Nobody likes going one step forward and then two steps back. You may score some huge brownie points with a dozen roses, but then get the silent treatment for a dozen days for forgetting your anniversary. The healthiness of your relationship is absolutely dependent on your constant cultivation of each other’s joy and happiness. That means being aware of what your own and each other’s positive or negative behaviors may be. Here is a list of 10 important things that you really need to STOP doing.
1. Pretending Everything is OK
If you are angry with one another, say something! Address the problem. Man-up or woman-up, throw the flag and call the foul. The issue will only rot and grow like mold on cheese if you do not deal with it. Talk it through. Find an appropriate time to sit down with your honey and let them know how you really feel. Listen to one another without interrupting and come to a point of resolution!
2. Forgetting to Compliment Each Other
There is no such thing as being too sweet in a healthy relationship. Keep pouring the honey on every single day and find one new thing to compliment each other on. That new shirt or that new dress, the new hair-do, or the new shoes. The list must go on!
3. The Need to Always Be Right
You can win a battle but completely lose the war. There are hills to die on and others to surrender on. You could try to “agree to disagree,” but that is just a B-grade way to try to be right. You may be absolutely certain that you have the right answer, but is hurting your loved one really going to be worth it? I didn’t think so either.
4. Trying to Get Even
There is no need to return evil with evil. Third graders do that. Besides, two wrongs do not make a right. That basically is what happens when you try to get even. You’ve heard the phrase, turn the other cheek‒it is not easy to do, but neither was painting the Mona Lisa.
5. Zoning Out in Conversations
Oh yes, we’ve all done it. That TV show or that song that is playing in the background while your significant other is pouring their heart out to you. Is it really more important than what your sweetheart has to share with you? Hit the off button on the background noise and tune into what your guy or gal is saying.
6. Hiding Flaws From One Another
You might be able to fool Penn & Teller with that illusion, but you really do not want to do that in your relationship. Illusions are always uncovered at some point. There is no need to shy away from being vulnerable. The truth is we are all so flawed in many ways. The neat thing is that in sharing with one another your flaws, you will be able to encourage one another to improve in whatever areas you are striving for.
7. Being “Too Busy” To Spend Time Together
All that really means is that your priorities lie elsewhere, which is a pretty big concern if one of your major priorities is not spending time together. If you keep hearing excuse after excuse, then those red flags need to be addressed. Carve out some specific times where you will spend time together. Many couples will have a weekly date night hanging out at their favorite burger joint or restaurant.
8. Being Way Too Transparent
You really don’t need to tell one another how your third cousin who you have not seen in years thinks that you have not done a very good job with losing weight‒especially when that is something you have been pretty self-conscious about. Some things are just better left unsaid.
9. Going To Bed Angry
Going to bed with your back turned to one another, or even worse in another room is a bad idea. At least try to turn the frown upside down. Even if you cannot completely resolve the issue, try and make some peace and agree to talk more about it in the morning.
10. Being So Predictable
Variety is the spice of life. If you have given each other the same birthday or Christmas gift for the last three years, then Groundhog Day needs to finish. Or it may be that you go to the same restaurant for every ‘special’ occasion. That would become ‘unspecial’ pretty quickly, and so will your relationship.
They say that you don’t get to choose your parents and siblings; however, you get to choose your friends and lovers. 10 Steps to Improve Your Personal Relationships