10 simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life

David A says on May 21st, 2007 at 9:18 am

All these statements make perfect sense, but miss out the hardest part: how?

“Stop taking so much notice of how you feel” - How?

“Let go of worrying” - How?

“Give up on feeling guilty.” - How?

I think the people most in need of these changes are probably the ones who find it most difficult to carry them out - precisely because they are ruled by their feelings and do not feel in control of them.

corey says on May 21st, 2007 at 9:32 am

The answere to “How?” is not constant for every individual. If you aren’t inspired buy the statements without needing to be spoon fed more, perhaps you’ll never get it. The resolution is just a simple as the ideas presented. The clarity of awareness can be amazing.

Great article today! The first paragraph was the best, it seemed very existential. For better or worse it is what it is.

John Wesley says on May 21st, 2007 at 9:47 am

I like the last point about personality not really existing. Very true, but it isn’t something people every talk about.

William M says on May 21st, 2007 at 10:13 am

Surely this is an article telling you the way to succeed is to not be human. Aren’t our feelings what make us who we are and whether we’re happy more important. I though you’re life was mucked up if you were miserable and had no friends. Do you really want to get money or a successful career at the sacrifice of who you are? It is perfectly possible to succeed and deal with your emotions becoming a balanced human being.

Brian @ BasicHabits says on May 21st, 2007 at 4:35 pm

I disagree with most of these. I think the best way to avoid ‘messing up your life’ is by trying to live a well balanced one.

If ALL you do is these 10 things, you will certainly be in trouble. However, each of these can certainly be useful (and vital) to living a balanced life and working to continuously improve your life.

Having introspection is a virtue, not a vice, IMO.

Travis says on May 21st, 2007 at 5:01 pm

Excellent post! I think the question of “How?” asked above can be answered in this way (amongst others) - By being in the Here-Now rather than the There-Then of your fantasies, memories and worries. There-Then is useful for planning and action setting, but not for living.

donnie says on May 21st, 2007 at 7:25 pm

A fantastic rendition of core buddhist principles. Anyone wondering how just google buddhist meditation and the simpler the better.

anon says on May 21st, 2007 at 7:50 pm

I can think of one way to answer the “How?” question: just become a robot. Automatons don’t have to worry about petty annoyances like wanting things, worrying out of love, having a personality, etc.

I hate articles like this. If everybody could sever their emotional connection with their lives, sure they’d be happy, but their life would lose all meaning.

Monks and other people who dedicate their lives to these pursuits are the only ones who can pull it off - and is that really the life you want to live?

Anonymous Dude says on May 21st, 2007 at 9:12 pm

A lot of the above advice sounds very similar to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, a very respected school of thought in psychology that has been tested for many years and found to be quite effective in treating depression, among other things.

Webomatica says on May 21st, 2007 at 9:57 pm

Interesting list, but as I agree with the above, only Spock would have an easy time with it.

And I hate to say it but the above person sounds really boring be in a relationship with. You could say goodbye to empathy, or love for that matter…. “oh, this love feeling is an emotion and it will pass”. “You have no personality, so I’m in love with your actions…”

ernie says on May 21st, 2007 at 10:01 pm

anon said

“I hate articles like this. If everybody could sever their emotional connection with their lives, sure they’d be happy, but their life would lose all meaning.”

This article had nothing to do with severing emotional connections, and everything to do with letting go of your fear, fear which produces hate and diminishes your ability to love, hate which you’re full of - you even hate articles. You have a lot to gain from really meditating on this article’s message, anon, and nothing to lose but fear and hate.

Ian Wilker says on May 21st, 2007 at 11:12 pm

I second ernie — I can understand why people would think the writer is prescribing an emotional lobotomy, but that’s not at all been my experience of practicing the actions recommended here.

I think the writer is suggesting that if we work at it we can become aware of the continuous river of feelings and thoughts as they pass through our bodies and minds. 99% of the time, that river has almost nothing to do with what is actually real and present, in this moment. At least, that’s how it is for me. When I am able to pry open just a little bit of space and actually notice the dissonance between that chaotic, turbulent river of mental chatter on one hand, and what “is,” right this moment, on the other — when this happens for me, I gain some power of choice. I can begin to let go of, to disidentify with, recurring thoughts and feelings that repeat on me endlessly, have nothing to do with what’s present in my life today, and merely cause stress and suffering. I suspect all people get stuck on negative thought patterns, to greater or lesser degree anyway; what this writer is suggesting is that it IS possible to stop attaching to those thought patterns.

As for how, I suggest:
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
Thich Nhat Han, The Miracle of Mindfulness
Charlotte “joko” Beck, Nothing Special: Living Zen

… and practice meditating. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, but when I stick with it I am rewarded.

paulo says on May 21st, 2007 at 11:28 pm

So basically, just don’t care about stuff. I have to admit, I do feel a bit better when I stop caring about anything, so this is all probably good advice.

BeezerkyTurkey says on May 21st, 2007 at 11:44 pm

Thanks mate, a lot of these points make a lot of sense. I often worry about life too much and think that at the age of 26 i haven’t accomplished all that i have wanted too. Your article was very helpful

Norman says on May 21st, 2007 at 11:59 pm

Not bad, but a better list is found in:
Rules of Life by Richard Templar

ISBN-10: 0131743961

Glenn says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:45 am

Regarding the question of “how?” Check out methods such as The Work (thework.com), EFT (emofree.com), or the Sedona Method.

Have fun letting go!

Sam says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:48 am

Nope, sorry. This is almost as bad as “The Secret” stuff that is being released. If you do all of these things, you miss out on the greatest challenge of all…LIVING Your Life.
Yes, I agree with certain aspects of the article, but to not feel, to not care, you might as well NOT BE.
This is a sad state of affairs when the advice people want to hear is “Don’t worry, don’t care”. It is the easiest way to lose yourself, whatever you may be or become. Yes, too much of anything is bad. Take life and its pitfalls in moderation. The only thing that can stop you is dying, and if you think this is good advice, you are already dead inside.

theja says on May 22nd, 2007 at 2:21 am

thats true; the more we are attached to ourselves [esp physically] the more problems we face/feel more stress;

eywillis15 says on May 22nd, 2007 at 6:32 am

i read the first two and gave up. total contradiction. if you “can’t stop yourself from thinking or prevent emotions from arising in your mind”, then how can you “let go of worrying”?

Toxic Oreo says on May 22nd, 2007 at 6:33 am

Personality is defined by Cognitive Behavioral Theory as a series of behaviors that a person exhibits that fall into a specific pattern that tends to be repeated on a normal basis.

With that in mind, it does exist. Personality is indeed mutable and capable of sustaining long term variance, but it is ruled by the individual’s internal cognition which can only be measured through observed behaviors.

The ideas presented by the initial post are not novel, nor are they very deep. They are basic, and any student in my Introductory Psych class could come up with them after less than 2 weeks of attending class. Therin lies the problem with the list; it is so simple that it seems intellectual and deep when in reality it attempts to provide answers for questions that it does not establish working definitions for.

But, hey, it is psychology. Everybody is an expert in it after all.

Dewilde says on May 22nd, 2007 at 6:51 am

There is a book and movie about this exact story. The way of the peaceful warrior, a novel by Dan Millman, later directed by Victor Salva, a Liongate film. If you want to be at peace with your self, id suggest you’re step is reading Dan millman Way of the peaceful warrior.

The book is about a arogant jong student who wonders in an all-night-gasstation for a late night snack. He meets a man he will soon name socrates, a mentor that will change his life.

Dewilde,
..about half-way there.

Adam says on May 22nd, 2007 at 6:51 am

Just a load of crap. I agree with so many of the previous internautes; this is bullcrap.

Alec Holmes says on May 22nd, 2007 at 6:52 am

Youve got to be kidding, i thought this would be a list of inspiring infomation, a way to enlighten yourself.
This list is more like a way to get through life without giving a damn, whats the point in living if your not gonna think, or have emotion, the concept of not acknowledging your own emotion or thoughts is ignorant, since you should acknowledge them, to better yourself.
Guilt. Worry. Inner Critic, these are all mechinsms for dealing with life, and again are a way to better yourself, when you feel guilt it helps you to acknowledge that youve done something wrong, and thus you can move on and learn from the mistake, by ignoring guilt, you are actively ignoring a chance to better yourself. Worrying can be cut down on, but not forgotten, worrying is caused by presure in a situation, if you didnt worry about anything, nothing would get done that needed doing, deadlines would not be nearly as threatening. And an inner critic is like a conscious, it helps you decide whether your actions are a good idea or not.
This list is a falicy, and can only lead to lonely shallowness of character.

Monkpalmer says on May 22nd, 2007 at 6:55 am

The sad truth is that we can control neither our feelings nor actions. The brain’s a material object. Causes act on material objects. There are no other kinds of object.
On the happy side, we’ll all be dead soon.

Jason says on May 22nd, 2007 at 7:11 am

The advice sounds good in theory. All of us can choose to avoid things we dislike, or stop thinking those megative thoughts, then low and behold, some member of the family, a friend, a boss or an authority figure comes along and says, “Why aren’t you doing like everyone else?” As you state, control freaks. I’ve meet 4 people in my life that did me harm in this way.

You can blame me for listening or doing their way. I can blame me too.

Sometimes it takes options. Because I have ALL READY sufficiently messed up at 34, in ways you haven’t, I am stuck with the knowledge of what people will allow me to do.

I have tried change for the last year. Really, really tried. Put thought and words down to describe what I would like. It may take me a few more years…

Hope, doubt, dreams, ambition, action, belief are just a few of the watch words of anything to do with improving self.

This has been all over - but I have a book of how nots to write.

Norbert says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:04 am

I think this is nonsense.
Its much better to think what you want and then thinking of getting there !
And thinking a lot of how to get there.
Thats the way it works, otherwise you are the guy from point 10 :
“Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one”

Cheers!

Stomper says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:07 am

You have just accurately described how to be a psychopath. If that’s the way you really operate, then it’s you who should see a psychiatrist.

RandomCrazy says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:14 am

So basically you can stop messing up your life by becoming a mindless drone? I’d rather listen to the opinions of others and myself and make myself a better person and sit around enjoying that fact. If I enjoy my life then I haven’t messed it up.

Irv says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:20 am

For the 80 percent of us that are mentally healthy, there is a little known resource for how the brain works that will answer the “How?” question.

Check out “Psycho-Cybernetics”, a quick read written years ago, by Dr. Maxwell Maltz.

You will learn that understanding the mechanism that the brain uses to keep us alive will allow us to have conscious control of our behavior. You will understand that habits are physical not psychological.

Understanding this concept will reveal why most people “do not” succeed when dieting or trying to quit smoking and “how” you can.

mikeligalig says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:25 am

If you’re a Christian: why worry when you can pray?

Most of the things that make us worried don’t really happen. More than 98 % of them are merely fictional.

davide says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:29 am

Adrian offer guidance here, not commandments. That’s been done, and they don’t tell you how to live, only what not to do.

I believe others are mistaking “don’t worry so much about how you are feeling” for “not feeling.” Thereby missing the moon, for the finger.

well says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:40 am

It’s soooooo easy telling others what to do, isn’t it?

Hey, don’t feel guilty! Just don’t do it. Yeah, that simple. A lot of these things you list take some people years of therapy to achieve. Simply telling someone “don’t do it” is as useless as the 5 minutes I spent skimming this.

Elanor says on May 22nd, 2007 at 8:45 am

These are very good suggestions, and alot of people are misinterpreting them far too seriously.
Letting go of your worries and apprehensions won’t make you a robot. If anything, it will make your day to day life less stressful. I know, I worry far too much about what others thing of me, and restrict myself because of some unwarranted fears.

George says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:00 am

I liked this post. Nice.

I believe in the opposite of a couple of those things and sometimes convince myself I’m happy. It’s weird.

As for the people who say, simply saying “don’t do that” is pointless, it’s different. Some of us, me for example, have no clue we’re doing that. Running through the list and matching it to myself I see what’s going on. Some of that stuff I’d just assumed was normal behaviour.

kathaclysm says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:02 am

This seems like total crap to me… it reminds me a bit of “the secret” crap. Stop thinking negatively? Most of what this list is saying is “be less depressed and you won’t mess up your life,” if anyone’s so depressed that they need this advice, they probably need to see a doctor.

While nobody should wallow in self pity & their own emotional pain, it’s just fine to take pride in good things & cultivate happiness in one’s self, so one should notice when they feel happy!

And while there is a point of worrying too much, not matter how much I worry about an asteroid, that has no effect on whether or not an asteroid will hit me. Worrying is only useless when it’s about things you can’t do anything about, but if worrying makes you more prepared, then it’s helpful.

Everyone has an internal life commentary… it’s not all good or all bad… and it’s really funny on Scrubs.

Again, an inner critic and guilt are like worrying; it’s good when it motivates you to do better.

It is true that we shouldn’t be so concerned what everyone around us thinks, but the better way to state this would be to say; you are only in control of your own actions, you can’t control other people. If you’re spending money on stuff to impress others, that’s bad. But if you care what your boss thinks about you, and do a better job because of it, that’s positive.

When you shouldn’t keep score is with friends & family; don’t play tit-for-tat with other people. I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine is petty; help others when you can, not just when you owe them one.

Nothing in life goes according to plan, and of course that’s no reason to be concerned. Live life with no expectations, but lots of hope & be happy when things are going well, even if not on schedule.

In addition to not letting others blame you for their failings, don’t blame others for your own failings.

You do have a personality; you were born with it, it’s in your genes, it’s been scientifically proven, and it’s very hard for a leopard to change his spots. It’s not impossible, but you have to really want to change, just like you can’t change others, others can’t change you.

Overall, this was a stupid list. Ways to not mess up your life would be stay in school, don’t rack up credit-card debt, don’t buy things you can’t afford, don’t have a child before you’re ready emotionally & financially, don’t marry just for love, choose a careerer you don’t hate, etc.

Onkel Hedwig says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:04 am

This list sounds like a guideline for psychos.
Follow it and you will soon go postal

ddt says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:05 am

I would rephrase the first item to be:
“Be aware of how you feel but don’t be obsessed with them [your feelings]”

Allowing ourselves to identify our feelings and to feel them helps us grow.

I also think it is important that we need to be aware of our thoughts. Thoughts that are critical can pull us down. We have the capability of changing habits of thinking.

oluxxx says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:10 am

I think there is a litte misunderstanding here. The author isn’t saying you have to turn off your feeling in general, but only ease on you negative feelings like guilt, thinking what others think of you and worrying. and fear is the only source for these kind of things.

but my most favorite point is about making scores and planning too much. this is true because you CAN NOT live your life without risking. Risk is everywhere, so you can as well flow with it. And if it dosn’t convince you: numbers in any complex context are bullcrap. so planning is just a mix of fear and false information.

Ascii King says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:18 am

What a useless bunch of advice. Let go of all fears and concerns and you too can live a better life? My ability to worry helps me keep my kids safe because it keeps any dangerous situation they might be in on my mind so I can keep contemplating solutions. To say not to be concerned that my life is not following my plan is another dumb one. Just because I am concerned about life not following my plan doesn’t mean my plan is rigid. All of this is stuff you can say that doesn’t mean anything.

Finally, just to add a little more negativity onto this, the poster who said “if you don’t understand how perhaps you never will” is just being rude. You are implying that you are in an elite class that “gets it” and that the questioner is too stupid to be part of that class and too stupid to benefit from these types of articles. It has been my experience that people who are unable to explain an answer to someone else, simply don’t actually know the answer.

Tiriel says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:50 am

For further advice on this whole subject, read the Tao Te Ching, the Hua Hu Ching and related bibliography. It did help me to get the point.

Tantowi says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:52 am

Forget about how you look, and concentrate on how you feel. Figure out what makes you feel sensual and wonderful—whether it’s bubble baths, pedicures, massage, sex, naps, running or tennis. Plan more of these good feelings into your schedule.

Dean says on May 22nd, 2007 at 9:58 am

sounds like management conditioning to me

Zeb says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:02 am

In summary:
Don’t worry, Be Happy

David says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am

This is the stupidest bunch of horseshit I have ever read. I disagree completely with every one of the 10 recommendations. Don’t think about consequences. Don’t care about others. Don’t take responsbility for your actions. Don’t try or strive. This is a formula for someone who wants to live a worthless, destructive life.

Michael says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:08 am

@oluxxx:

Finally, someone in this thread understands the point of this article.

Moreover, I think these are presented as guidelines, not as a personal reprogramming regiment. They’re ideals to aspire to; realize that our nature will not change overnight.

I align myself very much with Buddhist principles, but I still find myself being judgmental (especially of myself), comparing myself to others and holding myself to impossibly high standards. Although greatly improved, my need for approval from others is hard to shake. The difference now is that I often overcome these emotions quickly, and they don’t rule me. I suspect it will be many years before my nature will be truly different, but that’s okay.

To sum it overly simplistically… relax. Bob Marley said it well… “don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be alright”.

Jennifer says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:15 am

You shouldn’t completely ignore or give up your feelings/emotions. I prefer to recognize them for what they are and respond to them appropriately. Often my emotions let me know that something isn’t right and further explanation is needed. Like the article said, it’s your actions that matter. Guilt lets me know I have done something I should have done differently. The real issue is dwelling on that guilt. Don’t dwell; take note of it and change your actions or reactions to things.

Viet says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:15 am

I definitely can see how these would be steps to treat depression as someone mentioned. But overall, they are steps to becoming more selfish.

Sigmund Freud says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:37 am

What a nice piece of crap. This is a recipe for getting a psychiatric condition known as alexithymia (see Wikipedia), which could get you into some serious diseases.

RickW says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:48 am

#2 is made impossible by #1. Letting go of fear is doing something about fear. But #1 says I should just let my emotions be, since I can do nothing about them. So right off the bat, you’ve lost me.

RickW says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:50 am

Oh, by the way: any list of ways to save yourself from messing up your life that excludes “Don’t get into credit card debt” is a waste.

matt says on May 22nd, 2007 at 10:59 am

I’ve known people that are able to live like this. They are happy but are some of the worst people I’ve known. They are the people that make me think negatively about the human race. They’re individual happiness comes at the expense of everyone around them. They don’t care what others think, don’t feel bad when they ruin other peoples time or things…they’re just pretty much oblivious, selfish people who do what they want, when they want and don’t mind getting in everyone’s way.

Michael says on May 22nd, 2007 at 11:01 am

@Viet: I don’t think so. Selfishness is linked to the ego. Take a look at The Four Noble Truths as a starting point for why.

@Sigmund: I think that’s fairly unlikely. If you read your own reference’s etiology, you’ll see why a few guidelines are hardly capable of producing psychological disorders.

@RickW: The point is that you should not focus too intently on your emotions and realize that they are fleeting. That includes fear and worry. Dwelling upon any one particular thought or insecurity is not productive.

It is easy to read this as “just stop caring”. That is not what it is saying. It is trying to say to stop caring “so much”… a big difference. It is trying to say that you shouldn’t let your emotions get the best of you, not that you should wipe them all from your mind. Emotions are hugely important. Who wants to live without love? What’s the point?

I agree that some of the points could have been phrased more accurately. Try giving it a little more thought as to how these could be applied lightly, non-destructively to your life as it is now. These ideas all work together, in close consort.

Many people spend years integrating some of these ideas… some get it right away. Some people just are this way without any ideological influence. So, before you pass judgment so quickly, maybe you should try a few changes on for size… see how they fit. Instead of assuming you can’t make it work, try to put the puzzle pieces together.

Thank you all for a great article and great discussion!

Frederick says on May 22nd, 2007 at 11:14 am

Some of these ideas are terrible advice.

If you’ve read any psychological literature in the past 30 - 40 years you’d know that

a) your thinking is under your control
b) your thinking affects how you feel and behave

Notes on worrying: pay attention to what you’re worrying about. It could be an indicator that something is wrong, and an impulse to make changes in your life; on the other hand, people do worry excessively and needlessly as well. It is important to analyse and decide whether or not you’re worrying needlessly or realistically. For example, if there’s some poison leaking into the local water supply, that’s a very good reason to worry.

Wisdom is knowing when to worry and when not to worry. this is something learned, not instinctual.

Learning to not worry over harmless things is a good idea, but to just shrug off worrying leaves you blind to serious and real problems that might be affecting you or others. Not worrying is just apathy.

Same thing with feeling guilty. If you give up on your feelings of guilt, you risk cutting yourself off from your internal ethical meter. True, people generally feel too guilty, or guilty about things they need not feel guilty about. The point is learning rational guilt - where you did something you consider wrong or unethical. Feeling guilt will motivate you to correct the wrongs you might have committed; feeling no guilt makes you sociopathic.

As for not paying attention to how you feel, that’s crazy. Your emotions, thoughts and behaviour are interconnected; and so your emotions can be a valuable source of information that something is not right and needs to be changed. That said, using your emotions as a form of reasoning is irrational. Feeling something is true does not make it so.

The idea is to calibrate your feelings and thoughts in a way that helps you survive and thrive in your environment. Cutting yourself off from your feelings leaves you disadvantaged, lacking in a valuable source of information. Just because people overstate their feelings does not mean feelings are useless. The key is not to overreact, to find the right point of balance between feeling and functionality. Advocating anhedonia is irresponsible, dysfunctional.

harley says on May 22nd, 2007 at 11:18 am

this is a dum article.

“Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one.”

got it

” If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it,”

change what? personality? thought i dont have one

and the author cant say nothing

“Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. ”

..

Shawn says on May 22nd, 2007 at 11:42 am

For anyone for whom this article “twigged” a desire to dig deeper, study Zen. Most of the (with all due respect) watered down advice presented here are diluted from Zen philosophy.

no one important says on May 22nd, 2007 at 11:53 am

Garbage. If it were that simple, no one would even need an article like this.

san says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:18 pm

excellent post Adrian! You clearly know what you’re talking about because I recently learned many of the same from my own experiences!

i will be looking out for posts from you!! thanks. - san

bitrez says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:18 pm

Simple buddhist tenets as many have already said. The point isn’t about becoming ambivalent.. it’s about awareness. I mean in the sense that there are some things you have absolutely no control over. Once you realize that whatever it is you are freaking out about is beyond your control the next step is take away the power it has over you. BUT, no one is saying don’t do anything at all or don’t have emotions. If your woman left you, for example, and you’re all upset you can try to get her back, but at some point you may have to accept that she is gone and there is nothing you can do about it. This is a simple truth that everyone can understand. Which, I think, is all this article is saying in a nutshell. I’m also not saying that I think people are machines and can just turn off their feelings. I wish I could sometimes.

It’s pretty telling about our ‘world’ when someone says ‘Hey, don’t worry about the things you can’t change’ and he gets jumped on and analyzed into little pieces. The commentary is a perfect example of worrying about meaningless sh*t.

Crabs in a bucket.

will says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm

what a crock. yeah, just turn this off, to thinking that, blah, blah. some of these suggestions I think are really jokes. don’t judge yourself, don’t feel guilty, don’t keep score, I’m a bum, but whatever. I know lots of people got this list already nailed.

alicia says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:30 pm

I’m going to go against the popular grain here and agree with bitrez above me (and very few others, it seems). This is a great post about awareness - NOT about becoming a robot, or boring, or emotionless, or whatever.

The reason people are interested in writing articles such as this is because there ARE individuals in the world who analyze everything TO DEATH rather than dealing with it, eventually accepting it for what it is, and moving on.

The majority of comments on this article just prove that point.

Big Bollocks says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:37 pm

Without infringing on the third paragraph I can definitely say that most of the comments posted so far are from a bunch of people that just don’t get it and are definitely prey of most of these, especially the first and third paragraph. These are not rules, just guides… use them as you see fit (or not). Always remember to keep an open mind, the moment you close it, you loose.
My favourite quote (and song): “Don’t worry, be happy!”
It’s fun looking from outside the box… you should try to do it more often.

Great post, keep up the good work.

Deathworks says on May 22nd, 2007 at 12:56 pm

Hi!

I got here via a link by a friend, so I am not really familiar with this place. So please excuse any improper behavior I may unknowingly show.

Anyhow, I would like to support the basic message of that article.

As far as the critics are concerned who condemned the article as preaching emotionlessness, I would like to suggest carefully re-reading the article.

In most cases, the article is about limiting emotional thought processes to a certain level instead of letting them get out of control.

In other cases, it suggests completely abandoning specific thought patterns that are both unproductive and self- destructive, like for instance feeling guilty for other people’s actions.

Of course, people are different, and thus the problems they are facing are different. There may be people who don’t face one or more of these problems, but by the same token there are those that do suffer from these problems, sometimes not even realizing.

However, unfortunately, I have to agree with the people asking about the ‘how’.

Well, actually I wouldn’t criticize the article about this, but rather point out that because of human individuality, the ‘how’ is by far too difficult to explain in such a way that it would work for everyone. It is something that must be discovered, in the end, on an individual basis.

As such, while this article does indeed give good advice, it can, at the same time be very painful for people who realize that it describes the very issues that make them suffer, while they find themselves unable to change the situation under their own power. This is really a very frustrating state of affairs.

I assure you, that such patterns as taking responsibility for other people’s actions beyond what is reasonable can become very strong and virtually unbreakable. If you are really suffering from these issues, it is not simply a matter of deciding ‘I will change that’. It is a lot of hard work.

Well, that is at least how I see things. Thank you for your understanding.

Deathworks

P.S.: Please don’t get confused by my pen name. It was chosen years ago for some other philosophical reasons and has no relevance for the issue this article is about.

yourdrum says on May 22nd, 2007 at 1:51 pm

Underneath the ten steps in your post is a spiritual identity which will emerge as you apply the steps you have laid out. If you turn any of these problems over to whatever you consider a higher power(from a sunset to Buddah) and not wrestle with them,you can achieve a higher degree of serenity. These problems are universal points of suffering, we as humans experience and through our lives try to trandscend.

John Abbe says on May 22nd, 2007 at 2:15 pm

I don’t think the author means to get rid of feelings altogether, but couldn’t pass the opportunity to notice the self-contradiction that arises when people imagine this. A commenter above who opposed the idea wrote: “If everybody could sever their emotional connection with their lives, sure they’d be happy, but their life would lose all meaning.” Of course, if we get rid of all emotions, we