September 27th, 2006 in Lifehack
Defusing Tantrums
Gretchen Rubin brings us a necessary list of tips to help us deal with those moments in life when our children decide they’ve had all they can stand, and they can’t stand any more.
The secret is to acknowledge the reality of children’s wishes. This sounds obvious, but think about how easy it is to deny their feelings: “You can’t possibly want another Lego set, you never play with the ones you have.” “That toy is just junk.” “You can’t be hungry, you just had dinner.” “Of course you want to go, you love going to Grandpa’s house.” “You’re not scared of clowns.”
I’m not saying YOUR kids have tantrums. Yours are probably perfect. But maybe you can pass this on.
7 Tips for Defusing a Child’s Tantrums — [Happiness Project]
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Comments
Jim C. says on September 27th, 2006 at 7:37 pm
I apologize, but I have to post a correction to your spelling. This particular error is one of my pet peeves. As Ms. Rubin correctly spelled, it’s “defusing”. “Diffusing” does not mean the same thing.
Jen says on September 28th, 2006 at 7:29 am
You know, if you’re interested in providing more information about tantrums, I know a wonderful woman with more than twenty years of experience providing childcare who has written an entire SERIES on tantrums! You should check it out!
We cover her insightful writing about childrearing often at Blogging Baby.
Here are some examples of her writing:
http://daycaredaze.blogspot.co.....nd-or.html
http://daycaredaze.blogspot.co.....sophy.html
http://daycaredaze.blogspot.co.....sophy.html
jason says on September 28th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
It’s safe to have this list all about children but it certainly applies to adults too, particularly in the workplace. I work in a professional environment, but I still work with human beings - so we have our ups and downs. My translations:
Write it down - setting concrete expectations
Wave your wand - empathize, but keep your boundaries
Listen for the true concern - rarely is the tantrum about what is verbally named. Address the core issue for best results.
Accept that the child may feel different then you - heck, remember that other people have different opinions, feelings, expressions and perspectives. Treat them all with respect.
Make an unannoying joke - humor helps, just make sure you don’t patronize the person in the process.
Repeat the desire aloud - that validates the co-workers position (along the same lines as we all like to hear our name.)
Don’t pay too much attention - you can’t let the tantrum adult absorb all time and attention. Give a few minutes to allow the person to vent, but they can’t continue… they can go take a time out.