These are those things that you have to say but could hurt other people. Confrontation and honesty are sometimes taboo, so how do you get the truth out and keep the other person happy?
Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks [both Ph.D.] say that if you don’t want an argument, you can speak on unarguable terms.
If I say to you, “My stomach feels queasy,” you’d have a difficult time arguing with me. If I say to you, “You make me sick to my stomach,” you’d probably find plenty to argue with me about in that sentence. The difference is intention. If I say, “My stomach feels queasy,” my intention is to reveal my inner experience. If I say, “You make me sick to my stomach,” my intention is to blame you for my experience. In speaking difficult truths so that people thank you afterwards, the trick is to reveal your inner experience and stay out of blame.
Now in the scenario of a breakup, no matter how you put it, things can turn sour. However, if you aren’t interested in hearing the excuses and defenses, speaking with this alternative viewpoint in mind can make things easier.
Relationship Fix: How to Tell Difficult Truths So People Thank You - [GaiamCommunity]