always the case..and much of our behaviour is the result of unconscious processes (which of their nature aren’t available)…I’m constantly amazed by the the rush to congnitise and control our emotional life (the emotional intelligence industry is predicated on this principle.
“If you are confused and/or distracted by something emotional – ie. not tangible and in your head – it will negatively affect your work and the people around you.”
Work is an emotional and emotion generating environment – we don’t bring our feelings in from somewhere else and let them contaminate our work settings. Feeling and emotion that happens during our work day is inevitably linked to the work environment and as such is not only personal but socially constructed and systemic. We have to get away from the misguided notion that feelings are personal and somehow inferior to rationale – this simply isn’t the case.
Feelings and their publicly exhibited manifestation, emotions are complex, messy, sophisticated and do not always lend themselves to bullet points or “to do” lists – and long may that last in my humble opinion.
Anthony says on March 1st, 2007 at 4:44 am
I use TiddlyWiki (www.tiddlywiki.com) to keep track of my dreams, tagging them with things like “embarrasment”, “guilt”, “flying”, “family”, “love”, “lust”, etc. After a few months, I realized I could apply these tags to things that happen in waking life as well, and now I have a wikidiary of emotions. I’m a big fan of GTD, too, and think you’ve got a great idea to apply that process to our personal lives. Wow, it’s all coming together. Let’s start a cult to give Scientology a run for its money. ;)
kid not kidding says on March 1st, 2007 at 5:18 am
I hereby congratulate for the birth of the first Vulcan mind.
Ivan Minic says on March 1st, 2007 at 5:30 am
Very interesting! Thanks for posting.
Andy says on March 1st, 2007 at 5:39 am
This is a ridiculous idea.
Emotions don’t conform to rational thought.
Physical tasks you can prioritise and delay according to what you need to do. You can’t control your emotions to a systematical degree. It’s impossible to switch off emotions like a light if something’s bothering you, even if it’s insignificant.
When you distill what this article is really saying it’s “Keep a journal and analyse your emotions so you can deal with problems”.
It’s good advice, but would only help people who keep making the same mistakes over again. And those people don’t tend to be this organised.
For the people with chronic stress who this is designed to help – usually the chronic stress is caused by your job. Finding another job isn’t the end of the world, if we all quit the jobs with most stress then employers will make sure the job isn’t so bad. Stop working for these stress facists.
RichC says on March 1st, 2007 at 5:52 am
Amazing insight. Thanks for taking this from your thoughts to this page. How did this idea come to you?
absorbent says on March 1st, 2007 at 6:01 am
Great, just what i needed… A way to deal with all those pesky nasty dumb emotions. Now i have no excuses not to GTD at that level…. I’m feeling some hate coming down. :|
Shine says on March 1st, 2007 at 6:43 am
see http://www.idlest.com/
zonzenzin says on March 1st, 2007 at 7:37 am
Or alternately, meditate.
m8eyboy says on March 1st, 2007 at 7:50 am
I dunno. There’s some great tips in the GTD pantheon that have made life much easier for me – like keeping a list of things I’m waiting for. But this notion that you have to dump your whole life in a notebook or database because otherwise it gets in the way, I think, is totally misconceived. I tried it once and it made me so stressed! I think some things are best left in the subconscious. Yes they do keep bubbling to the surface but so what? That’s how they get figured out. Occasionally an answer pops into my head and that’s when I reach for my trusty notepad :-)
Known says on March 1st, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Fantastic coincidence.
I have been working on developing a emotional search engine for the past 4 weeks.
ijawahar@gmail.com
Mike says on March 1st, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Heart_Man,
Please don’t encourage anyone to have anything to do with the Landmark Education. They are perhaps the most intrusive and “evil” of all of the help-cults. Look them up on YouTube. Someone did a hidden camera in France on them. Bad, bad, bad….
Teem says on March 1st, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Try NLP… great article though, however NLP gives the ‘user’ some excellent and simple to use tools
felix says on March 1st, 2007 at 9:05 pm
I’ve been keeping a journal in a file maker pro document since the mid 90s. Most of the content is emotional “Insight”. Some of it is insight about technique (music/work) and some is just diary.
I tag things (I’ve been tagging since the late 80s when it was on paper!), and rate them 1-5 just to keep the hot stuff on top. I re-read stuff that hasn’t been read in a long time. I just try to keep familiar with the material. Mostly its a place to place an insight down before my careless mind wanders off.
It is amazing how much we forget and how many of the same mistakes we make over and over again. I think the main purpose of this kind of journal is to re-consume the insights, and so to speed up emotional learning. In some cases reading them causes more insights and fuller emotional comprehension, and so does reading them by following the tag lines.
Getting it out of your head is very good advice.
The other thing to apply from GTD is that the system should be trustable and simple.
But most of it is not actionable. Insights are not actionable. So I wouldn’t try to make it fit the GTD mold for that. There is some kind of consuming/memorizing and progress, but its hard to mark anything as done. Its more poetic and nebulous I think. Your insights just shift to other areas.
felix says on March 1st, 2007 at 9:12 pm
re: tagging in the 80s
I actually photocopied all of my journals and cut apart paragraphs with razor blades and sorted them into different folders. I then decided I should buy a computer.
But that level of tagging analysis didn’t do anything for me, it just got messier and became stuff I had to do. Now I tag very very loosely. Sometimes I just write my little piece and leave it there, like I don’t want to make the poor creature feel like he’s stuffed in a database. My filemaker pro doc is a zen-clean white sheet of paper with subtle grey tags in the bottom corner.
Daniel says on March 2nd, 2007 at 12:17 am
Cute post, Pollyanna.
Morten Skogly says on March 6th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Clearing ones mind of personal problems is very important, since it is the most distracting part of your life.
I want to recommend a lecture held by Marc Fournier about Needs and Goals, it really helped me focus. It is available through the Big Ideas podcast published by TVO, TV Ontario, through Itunes.
m.
mamelouk says on December 22nd, 2007 at 4:17 pm
great thanks from france for this article