Unfortunately, I’ve got one or more of these I’m dealing with currently. So I’ve hit the library and come up with George Simon’s book In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. It is not a huge book, but manages to be quite comprehensive and helpful. First off he talks about what these situations look like, and then later he talks about what you can do. Here’s the brief list of how to handle these difficult cases, summarized from the book.
Let Go of Harmful Misconceptions
The point here is that these people (sometimes we call them passive-agressives but Simons makes the case for calling them covert-agressives) are not like the rest of us. This is a segment of the population that doesn’t share the same worldview and doesn’t feel guilt or shame when they make someone unhappy. What’s that they say? The truth shall make you free, I think.
Become a Better Judge of Character
Avoid victimization by identifying the people in your life who have these manipulative or agressive traits. An important thing to look for is that these folks care about winning. Figuring out what constitutes winning for these people is another matter entirely…
Know Yourself Better
One key to dealing with manipulators is that they know exactly what your buttons are, and how hard and how long they need to push them to get what they want. So be on guard that you’re not being naive, overconscientious, or overintellectual about issues because manipulators can and will use that against you.
Know What to Expect and What to Do
Recognize manipulative tactics immediately and then reframe things so that you get what you want and/or need. If you don’t know what that is, take a step back and figure it out. Then be assertive.
Don’t Fight a Losing Battle
You know when you’re in the thick of this kind of thing it’s normal to be depressed, Simons argues. This is because you’re fighting a losing battle of trying to make the manipulator change. What to do? Don’t try to make them change, work on yourself.
Thanks.. I will add this to my wish list.
Good ideas.
If you don’t think you can persuade them then be irrational and end the conversation. If someone is trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do, if you don’t think you can convince them to back off then simply end the conversation.
Sounds good in theory, but it does depend on being able to spot people that are manipulative and most people I feel just dont have that insight into the way people are and there body language.
Being able to step back from a situation and see it for what it really is does seem to be a skill in its self.
One of my now ex friends was very manipulative but could never get past me because I saw him for what he was, in the end we fell out, he lost out in the end so its not worth manipulating people because true colours will shine through one day.
Good point. I guess it either takes being really quick on the uptake or having a lot of exposure to the manipulation before you realize it’s happening. The book talks about this to some extent. It does seem to be like the light bulb has to come on and you say omg I’m being manipulated.
You know I love that in the end, its not them who must change … but you must change yourself. I mean talk about faulting the victim!
First of all, you can always just say politely but firmly, NO. This is a tactic that i am currently employing. Pretty much everyone I know is a manipulator (my partner, my mom, my best friend) and I’m growing tired of cleaning up their messes and doing things that I don’t want to do.
I always play nice but lately I am getting angry. I am in a stressful situation right now and I need them to help me, but guess what? They can’t be bothered. And they consistantly put their needs before mine.
So lately I am just not available, I have prioritized and feel that need to be a little selfish right now. So be it.
If they don’t like it they can find someone else to help them carry their guilt.
I’ve realized that people who push you into things feel bad about themselves or the decisions they’ve made. What they do is enlist an unwitting victim to actually do the work (whatever that may be) so that they don’t have to feel so badly. In essence you are their beast of burden carrying their load.
I am sick and tired of being used in this way!
George Simons book – In Sheeps Clothing…has been a God send, something akin to a neon sign lighting up in my life!!
The challenging part for those of us who get taken in sooooo easily by these emotional bullies is to acknowledge to ourselves that virtually any communication with them exposes us to a potential win/lose situation. Our preference is for a win/win situation, power with and so on. However, a manipulator is only concerned about themselves, having power over and getting their ego needs/wants met…at any cost.
They know who and what they are and have become very skilled at hiding and denying this, developing a fantasy world where no-one will harm them because owning choices and consequences is too much of an adult reality.
In short, we (the victims) are everything they are not yet would like to be. So they suck it out of us and turn it against us (emotional vampires – another good book to read).
It is even worse when narcissism is included in the mix. I tell you, its a wonder I’ve managed to retain enough sanity to write this little response!
Im learning new habits coz i’ve taken the sign off my forehead that said, “Pick me…”
I never realized that I was being manipulated. All I knew in my gut was that there was something not right with this person. In fact, most people I knew felt the same way. It was always the same response “She’s a nice person, but…” There was something we just couldn’t put our finger on. Then it started to happen, subtle signs of manipulation. She was always nice when she wanted information from you about only to pass that information off. If confronted, she would try to make you beleive that she talked about you because she cared so much. Gossiping about other people is her pass time, and if anyone ever said that it was wrong she would just laugh and ask what the big deal was. But the worse part was how she would use people to get anything she wanted, then blame them for being mean to her if they got angry. She made me and others in her family feel as though our defensivness was our fault only, that she has never done anything wrong. I recently told her how I felt, and she turned it around (very convincingly) as though I had the problem. I guess this person will never see herself in the light the rest of us do… as a snake.
Hi you guys,my name is Mary just this summer I realized a “friend” who I had know for about nine years may either be borderline or anti social personality,basically she did something so backstabbing. I swear I have neever had anybody do anything so underhanded. She was manipulating me for years. I did the classic think and always had compassion because I knew she had been molested and abandoned ny her mother as a child. She was VERY good at her manipulation. Shw was this sweet calm little southern bell type,taught yoga and even sometimes had a venner of being a praticing buddhist.When I met her she was very competiitive and I do remember her always trying to one up me with more knowledge ect.. I once again excused that.I also noticed along time ago she did have a very passive aggressive agressive aggression about her,she also had a tendency to abandon the friendhsip at her will and told me once she saw people as disposable.
About four years ago she came up with a story to push my bittons and work on my insecurities. I’m actress and she knew I was havong a hard tome getting work,she created a story that she got a audtion to foilm a pilot in Canada thrugh a producer friend she met, I was naive and belived it. My intutiotion told me she was lying but she sounded convincing however I picked up she was gloating and trying really hard to study my reaction and how I would repond to this.she was calm,methodical and almost sounded like she had a smirk on her face while on the other end of the line while telling me that.She was really gloating and the lesson here is if I would have known myself better and really listened to her,her voice her pattern,my intuition. I would have not been so affected by that because I would have known she was full of crap.She got me,she pushed my buttons and became very cool after that,however I blamed myself for not being a supportive friend and felt so guilty. I called her and apologized about two years later,telling her how sory I was for being
a horrible unsupportive friend.
Just recently before I was
getting ready to move in with er. I found out she was the one who had written
me some very nasty emails in the tone of extortion to try to scare me and another one posing as a woman who was looking for a person to rent a guest house free of charge when she first knew I was moving. Everything she has done has been to work on some fears or insecurities of mine,she has also taken no blame for this or any of it and clammed it was othe rpwoplw using her computer to write me these. She has acttually created fake emails and aliases for people to take the blame because she was running scared. One of the emails was a bit on the extortion side. I have recently come to realze just how evil,manioulative and underhanded she was. I have never had anybody be so deceitful.
The lesson is KNOW YOURSELF,LISYEN TO WHAT YOUR GUT IS TELLING YOU! I knew something was off about her story of her acting job,I should have known after reading her that extortion email,she was posing as a concerned friend al the while listenening to my fears. SHE FREAKING EVIL!!She will never do this crap to me again and NOW I pray for her future victims!If you ever run into a sweet,soft spoken little brunette named
Rebecca and she teaces yoga,RUN!!!!!
another creepy thing was I really trusted her. I ven told her a couple times I trusted her 100% you know what she said to that?………NOTHING! She just strangely sat quiet on the other end. It was a weird silence that did raise my eyebrow. It’s these little things you guys! Listen!
I’ve always felt something in my gut with this person. It made me question myself and feel bad. I could never quite put my finger on it – they always seemed to understand me when really they used my feelings aginst me. I never liked the gossip but they always manage to laugh this off
I’ll be reading this book and starting to fight back next year
George Simon where are you? I could use a few 45 minute sessions with you..are you booked?
I originally bought Dr.Simon’s book becasue I was involved with a snake of a woman.
Ii see alot of similarities in my husband of 21yrs.Not as cunning as her but how he uses charm to get his own way and suttle manuevers.I went from thinking I had the best husband around to wondering who it is I am married to..is there anything real about him.
sometimes I wish I’d never read this book.I’d rather be in the dark.
I too work with some masters of manipulation. No matter what the conversation is they will try to put any of your comments down and try to make you look as if you don’t know what your’e talking about. They brow beat you in front of other people in an attempt to make alliances.
Ignore these people don’t get involved with conversations unless you really have to. They will eventually loose their imaginery power.
margarett
“Loose their imaginary Power”
Such a true statement.. well said margarett.
The sad part is it takes many to see the signs until much time and damage has occured.
I hope we can all educate ourselves on the power of honesty and truth. Thus not in the end, hating and judging and becoming that which we were subject to.
The truth will set you free.
I begin to see that more than ever.
I hope we all can become more compassionate with this knowledge of being able to know ourselves well enough that we can spot those who are manipulative.
It’s a tuff road. It’s a tuff haul to come out of denial and seek answers to our gut feelings. Sometimes it takes a total break down.
Glad to find this small web in the web of life.
Maybe it will expand and become a larger aide to those who could do great things. SO many great things to do.
Thanks
OMG- I will have to get the book. I have been struggling with this ever since i can remember but I am finially starting to see the light. I also am finding that i must be a huge target for these folks because they come and hunt me down and as usual, i open up and get ran over. I had a friend for 19 years and finally ended it a couple years ago however, i used to say “She would rather cut her arm off than to let someone else be in control” What is it about these folks- they would rather injur you AND THEMSELVES just to maintain control. I guess it goes back to that win/lose situation. They are not in control unless someone else loses. I will have to get this book because aparently i attract these folks into my life.
Thanks
Andrea
Re-direction is another classic tool of the manipulator. I ask a question and get a question in return, thus he successfully ignored my initial question and changed the topic to his choice, boy, i didn’t see that one coming. I agree that these type of people can be emotional vampires and we need to learn how to change to deal with these type of people.
thanks
I agree with what everyone is saying. I also wanted to add that these types of people are parasitic. If you are of good moral character, you become a suitable host. Being around you, tells others that the parasite it trustworthy and all things warm in sweet. After they are done with you, they have an array of hosts you unwittingly supplied them. It makes trusting people very challenging.
You are right on the money, Van. Right on. It’s time to let some symbiotic relationships thrive in my life…the parasites have just about sucked the life out of me and I’ve unwittingly provided a bridge for them to cross over to other host victims because they trust me… Yep, a few bridges are about to be lit and I’ll be very happy to see them go down.
Mary… Learn to proofread…
For the rest of you… yes it’s a good book, especially if your needy and need validation in your life.
It’s not a bible, EVERYONE around you uses subtle manipulation… from your 2 year old, your mom, your dad, the people you work for… everyone! It’s just varying levels of it…
Books like this are good, but it’s like religion or booze, use in moderation.
I don’t think that all people dealing with this are victims or are needy and need validation in life.
I don’t have a problem seeing the manipulator for what he/she is… the problem is more not becoming a manipulator yourself in dealing with them day to day vs. a want and need to strangle the person for not getting “it”.
Manipulators can harm, and do, and will.
The question is – if you cannot get away from them – how do you set healthy boundries while maintaining a relationship?
How about when they learn that, they can’t manipulate you directly anymore so they control others to do it for them.
I realized what my sister was doing to me and learned how to deal with it and not let her control or take advantage of me anymore. But she has found a way around that. She manipulates family members that i am close to and uses them to get me to do what she wants.
She has them so wrapped up that there is nothing I can say to convince them otherwise. Therefore, if I don’t do what she wants, then she will turn the ones that I love against me.
How do you deal with something like that?
Hello, Sabrina,
I have also experienced what you are going through. I have changed my number so no family member has contact with me; it prevents them from playing mind games with you.
I would strongly suggest you move and start a healthier life of your own. If your family members are easily persuaded to choose sides, you really don’t need them in your life.
Protect yourself or they will possess your mind!!! Trust me move on while your still sane.
I received a lot of insights.Thank you.But I feel obliged to tell more. The number one reason a manipulator manipulates is to control you.
For this he may :
(1)Pick fights over very trivial reasons and fight endlessly just to tire you down ,repeatedly over a number of days.So next time he may actually be a “leader” in groups ,becuase he knows no intelligent person will take pains to talk against him.
(2)Many manipulators together might form cliques becuase they think they are superior in intelligence and other people just dont “understand”. So they actually become powerful,unfortunately.They togther will rationally or irrationally become the controllers…whether in office,school,college,social organizations etc.
(3)A manipulator may further fear you because he may as well think you yourself are one manipulator,just that you are not as good as him.Funny isnt it…
i’ll make this short and sweet… this girl has manipulated all my friends into thinking my gf is a bad person and i see myself she is a liar and everything untrustworthy myself but my freinds on the other hand are on her side and they’ve known me for 10 years, and this girl for 5 months, what the fuck can i do to make them realize???
I just called out a manipulative “friend” this week — and it felt pretty good. After about a year of abuse, I ate my final shit sandwich served up by my friend. Manipulative people are really weak. They are truly EWC’s (Emperors Without Clothes). All one has to do is point it out — and they shut the “F” up and fade away. The hard part is assimilating into your psyche that you’ve been used and abused and– although you had a feeling — you let it happen anyway. Tough stuff. But, waking up and fixing your problem beats staying asleep and letting these vicious people have their way with you.
i deal with manipulative people all the time
my mom my family my sister
theyre really good at this cycle thing
where they play nice for a month but they always think of themselves first
and are very good at hurting and shifting blame.
i went to talk to my school counsler
and he actually said
“what are you doing to make such sweet people mad?” so it must be my fault right?
FUCK THAT
now I play their game getting righteous and screaming out is a losers way
this is real life not a movie im not going to let it go
i got back at them doing the same things they did
and backed off
now theyre stuck in their own hell
and i smile at them and say “oh im sure it will get better soon”
now im happy and free
end of story
I have a “friend” of about 5 who I now recognize as a complete manipulator. It seems like she only wants to be your friend when it works for her (i.e. she’s alone, you have something she wants). Otherwise, forget about her returning your msgs.
She plays games with peoples minds, is completely into herself (constantly gloating about how hot she is, how much money she makes, etc.), and leads people on. When she was single, she used to walk all over a sweet mutual friend of ours who liked her. Getting him to drive her everything and take her shopping – she totally flirted and teased him like he would have a chance. Then she found a b/f…but still wanted to use him for rides!! WTF?!
Anyway, there are way more situations that we’ve had to face with this manipulating self-serving girl. It’s time to cut the cord.
Can’t wait to call her out…directly point out when she uses denial or guilt, etc.
She will have one less doormat!
“It’s not a bible, EVERYONE around you uses subtle manipulation… from your 2 year old, your mom, your dad, the people you work for… everyone! It’s just varying levels of it…”
Complete bullshit. If you beleive that EVERYONE uses subtle manipulation then you are probably a very manipulative person, who has just had their button pushed by this book and the comments in the forum here.
The main reason for trying justify subtle manipulation, would, I think, be because it is something in yourself that deep down actually bothers you.
Sure, everyone uses it from time to time, and there are varying degrees of both manipulation and manipulative people, but this book and this little forum here is talking about a specific personality type. A manipulative person. And they DO exist.
Personally, I can easily see, like red fish in a pond full of white fish, which people are manipulative people, and which aren’t. There are degrees like you say but there ARE many people who aren’t manipulative people, even if they’ve use it sometimes in their life.
That’s like calling everyone who drinks alcohol an alcoholic. Just varying degrees of alcoholic, I mean, where is the line between someone who has drunk and someone who is an acloholic? <– Manipulative argument bullshit right there. And extending it to the guy who drinks twice a year is a BIG mistake. He’s NOT an acoholic. Manipulative jerk might say, well you do drink sometimes right? Therefore youre a drinker! Bullshit.
Not everyone is a Manipulative person.
Just because you use manipulation once in a while to achieve something does not make you a covert agressive personailty. Bribing your child to encourage her make better grades is manipulation. A 3 year old sticking her lip out when she can’t have dessert after refusing to eat a proper dinner is manipulation as is one pitching a fit in the middle of a store because you won’t buy her a dolly. These are obvious, everybody can see what is going on, no real deceit here.
A covert agressive is someone who constantly works things to follow an agenda. They are deceitful and cunning as a way of life. They will come at you from one angle then when they have you on the defensive they will change tactics to knock you off balance and make you think you were wrong in your first assessment of them and their motives. Most likely they have been this way their entire adult life.
I agree with the the poster way back at the beginning of this page. Do not engage this type of personality, you cannot win because they will never change and never admit that they have this type of personality.
I am in the process right now of cutting ties with an Aunt that has worked me all my life; anything to control me and make feel ‘less than’. Before I realized what she was doing to me I made the mistake of being family-ish with her and her adult daughter. I thought maybe I could be closer thatn I had been in the past, I thought “they are good church going people, right”. Oh man, next thing I knew I was the daughters refuge away from a bad marriage that she refuses to work on at all just for starters…I could go on and on. When I saw how co dependent the daughter (my cousin)was I started backing off then my Aunt stepped in and started trying to ‘fix’ things. That’s when I really started seeing her for what she is. I started seeing the manipulation and tug and pull, the constant picking, the outright lies, and the anxiety that would come over me every time I would get an email from one of them was so opressive.(I stopped answering the phone when they called)Now I don’t answer emails. She would bring up oter even dead relatives that knew nothing about the situation as her ‘back up’.
My Dad once told me, “ANYTHING you give them is more then they had before” Nothing truer was ever said then that statement regarding this type of personality.
Get away from them, stay away from them, don’t talk to them, don’t try to figure them out. They will only drag you down!
To all of those out there who have been a victim I sympathize. I have never been good at calling a manipulative person out and it has taken me 29 years to finally realize what a sucker I have been. I agree with most of the comments on here. Don’t get close. I used to consider my loyalty to a fault a good thing…looks like I was just using it as an excuse for why I let them walk all over me. Explains a lot. Just glad I wasn’t the only one.
I don’t think it’s fair that the victim is the one who has to change. Why do I have to go against my nice nature and become a totally untrusting suspicious person because of these people? It seems to me that society should start holding such people accountable for their actions instead of looking for new ways to blame victims for getting exploited but a bully.
no offense, but this is a co-dependant reponse if I ever heard one..
I do understand your sentiment, and used to feel the same way. But the basic fact of the matter is that we can’t change other people. No matter how many laws we put into place, no matter how we ‘crack down’ on manipulators. It’s a free country. And God made people so they are not like robots. They can choose to be evil. Or they can choose to be kind. Or anywhere in between. That’s the fact.
Even God is not a proponent of people being ‘pushovers’ or being taken advantage of. Titus 3:10 says: “Warn a divisive person once, and then twice, and then have nothing to do with him.” God hates injustice and evildoers. He says that those who taken advantage of the poor, the orphans, the widowed, etc., will get what’s coming to them, simply put.
I hate to say this, but ‘niceness’ on your part.. a lot of it is likely brainwashing. I have had to learn, slowly.. that niceness is not the answer to life. It’s not the answer to the question, what does the world need? It’s not how people should always be. Or even most of the time be. People should be kind, considerate (different from being nice – look it up), honest, true, patient, just, loving and faithful. And a bunch of other things the Bible mentions. Nowhere in there is there anything about “nice.” Being “nice” is just what narcissistic parents tell their kids to be, quite frankly (and other parents, as well.)
The problem is, we are so blinded and deluded by these people, we think they have a ‘right’ to treat us the way they do, and that is the reason we feel under their ‘thumbs’ and feel like we have to be so “nice.” – Because we are trained and brainwashed to act “nice” to people who are mean and cruel to us. Narcissists brainwash their victims. Narcissists are very sick people. And rarely recover, to my understanding. In their minds, life is ALL about them. And any part you have in their lives….. well, it’s all about them. Best and healthy just to stay away and focus on finding healthy relationships. The thing is, if we’ve had serious experiences/ problems with narcissists (or training), there is, in fact, something wrong with US. Now, I’m not saying our souls are bad or we’re ill-meaning, etc.. But there is a habit or a response learned in victims of narcissists (hence the term ACON’s – adult children of narcissists). So we need to recognize (as above article talks about) and remember our responses to people often are simply co-dependant and can be weak. ACON’s or victims of narcissists, it seems, often are missing a part of themselves. They’ve given it up (their loves, their passions, their personalities) in an effort to sacrifice them for the relationship with the parent or narcissist in question. (Vicitms weren’t allowed to have wants, needs, concerns, etc..) So they need to be conscientious of themselves, instead of others, as they’ve been trained to be..
Asking the perpetrators to change is always an uphill and losing battle. And it never regains your life back. (which is what is really missing.) Incidentally, I’ve have used homeopathy and find it is incredible and invaluable. I’m shocked at it’s positive effects and can’t recommend it enough. I recommend Dr. Angelica Lemke, whom I see.
people who feel the need to manipulate people to achieve what they want are usually very insecure. If they meet a person who does not respond to them in the way they want, it can lead to them becoming a passive bully and using their “skill” by controlling other people to work against them.
It takes a very strong person to realise when they are being used to give a “bully” of this kind the satisfaction they seek.
very useful comments made. i agree with staying away completely from people even family members who manupulate you to get what they want. they don’t have to make you feel hurt, guilty or used to get what they want. that is pure selfishness, they should be avoided or cut out completely.
Jack’s comments earlier sounds like he’s a bit of a bully and manipulator. Unfortunately many of us are not educated or informed about the real world soon enough; about the manipulators and users out there. There are sick people out there who will use you for their own personal gain and doing it underhandedly. As the one person said bribing a 3yr old to eat or a teen ager to do homework ok not always the best method, but its obvious to the recipient and its for the recipients benefit. Intent goes a long way to establishing what is covert (read: diabolical) aggression and simple, daily interactions for the peace and harmony of the involved parties.
I’ve been dating this girl long distance for awhile. Have come to realize she has been manipulating and using me for awhile. The guilt trips, mind games, trying to make you feel wrong, knock me off balance emotionally, fill me with doubt, etc. There are great websites out there about ‘Invalidators’ like this here are a few below. We all need to balance gut reactions; sometimes we are wrong about something. But if you are feeling BAD on a frequent basis in a relationship or from what someone says or does, intonates in their voice, etc, then there is a high chance that person is trying to make you feel bad even if its quite subtle (the more subtle the more doubt they can create within you too).
http://www.astromate.org/Difficult.htm
http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html
http://www.snzeport.com/dlarticles2/dealing-with-people.htm
thank you for this post. i have a manipulative person in my life at the moment and the situation isn’t one where i can just cut ties quickly and move on. i would actually like to know how to deal with it, and am now hunting around for that book you recommended. it’s nice to get a rundown of what to expect from it. thanks again. :)
know exactly what is like to work with manipulators. There was a woman at an old work place of mine who was exactly like this. Nice as apple pie to your face but stab you in the back at every chance she got. I stopped talking to her period and distanced myself from her. But everyone else was hoodwinked and “…wrapped up in her crazy web” and “to call her on it would be pointless because everyone loved her and I would…” have “…come off as a bully…”. “She had the ability to sway those…” around her, even managers. They where then “…taken in to also act as her protector.” She always played the victim of oh look at sweet innocent me which was to the contrary. She constantly fabricated the truth, that is lied about you to people. She acted all pious but slept with about five men in our office to try and gain a better position and once to save her job after she had accessed a database program from another department illegally by stealing a manager’s password. She also slept with a married man knowing full well that he was married and she got pregnant to him. She did this because she is a gold-digger (he was extremely well off) and wanted a managerial position in the company he worked for. However her plan back fired. He did want anything to do with her as he saw her for what she was and said she knew full well it was a one night stand and he was not leaving his wife for a uneducated, gold-digging, you know what. Nevertheless, I am not condoning his actions in any way, he was married and therefore should not have slept with her. But she so deserved it his rejection. So she went and had an abortion and tried denying the fact that she was ever pregnant and that she is a unborn baby killer and a major hypocrite as she was pro-life. I have no idea what men saw in her as she definitely was not pretty, swore, was fat, walked like a duck, and always wore ill-fitting clothes exposing herself on occasion. There were people in the office who were much bigger then her but found appropriate clothes that fit and that made them looked great so she had no problem in finding clothes that fit.
She also is a stalker and convinced her naive and gullibe friends to follow me around. She also got individuals who worked for telecommunication companies to come and door-knock pretending to sell their service to try and get my telephone number. She targeted my whole family.
I had to play detective to find out where she was residing and her telephone number. The harrassing telephone stopped after I called spoke to a male she shared the flat with. He was in total shock that she was doing this. He must have kicked her out because later I was only receiving calls from her parents place.
Her then boyfriend who had been going out with her since high school even stated that she has a track history of this behaviour. He has come to his senses and is no longer with her.
The police however could not do a thing and I believe she was well aware of this due to her track record as stated by her ex-boyfriend.
So how on earth do you deal with people like this?
Personally she belongs in a psychiatric unit, locked up with the key thrown away permantely along with her parents, especially her mother. As they were part of her harrassment and stalking towards me.
I’ve also noticed that manipulative people tend to target those individuals who figure out there game easily and those who they can not use to their advantage.
I’ve gotten into a pickle with a manipulator, and its potentially financially devastating. It’s been a long time since I’ve been under the spell of a manipulator and I forgot what to look for (my ex 4 years ago had certain questionable characteristics, but it seemed more like a commitment-phobic issue). I knew something seemed odd, and my instincts were trying to tell me something was wrong, but they told me too late. Now I’m involved in something financial, and there is a definite possibility that I will lose, big-time. Now that I’ve confirmed with a friend about the manipulator (I was keeping this transaction a secret for the past few months) I need a plan of action to help me deal with the manipulator’s tricks lest my situation gets potentially worse.
I’ve never had to apologize for things I believed weren’t my fault so much before up until now. It’s such a red flag that something’s wrong, but I’m a sensitive person, and incredibly self-critical so it wasn’t always clear that it was me, or that I was being tricked. Now I know it’s the latter……
Any advice on how to deal with a manipulator with a lot riding financially? I need to somehow play nice and maintain the platitudes even though I know what’s up now….
I totally agree with you all on how manupulative people can make you feel so lost sometimes. Six years ago I met this wonderful guy and his brothers wife and I became good friends. Intially, I didn’t know that she was talking about me behind my back to my in laws. I noticed everytime I walked into my boy friends house everyone looked at me weired. Finally, I figured out an game but it was too late because my mother in law is extremely fond of her and so is everyone else. Believe me she made my life a living hell. Now that I am married to this and she is my sister in law I still have to put up with her. She is a sweet talker and I am not. Everyone in the house hates me because she plays the victim and complains that I don’t talk to her. My mother in law would come bug me to converse with her and intially if I don’t she will manupulate my husband into telling me. Also, what it is, is that I speak my mind and just make faces at my in laws when I am not happy about something because I am myself. However, because of her who pretends to be really a good daughter in law and fakes it even when she cannot stand things that is going on with her. I am amazed at how she does it sometimes. So ofcourse this makes me look bad…even my husband tends to thing the same. We have hd several fights over this. He things I am wrong…she is really good and I am not up to her level..I cannot control myself in certain situations when I know that she is faking to be nice with me. I try to be mean to her but then she’ll pretend to be extra nice. what do you do with people like this? sometimes it makes me wonder is she really for real? Sometimes I want to confront her for back stabbing me but my husband tells me to let it go. I want to be friends with her other time I thing its not a good idea. I think she is just so jealous of me. She even use to try an copy me and now she tries to dress like me. when I wanted to pursuit a master degree she opt to do the same. I am a teacher so is she now. I personally thing she is in secure and scared she will lose her position as the good daughter in law and the center attraction in the house. Honestly, I could care less….Help please any suggestions!!!
My mother had the same problem with her sister-in-law. What my mother did was to sweet-talk as well. Her blood was boiling underneath and these people are insufferable, but whatever you do NOT say anything bad about them to anyone in the family. Since the family likes her, your situation will worsen. If you really have to, tell it to a friend you trust who has little to zero chance of ever getting involved with your family. The only thing to really do is to play fake along with them, and pretend to be the nice one as well. She sounds really insecure, and you’re probably a much better person than she is. But it’s all about what you project to others, sadly. If you’re someone with really good principles and don’t want to be fake, you can still show her genuine kindness. It’s hard, but just remember “The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.” She probably doesn’t truly like herself deep down. It’s a hard thing to do, but it will make you the bigger person.
PS. Developing a thicker skin helps a lot as well.
Sorry people before I would proof read my work I accidently hit the submit comment button instead. Please bare with my posting ;) arrr
good comments from everyone and so useful. i am just learning over past year how manipulative my daughter and some friends have been in my life and ex husband too. I feel so naieve. But you got to remember that it is not our fault for believing and not expecting this from these people. I took everything at face value. If they were manipulating behind my back then it is their fault. I had to learn to give up the guilt. The sad thing is I did move away and start new life and I had to change myself because every bit of information you feed these people will be used as a weapon. Unless you have very strong backup you are better off retreating. Trust your gut feelings about others and do not give away too much info to all and sundry. Good luck everyone in the rest of your life. Now we know we can protect ourselves in future!
I did not want to read this, really! sadly, I was overcome by the manipulative words of the author…only to want for further direction and left only with this comment option: YOU BASTARD!
…all kidding aside, it DOES take two to tango and quite often many a “manipulator” is simply one trying to get something done while surrounded by timid, spineless sheep!
Anyone ever heard the saying, “There you are spilling your guts and the person across from you is sitting there with a knife and fork?” That happened to me, with a friend I’ve had since 1984, at a time I was absolutely devastated by divorce, death, being newly impoverished, ill and all but suicidal and extremely vulnerable. I made the mistake of moving in as her roommate, paying almost all of my meager monthly income away from everything/everyone and had absolutely no idea that she was as venomous as she proved to be.
It’s horrible to realize that others’ views of me were coloured by someone hell-bent on actively hurting me. I ignored my intuition, I ignored a lot of clues.
After a 20-yr. marriage, marred by much lying, addiction, unbelievable and demoralizing emotional abuse, various enormous betrayals, I came to understand that my ‘friend’ had been believing my husband’s take on my being the horrible person only after I stopped talking to her. He was good at twisting things, becoming the victim of me, his victim – gotta give him that. When I finally left, this great guy divorced me by default, saying he’d served me and I just didn’t respond, apparently wanting absolutely nothing of any monetary value, and she backed him up on that I later discovered. When I moved back to the county we’d lived in so that I could set aside the divorce so I could survive (I’m truly disabled and cannot work), I found myself in despair, fearful, house-less and deeply depressed, and was pathetically grateful to pay her a high rent for the privilege of being further betrayed.
I began to get weird reactions from others who knew my ex-husband, my ‘friend’ and me: just figured it was somehow due me for being such a sucker, so weak, so lost. I’d been well-trained to take a lot of contempt.
When my ex, a professional, finally overdosed and died last February, I hadn’t lived with my ‘friend’ for over 6 months. My step-son was so angry that I’d left his dad when he finally got to see his father’s true nature and what I’d been successful in hiding from his son, and felt that I’d hurt his father, was greedy. I’d been his mother for most of his life, loved him as my own child and missed him terribly. When he died, his anger went into overdrive, fueled by my ‘friend’, who insinuated herself into the mix.
My stepson and I are now talking, laughing and healing our relationship. My ‘friend’ continues to talk to his wife, which accounts for her treating me as though I screwed the pooch in her front room at a wake. She has no reason I know of to have anything but good feelings for me. My stepson’s feeling I could understand better.
I wrote the ‘friend’ an email today, finally, after almost a year’s silence. I wrote facts where I could, stayed detached in tone, and owned what were my feelings. I told her that I would appreciate her allowing the relationship with my stepson to be whatever it was to be without her interfering. I asked that she refrain from communicating with my daughter-in-law or, if that wasn’t an option, to keep me out of the conversation. I acknowledged that I had no control over what she would do or not do, but that I was setting boundaries that were healthier than I’d managed when at my emotional bottom.
I told her that “Setting boundaries, insisting on respect and ensuring, as best I can, that if my life screws up and relationships are damaged that it be solely due to what I did or did not do, is absolutely vital to emotional health. This is what I am doing with this letter to you.” At the end, I let her know that no response was warranted.
I did this mostly for me, knowing I have no control over what this person will think, do or say – then, now or in the future. All that I can control is my response, my attitude, my boundaries and no longer accepting other than deserved respect in my future. Life is much too short to be a doormat for others. My trust in others has been damaged, but that’s not such a bad thing. I was far too automatically trusting for far too long. I am going to insist that it’s earned from here on out, as I have always understood that I would have to earn that of others. I feel far better prepared and capable of fleeing when I see passive-aggressiveness rear its ugly head anywhere near me. It’s never been a trait that’s caused anything but pain, so fleeing is a good survival tool as I take a leap of faith into my future. I feel better having written her, and am leaving the outcome alone as it’s out of my control. If she persists in spreading harm in the only way that can continue to hurt me, I will just continue to show by my actions and words that I simply love my stepson and am a good person. I am a good person, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. That’s life.
OMG!!!!! I have been so baive all these years, I didnt have a clue how people could be so willingly hurtful, especially loved ones. MY EYES ARE NOW OPEN!!! This is my story. I have been married for 12 years and have two kids. We married young, she had a bad time when she was young, step father doing bad things, which she told me about two weeks after we met. So natural mem being me I have willingly walked on egg shells ever since, being really careful not to up set her in any way. Big mistake!!! since then, Every thing I do or say has to be verified by her, she has made me do things in the past that I have not wanted to do. FACEBOOK!!!!! OMG the amount of arguments over that damed website, I only wanted to stay in contact with friends back in UK, but as time has gone by my friends list grew, she hated that. all the girls I knew from school where suddenly branded whores, she even commented on conversations she knows nothing about. In the end she made persistant requests for me to get rid of people she says “are no longer in my life and shouldnt have anything to do with them” so I did, 156 friends down to 34!!! Having emmigrated only two years, I was feeling quite Isolated, depressed and unloved, but didnt know why couldnt put my finger on it. In the past 5 years I can count on both hands how many times I have been out with friends without here. She say thats family life for ya, and makes some story about how her life is worse coz she stay at home with the kids. I have no friends aside from work colleagues, I have been thinking about leaving here since before xmas 2009 but I soooo love my girls, cant bear the thought of leaving them I love them soo much, I’m from a split home and hated it, swore i would never do it to my kids. But then my dad and mum where both manipulators as were most of my 6 bros and to 2 sis’s. God this is sooo sad, I have been such a gullable twat all these years. I met someone recently, a beautiful woman, a friend of hers, we instantly clicked, I felt very safe with her, I told her my problems she told me hers. We got on so well. It made realize that some was missing in my life, I was craving love and compassion and trust, coz she says she has never trusted me around women, and I have never been unfaithful, although it would have so easy with my new found friend.She was the who suggested that my wife was a manipulator. I passed it off. My friend moved back to england just b4 xmas, I miss our chats so much!!! I feel isolated and alone more than ever now, I even felt guilty for a time for having a female friend. got to go, she is hovering wondering what im upto!!!
I have a friend who is a huge control freak and manipulator. I am very insightful and saw the warning signs quickly. She is always trying to one up me on everything. She cant stand me doing better than her or having anything better then her. She takes everything and makes it about herself. The problem is that she lives right across the hall from me and is always tracking my every move looking out to see if my car is there wanting to know where I am. She always playing the victim role. We both suffer fromd treatment resistant depression and see the same psychiatrist. She is always bashing the psychiatrist and the clinic I have been going to for years. Constantly complaining about it. I feel it is a conflict of interest that we see the same psychiatrist and she sees nothing wrong with this and nothing wrong with the fact that she constantly complains about the doctor. Any time I try to bring up problems with her she denies them and just says that people are different. She is constantly changing her opinions about things drastically. I am upset that I have to change doctors after five years. I do not trust this women. She claims to want to help me yet I feel she tries to drag me down. I know she is very sick and i have tried to set bounderies with her and resolve issues with her. Today I was annoyed with her because now she loves the psychiatrist and is talking about how she doesnt plan on leaving her. This is a complete 360 degree turn from what she was feeling. I feel she was delibertly trying to get me to leave the psychiatrist. Thats how sick she is. I wound up getting mad at her saying I dont understand her, how she drastically changes opinions and denies everything she does. I was really expressing my frusterations with her in general and how stressful the relationship is. She winds up crying and playing the victim and talking about how she is suicidal. I cant handle this. There is no way Im apologizing to her. She has snapped at me numerous times, picked at me, etc. I have my own problems and she is way too dependent on me and too sick for me.
i put a group victims of cruel manipulation (v.o.c.m.)on facebook please check it out
this has been a cancer in my family…it has created a viod…my father is a manipulator…my brothers are manipulators…and when they could no longer manipulate each other…they decided they didn’t like each other that much…they have manipulated me the middle son…they manipulate their wives, their mothers, and anyone that will listen… competitive is an understatement… manipulators see themselves as a little smarter, a little quicker, and little above everyone else… therefore they are entitled to being in charge of others… they do not see this as an issue… it sort of like the government who beleives they no whats best for the rest of us… another important fact is that they really don’t have you in mind when they are telling you how great things are gonna work out for you if you just follow their lead… the reward is not intended for you… they will change the rules as they go… i hope you do not find yourself in a situation where you are dependent on the manipulator as i have… it is like a prison sentence… i didn’t even recognize the manipulation when i was younger… i believed that family should always look out for each other… thats what i got for thinking… one thing is for sure, whatever it takes WHATEVER IT TAKES!!! get out of the dependent relationship and take back your life… i finally did this and finally feel as though i’m in control of my destiny…
I have a father in law who is like this. I have been married to his son for 30 years. His son is a wonderful husband to me. My father in law is 94 and very healthy for his age. He is always manipulator me by threating me that his son will not get any inheritence. My husband goes out of his way to take care of this man. I am the one who always hears this. any suggesstions….The man still drives and shows up anytime. My husband can only work part time because he has to take care of his finiancial situations. My husband and I can’t go on any long trips because he threatens us with his money. He says we need to be around to take care of him. He will not go into assistant living and will not wear an alert button. My husband is the only child. This man lives like it is 40 years ago. Everyone has to be perfect including our two daughters and even they can’t always be perfect. I have tried counseling for this. I have tried changing the subject. I even got up from conversations from this man and said that I have appointments. I have M.S and can’t work. I do get out and go swimming at the local YMCA.
Well maybe you should tell your father in law that he should spend his sons inheritance on care so that you can go on your long trips and you and your husband can do your own thing. Your husband seems to be keen on the inheritance though. Many children with elderly parents seem to think that the inheritance is a right of passage when in many cases they could use that money for care in the absnce of a loving caring family. If neither of you want to have anything to do with this man then although it is unreasonable of you to stop your husband to look out for him at 94 years of age if he feels it is right for him to do so. Maybe you should try and get out more and try to get a job if you can go swimming . It would take your mind off things.
I’m not going to get into the details of who I’ve met or what effect this person has had on my life. A man I knew was the first person to ever affect me in such a disgusting and horrible way. He took the one thing I valued most in life: my trust. For all of you who are suffering in a similar way – don’t lose trust in all people. It has taken me over two years and several therapy sessions to say those words. Don’t lose trust in all people. Simply learn to balance your heart with your head.
I can’t stand manipulation and lying and devilishness.
I have an aunt who is a manipulative liar! It kills me that no one listens to me when I try to explain to them the things she does. I can't "put her on the spot" because it will be considered "disrespect" in regards to my age. I'm fifteen years old and being around her manipulation and lying makes me angry only because there's nothing I can do. She lies so much, you would never think someone is even capable of lying that much. Like today, she came upstairs and asked me whose money was in the bathroom. Mind you that I'm stying at my cousin's house for the summer and she is living here until she gets her own. How she convinced my cousin to allow her to live there is even manipulative. Anyway, I told her that it was my cousin's money. She said "I just wanted to know because I was going to get something to drink. She'll be thirsty when she wakes up anyway. There's nothing to drink in here." I said nothing and went to sleep. When i woke up about an hour later, I looked in the refridgerator to get something to drink. There was nothing but Minute Maid juice that had been bought two days earlier. I looked in the trash and seen an empty bottle of 2-liter Pepsi. I asked my aunt where was the soda she brought, knowing she had drunk it all. She said it was all gone and "they" drunk it, referring to my cousin. My cousin was sleep with me and she had nothing to drink. Therfore, My aunt bought something to drink with my cousin's money and drunk it all. She even tries to steal my cousin's baby's attentino more than my cousin does. This probably sounds really stupid but if you were in my predicament you would sound as pathetic as I am trying to explain the things she does
I sympathize with you, but my situation is the opposite way around. My stepson is like your aunt. I’m 60 and he’s 40 and a compulsive liar and a thief. But his Mom (my partner) stands up for him all the time. And when I try to tell her how he manipulates everyone, she says he’s just trying to be nice. B.S. I’ve caught him in lies and he stays away from our house as much as possible, because he knows I’m on to him, but phones his Mom all the time and still lies to her. It’s a crappy situation and I feel for you. Just try to steer clear of your aunt as much as possible. Good luck.
Maipulators can be very hard to spot but one thing I've noticed about the way they form friendhsips is usually through flattery. Be very wary of someone who thinks you are absolutely wonderful before they really know you. Be assured that this flattery is the prelude to contol and manipulation. They are usually very selfish people, hence they will use every opportunity of enlisting your help because they are oh so incapable themselves for whatever reason. And of course you are the answer to their dreams-how flattering is that? Well get over it quickly because these people will suck you in and spit you out-don't doubt it. Evil incarnate!
I work with someone like this! She was the new temp in our department and everyone thought she was nice. When I met her she immediately use flattery and then asked for help with work,. I helped her, but I’ve never been one to trust what people say…I’d rather see what they do. Anway, I noticed that she treated every person the same way and playing the “damsel in distress”about her job. Aesop was a very wise person…don’t trust flatterers!
I have a friend for over 30 years, I thought she was a friend but now I realize she could care less about me and my family, she even put my young son in a very dangerous situation because she was mad at something I did, but I never could figure out what it was. This is bcause she is always mad, she is full of rage and always looking for a target. You would nver know it to speak to her but it is all just an act. Manipulators are master actors, pretneding everything is fine while thy are stabbing you in the back. I spend so much time helping her, doing everything she needed until I realizd I was just being used and when I stopped sereving her she became completley unintrested in me. I learned a very valuable lesson but it is still depressing to realiz that what I thought was a very good friend never really was a friend at all. A big tip that something is not right in a realationship is that they get you to share everything about you, they are constsantly in your business but they share nothing about thmselves. Cut off these people quickly, it causes nothing but pain.
my son is 16 and manipulates his way for a living almost. Every day there is drama and issues. He has been like this for about 6 years or more – we give in as we have 3 kids to keep the peace. Now he is out of control – He won’t go to school for the littlest issue – he seems to be a hypocondriac sometimes. if he gets mad he isn’t getting his way he retaliates by not going to school. I am trying therapy again. His dad and him have gotten into pushing fights and of course the 16 year old calls the cops saying ok I will get him arrested. The cops tell the kid to back off and stop antagonizing into the situation with his smart mouth. Now the older sons girlfriend stayed over for about a week and he got upset because until last week she had been taking our recycling for extra gas money. Last week he said he wanted it – we mentioned it and yesterday she took it again. I told him I would not chase her down for half a dozen cans and would tell her when she got back from her errand. I did tell her but not in front of him so he got upset. My husband said he had ok’d it and as they are not talking right now the kids response was who the hell said you could talk to me. I told him to watch his mouth.
Then later he said she had to go she had overstayed her welcome and if we didn’t tell her to go home (Tues at 8 PM) he was not going to school on Wednesday. I told him it was late to drive 40+ miles and she was due to leave tomorrow anyway. I told him the cops could be called he said oh well and went off to his friends. Any ideas on how to handle this? My husband wants to make him a ward of the state – he’s out of control. BUt he’s still my son…
I have having a hard time with a younger sister hoping someone can offer me some advice.
So i am 22 my sister is 20 first off we live together sucks but all we got in this world so gotta do what you gotta do.
so my sister is of the type of person to say fuck everyone but herself. this doesn’t normally cause me problems but others. but as far as i go every time i get a GF my sister has to become friends with her 9/10 this happens then the rest the relationship i get to be the asshole cause she puts my girlfriend in the middle of things like right now. its Halloween i decided to throw a party for me and my girlfriend and some of her friends i let my sister know out of common respect. she is dating a 28 or 27 yo i forgot exactly. who is a pot grower does not drive hardly works has some 60 tattoos 5150 in big bold letter across his neck has kids and no respect for me (first time i met him fell asleep and he hit on my girlfriend all night) anyway she decides upon herself to invite this asshole over… Is it wrong for me to be pissed my plans did not include her she wants to grow up have her own life does that not include her own plans I don’t like the guy he bugs me and i feel this is a major disrespect move from her.
beside the fact that she texts my girl all day telling her talk to him. he dont like it am gonna leave him the apartment and he gets to pay it all yadda yadda so me and my girlfriend start fighting cause she is like the delivery person and this is war delivery people are killed in wars.
i know simple way to fix this is move but i cant in this economy just not possible for me at this time.
i am not really a people person not many friends and don’t like going out i work a lot swing shift and people interaction is just not my foray so for me to even think of throwing this party makes me uncomfortable on top of her just having him over..
any help on this situation would be wonderful…
or maybe its just me i am not sure anymore all i know is this is not happiness for me. and if i am wrong then i need to see about some help i would say
Another great book on this topic is “Boundaries” by Townsend and Cloud…
I had a manipulative person wait until someone in my family died to start harassing me… She tormented me until I could barely go to work, and got the promo I wanted… haha… now that I look back on it its strange… Why couldn’t I just not listen to that b*tch?
i lived w a man for 7 years, his 2 daughters became unbearable, and caused much chaos among us, and also the 1 daughter married ( after leaving her husband and son) a NY cop, they did an investigation on me, found out that 30 yrs ago i was arrested for dui, yes this was a horrible thing i did whan i was young, i was maybe 20 yrs old. my sister who uses meth came to where we live, she became friends w the daughters, and things got worse, as my sister is or was a meth user for yrs, she lost everythihng she had, including her mind, im sick of watching over my shoulder, as they invade my computer, call my doctors, the cops, etc, and will not stop, i used to sell on ebay, they would at that time make up false user names to interfere in my sales, they did this to the ex wifer of the cop as well, i PRAY each day these people leave me alone, i have since left this man, i cant take anymore, i do not intrioduce myself and say , by the way i was arrested 30 yrs ago for dui, but they continue through my family to get at me via my phone, comp, i cant use facebook, my sister has posted on her facebook, her photo, w my birthdate , my likes, things i do and have done, what can i do about this ? i dont have alot of money to spend but can afford possibly an attorney, if this is what it takes to make these people leave me alone, i moved 1,200 miles away, and it doesnt stop, have private phone number etc. this is evil, they have destroyed my life, so they think, i have no privacy, my son trust his aunt, my sister, so he tells her everything, my phone number etc, and then it starts all over again, ive had enough, i will procecute if this doesnt stop, the daughter in laws destroyed the ex husband one daughter lived with, by sayiong he molested 2 17 yr olds, i dont believe this at all, they took his business, his home, this is a mess, i want just to be left alone, i knew the day my meth head sister came to our home, something very nad was goingh to happen, and it did, and hasnt stopped, do i need an attorney? how do i keep my privacy when the one girl married a cop, and he has access to all equipment for getting into my phone, my computer my life????? how can people be so evil???????? i pray for them all, that God will come to them, and help these decieving people.
i am in the same boat sorta. i married a vietnam vet and he was a liar that was so good i didnt even see through it. he would devise schemes and lies to people behind my back to make me look like some bad person to the community.he would go to my places of hangout like pubs.stores,restaurants, anywhere i was welcomed and savatage me because he was jealous of my good personality and he didnt have his own. he would try to be like me and nobody liked him he followed me when i moved and now things are repeating themselves again he is psychotic and now hes on heavy pain meds from the doctors and hes lying to them as well and they believe him but its making me very scared what scam or lie hes going to make to harm me next i dont have any friends because hell ruin it for me.
So…I have a friend whom I’m not really sure is a manipulator. I FEEL like I’m being manipulated, though. Let me give you an example of how she acts: She’ll insult you one minute and tell you she loves you the next, she’ll take advantage of stuff like the fact that I get my homework done, she goes out with whoever she wants and then complains about being a victim, and joins new groups of friends often, leaving her old friends in the dust. Also, when I told her that I’m a bisexual girl, she was like, “Oh, that has to be so confusing…”, and then later tells me that she “has liked me for months” and never speaks of it again. Does any of this sound manipulative to you? Or am I just oversensitive?
no you are not being oversensitive.I am in a situation similar to yours and trying to get out of it emotionally..when you perceive something it usually ends up being reality..
It makes me feel better listening to these stories. I’ve dealt with a person like this for the past three years – unfortunately a mom at my kids school. We were friends but I could not stand they way she talked about other people – in particular anyone I made friends (lets call her B). She then would say she didn’t really care. Next thing I know she is trying really hard to make friends with all these people. Examples would be that there was a woman at the school who started doing nails – first thing out of the B’s mouth – oh I would never get my nails done by her….does anyone want to take a guess who is doing her nails????!!!!! Next one was that the mothers would get together once a month for dinner – again – she would say things like – whatever, I have no use for those people. Found out B attendedevery dinner since day 1! Finally after months of her crap and well me reacting badly (manipulators do not like it when you fight back, in fact it gets worse)….I was trying to politely wean her out of my life. I was hanging out with a mom let’s call her H- i was very close to her and this other woman also talked badly about her – more her husband for some reason – I was debating how to tell my friend to keep her distance. WELL well – guess who became the B’s best friend ever – my friend H?!? WTF? I tried to ignore it and go my way and i got to the point where i didn’t even speak to the B – I any more - I just wanted her out of my life. Well another invite comes through on facebook for one of these moms dinners. My friend H sent it out. For the first time I thought I would go and replied. Well ofcourse after I replied B immediately replied that she would not be there. Here is the kicker – my dear dear friend thinks she is only responding to B and writes “oh this invitation was mostly for you in hopes that ……(I) would decline.” I couldn’t believe it – what the hell to this manipulator say to my friend to make me suddenly be this bad of a person. I called her on it, cried and almost lost my mind, became very obsessed over the situation. Even though I was the one hurt, apparently I was suppossed to just look the other way,not say anything – grow up even I was told?!
There are many more of these types of inncidents – and I have isolated myself from anyone near B. Now this woman has decided to make best buddies with my trainer whom I’ve been close with for 3 years! In fact they are now facebook buddies and have gone to parties together. She will post these things on my friends wall just so I can see – i’m not stupid! The one time I tried to point out B’s behaviour – I got they “let it go, she’s never done a thing to me, you have a problem”…..WOW – To boot B again said she hated this woman and I defended my friend who for whatever reason is not B’s buddy?
Sorry – this is the first time I tried to piece this all together. I know I am guilty of reacting very emotionally before I think things through, but does anyone else see the pattern here? And if so – direction from anyone would be great – I can’t take it anymore.
Pooch, I understand your frustration. I wouldn’t want to be around B, even if she wasn’t trying to manipulate. She sounds like a narcissist: talking badly about other people, then befriending them, etc. Also, it sounds like she likes you, but realizes that you are a better person than she could possibly be, so she wants to be friends with your friends, etc. She lies about you to make herself look better. Wacked, huh? Because she’s wacked, it just comes out funny. You’re right to stay as far away from her as you can. Also, it’s best if you don’t even let her know who your friends are or what you’re doing.
I have had to unfriend my friends on facebook because of a person like this and have insisted on “no contact”, even indirectly. The manipulator thinks my boyfriend has money (he doesn’t) and tells everyone that I’m spending his money and taking advantage of him, etc. It’s shocking that people can be this awful.
Hold your head up and be proud of who you are.
I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships – brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores – Kindle or paperback!
Ccwriter247 is right….B is the epitome of a NARCISSIST. She has classic behaviors of one. She wants your life, but not good enough and never will be!! You should read Sam Vankins books on Narcissism.
I feel so much better knowing that other people have the same problem as me :) I think manipulative ‘friends’ are much more common than anybody realises. They try to control your life, and most importantly control your friends, so that they can isolate you and leave you reliant on them, and having to take take their abuse, or change your personality for them, and when you finally reject them, they constantly try to make you feel awful and guilty, and turn all your friends against you. They never really go away as long as you still have to come into contact, but the trick is just to remove them from your life entirley, and not to let them win, just remember that’s it her that has the problem, not you:)
I would certainly block her from your facebook so she can see anything that you do or say on anyones page and vice versa. Then I would not bother trying to make people see what she is like she will eventually do that herself when she needs to find someone else to manipulate. Believe me she will do it. You need to try and forget her as it does become and obsession but you will get through this. Good luck.
First of all, I’ve learned the hard way that FB is TOXIC City! It might be hard at first, but get off of FB (at least for a good amount of time!). I was (still am) being very hurt by my estranged (abusive) husband and all of my children. Then my sister joined them. The most difficult and sad time in my life, but the stuff going around FB was only making me feel worse. A dear (and real) friend told me “the need to know is the need for pain” (I believe that to be from Alanon?). But she she is absolutely right. My Christian counselor told me to cold turkey get off FB. It was hard and I still occassionally go there but only for “good” reasons. My situation is still very painful and I am very much still on the journey out of an abusive and manipulative relationship but I became stronger and my self worth came back when I got off FB. Make friends with genuine people who can live without FB . . . believe it or not, there are a lot of these people who would love to befriend you. The best to you.
I have known people like this. It is very hurtful when it is happening to you. Anyone who cannot understand this has either lived a charmed life or is in denial. I hope things have been better for you and that you have found some good friends that B isn’t part of. :-)
Not worth it!
I have a neighbor that I have helped in the past and now is asking more of me than I want to give. I believe she is only using me and not sure how to handle this. I want to be honest with her and let her know I know what she is doing but want to say it in a nice way.. Any suggestions.
Hello Kdame63, Yes, I have a friend like that too. She is very imposing, and bossy, I may sever this friendship very shortly. I will try nice, but with this lady I will be right to the point. With these type of individuals you have to nip it in the bud. I allowed her to be this way. They are schemmers and have been practising this technique for awhile. I wish you good luck, find a friend you feel safe with. Cheers Caroline.
What the hell am I supposed to do??? I’m in a similar situation, only its my cousin (she’s 19) and I let her live with me because nobody wanted her at their house. I didn’t really know why until now. She is the biggest manitpulator I have ever met. She’s nice to my face. She’s allowed to do whatever she wants but she still talks so much shit about me saying I’m bossy and bitchy……bitch, this is my fucking house that I’m letting you live in and this is how you repay me?!! She is very cunning and is very good at playing the victim, which is complete bullshit. I’m tired of her using me, telling me she loves me and my kids and how she’s always happy being around us, when really she tells everyone of her friends how stupid I am and how I complain too much. I don’t, unless its about someone who is being mean to her (or so she says) and all I’m doing is telling her to get away from people who are mean to her. I have learrned that its not them, its HER!!! I’m kicking her out of my house today because I can’t take her lies and manipulation anymore. Anything else I should do or say before I drop the bomb on her?
wtf i am a fucking rape victim are you mental health proffesional i think this violates the law because your telling me how to get over it from medical point of view. i am a victim it about letting go num nuts but i dont have to put up with it if it exist in say my roommate who is emotional abusing me and landlord and law thinks its a joke i am transsexual they play religion well ihave news for you separation church and state and well my other roommate doesnt force his beliefs on me and he is islamic its not freedom of religion bullshit and my beleifs of being buddhist is being violated. take this down or i will make the law see this and then you get ass raped in jail by bubba
my mother is very manipulative. she tells me that i’m a terrible daughter while my sister can do no wrong. she thought she was having a heart attach and decided to email me and tell me while also telling me how crapy i have treated her and i don’t talk to her every day and that my sister talks to her every day and tells her that she is a good mom. she constantly emails me to tell me that i’m a sorry excuse for a daughter so i quit talking to her. now she sayys that i’m ashamed of her and my family. she blames my husband. saying that because of him i don’t come around. i tell her that it is because of how she talks to me. i could go on for hours but don’t have time. how do you handle a manipulative parent? and my sister supports her.
sounds like a bpd/npd to me…probabaly a lawyer…lol…ichg hr?
But a lawyer is the problem—she is admitted to the GA state bar—she loves control because I would not go out with her on a date 15 years agos—ICHG HR lawyer and bad news…now she finds people to stalk me at my workplace…b/v distortion campaign…Emory law school you be so proud!!!! Not.
My brother is a manipulator and its hard because everyone in the family sees him as the little angel, for a few years now ive suffered as a agoraphobic (a fear of going outside) and because i hardly see my family anymore he has won and now im the lazy failure of the family that gets the short straw,
ive kind of given up trying to show the family what he really is like or trying to change him to show i do love him and am happy for him.
its now got to the stage where he does try to make me jealous of his life the fact that hes got a girlfriend and been with her for over a month he is getting married and has a baby on the way and everyone thinks he is like a hero of the family, i just congratulate him and wish him the best.
all i can say is if you do have time to get away from these people do it, and please do it before its too late!
Dont make the same mistakes i have made and always remember that theres always something great about you and your’e life and feel proud about that!
thank you for making this article its good to see that there are still decent people on the planet and not all are out to ruin you!
love and peace
Jay
I have a person in my life who i avoid as much as i can. She married my cousin, They both drank and so did my uncle until he had a stroke and the left side of his body was like paralized, but he was able to stand up and use his hand but didnt have no real control over it or muscle to do a lot of things, they still brought him out, because he was the one with the money, but when they went out she would yell in the taveren that she was not goingt to take care of him when they got home so dont expect it, then she would go and cry to whoever was there about how hard he makes her do things for him, like cooking or cleaning up after him, her own father inlaw.She has 6 kids from different fathers, she married my cousin and had 2 girls. She never took care of them she had her mother watch them. or her older son, 14. she would say how stressed she was, i went to the house several times it was a mess,i told her i would help her clean but she said it a nasty oice no and that peop.le would say bad things about her. so my uncle and cousin and the 2 girls lived in a mess. My uncle went into nursing home again this time they took his bank card and cashed his checks didnt bring him not where rarly visitied only when they wanted him to make a loan to get her rig fixed she would say for the kids and he would do it, 1000-4000$. He was able to get out they picked him up but just dropped him at home by himself. they moved out to her moms house. At one of these nights out they drank a lot of whisky and where arguing and my cousin walked off and he was hit by a car and killed. This women kept drininking showedf up laughing then was yelling around at everybody, but she went to my uncle and some how had his bank card took out all his money, then had him co sign a loan for the funeral which she spent the day, we buried him and she was down town drinking again saying she needed to look for new husband see her now with several men, and then she said she would take care of my uncle and needed to be his legal guardian, she wanted to him to sign the house over to her but there was complications with that his brother steopped in and took over so now she has no money, but she is crying around to my old man, he was my cousins good friend and i think she is trying to go out with him, she is a bad seed.
I had a manipulative friend like this, but luckily I’ve gotten ridden her after only a couple of months. I met her when I started at college, I didn’t know anyone at first, and she was really nice and introduced me to all of her friends, and I felt like I was part of a group again. But after a while she started acting really strangely. She would constantly be insulting to me, tell me I was weird and boring, and she would ignore anything nice I tried to say to her. She would constantly want me to spent time with her, and as a result I didn’t make many other friends. She was really clingy during college, but when I suggested meeting up outside of college, she said no and acted like I was being weird. But every time she behaved in a mean way, she would be nice and redeem herself, and I would continue being friends with her. She kept on introducing me to new people, which seemed nice at the time, but now I realise it was just her being controlling about who else I was friends with. After a while she started accusing me of being nasty to her, of constantly insulting and offending her. At first she said I was doing it deliberatley, but then one night she sent me a series of facebook messages saying that she was sorry but she had to tell me the truth: I was a nice person, but i was constantly upsetting, insulting and offending people around me without realising it and I needed to change, otherwise i wasn’t going to get very far in life. She told me that all her friends hated me and were constantly asking how she tolerated me. The messages started off nice and polite and I believed them at first and cried for ages at how awful I was. However, when I tried to question some of the offensive things I said or ask who exactly hated me, she got cagey and just kept saying things like ‘one day you’ll realise..but by then you’ll be all alone’ and ‘jesus, you’re being a right bitch today’ and i got a bit suspicious of her. She started making threats like ‘you treat me bad and I don’t have to put up with it’ and ‘I’m the one trying to convince everybody that you’re ok, but i don’t have to’. She constantly reiterated that i was a nice person, but i had a real nasty streak and i needed to change. Eventually, I just said i didn’t want to have any contact with her. She immediatly deleted me as a friend on facebook, blocked me and reported me. She’s now turned all her friends, who were my friends too, against me, and although some of them were nice and stayed friends with me, I can’t talk to them while she’s around otherwise she tells them to get away from me. It’s taken me a while to get my confidence back, but I’m making new, real friends and everyone who doesn’t know her that well agrees that she’s a manipulative bitch after reading her messages to me. Now, I realise that the signs were there from the start…she would constantly accuse me of being ‘moody’ or being ‘bitchy’ or ‘nasty’ towards her, and she was controlling, and always nice enough in real life, but much more vicious online. I’m glad to have her out of my life, but its always hard to avoid her, as she still gets her friends to pass along nasty and abusive messages to me because she won’t talk to me herself, and she’s made everyone think we had this massive ‘arguement’ and that i was a horrible bitch who wouldn’t leave her alone. I think the key with me was realising she had previous victims..she would always talk about other people who were horrible to her, and she had arguements with, and there are several messages on her facebook page from other people along the lines of ‘i’m sorry if I came across as a bitch, I’m so sorry, i promise i can change’. I just hope the people that left those realise that she’s a manipulator and there’s nothing wrong with them. If anyone else has had a problem like this, let me know…I feel like i can never truly get away from her.
Hey guys, all these post really make me feel better abut the situations I ve been through in my life. It seems almost everyone around me has manipulaive traits including myself. I too have picked up on manipulative traits in hopes to defend myself from destructive charaters. Its taken me awhile to catch on to their ways and although its uncomfortable and frustrating to haft to rewire my spirt to defend myself from eveil spirirted people Itruely beleive its a lesson that needs to be learned. As hard as it is you must learn to understand that in life their are people who have been through tough times or what they perceive as tough times and they are who they are because of it. You are lucky that you were blessed with the strenghth to maintain a well balanced moral code. others have been driven mad by loss of hope and have allowed the world to corrupt their inner being. Those of us who still maintain our sanity must learn to unconditionally love ourselves. You dont need validation. you no your right. stop looking for someone to give you self assurance and beleive with all your heart in what you no to be right. Dont expect everyone to like you and except that their are destructive peoplee. Have nothing to do with anyone who seeks to make you feel inatiquate in anyway. Beleive that you deserve to be around those whom encourage you, laugh with you, believe in the same things you believe in, and are generally happy content people. If you ever feel like your compromising yourself to bend to someone elses trickery you need to distance yourself and if not able to distance your self then distance your heart, true feelings, and emotionas. That doesnt mean your weak, it means your smart and wise enought to put your pride aside and make a mature decision to humble yoursef and remove you self or this person from tour life, or heart. Dont give your heart to wolves. Dont surround yourself with discontent people. you are who you hang out with. If it means you must distance yourself from family, friends, spouse etc….do so. Guard your heart from all for it is the wellspring of life. your heart is sacred. No one should be trusted with it unless you no 4 SURE they will handle it with gentle hands. Be patient and look for those who are more deserving of your tokens of genuine concern and affection. Untill you find someone you can trust…love yourself. It sound corny but sometimes that the hardest thing to do. Let them be as they have chosen to be you be as you want to be. dont worry about what their doing. focus on yourself and stay in your world. No one should enter into your world unless you make a conscious decision to let them in. They have no power over you. they only think they do. Be indifferent to people like that. they have nothing for you. Its hard but if your going through it God beleives you can overcome it. Dont get angry and dont resist, dont allow anyone to make u up set. As unfair as it may be respect the fact that they have the right to do as they please and say as they please. You to have the right to do as you please and say as you please. Heres a list a rights that you can resight dailly to help you remember your rights as a human being…
Assertiveness rights
I have the right to ask for what I want
I have the right to say no to request or demands I cant meet
I have the right to express my feelings positive or negative
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect
I have the right to determine my own priorities
I have the right not to be responsible for others behavior,actions,feelings,or problems,
I have the right to expect honest from others
I have the right to be angry wth someone I love
I have the right to feel scared and say Im afraid
I have the right not to give reasons for my behavior
I have the right to make decisions based of my feelings
I have the right to my own needs for personal time
I have the right to be playful and frivolus
I have the right to be healthier than those around me
I have the right to be in a non abusive environmenet
I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people
I am just as good, just as valuable,and just as important as anyone elese as a human being
People can influence me but overall people cant make me or cause me to feel something. Its my choice.
Thank you so much for all you have written….I became so lost and finding it hard to come back…and it hurts!!!
It was so great to read this and see their are good people who understand the damage another person can do…thank you again and hope to meet people like you through my journey in life
Thank you so much for all you have written. I have had it with one of my sister. She’s so disrespectful to me and think that she speaks for my parents. She has made me so unhappy..I think I hate her…so sorry….
I have a brother like her; I don’t hate him but I will NEVER have anything to do with him EVER again!!! He has been like this all of out lives & I know he will never change!! He made mistakes as I have & some are very similar to each other, he doesn’t remember he did those mistakes & judges me for making them!!
I understand how you feel, but I HATE this term, I can’t figure out how to do this with all my issues but let her go & let her be herself while you are living your life!! That’s why I will never have anything to do with my brother, I am done & he means pretty much nothing to me!! It does take some time to learn to let them go but when you get there you will feel better!!! You are not a loser!! She isn’t God & doesn’t have the right to judge you!! We all do good & bad things & she isn’t any different!!
I hope I helped you to allow yourself to not hate but divorce her!!
I have a sister that brainwashes my Dad against me,she has called the cops on me,when she does wrong,against me.She has called cops on neighbors for stupid things on land property,and makes them think I am involved.I made good friends with neighbors that moved here and my sister called animal control on thier pittbull dogs.Then everyone gets mad at me.They do know we don’t get along,but just being her sister annoys me,she didn’t grow up here.She moved here after graduating from High School, and its been hell for the last 17 years.She likes to copy me,she got pregnant from my bro-in law(from my 1st husbands brother he never Loved her, he left her hanging) then when I remarried she went with my (now Ex-husbands cousin) and had more kids.God blessed me with a daughter from my 1st husband then when I married my now 2nd ex-husband I had 2 sons.My sister kept getting Pregnant untill she had a boy, 3 daughters later.She is not married. How Jealous can she allow herself to be and want to be like me.I learned that she knows it would bug me. I realized she will never change. I don’t care about her she has tried to turn my own kids against me,but they see how she is.My Dad changed A LOT, now he is noticing it.He acts like her still.My Dad use to be cool untill she moved here, I was a lot happier.I have been depressed,angry now I don’t even want to go out my door. Now I think F**K HER! I have lost precious time just to avoid her.If I see her I just act like I never knew her. My Mother left when I was small but had my sister untill she came to live near me and my Dad.My Biological Mother is just as a Bitch like her,and don’t care for her.What Mother abandonds her 1st two born kids (my brother & I )he is deceased now. Holidays SUCK cause I dont have a family .Its just me and my kids.My sister is 7 years younger and acts like she knows it all. I CANT ANYMORE allow myself to be controlled by her.What Do I Do?Meaning how do I start to pick myself up and do things outside and enjoy LIFE?I feel so alone.Even the neighbors I was close to She started to get jealous of me too. I think I must be doing something right. So Anyone out there do you have any advice.
Just relax for a minute, if she is copying you then don’t let her know anything about what you do!!! If you find a nice friend up the street don’t let her know about it!!! If you decide to move to another neighborhood don’t let her know, I would also tell you not to let your Dad know just in case he decides to tell her!!! I know where my brother lives & we NEVER see each other!! I found out he is jealous of me which is a total shock since he has been telling me how much I suck since birth!! I don’t tell him anything & the same for him which seems to be really positive for the both of us!! I know how you feel about being alone, my parents are gone & all I have is my husband!! That is enough, your kids & you are a family & Thank God you have them!!! They feel your pain, anger & that shouldn’t be a way to spend the days consumed with worry & grief because your sister is trying to run you out of town!!!
What could be so bad, then you get to start over in another neighborhood & have a fresh start!! Granted moving isn’t easy & finding another place is tough right now but keep this in the back of your head as a last resort!!! I’ve moved all over CO & I understand change isn’t always fun but sometimes necessary!! Your neighbors should understand why you are having issues, I’m sure she isn’t sweet as pie to them either!!!
This problem just might take some time until she does the same things to the neighbors & she will, this is a pattern she learned & won’t quit obviously!!! Your Mom probably was the one who taught her all these
wonderful things that get under your skin!! Besides it was her loss not to
enjoy you or your brother growing up, HATE to say this but Let it Go!! I
get told that a lot & don’t understand how to just let it go & not be
bothered anymore!!! Your Mom isn’t here anymore so the problem shouldn’t
matter!! God will deal with her & you need to find other things to think
about!!!
Maybe you can go to a recreation center & enjoy the day with your kids
swimming or playing basketball!! You can also meet new people there & have
a wonderful conversation with other mothers & fathers that are there with
their children!!! Pick another neighborhood kinda far away so that you &
the kids have this all to yourselves!! Again don’t mention this to the
family just in case she hears about it & decides to ruin a good thing!! I
understand telling you to keep a secret from your Dad sounds awful but if
he is stuck in the middle she will use him to find out all your doing!! I
know this personally because my brother has done this for many years & my
Dad never knew what hit him!!! Tell your dad your spending the day in
church or arts & crafts or something boring like that!! Be sure it’s boring
& something your sister wouldn’t be interested in, maybe a reading group or
Bible study, but remember not to get to elaborate because you might get
questioned & you don’t won’t to get caught in a lie!!! Tell the kids the
same thing except they can go to a park near to you so they know not to
spill the beans!! If it does come out just say you were interested in
spending the time with the kids & thought it would be fun!!
This should give you another way of looking at your life without her
bothering you or hurting you!!! Sorry this is hard for you, I know how you
feel!! Seems this is very satisfying for your sister & that is how some
people are!! Misery loves company comes to mind but you don’t have to play
her games anymore!! Telling her you need space might be a great idea as
well but I don’t think she’ll listen!! She knows she’s getting to you & her
game is working so she won’t stop!! You can always rip her in front of
everyone but that gets messy & people just don’t understand how you both
could HATE each other that much!!! I did go through this after my Dad died
& well let’s just say the neighbor watching our argument got an earful!!!
There is also Facebook, you can make darn sure she isn’t ever allowed to
read anything by blocking her!! There are many games & they do get
addictive but many people just talk to their friends & enjoy each others
company!! You might even meet some new folks & have a great little social
life!!!!
There are many things & places to go that your sister doesn’t need to know
about!! Take a drive with the kids to see wildlife, the mountains, the
ocean, where ever you live explore it!! Take pics of the kids in nature &
enjoy showing them to your Dad, neighbors!! I am a loner but I like going
to the mountains or even other states like WY. SD. ND. & I take pics of
every animal I see & enjoy them with family in TN. & friends in AZ. I know
you’ll feel better once you get away & find something fun to do!! You’ll
have a new idea & then you & the kids can enjoy it!! During school have a
trip to the Spa or get your hair done, there’s always something to talk
about in a beauty salon!!! You can also go to the mall, shop, window shop,
wish shop, look at the cute guys like we did in High school!! Go to the
park & walk, lose weight, stay in shape!! Find another interest or
interests to keep you busy!! Live your life without her, as I do my brother
we don’t miss each other & that is a joyous feeling!!!
I know once you start figuring out things to do she won’t matter anymore!!
I promise you need distance from her & once you’ve got enough distance
things will look better again!!! If you need to talk I’m always here!!!
Good luck with finding some distance!!! Iamameaner1
First of all Thank you for your advice and I noticed You answered within 3 hours after I got my computer running again. You were right. My sister has noticed I act as though she don’t exist.This past few days she brews trouble with other neighbors.She called cops again ,over petty things over an easement,they mistakenly cut my home phone,internet wire.(call B4 U Dig). I did not get mad, after a couple of days I asked them politely to connect my wire or the phone company will charge them etc., etc.,They did connect it. We agreed to communicate B4 they do anything concerning the easement. My sister called cops again cause they made a temporary ditch over easement. It stirred so much hatred between my neighbors sister and my sister,and
my Dad (property is under his name) Now they are taking my Dad to court over this easement situation and if they really do, they are doing me a favor because I don’t want it blocked either .All of this could have been solved by talking to them, but my sister always calls cops 4 anything.They talk to me, they feel bad cause my Dad don’t wave at them anymore etc.,etc.,I still feel I am walking on eggshells cause she knows its her fault and somehow tries to make it look as if its me doing her dirty work..My Dad was really mad (how you told me he wont know what hit him). My sister knowing this sent my Dad over to my place to tell me ,”Why did you say this and that of your sister”? I was like what the hell.I told him,” both you and I know she stirs trouble and somehow wants to turn you against me”.His easy to manipulate by her since his getting old.Now my Dad is trying his best to get along with me, I hope he opened his eyes. I’m just going to go on with my life.Yes it’s true who will she have to talk crap about me the day my Dad no longer is here. I just hope she don’t start to make it hard on me or my sons. Yes, how you told me to keep it as my last resort to move,I have thought about it so many times, but I can’t because everything that is mine (Property) wont be mine legally till my Dad passes then I could sell property here and go far away but what if its worse where I go? .I feel my Dad is selfish for having me here next to him so he won’t be alone as he did with my sister later on,when we don’t get along, My life was so better without her here.I kinda feel bad for my Dad but when she first moved here he had her do the dirty work against neighbors he acts like he does not do anything. Now she does it on her own and also what manipulative ways she learned from our biological mother. I am even tired of going on & on about this. I feel sick.I just hope I don’t have to go to court to defend my Dad.Then all of a sudden My Biological Mother sends me a letter that she wants for us to get along, B4 all this happened. I got the courage to call her and tell her how in the world will we ever get along ,When you broke this family by leaving my Dad 4 another. I prayed & stayed thinking should I call my sister to let her know of neighbors taking Dad to court, so he could move Vigas and Adobes blocking easement, like a dummy I did, all I heard was her telling me #1.U did this & that to my boy friend (like she had a list of stupid things in her mind) I quickly told her You always tell me I live in the past ,Your doing it right now & I Hung Up.I’ts sad that family can’t get along.As I told my Dad your blocking easement ,If you get a fine to pay ,remember I told you and don’t go take out your anger on me.Whats also bad about living here everyone is on some drug (heroin) the worst.I have lost many friends,relatives because of drugs and have brought some back after an O’D I learned along time ago to stay away even if they are related If they die ,that’s the lifestyle they chose I cant babysit so called friends, I wont do it No More!.I like how you encouraged me to go out and do things,its time for me to do so even if I have to go to Alb.,Other cities are to close I want to go where no one knows me.Window shopping is a good idea, I don’t need money for that. I guess that’s all for now. Your the only person I have ever communicated through the internet,I was touched deeply also how you told me I could talk to you whenever,I don’t have friends that I can trust. I am also a loner.I’am trying my best with the distance.Thanks again.God Bless!.flyawayto
I totally understand what you are going through. We have to stand up to bullies, and set boundaries. You may want to get a restraining order against her if she is harassing you and your children. Keep all information from her, but it may help to know what she is doing. Bullies go crazy when they can’t find information about someone they want to harass. Sooner or later she will hang herself with her evil. There is a ministry, Luke 17:3 Ministries, which assists those suffering from abuse from family members as adults. See http://www.luke173ministries.org.
I love the post, I do wonder one thing… the assertiveness rights, some of them just seem too broad, exactly what usually people with a hidden agenda would shield themselves with.
I do have the right to all of those things, but so does the other person. If we are all angry and not give reasons for my behavior, how do you think that is gonna go? LOL
you are awesome!!!! thank you so much for sharing. honestly im dealing with getting out of a very manipulative friendship and i have been doubting myself so much for so long about it and this really helped me see what is really going on and that feeling bad all the time in a friendship is not normal. so again thank you!
Thank u .
I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships – brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores – Kindle or paperback!
does my ex husband have a right to say that my boyfriend can not be around my son because he has done time in prison.
Hi everyone or someone I have a question…I am married to a wonderful man and I have 3 kids with him I been married for 14 years now and I am happy with him but my problem come with his mother. I think she is been really manipulative person not only with me but with the people around her and the family. First of all she try a couples of times to kill her because when she was younger she adopted a little girl like in the 80′s and she didn’t know that the little girl had AIDS and she did fight for her in every positive way she could but like everybody know when u have a disease like that all u can do is pray for the best and make that person feel great everyday which she did but ever since she is been depress and many times try to kill herself (by the way she have her own boy which is my husband) so every time something happen and things doesn’t go her way or disagreement she get depress and try to blame everybody else expect herself and sometimes she try to “again” to kill herself and now everybody need to be walking around egg shell with her. My opinion is she is trying to manipulated people by doing that and it been so long and I have kids and I would like some help or advice how to deal with her. Just this weeks she did something I didn’t like with my little girl and she make her feel bad and I didn’t like that as a mother we are here to protect our children from everyone and I don’t know how to deal with her, she also think she own my kids. Please any advice will be appreciated. Thank You.
I am working on myself … but when the manipulator has possession of some of my family’s treasures, and refuses to give them up, although at first, when I got back to town and set up a pickup date, all was great, but even then, I could tell she really did NOT want to give up anything. Now, six months later, she has manipulated the entire scene to where I am going to have to go to Court to get my deceased daughter’s things as well as my son’s things and some of my own – including little shelves that my beloved Papaw gave me. Now, to court I go … “it’s a civil matter” say the police. SO YEAH .. I’LL BE REAL SURE AND ‘WORK ON MYSELF’ … and my stupid son who left our things at those people’s house but then, the woman IS a reaaalll theiving manipulator! I’d rather push her off a pier than deal with Court, to be honest. Sure, I’d lose the stuff but then, I might anway .. but wow, the satisfaction of seeing one more jerkoff manipulator bite the … chilly waters would be divine. Grrrrr!
My mouth is full of testimony,I Am MIMISE my husband left the home for 4 years to USA for a tourist,he meant a prostitute and he was bewitch be the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called ayelalashrine@gmal.com and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband..Dr Moon of ayelalashrine@gmal.com is the best spell caster in the whole wild world.
j have a stalker that now hAS GANG BANGERS FOLLING ME AROUND!!!!!!! You know the he said she said so now i have a bunch of crack meth following me EVERYWHERE !!!!! its crazy you would think somebody think something is soooooo wrong with this and stop it!!!!!!!!! oh well its them that are waving the flag look at us we doing illeagle things because they wanteted to belive some bullcrap story!!!!!!!!! they are not screwing me instead they have screwed themselves!!!KARMA!!!!KARMAKARMA!!!!KARMA!!!!!!! SO BEFORE U START START STALKING SOMEBODY FOR SOME ONE ELSE GET BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY BECAUSE HE IS A LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am new in this website. so i want to know. my friend died and his wife wants to fuck with me. so is it ok if i fuck her. so my one part says fuck and other part says no. if is not good later on i don’t have soul pain. please can some one help me with that???? thanx
my mother has never been there for me and was convicted of child battery of me and my brother several years later i have a daughter and every birthday and xmas i get a card and a cheque sent to social services i dont want to speak to her and i dont want my daughter being used against me she is trying to get imformation on only me not my brother is there anything i can do to stop her fishing ?
Leonard from India
“DR gboco (gbocotemple@yahoo.com), I have been looking for a loan to pay up my bills on till i met this Drgboco. and i contacted him for a lotto spell although i was afraid because of the online scammer’s but i dicided to give him a trier and the spell was cast after I have received the LOTTO SPELL.i pay for $10000000, and within three days i received the result and now i am very happy with my family again. I’m just to happy to have made up my mind for the LOTTO SPELL.”
My wife works in an office ,she has work for the company for 23 years , she is 44…There is this young girl who has work there a few years…she has for some reason taking a dislike to my wife and now has involved to men in her scam…they send nasty e-mails to each other about my wife ..calling her nasty names and being really nasty to her …my wife by accident found an e-mail on the computer system ..and then dug deeper and found about 40 odd e-mails about her ..my wife is a loverly women and would help anyone with a problem..she don’t deserve this at all …She just cannot understand why this young girl would do this to her because she helps her if she has a work related problem…this girl did come from a broken home ….these to guys don’t know really that she is using them .and they could get the sack for this ….But none of them know that my wife knows all about the e-mails ..it makes my wife really upset…I think this girl hates it because my wife knows everything there is to know about the business…of course she does she has work there 23 years and helps everyone ..this girl is only a jnr my wife is a senior..The only one above my wife is the manager ..but she is a wet blanket, and would just say don’t be silly even if she showed her the e-mails ..of course i just want to go there and give these two blokes a good hiding , but my wife said it would not help her …But it really hurts me inside to see my lover’y wife treated so bad …nasty people i hate them .
Dear powerful kumar(powerfulkumartemple@yahoo.com), We were so financially strapped when I
found you I couldn’t even afford a money spell. You were my last hope to help us get out of
debt and finally have the financial freedom we kept striving for. You sensed my desperation
and allowed me to make payments on my money spells. I cannot say enough good things about
you and your circle. You all did so much to help me and my family. We no longer wonder if
we can make the mortgage this month and in fact recently purchased a larger house and no
longer have to worry about answering the phone for fear of creditors.
Thank you for all you have done for me and my family! ~ Bernard, United States, Denver, CO
powerful kumar. I am so happy to tell you that Frank and I just got back from a wonderful
second honey moon in Greece after renewing our vows. After being married for 10 years and 2
kids later, the luster had been long gone from our marriage until I found you. Our first
wedding was in front of a judge, quick and to the point because neither of us could afford
more. Our vow renewal was everything that we wanted and the honeymoon was absolutely
amazing! It feels like we have fallen in love for the first time all over again. I owe you
a big hug!powerful kumar(powerfulkumarspell@yahoo.com)
Thanks! ~ Cora, United States, Los Angeles, CA
hank you so much for all you have written. I have had it with one of my sister. She’s so disrespectful to me and think that she speaks for my parents. She has made me so unhappy..I think I hate her…so sorry….
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WINTCHCRAFTSPELL TEMPLE……
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I couldn’t wait to update you on what has happened. I requested the absolute good luck money spell be cast only last Thursday. Over the weekend I found $100.00 laying on the ground outside my apartment, purchased a lotto ticket and won $10,000 from that and won a new car from a sweepstakes! To top it off, I went into work on Monday and got the promotion I had been wanting! I could not believe how fast your spells work. I will certainly recommend POWERFUL KUMAR Spells to any of my friends.thanks powerful kumar(powerfulkumarspell@yahoo.com)
powerful kumar. When I found your email (powerfulkumarspell@yahoo.com) I was so frustrated with what had recently happened. There were two of us in line for a great promotion at work. However, I was not willing to “fix the books” like my manager wanted so I did not get the promotion… the other guy did. I really needed that to survive as I was barely getting by on my measly pay. I found your site and knew what I wanted… I wanted my manager to finally be caught, along with the guy that now had the promotion, wanted them both to get what they deserved. A week after requesting the ramshackled finances revenge spell our company was audited, the accounting discrepancies were found and the people responsible were let go and brought up on fraud charges. I now have my ex-managers job and don’t expect my employees to “fix” anything other than their mistakes.
My current husband is very mentally abusive he calls me a bitch 1-20 times a day.I would like to say I think of my self as pretty a strong person but lately I feel Im losing that side of me. He has turned his family against me telling them a bunch of lies which they actually believe and now say they want nothing to do with me.This past christmas my husband and kids went to his moms on christmas and left me home it made me feel like I was a bad person like i did something to deserve this.I want to leave the situation but I dont want a day to go without telling my kids I love them not seeing them when they have to go with him will be hard I dont want them to be the next victim . I have tried to get so many people to help see what im going through and noone seems to care or want to help. He makes all his problems my fault even our kids are believing what he tells them.
You do know your just as bad if not worse… Just communicate.
“I missed my ex bad. My family and friends were tired of me being so upset one of them actually ordered a Love Spell for me From Dr. Gboco (gbocotemple@yahoo.com) I had no idea what they had done. They ordered the GLOBAL LOVE SPELL as it your best and most powerful and effective Love Spell. Needless to say, I was shocked to see my wife at the door a week later with her eyes full of tears, .I cannot believe how well my spell worked. I recently ordered a Money Spell because who doesn’t need extra money?”
wow this bottom story is perfect i need a copy for my wall
Thanks very much wiseindividualspell@gmail.com for the spell you cast for me.I am pleased to tell you that it worked great and I am now back with my husband and everything is okay. Thanks so much once again and will definitely order again in the future. Be blessed and keep up with the Good work.
I wanted to thank you for helping me get my girlfriend Roxanne back. She broke up with me last month and I have been miserable ever since the day she left me. I ordered your Return My Ex-Girlfriend Love Spell and within a couple of 2days we were back together! I have to say I am very pleased how fast and effective your spells are. I am also going to order a Money Spell to help with some finances. I would like to propose to Roxie and I want to give her the ring she deserves, Dr.zack balo is like a Father to me any thing he say come true that is why yo have to do any thing he ask you to do to make every thing work fine his email wiseindividualspell@gmail.com is here on internet to contact him now for your problem to be solve.
really am getting good idea….. to deal with such type of people
My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose website is shamuspiritualtemple@gmail.com so I had to contact him and in just 5days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man I got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough what what he did for me, I am so grateful.
I am berry from bi want to share my happiness with the general public of what DR cafai of africa has done for me in the last few weeks I was once in love this guy called mccatty we in love with each other until travelled out of my state for two year and we promise ourselve to be together forever, but before return from my journey he where now having another lover when I try to come back to he. He told me I should go away I love him so much that I could not let he go just like that then I told a friend about it and she advice me and recommend this man Dr Cafai for me when I visit he at cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com he only ask me to buy some items for sacrifices to help me get my ex back and he actualy did it and it work well and today I am happy with incase any one is out there with same problem or any kind I advice he or she to contact this man today at cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com and with what he did for me I belive he can also help you thank once again Dr Cafai.
I am Alysia a 27yrs old lady from Chile. Up until about a month ago I thought I was madly in love…. turn's out the guy just used me got me pregnant and walked out of my life, this is a guy I cannot even lose my eyes if I don't see him, it happen so fast that he is now everything to me. next month I was suppose to meet my parents because I have already told them about him. Things got complicated and I ran out of ideas until I met a friend on Facebook who advised me on how I could get my lover back and everything back to normal. I was given a lady spell cast email address priestessifaa@yahoo.com, I was advice to meet this lady if I ever want to be happy and get my lover back. I contacted this spell lady and she assured me of having him back in 2days, it sounds some how I was even more skeptical when I knew I has to come up with something, but my dear, 3days later my reply to the spell lady was unlimited thanks and happiness for her spell actually worked and brought Jakwel back to me as much as I expected. That spell lady Priestess Ifaa is a goddess. her spell is genuine. Our plans of meet my parents is still on and my baby is growing. I am honestly grateful for the best spell…..If you want to talk to me, email me at morganalysia@ymail.com.
Alysia
My name is Frank Morrison, my family and I live together live in Canada.It was after seven years I got to discover that my wife was unfaithful to me.I didn't know what was going on at first but as she got deep in the affair with her new lover, I felt that our marriage was on the rocks.I notice that she no longer light up when I touch her or kiss her in her neck and her chest because she really liked it when I did that, she also usually get naked in front of me but when she started seeing that guy she stopped it.I remember asking her if I have done anything that makes her feel irritated when I am around her then she gives silly excuses that she has been feeling stressed up and that she need space for a while.I know when you are been asked for space its usually because there is something fishy is going on.I hired a private investigator to help find out what was going on.And in a week time he brought me prove that my wife that I have lived with for seven straight year is cheating on me with her high school lover.I had picture of her walking out a of a restaurant with him and many other photo of them kissing in public like she will never be caught by someone that knows she is my wife.I asked myself, even when we had a daughter together she could this to me.That same night I showed her the pictures that I got from my private investigator.She didn't look at it before saying, that she is seeing someone and she know that I just found out about it.Then she said that she is in love with him.At that moment, I didn't know if to kill myself or to kill her but the button line is that if I was going to kill anyone it was going to be me because I was so much in love with her to even think of thinking to hurt her.As time when on she asked for a divorce and got it and even got custody of our daughter and I was all alone by myself.For a year I tried all I could to get her back with the help of my seven year old daughter.Even at that all effect was in vain, I used the help of her friend but turned out all bad.I know most people don't believe in spell casting but believe me this was my last option and the result I most say was impressive.And I know it difficult to believe but A SPELL CASTER IMOMOH really made my life much better because he gave me my family back.He didn't ask me to pay for what he did for me all I was to do, was to provide the materials for the spell and believe that he had the power to help me.Like he said, he was going to do something that will make her reset her love and affection for me just as it has always been.My wife told me she woke up and realized that she should have never left me that I am all she needs.To make thing clear, her life with her high school lover was great before IMOMOH casted the spell they had no disagreement on anything.The guy said it himself that why she broke up with him is unexplainable.Only IMOMOH can do such a thing contact him to solve your problem with his email:imomohspelltemple@yahoo.com.
Hello to my friends out there, my name is Lisa Kowalski I am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me I am a woman with four kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel I never know he was living but as at three months I did not set my eye on my husband I try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first I never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time I notice that things is going bad I hope he will come back but things was going bad day by day I needed to talk to someone about it so I went to his friend but there was no help so I give it up on him month later I met on the the internet a spell caster I never believe on this but I needed my men back so I gave the spell caster my problem at first I never trusted him so I was just doing it for doing sake but after two days my husband called me telling me that he his coming home I still do not believe but as at the third day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to forgive him the spell work I said to my self from that day I was happy with my family thanks to the igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com he his a great man you need to try him you can as well tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this : igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.
After being in relationship with him for nine years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is odialovespelltemple@gmail.com.
After being in relationship with him for nine years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is odialovespelltemple@gmail.com.
After being in relationship with him for nine years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is odialovespelltemple@gmail.com.