Relationships are a part of everyone’s life. As humans, we crave for companionship; a person to share experiences with, a person to touch and to be touched by, someone who will listen and someone who can make you laugh. Often, when we first meet someone, everything seems to click and that feeling of elation which seems to only exist in romantic comedies, becomes real life.
However, real life has ups and downs, and these can affect your relationship negatively. So, how do you know when the going is rough, but better times are around the corner, or if the relationship you are in is rearing its ugly head as a bad match? When your heart is invested, are there signs that your head should be able to see? The 14 signs listed below should aid you in figuring out if you need to make the tough decision of ending your relationship, or if grey skies are going to clear up.
It is certainly possible to be in love in the here and now and that is a wonderful thing. However, it is important to be able to talk about what you and your significant other want in the next few years. Where do you want to settle? Do you want children? Are you the same religion and if not do you care? If you find that you have opposing, non-negotiables that neither of you are willing to compromise on, it’s time to have an honest conversation about whether or not a prosperous future is realistic.
If you are trying your hardest to make someone else happy and nothing you do is good enough, then you are giving your best to the wrong person. Time, energy, effort and love should not go unnoticed. It is not your fault if someone cannot see how wonderful and giving you are. If you have been in your relationship for a long time, try having an open and honest conversation where you express that you are trying your best and you feel like your efforts are going unseen. See how your mate responds. Perhaps he/she was just going through a selfish phase and the confrontation will snap him/ her back to reality. On the flip side, if you keep trying, and you are communicating but your attempts are not being reciprocated, its time to reevaluate. You deserve to be happy and to have your partner recognize you. Stand up for yourself and what you deserve. Respect and love yourself first! You will be a better person to the other people in your life when you feel happy and not defeated.
Innately, we as humans go through insecure times. The people we are closest to, should be the one’s to remind us why we are fabulous! Thus, if your girlfriend/ boyfriend is the cause of your insecurity this is not a healthy relationship. Take a moment to write down a list of at least five things you believe you should be receiving from a healthy relationship. After you have done this, ask yourself honestly if your current partner is providing you with your list. Be aware of defense mechanisms! Are you making excuses for your woman/man? It will be important to be honest with yourself so that you can know if your relationship is healthy. Remember, being in a relationship doesn’t make you who you are. You have a right to feel secure and happy every day.
Depending on how long you have been together, the honeymoon period may by long gone. That being said, do you want to be in a relationship where you can’t find redeeming qualities to still rave about even after all these years? It may be a sign that you have grown out of your relationship if you (perhaps without noticing,) are always speaking negatively about it. Ask your friends and family for a reality check. They can tell you if you don’t seem happy anymore. Look at your life, are you content in your career and home? Are there changes in your life that you can have control over? Ask if the problem is you, or your relationship. Perhaps you are not in a good place in your life, or perhaps your relationship is no longer working. Listen to what you’re saying and decide if your pessimistic comments are a true reflection of your companion or is the attitude adjustment one that needs to come from within.
You shouldn’t have to set deadlines for your relationship, you should be able to communicate and get on the same page at any time. Setting deadlines creates for unwanted insecurity. By putting a date in place that you need a verdict or an action by, you are creating a waiting time where you are likely to not be living in the moment but rather counting down until the zero hour. Life should be about gratitude for your current moment. Of course a sense of direction is important, but if we are living for a time and unknown answer, then we are missing the joys of daily ins and outs. Drop the deadlines, and get to the point. Live your days to the fullest and choose happiness today. If you both are focused and happy in the moment then the future deadline is unimportant.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that fighting for weeks on end is not healthy. Your relationship should be a wonderful part of your life, but it shouldn’t be your whole life. If simple things like, what to have for dinner, or what movie to see, are turning into fights, it’s time to ask what is really going on? Usually, there is a deeper issue. Communication is the key to success. Be adults and talk about your feelings and thoughts in a calm manner. It’s often not what you are saying but how you say it. So if your relationship is important to you both, you should be able to have an honest and productive conversation without the neighbors wondering if they need to call the cops.
If you wake up every day with sorrow in your heart and tears in your eyes, something needs to change! Make a list of things that are bothering you. Ask yourself, ‘Why am I so sad? What is making me feel this way? How can I change?” If you find that your answers are revolving around your relationship then it may be time to choose happiness for yourself. You can only change yourself, you cannot change someone else. Make the choice to feel good inside and to cut out the things or people who are making you feel bad.
Do you find yourself being less productive at work? Are your friendships and family relationships suffering? Is your boyfriend or girlfriend at the base of these issues? A relationship is supposed to build you up, not drag you down. You should not find work, or friendships suffering due to your companion. Ask yourself what is more important, how you want to live your life, or how someone else tells you to live it. When we are kids we don’t like to be told what to do by our parents. It should be the same when when you are in a an adult relationship. A partner shouldn’t be controlling you or decisions. In addition, the way you feel about your life shouldn’t be negatively effected by your significant other. Remind yourself what kind of relationship you want to be in and ask yourself if you are really living that. Don’t let your work suffer because of the mood you feel. Negativity feeds more negativity. You have to find a way to pull yourself out and that may be by starting fresh without a lousy partner.
For some people long distance relationships work, but if you live in the same area and you can’t find time to see each other this may be an issue, especially if only one person is making all the effort. You should never have to put time and effort into a relationship if it isn’t being reciprocated. This causes for resentment, stress, anxiety and angst. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly making excuses as to why he or she can’t see you, then ask yourself if this union is really a fit for you. Some people have an understanding with their companion that they only see each other a few times a week, as long as neither person feels let down by this, then that is great. However, if one person is feeling neglected, a conversation needs to be had, and a re-evaluation should be placed. Relationships take time, energy, effort and a mutual desire to want to spend time together. Make sure you’re the priority you want to be.
Some of us are naturally flirtatious people and it really means nothing. It is simply a banter or a way of expressing oneself. However, if you find that you are flirting and this is out of character, ask yourself if you are lacking attention in your relationship? Is your person making you feel special? Or are you looking for attention from other people to fill a void. Have an honest conversation with yourself and then with your significant other. If you can’t be made to feel special then it could be time to change your status.
Relationships should be built on trust, so if you are even questioning if you trust your spouse than you probably don’t. When we don’t trust people we can grow insecure and ultimately drive ourselves crazy creating realities in our minds that may or may not be true. No one needs, or deserves to spend their days consumed with questions about what their significant other is doing. Not trusting your partner will certainly cause you to drive yourself into a tizzy and will effect other areas of your life. You deserve to be in an honest and open relationship, make sure you’re getting the answers you need.
There is no time like the present! If everything in your relationship is built around a concept that has never actually occurred then you are not living in the moment and merely consumed with an idea of what could be. You may never get that idea so be sure that you are happy now. You never know what would happen tomorrow.
Having to create alternate realities to mask the one your in, is not ok. Eventually lies catch up with you and they certainly seep into other areas of your life. You should be proud, confident and secure enough to live in the life you are in. You shouldn’t have to make up lies and create a facade. If you’ve noticed yourself lying frequently about your relationship or your partner ask yourself why you are doing so. Maybe you are lacking some excitement, or perhaps you are covering up your unhappiness. Be honest with yourself and then be honest with your man/woman. Remember too, he or she should not want you lying either!
Assuming that when you buy a house, have a baby, get engaged or whatever major event your waiting for, will make your relationship better, it’s not true. Major life events cause stress. You need your relationship to be strong and communicative before you step into a major event. Big changes can make everything seem better, they can also make life much harder. You need a strong foundation before you ‘build the house’. We cannot control tomorrow, but we can control today. So look at the here and now, and don’t assume that an unknown future is the solution.
Featured photo credit: Bad relationship- Po Yang via flickr.com
Love this article? Share it with your friends on Facebook