How to Email a Stranger
Way back in July of this year, I suggested that one way to add kick to a research paper was to consult an expert. A lot of people disagree with this, imagining, I think, a flood of sloppy emails from students begging the experts to do their homework for them.
That was never my intention, of course — I’ve received far too many of those sorts of emails myself! Emailing an expert — or anyone you don’t know personally — to ask for assistance or input requires some finesse, and done well it’s far from the easy way out. You are, after all, asking someone to take on a task that they don’t need to take on; unless you give them a compelling reason to be interested in you and your project, they have nothing to gain by helping you.
So your first order of business is to give them something to gain, a reason to put themselves out for you. And you need to gain their confidence that their input is not going to be wasted or misrepresented. In short, you have to sell yourself and your project.
Here’s how:
- Do your homework. Only contact someone if you’re very clear about who they are and how they can help you. Read their bio, learn about their work, and find out as much as you can about what they’re doing now — it does no good to email, say, a physicist about research she did 30 years ago and has since recanted. This means know your topic, too — don’t email someone with basic questions that could be easily looked up on Wikipedia.
- Offer something of value. You’re asking for something — be sure to offer something in return. Your insight into their work, an interesting observation on the relationship between what they do and what you’re doing (or what someone else has done), a description of what you’re doing that will excite them, whatever, so long as it makes helping you valuable.
- Be clear about what you want. Don’t make them guess what you’re asking of them — say it loud, say it proud! Even if you’re only writing to open a channel of communication, say it.
- Offer your skills. Again, make the transaction valuable to the person you’re writing to by offering your future assistance. Perhaps you can help them with a thorny problem, provide some piece of information, even volunteer your labor on a project.
- Introduce yourself. Don’t forget to say who you are and what you’re doing! Not just “I’m a student” or “I’m a designer” or whatever you are — say something useful about yourself that gives a sense of your personality. Don’t ramble on and on, just say enough to personalize your email.
- Explain where you got their email address. Getting email from strangers can be disconcerting, so let your contact know how you found them: a university directory, met them at a conference, used their corporate website, looked their homepage up online, or whatever.
- Don’t insult or threaten. I’m always surprised at how many people ask for help by challenging, insulting, or even threatening the person they expect to help them out. Needless to say, don’t do this. You’re asking a favor from someone with no obligation to grant it; abusive language will only get your email deleted.
- Don’t beg either. Be confident. If you make sure to write a compelling and sensible email that offers something valuable to its reader (even if that’s just the prospect of an interesting correspondence), you’re not imposing. There’s no reason to apologize or put yourself down. Even if the person you’re writing holds a position quite a bit above your own, approach them as an equal, a colleague — and expect the same in return. That is, don’t work to maintain a relationship with someone who is incapable of treating you as respectfully as you treat them.
Be ready to accept a negative response, or even no response at all. People are busy and can’t always drop everything to take on a new project, no matter how small or how interesting. And there are still some people who fret over their perceived status and distinction, and will be affronted by your presumption to relate to them as an equal.
When that happens, accept refusal gracefully and move on. Time will deal with them — we live in an increasingly networked world, and the rules are changing. Distinctions of prestige and expertise are mattering less and less unless backed by the willingness to share and connect.
Most people recognize this, though, and if you approach them with respect and willingness to share, they will respond in kind. While this advice could apply just as easily to writing a letter (does anyone still do that?) in today’s age, email is king — it’s quicker, easier to respond to, and immediately available. So go ahead and take a chance — if you follow these tips, you have nothing to lose but a few minutes of your time..
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Dustin Wax
Dustin M. Wax is a contributing editor and project manager at lifehack.org. He is also the creator of The Writer's Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he's not writing, he teaches anthropology and women's studies in Las Vegas, NV. His personal site can be found at dwax.org.
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Comments
Jill Walker Rettberg says on November 14th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
I too am a college professor - I think this may vary from subject to subject, but in our discipline (digital culture) students are expected to cite published research, not emails from “experts”. I suppose a student might receive tips on publications to read from an expert in the field, but in most cases, the student should have been able to do that research herself.
Daylle Deanna Schwartz says on November 14th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
These tips are all excellent. I’m a music business author and consultant and receive MANY requests for a variety of quotes, interviews, advice, etc. As someone on that end of the request, I’d add:
Show respect for the person’s time: There’s little I can be offered for giving up my already tight time to answer questions for a thesis or someone’s research. But when someone acknowledges that I’m busy and shows appreciation for my input, I’m more likely to do it just as a way of giving back.
Lose any sense of entitlement: It’s not quite insulting or threatening, but I get many requests with a tone that indicates they expect me to answer questions or help them with info for their project because I’m an expert and they need help. I don’t owe strangers anything! My knowledge and skills doesn’t obligate me to give myself to anyone who needs my help. I get paid to consult. But, when people ask nicely, I’ll try to make time for at least a short response.
Your first point about doing your homework is also especially important. I hear from people who barely know exactly who I am, saying things like, “I got your name from a friend and have questions about how to start a record label.” When someone tells me why they’re asking me, I’ll at least consider their request.
Showing courtesy and respect will always get you a lot further. And if someone helps you, make sure to be gracious in thanking them. The please and thank you rules have been lost by many folks. Using them attracts more!
Dustin Wax says on November 14th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Daylle — thanks for some great additions to these tips!
Jill — I think it would vary from discipline to discipline, but also depending on the type of assignment. Certainly in the social sciences and humanities, (personal communication) is a valid and somewhat commonly used citation — but it would depend on the kind of data, too. But even in the “hard” sciences, while I might not want to see personal communications cited, there are lots of reasons one might contact someone. For example, let’s say you know that someone in your field is doing exciting work — it might be worthwhile to find out what their plans are regarding publishing or even get involved with their project. I wouldn’t expect this of a freshman comp student, but an advanced grad student, sure.
And this advice isn’t only aimed at student researchers; at advanced levels (including senior undergrads), many students need to be making connections outside their department and school. Business people need to build partnerships, and hobbyists want to connect with experts in their fields, too. Returning to college students, I think it’s incumbent on us to encourage, if not actively teach, this kind of networking, because these are skills students whether or not they pursue advanced research.
Talking Books Librarian says on November 14th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
I think one of the hard things about emailing a stranger or an expert is not knowing for sure if he or she even received your email. For example, the email could have gone straight into the trash or junk mail, and the person never even saw the email…
Daylle Deanna Schwartz says on November 14th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
You never can know if someone receives your email unless they respond. But you can be careful to have a subject header that will let the person know you’re not a spammer. I check my spam box before I empty it. I also don’t open emails I suspect are spam. I get subjects like “Wow!” from someone who read one of my books or just “hi”. So I might miss those. If someone is clear in the subject–”About your book” or “interview request” or something else that’s specific, it’s more likely that the recipient will read it.
Advice Network says on November 14th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
I’ve found if I can be brief and be polite, that often does the trick.
Kathleen says on November 14th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Wow. The sense of entitlement from DW is palpable.
—And there are still some people who fret over their perceived status and distinction, and will be affronted by your presumption to relate to them as an equal.—
Most generation x-ers or y-ers or whatever they are now, equate “equal” with “peer”. You are not a peer. If you are consulting an expert, they are not your peer. No healthy individual is going to demand you bow and scrape, the problem is the entitlement generation is usually downright RUDE, at best treating one how they treat each other. I’m not your pal. I want an email in proper English, no text message-ese with a proper introduction. Most of the crap I get is sent from a cell phone, all in code. They don’t even have the courtesy to tell me their names, include a salutation (much less a personalized or proper one) or a thank you. It’s one sentence, poorly formed, misspelled, demanding and/or insulting. You’ll deny these kinds of people are your peers, your equals, so why do you imply there’s something wrong with me because I won’t accept them as my peers, my equals?
—Time will deal with them — we live in an increasingly networked world, and the rules are changing. Distinctions of prestige and expertise are mattering less and less unless backed by the willingness to share and connect.—
Again, the entitlement is palpable. You’re right, the rules are changing. You say prestige matters less and less and if that’s so, why is your generation running so hot after paper? No generation has ever liked initials after their name as much as yours does. I beg to disagree that distinctions of expertise matter less and less. If that’s true, then you’re saying the that substance, content (what you’re asking for) doesn’t matter. If that’s so, why are you bugging us? Are you saying things only have to look nice, prettied up, you know, branded? -but the EXPERTise doesn’t matter, only how *connected* you are is?
Newsflash Dustin, people get connected with their equals BECAUSE of their expertise, their competence. Who cares if you and your friends don’t write us or know our names because we’re not “connected” to you? Having a name people know is *your* head game, don’t project it here. Personally, I’m thrilled. If you don’t know me, my reputation, so much the better. It leaves me more time to help people who are worth it, those who’ve invested, done their own due diligence, meaning that by the time they find me, they’re easier to work with. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
Lifehack.org, you’ve sunk to new lows.
Amy says on November 14th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
I think part of the problem these days is that people tend to take the informal atmosphere of the internet for granted and tend to forget their p’s and q’s when addressing a total stranger.
Dustin Wax says on November 14th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
Well, that is quite a dressing down. I think maybe if you go back and re-read, you’ll find that I say nothing to knock expertise, nor about relating as peers. I do say that people should expect to be treated as equals or move on; obviously that means equal in the “all men [and women] are created equal” sense, not in the “we are all the same” sense. I also say to do your homework, to come to a conversation having done the work and prepared to do more, and to be able to offer some value to the relationship — which, frankly, contradicts nothing you say, except that I’m nicer about it.
Prestige does matter less and less — when expertise hides behind a firewall of prestige, absolutely. But of course, this article isn’t about reaching out to experts — that’s just one example. This article is about reaching out to people; you’ll forgive me for finding that sort of thing important.
One last thing: you don’t know me. You hardly know whether I’m your would-be student, your peer, or quite frankly your superior in knowledge, expertise, or any other currency of the information economy. So for the other readers, let this stand as an example of how *not* to initiate a conversation with a stranger — don’t burn bridges before they’re built.
Dustin Wax says on November 14th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
And to those of you who mentioned good grammar, etc, I agree wholeheartedly — by all means avoid the IM-speak, use decent grammar, etc. The usual rules of writing apply: be concise as possible, be clear, be correct, and be polite (above I say “respectful”).
George P. Landow says on November 20th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Your advice about contacting strangers is excellent, but the whole idea of students contacting supposed experts when doing research papers strikes me as a very bad idea. The purpose of most forms of education is not simply to acquire facts but (a) to learn how to find facts and opinions about them, (b) learn how to evaluate the reliability of sources of information, and (c) learn how to interpret facts and opinions.
By going to an expert, one loses most of the educational value of the assignment, particularly if you want to find out something about a controversial topic: the espert will usually provide only one side of a many-sided story.
Of course, the value of consuting experts depends upon what you mean by “expert.” If you want to get a first-hand account of the experience of someone who’s on the ground — whether you’re studying the Iraq War, a political campaign, a house fire, or the origins of an advertisng campaign — then going to someone who was there might be essential, but your sources then are not what we usually mean by experts.
Another problem, of course, is the nature of expertise: as someone whom people consult fairly frequently about a range of topics from Victorian culture to new media, I have concludd that “an expert is someone who knows a tiny bit more than everyone else.” I usually don’t have the answer. I have had the same experience when I consult other so-called experts, too.