Smelly

I recently did a series which compared the usefulness of tools. Since I’m rather linear in my mental processes, that got me thinking about the usefulness of certain foods. So I took a walk to the refrigerator for inspiration.

Do you have disgusting things in your refrigerator? I think some of the things in my refrigerator may once have been classified as disgusting. But now they gone beyond that level and entered into the realm of being unidentifiable.

For me, the span of time between fresh and toxic is a blurred and wavering line. So, I began a diligent search of the internet to find the definitive identifier separating fresh from frightening.

I did find some extremely useful information. But, mostly I found some darn funny anecdotes.

Here is a collection of both on how to tell if your food is spoiled.

  1. Eggs: If something is trying to peck its way out of the shell, the egg is not fresh.
  2. Milk: Milk is spoiled when it looks like yogurt.
  3. Yogurt: Yogurt is spoiled when it looks like cottage cheese.
  4. Cottage Cheese: Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it looks like regular cheese.
  5. Regular Cheese: Regular cheese is basically spoiled milk so really doesn’t spoil. But when your regular cheese begins to look like blue cheese get rid of it anyway.
  6. Mayonnaise: Mayonnaise is spoiled when you have to have your stomach pumped because you became violently ill after eating it.
  7. Meat: If cats gather at your back door whenever you open your meat drawer, the meat is spoiled.
  8. Bread: Bread is spoiled when it attains the ability to cure an infection.
  9. Flour: Flour is spoiled when it has moving rice in it and you didn’t put any rice in it.
  10. Canned Goods: Canned goods are spoiled when they begin to resemble a rugby ball.
  11. Carrots: Carrots are spoiled when they take on the characteristics of a wet rope.
  12. Potatoes: Potatoes are spoiled when they have more eyes than your graduating class. Nor should they have a deep leafy underbrush.
  13. Chip Dip: Dip is spoiled when it doesn’t stay in the same place you put it in the refrigerator.
  14. Wine: Wine is spoiled when it becomes an acceptable base for a salad dressing.
  15. Lettuce: Lettuce is spoiled when its color and consistency can be mistaken for green jello.
  16. Raisins: Raisins are spoiled when they can be mistaken for bituminous coal.

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