Dealing with Manipulative People

Manish says on April 27th, 2006 at 2:28 am

Thanks.. I will add this to my wish list.

Scott Young says on April 27th, 2006 at 7:28 am

Good ideas.

If you don’t think you can persuade them then be irrational and end the conversation. If someone is trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do, if you don’t think you can convince them to back off then simply end the conversation.

dcrad says on April 27th, 2006 at 9:05 pm

Sounds good in theory, but it does depend on being able to spot people that are manipulative and most people I feel just dont have that insight into the way people are and there body language.

Being able to step back from a situation and see it for what it really is does seem to be a skill in its self.

One of my now ex friends was very manipulative but could never get past me because I saw him for what he was, in the end we fell out, he lost out in the end so its not worth manipulating people because true colours will shine through one day.

NickSenzee says on April 27th, 2006 at 10:46 pm

Good point. I guess it either takes being really quick on the uptake or having a lot of exposure to the manipulation before you realize it’s happening. The book talks about this to some extent. It does seem to be like the light bulb has to come on and you say omg I’m being manipulated.

Evie says on April 30th, 2006 at 8:59 pm

You know I love that in the end, its not them who must change … but you must change yourself. I mean talk about faulting the victim!
First of all, you can always just say politely but firmly, NO. This is a tactic that i am currently employing. Pretty much everyone I know is a manipulator (my partner, my mom, my best friend) and I’m growing tired of cleaning up their messes and doing things that I don’t want to do.
I always play nice but lately I am getting angry. I am in a stressful situation right now and I need them to help me, but guess what? They can’t be bothered. And they consistantly put their needs before mine.
So lately I am just not available, I have prioritized and feel that need to be a little selfish right now. So be it.
If they don’t like it they can find someone else to help them carry their guilt.
I’ve realized that people who push you into things feel bad about themselves or the decisions they’ve made. What they do is enlist an unwitting victim to actually do the work (whatever that may be) so that they don’t have to feel so badly. In essence you are their beast of burden carrying their load.
I am sick and tired of being used in this way!

Vivienne says on May 5th, 2006 at 3:38 pm

George Simons book – In Sheeps Clothing…has been a God send, something akin to a neon sign lighting up in my life!!
The challenging part for those of us who get taken in sooooo easily by these emotional bullies is to acknowledge to ourselves that virtually any communication with them exposes us to a potential win/lose situation. Our preference is for a win/win situation, power with and so on. However, a manipulator is only concerned about themselves, having power over and getting their ego needs/wants met…at any cost.
They know who and what they are and have become very skilled at hiding and denying this, developing a fantasy world where no-one will harm them because owning choices and consequences is too much of an adult reality.
In short, we (the victims) are everything they are not yet would like to be. So they suck it out of us and turn it against us (emotional vampires – another good book to read).
It is even worse when narcissism is included in the mix. I tell you, its a wonder I’ve managed to retain enough sanity to write this little response!
Im learning new habits coz i’ve taken the sign off my forehead that said, “Pick me…”

Denise says on July 16th, 2006 at 12:22 pm

I never realized that I was being manipulated. All I knew in my gut was that there was something not right with this person. In fact, most people I knew felt the same way. It was always the same response “She’s a nice person, but…” There was something we just couldn’t put our finger on. Then it started to happen, subtle signs of manipulation. She was always nice when she wanted information from you about only to pass that information off. If confronted, she would try to make you beleive that she talked about you because she cared so much. Gossiping about other people is her pass time, and if anyone ever said that it was wrong she would just laugh and ask what the big deal was. But the worse part was how she would use people to get anything she wanted, then blame them for being mean to her if they got angry. She made me and others in her family feel as though our defensivness was our fault only, that she has never done anything wrong. I recently told her how I felt, and she turned it around (very convincingly) as though I had the problem. I guess this person will never see herself in the light the rest of us do… as a snake.

Mary says on October 25th, 2006 at 5:11 am

Hi you guys,my name is Mary just this summer I realized a “friend” who I had know for about nine years may either be borderline or anti social personality,basically she did something so backstabbing. I swear I have neever had anybody do anything so underhanded. She was manipulating me for years. I did the classic think and always had compassion because I knew she had been molested and abandoned ny her mother as a child. She was VERY good at her manipulation. Shw was this sweet calm little southern bell type,taught yoga and even sometimes had a venner of being a praticing buddhist.When I met her she was very competiitive and I do remember her always trying to one up me with more knowledge ect.. I once again excused that.I also noticed along time ago she did have a very passive aggressive agressive aggression about her,she also had a tendency to abandon the friendhsip at her will and told me once she saw people as disposable.
About four years ago she came up with a story to push my bittons and work on my insecurities. I’m actress and she knew I was havong a hard tome getting work,she created a story that she got a audtion to foilm a pilot in Canada thrugh a producer friend she met, I was naive and belived it. My intutiotion told me she was lying but she sounded convincing however I picked up she was gloating and trying really hard to study my reaction and how I would repond to this.she was calm,methodical and almost sounded like she had a smirk on her face while on the other end of the line while telling me that.She was really gloating and the lesson here is if I would have known myself better and really listened to her,her voice her pattern,my intuition. I would have not been so affected by that because I would have known she was full of crap.She got me,she pushed my buttons and became very cool after that,however I blamed myself for not being a supportive friend and felt so guilty. I called her and apologized about two years later,telling her how sory I was for being
a horrible unsupportive friend.

Just recently before I was
getting ready to move in with er. I found out she was the one who had written
me some very nasty emails in the tone of extortion to try to scare me and another one posing as a woman who was looking for a person to rent a guest house free of charge when she first knew I was moving. Everything she has done has been to work on some fears or insecurities of mine,she has also taken no blame for this or any of it and clammed it was othe rpwoplw using her computer to write me these. She has acttually created fake emails and aliases for people to take the blame because she was running scared. One of the emails was a bit on the extortion side. I have recently come to realze just how evil,manioulative and underhanded she was. I have never had anybody be so deceitful.
The lesson is KNOW YOURSELF,LISYEN TO WHAT YOUR GUT IS TELLING YOU! I knew something was off about her story of her acting job,I should have known after reading her that extortion email,she was posing as a concerned friend al the while listenening to my fears. SHE FREAKING EVIL!!She will never do this crap to me again and NOW I pray for her future victims!If you ever run into a sweet,soft spoken little brunette named
Rebecca and she teaces yoga,RUN!!!!!

Mary says on October 25th, 2006 at 5:19 am

another creepy thing was I really trusted her. I ven told her a couple times I trusted her 100% you know what she said to that?………NOTHING! She just strangely sat quiet on the other end. It was a weird silence that did raise my eyebrow. It’s these little things you guys! Listen!

rich says on December 31st, 2006 at 7:52 am

I’ve always felt something in my gut with this person. It made me question myself and feel bad. I could never quite put my finger on it – they always seemed to understand me when really they used my feelings aginst me. I never liked the gossip but they always manage to laugh this off

I’ll be reading this book and starting to fight back next year

Karen Brown says on January 13th, 2007 at 2:22 am

George Simon where are you? I could use a few 45 minute sessions with you..are you booked?

I originally bought Dr.Simon’s book becasue I was involved with a snake of a woman.

Ii see alot of similarities in my husband of 21yrs.Not as cunning as her but how he uses charm to get his own way and suttle manuevers.I went from thinking I had the best husband around to wondering who it is I am married to..is there anything real about him.

sometimes I wish I’d never read this book.I’d rather be in the dark.

margarett says on January 15th, 2007 at 5:07 pm

I too work with some masters of manipulation. No matter what the conversation is they will try to put any of your comments down and try to make you look as if you don’t know what your’e talking about. They brow beat you in front of other people in an attempt to make alliances.

Ignore these people don’t get involved with conversations unless you really have to. They will eventually loose their imaginery power.

margarett

Lolo says on February 27th, 2007 at 4:14 pm

“Loose their imaginary Power”

Such a true statement.. well said margarett.

The sad part is it takes many to see the signs until much time and damage has occured.

I hope we can all educate ourselves on the power of honesty and truth. Thus not in the end, hating and judging and becoming that which we were subject to.

The truth will set you free.

I begin to see that more than ever.

I hope we all can become more compassionate with this knowledge of being able to know ourselves well enough that we can spot those who are manipulative.

It’s a tuff road. It’s a tuff haul to come out of denial and seek answers to our gut feelings. Sometimes it takes a total break down.

Glad to find this small web in the web of life.

Maybe it will expand and become a larger aide to those who could do great things. SO many great things to do.

Thanks

Andrea says on March 31st, 2007 at 5:01 pm

OMG- I will have to get the book. I have been struggling with this ever since i can remember but I am finially starting to see the light. I also am finding that i must be a huge target for these folks because they come and hunt me down and as usual, i open up and get ran over. I had a friend for 19 years and finally ended it a couple years ago however, i used to say “She would rather cut her arm off than to let someone else be in control” What is it about these folks- they would rather injur you AND THEMSELVES just to maintain control. I guess it goes back to that win/lose situation. They are not in control unless someone else loses. I will have to get this book because aparently i attract these folks into my life.
Thanks
Andrea

brian says on May 9th, 2007 at 2:58 pm

Re-direction is another classic tool of the manipulator. I ask a question and get a question in return, thus he successfully ignored my initial question and changed the topic to his choice, boy, i didn’t see that one coming. I agree that these type of people can be emotional vampires and we need to learn how to change to deal with these type of people.
thanks

Van says on May 26th, 2007 at 1:19 pm

I agree with what everyone is saying. I also wanted to add that these types of people are parasitic. If you are of good moral character, you become a suitable host. Being around you, tells others that the parasite it trustworthy and all things warm in sweet. After they are done with you, they have an array of hosts you unwittingly supplied them. It makes trusting people very challenging.

Jack says on June 23rd, 2007 at 2:18 am

Mary… Learn to proofread…

For the rest of you… yes it’s a good book, especially if your needy and need validation in your life.

It’s not a bible, EVERYONE around you uses subtle manipulation… from your 2 year old, your mom, your dad, the people you work for… everyone! It’s just varying levels of it…

Books like this are good, but it’s like religion or booze, use in moderation.

Kelly says on July 6th, 2007 at 4:41 pm

I don’t think that all people dealing with this are victims or are needy and need validation in life.
I don’t have a problem seeing the manipulator for what he/she is… the problem is more not becoming a manipulator yourself in dealing with them day to day vs. a want and need to strangle the person for not getting “it”.
Manipulators can harm, and do, and will.
The question is – if you cannot get away from them – how do you set healthy boundries while maintaining a relationship?

Sabrina says on August 9th, 2007 at 6:01 pm

How about when they learn that, they can’t manipulate you directly anymore so they control others to do it for them.

I realized what my sister was doing to me and learned how to deal with it and not let her control or take advantage of me anymore. But she has found a way around that. She manipulates family members that i am close to and uses them to get me to do what she wants.

She has them so wrapped up that there is nothing I can say to convince them otherwise. Therefore, if I don’t do what she wants, then she will turn the ones that I love against me.

How do you deal with something like that?

Betty says on August 26th, 2007 at 9:44 pm

Hello, Sabrina,

I have also experienced what you are going through. I have changed my number so no family member has contact with me; it prevents them from playing mind games with you.

I would strongly suggest you move and start a healthier life of your own. If your family members are easily persuaded to choose sides, you really don’t need them in your life.

Protect yourself or they will possess your mind!!! Trust me move on while your still sane.

Sha says on September 2nd, 2007 at 10:05 am

I received a lot of insights.Thank you.But I feel obliged to tell more. The number one reason a manipulator manipulates is to control you.
For this he may :
(1)Pick fights over very trivial reasons and fight endlessly just to tire you down ,repeatedly over a number of days.So next time he may actually be a “leader” in groups ,becuase he knows no intelligent person will take pains to talk against him.
(2)Many manipulators together might form cliques becuase they think they are superior in intelligence and other people just dont “understand”. So they actually become powerful,unfortunately.They togther will rationally or irrationally become the controllers…whether in office,school,college,social organizations etc.
(3)A manipulator may further fear you because he may as well think you yourself are one manipulator,just that you are not as good as him.Funny isnt it…

evan says on September 7th, 2007 at 7:16 pm

i’ll make this short and sweet… this girl has manipulated all my friends into thinking my gf is a bad person and i see myself she is a liar and everything untrustworthy myself but my freinds on the other hand are on her side and they’ve known me for 10 years, and this girl for 5 months, what the fuck can i do to make them realize???

Tom says on September 25th, 2007 at 11:07 pm

I just called out a manipulative “friend” this week — and it felt pretty good. After about a year of abuse, I ate my final shit sandwich served up by my friend. Manipulative people are really weak. They are truly EWC’s (Emperors Without Clothes). All one has to do is point it out — and they shut the “F” up and fade away. The hard part is assimilating into your psyche that you’ve been used and abused and– although you had a feeling — you let it happen anyway. Tough stuff. But, waking up and fixing your problem beats staying asleep and letting these vicious people have their way with you.

jobabaayyyy says on October 30th, 2007 at 12:51 am

i deal with manipulative people all the time
my mom my family my sister
theyre really good at this cycle thing
where they play nice for a month but they always think of themselves first
and are very good at hurting and shifting blame.
i went to talk to my school counsler
and he actually said
“what are you doing to make such sweet people mad?” so it must be my fault right?
FUCK THAT
now I play their game getting righteous and screaming out is a losers way
this is real life not a movie im not going to let it go
i got back at them doing the same things they did
and backed off
now theyre stuck in their own hell
and i smile at them and say “oh im sure it will get better soon”
now im happy and free
end of story

lara says on November 12th, 2007 at 6:02 pm

I have a “friend” of about 5 who I now recognize as a complete manipulator. It seems like she only wants to be your friend when it works for her (i.e. she’s alone, you have something she wants). Otherwise, forget about her returning your msgs.

She plays games with peoples minds, is completely into herself (constantly gloating about how hot she is, how much money she makes, etc.), and leads people on. When she was single, she used to walk all over a sweet mutual friend of ours who liked her. Getting him to drive her everything and take her shopping – she totally flirted and teased him like he would have a chance. Then she found a b/f…but still wanted to use him for rides!! WTF?!

Anyway, there are way more situations that we’ve had to face with this manipulating self-serving girl. It’s time to cut the cord.

Can’t wait to call her out…directly point out when she uses denial or guilt, etc.

She will have one less doormat!

Me says on November 22nd, 2007 at 9:52 pm

“It’s not a bible, EVERYONE around you uses subtle manipulation… from your 2 year old, your mom, your dad, the people you work for… everyone! It’s just varying levels of it…”

Complete bullshit. If you beleive that EVERYONE uses subtle manipulation then you are probably a very manipulative person, who has just had their button pushed by this book and the comments in the forum here.

The main reason for trying justify subtle manipulation, would, I think, be because it is something in yourself that deep down actually bothers you.
Sure, everyone uses it from time to time, and there are varying degrees of both manipulation and manipulative people, but this book and this little forum here is talking about a specific personality type. A manipulative person. And they DO exist.

Personally, I can easily see, like red fish in a pond full of white fish, which people are manipulative people, and which aren’t. There are degrees like you say but there ARE many people who aren’t manipulative people, even if they’ve use it sometimes in their life.

That’s like calling everyone who drinks alcohol an alcoholic. Just varying degrees of alcoholic, I mean, where is the line between someone who has drunk and someone who is an acloholic? <– Manipulative argument bullshit right there. And extending it to the guy who drinks twice a year is a BIG mistake. He’s NOT an acoholic. Manipulative jerk might say, well you do drink sometimes right? Therefore youre a drinker! Bullshit.

Not everyone is a Manipulative person.

Martha says on February 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Just because you use manipulation once in a while to achieve something does not make you a covert agressive personailty. Bribing your child to encourage her make better grades is manipulation. A 3 year old sticking her lip out when she can’t have dessert after refusing to eat a proper dinner is manipulation as is one pitching a fit in the middle of a store because you won’t buy her a dolly. These are obvious, everybody can see what is going on, no real deceit here.

A covert agressive is someone who constantly works things to follow an agenda. They are deceitful and cunning as a way of life. They will come at you from one angle then when they have you on the defensive they will change tactics to knock you off balance and make you think you were wrong in your first assessment of them and their motives. Most likely they have been this way their entire adult life.

I agree with the the poster way back at the beginning of this page. Do not engage this type of personality, you cannot win because they will never change and never admit that they have this type of personality.

I am in the process right now of cutting ties with an Aunt that has worked me all my life; anything to control me and make feel ‘less than’. Before I realized what she was doing to me I made the mistake of being family-ish with her and her adult daughter. I thought maybe I could be closer thatn I had been in the past, I thought “they are good church going people, right”. Oh man, next thing I knew I was the daughters refuge away from a bad marriage that she refuses to work on at all just for starters…I could go on and on. When I saw how co dependent the daughter (my cousin)was I started backing off then my Aunt stepped in and started trying to ‘fix’ things. That’s when I really started seeing her for what she is. I started seeing the manipulation and tug and pull, the constant picking, the outright lies, and the anxiety that would come over me every time I would get an email from one of them was so opressive.(I stopped answering the phone when they called)Now I don’t answer emails. She would bring up oter even dead relatives that knew nothing about the situation as her ‘back up’.
My Dad once told me, “ANYTHING you give them is more then they had before” Nothing truer was ever said then that statement regarding this type of personality.
Get away from them, stay away from them, don’t talk to them, don’t try to figure them out. They will only drag you down!

Shannon says on March 4th, 2008 at 8:28 pm

To all of those out there who have been a victim I sympathize. I have never been good at calling a manipulative person out and it has taken me 29 years to finally realize what a sucker I have been. I agree with most of the comments on here. Don’t get close. I used to consider my loyalty to a fault a good thing…looks like I was just using it as an excuse for why I let them walk all over me. Explains a lot. Just glad I wasn’t the only one.

Cynthia says on March 23rd, 2008 at 7:00 am

I don’t think it’s fair that the victim is the one who has to change. Why do I have to go against my nice nature and become a totally untrusting suspicious person because of these people? It seems to me that society should start holding such people accountable for their actions instead of looking for new ways to blame victims for getting exploited but a bully.

mandy says on April 24th, 2008 at 4:04 am

people who feel the need to manipulate people to achieve what they want are usually very insecure. If they meet a person who does not respond to them in the way they want, it can lead to them becoming a passive bully and using their “skill” by controlling other people to work against them.
It takes a very strong person to realise when they are being used to give a “bully” of this kind the satisfaction they seek.

ola says on July 14th, 2008 at 6:33 pm

very useful comments made. i agree with staying away completely from people even family members who manupulate you to get what they want. they don’t have to make you feel hurt, guilty or used to get what they want. that is pure selfishness, they should be avoided or cut out completely.

cuatezon says on December 23rd, 2008 at 12:54 am

Jack’s comments earlier sounds like he’s a bit of a bully and manipulator. Unfortunately many of us are not educated or informed about the real world soon enough; about the manipulators and users out there. There are sick people out there who will use you for their own personal gain and doing it underhandedly. As the one person said bribing a 3yr old to eat or a teen ager to do homework ok not always the best method, but its obvious to the recipient and its for the recipients benefit. Intent goes a long way to establishing what is covert (read: diabolical) aggression and simple, daily interactions for the peace and harmony of the involved parties.

cuatezon says on December 23rd, 2008 at 12:59 am

I’ve been dating this girl long distance for awhile. Have come to realize she has been manipulating and using me for awhile. The guilt trips, mind games, trying to make you feel wrong, knock me off balance emotionally, fill me with doubt, etc. There are great websites out there about ‘Invalidators’ like this here are a few below. We all need to balance gut reactions; sometimes we are wrong about something. But if you are feeling BAD on a frequent basis in a relationship or from what someone says or does, intonates in their voice, etc, then there is a high chance that person is trying to make you feel bad even if its quite subtle (the more subtle the more doubt they can create within you too).
http://www.astromate.org/Difficult.htm
http://www.rickross.com/refere.....ing11.html
http://www.snzeport.com/dlarti.....people.htm

sandy says on January 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 am

thank you for this post. i have a manipulative person in my life at the moment and the situation isn’t one where i can just cut ties quickly and move on. i would actually like to know how to deal with it, and am now hunting around for that book you recommended. it’s nice to get a rundown of what to expect from it. thanks again. :)

Felica says on March 5th, 2009 at 11:07 pm

know exactly what is like to work with manipulators. There was a woman at an old work place of mine who was exactly like this. Nice as apple pie to your face but stab you in the back at every chance she got. I stopped talking to her period and distanced myself from her. But everyone else was hoodwinked and “…wrapped up in her crazy web” and “to call her on it would be pointless because everyone loved her and I would…” have “…come off as a bully…”. “She had the ability to sway those…” around her, even managers. They where then “…taken in to also act as her protector.” She always played the victim of oh look at sweet innocent me which was to the contrary. She constantly fabricated the truth, that is lied about you to people. She acted all pious but slept with about five men in our office to try and gain a better position and once to save her job after she had accessed a database program from another department illegally by stealing a manager’s password. She also slept with a married man knowing full well that he was married and she got pregnant to him. She did this because she is a gold-digger (he was extremely well off) and wanted a managerial position in the company he worked for. However her plan back fired. He did want anything to do with her as he saw her for what she was and said she knew full well it was a one night stand and he was not leaving his wife for a uneducated, gold-digging, you know what. Nevertheless, I am not condoning his actions in any way, he was married and therefore should not have slept with her. But she so deserved it his rejection. So she went and had an abortion and tried denying the fact that she was ever pregnant and that she is a unborn baby killer and a major hypocrite as she was pro-life. I have no idea what men saw in her as she definitely was not pretty, swore, was fat, walked like a duck, and always wore ill-fitting clothes exposing herself on occasion. There were people in the office who were much bigger then her but found appropriate clothes that fit and that made them looked great so she had no problem in finding clothes that fit.

She also is a stalker and convinced her naive and gullibe friends to follow me around. She also got individuals who worked for telecommunication companies to come and door-knock pretending to sell their service to try and get my telephone number. She targeted my whole family.

I had to play detective to find out where she was residing and her telephone number. The harrassing telephone stopped after I called spoke to a male she shared the flat with. He was in total shock that she was doing this. He must have kicked her out because later I was only receiving calls from her parents place.

Her then boyfriend who had been going out with her since high school even stated that she has a track history of this behaviour. He has come to his senses and is no longer with her.

The police however could not do a thing and I believe she was well aware of this due to her track record as stated by her ex-boyfriend.

So how on earth do you deal with people like this?

Personally she belongs in a psychiatric unit, locked up with the key thrown away permantely along with her parents, especially her mother. As they were part of her harrassment and stalking towards me.

I’ve also noticed that manipulative people tend to target those individuals who figure out there game easily and those who they can not use to their advantage.

Mary says on April 24th, 2009 at 12:30 am

I’ve gotten into a pickle with a manipulator, and its potentially financially devastating. It’s been a long time since I’ve been under the spell of a manipulator and I forgot what to look for (my ex 4 years ago had certain questionable characteristics, but it seemed more like a commitment-phobic issue). I knew something seemed odd, and my instincts were trying to tell me something was wrong, but they told me too late. Now I’m involved in something financial, and there is a definite possibility that I will lose, big-time. Now that I’ve confirmed with a friend about the manipulator (I was keeping this transaction a secret for the past few months) I need a plan of action to help me deal with the manipulator’s tricks lest my situation gets potentially worse.

I’ve never had to apologize for things I believed weren’t my fault so much before up until now. It’s such a red flag that something’s wrong, but I’m a sensitive person, and incredibly self-critical so it wasn’t always clear that it was me, or that I was being tricked. Now I know it’s the latter……

Any advice on how to deal with a manipulator with a lot riding financially? I need to somehow play nice and maintain the platitudes even though I know what’s up now….

victim says on May 9th, 2009 at 7:41 pm

I totally agree with you all on how manupulative people can make you feel so lost sometimes. Six years ago I met this wonderful guy and his brothers wife and I became good friends. Intially, I didn’t know that she was talking about me behind my back to my in laws. I noticed everytime I walked into my boy friends house everyone looked at me weired. Finally, I figured out an game but it was too late because my mother in law is extremely fond of her and so is everyone else. Believe me she made my life a living hell. Now that I am married to this and she is my sister in law I still have to put up with her. She is a sweet talker and I am not. Everyone in the house hates me because she plays the victim and complains that I don’t talk to her. My mother in law would come bug me to converse with her and intially if I don’t she will manupulate my husband into telling me. Also, what it is, is that I speak my mind and just make faces at my in laws when I am not happy about something because I am myself. However, because of her who pretends to be really a good daughter in law and fakes it even when she cannot stand things that is going on with her. I am amazed at how she does it sometimes. So ofcourse this makes me look bad…even my husband tends to thing the same. We have hd several fights over this. He things I am wrong…she is really good and I am not up to her level..I cannot control myself in certain situations when I know that she is faking to be nice with me. I try to be mean to her but then she’ll pretend to be extra nice. what do you do with people like this? sometimes it makes me wonder is she really for real? Sometimes I want to confront her for back stabbing me but my husband tells me to let it go. I want to be friends with her other time I thing its not a good idea. I think she is just so jealous of me. She even use to try an copy me and now she tries to dress like me. when I wanted to pursuit a master degree she opt to do the same. I am a teacher so is she now. I personally thing she is in secure and scared she will lose her position as the good daughter in law and the center attraction in the house. Honestly, I could care less….Help please any suggestions!!!

victim says on May 9th, 2009 at 7:45 pm

Sorry people before I would proof read my work I accidently hit the submit comment button instead. Please bare with my posting ;) arrr

rudy says on May 30th, 2009 at 11:24 am

good comments from everyone and so useful. i am just learning over past year how manipulative my daughter and some friends have been in my life and ex husband too. I feel so naieve. But you got to remember that it is not our fault for believing and not expecting this from these people. I took everything at face value. If they were manipulating behind my back then it is their fault. I had to learn to give up the guilt. The sad thing is I did move away and start new life and I had to change myself because every bit of information you feed these people will be used as a weapon. Unless you have very strong backup you are better off retreating. Trust your gut feelings about others and do not give away too much info to all and sundry. Good luck everyone in the rest of your life. Now we know we can protect ourselves in future!

john williams says on November 17th, 2009 at 9:06 am

I did not want to read this, really! sadly, I was overcome by the manipulative words of the author…only to want for further direction and left only with this comment option: YOU BASTARD!
…all kidding aside, it DOES take two to tango and quite often many a “manipulator” is simply one trying to get something done while surrounded by timid, spineless sheep!