Reflection on disconnection
In 2009 we are indeed a global community infected by disconnection. On many levels and in many ways. And as a planet and as a tribe living on that planet, it’s safe to say that the Disconnection Epidemic is killing us. Or perhaps should I say, we’re killing us. Metaphorically and literally. Just take a look around at the consequences of our global disconnected-ness. You and I live in a time when mankind is hemorrhaging on many levels; physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually and environmentally, and yet despite our condition, we seem to be resistant to learning. We have managed to both progress and regress at the same time. Quite the achievement. It seems that the more educated, informed and equipped we become (as a population), the more selfish, short-sighted, illogical and destructive we become also. For a species which regards itself as the intellectual superior to all others, we have an amazing knack for stupidity and irrational behaviour. I don’t know of any other species that has the ability to wreak havoc on it’s own kind like we Homo Sapiens do. Modern Man; what an ironic term. If only the dolphins were running the show. Not only are we seeing disconnection between individuals in homes, schools and workplaces but also on a much larger scale, between cultures, countries, religions, generations, governments, political groups and so on. And no, I’m not talking about normal healthy ideological, philosophical, theological and political differences here, I’m talking about large-scale attitudes, choices and behaviours that continue to create division, devastation, destruction and mass disconnection.
When I’m the boss of the world, I’ll address it.
Until then…
That may take a while, so in the mean time… what can you and I do to create a greater level of connection with the inhabitants of our own little cosmos? Of course we probably won’t create a global shift or be the genesis for some kind of cosmic awakening in the next week or two (although… ), but in the interim there’s a bunch of stuff you and I can do to create a much greater level of connection, understanding and harmony with those lucky enough to be in our own personal orbit.
Talking with, not at
While there are many variables that will impact on and affect the kind of connection we do or don’t create with the people in our own atmosphere, there is no more important “connection tool” than that of effective communication. And as obvious and fundamental as this sounds, it is often our inability to communicate effectively with those in our world (family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and even strangers) which lies at the core of the disconnected reality that so many of us inhabit. Effective communication happens when we have a genuine desire to connect with people in a meaningful and productive manner. For too many of us, talking regularly equates to neither communication nor connection. Some people want to create a deeper level of communication, understanding and connection, while others simply want to talk at people and massage their ego. Ever seen what happens in parliament? Gold. Talking at people will create disconnection while talking with people will create connection – or at the very least, open the door on a healthier and more productive relationship. One is all about being heard and imposing one’s thoughts, ideas, beliefs and will, while the other is all about listening, understanding, empathising and of course, creating connection.
Here are some no-brainer “connectors”…
- Work to build trust and respect. If there’s no trust or respect there can be no real connection. What often appears to be connection is in fact acting and/or manipulation on one person’s part. Simulated rapport I call it. We learn this kind of stuff in basic retail sales training. It’s not connection; it’s role-playing.
- Ask the right kind of questions. Ask questions that will generate meaningful dialogue; open-ended questions, not yes-no questions. Ask questions which demonstrate that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.
- Work to increase your awareness and to become an active listener. If you are serious about creating connection with someone then give them one hundred percent of your attention in that moment. Yep; all of it. Don’t be anywhere else (mentally). This is not always easy for us as our cerebral landscape tends be a very busy “place”. However, it is a very valuable skill to develop. Do your best to understand the other person’s perspective and thoughtfully consider the intended meaning of their words. Don’t be like many who simply wait for a gap in proceedings to launch their own self-indulgent monologue. As a general rule, listen more than you speak.
- Read the non-verbal communication. In any conversation, the words are only part of the message and sometimes, a small part. What people don’t say will often tell you more than what they do. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
- Speak their language. All the talking in the world will result in zero connection if you’re both speaking different languages. And we see this all the time; the boss and the employee, the mother and daughter, the teacher and the student, the tech-dude (Johnny) and the non-tech-dude (me). Lots of words but no understanding, no connection and no positive outcome. While most of us understand English, we all speak our own “language”. What will motivate one person will intimidate another. What will make me laugh will offend my neighbour. What will make complete sense to you could be totally confusing to your parents (think computer). Know who you’re talking with and learn their language if it’s connection you’re after.
Acknowledge their feelings. You don’t need to agree with people to understand them, to respect their point of view or to create genuine connection. Having the same philosophy on everything is not a pre-requisite for connection; if it was, we’d all be in a bunch of trouble.
The Last Bit
The disconnection chat, is indeed a much bigger one than the mere morsel I’ve given you to chew on today. It is something that impacts on virtually every area of the human experience (great and small), and something that I believe needs to be addressed in a practical, humble and honest fashion if we are serious about undoing some of the damage we’re living in today. One individual can’t save six billion, neither can she change the mind of the global power brokers or single handedly steer the S.S.Humanity. However, when enough individuals get together, the few become many and we begin to see a shift in power and a practical, positive consequence in our physical world. That is, real change. So if you’ve been impacted by disconnection on any level (and welcome to the club), my suggestion for you is, rather than allowing yourself to be a victim of disconnection (yep, it’s a choice), work to become a connector. Genuine transformation and connection works from the inside-out and today (like every day) is an opportunity for you to become part of the solution, rather than a perpetuator of the problem.
Every day I choose to create connection and to be part of the solution because I have that choice and that power. I encourage you to join me.
As always, love your thoughts.
Thank God for this post. I read recently about the no handshake “movement” and feel sad that even just simple touch between humans is going the way of the Betamax and VHS tapes. Connection is, to me, really the only reason to keep going on this planet, and I hope that more people are willing to embrace the need for, well… embracing one another.
This is beautiful and re-iterates many of the same thoughts I’ve been having over the last several months. Its absolutely mind-blowing/disturbing to me how awful we’ve (as a collective society) have become at generating ACTUAL connections with people.
The Art of Conversation is definitely a lost art.
[...] Disconnection epidemic [...]
This is so true. Its kinda scary how we all know this and yet everyone seems so reluctant to do anything about it.
I fear its going to get worse, as people continue to mistrust each other, we’re just going to get further and further apart.
Craig — I agree that the Disconnection Epidemic is killing us. And starvation is killing millions. I know a way each of us can make a connection and at same time help others to live by feed starving people. You probably agree that the time we spend at our computers contributes to the disconnet. This program is something we can do online to help AND it’s a game — fun and you learn stuff.
It’s a UNITED NATIONS WORLD FOOD PROGRAM, and its partner the Berman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard University, has a unique website FreeRice.com. On it you can play a variety of learning games, testing your verbal knowledge ( also math, geography, chemistry and languages) and for every right answer you get 10 grains of rice.
Advertisers provide the money to buy the rice you’ve earned and then give it free to hungry people around the world. As you play a learning game on the Internet, you know that somewhere in the world, a person will eat rice that you helped to provide. Wow! Ethic Soup blog has a good article on this at:
http://www.ethicsoup.com/2009/05/free-rice-to-feed-the-hungry-just-play-free-internet-games-.html
The United Nations says some 25,000 people die every day from hunger — most of them children. Although 10 grains of rice may seem like a tiny amount, remember that while you are playing, so are thousands of other people at the same time around the world. It adds up to help feed millions of people. Just do it!
It adds up to help feed millions of people. Just do it!
thanks admins
good comment
This looks like it might be a really interesting article… but I’m afraid I don’t understand what it’s about. As far as I can tell, this mysterious “disconnection” is never defined. I don’t know what it is.
I can take a guess. If I try to think about who the most disconnected people in the world might be, I imagine those monks who live in remote monasteries under a vow of silence. Is that disconnection? Are those people just bad people making bad decisions and living bad lives?
Save Money with The Most Effective Energy-Saving Solution for your home or business attic
Roger i dont think thats what the author is referring to?
[...] # The Disconnection Epidemic [...]
Whether one is speaking about connectedness at the social, business or personal levels it all points to the same issue. In order for us to have connectedness we need to have effective authentic communication. It all begins with empathic and immersion style listening with your communication partner. Improving connectedness doesn’t necessarily mean speech improvement (in quality or quantity); it means receiving your communication partner’s message fully with an open mind and heart. Being an empathic communicator goes a long, long way.
-Joan Boneberg,
Speech Improvement Resources, LLC
This is brilliant. I love your point of view. Based on this, I think we hold a lot in common in terms of beliefs. Yet, you’ve still managed to give me a fresh point of view. Thank you. Really, THANK YOU. :-)
Good points in terms of conversation. I totally space out when others are talking, and I need to work on that. 100% attention.
Yes, I feel that an attitude of Cooperation is the key to connection. Here in the states, and abroad, people have bought into the capitalistic and individualistic ideals, and now everything is a competition. Everyone is out for themselves. This has got to change, and people who have more should feel good about giving to those who have less.
It is surely an excellent option to go through a tooth whitening systems whitening review before purchasing it.
The epidemic way of getting more and more disconnected is often based on the principle “everything with everyone” and paradoxically ends up in “noting whith anyone”. Busy people are getting more lonely than they have time to notice. We need to slow down, just a little, to get back to “something with someone”. “something” might seem too little at the moment, and “someone” too insignificant – but this simple step reverses the whole disconnection process. Take a little time to do something unimportant with someone who barely qualifies, and notice how your world will change.
Thank you to Craig for this post and also to those who took the time to read it and “listen” to it. To me, communication is more than what occurs when people are face to face. It’s written down, it’s visualized with images, it’s created with instruments of all kinds, and it’s performed through our actions. Oddly enough many people behave as if communicating through cyberspace somehow diminishes the level of communication. But, it’s the action of doing so that can have a bigger impact than we know. Clicking “submit” to a message is the same thing as sliding the words off our tongues. As Craig put it “through all aspects of the human experience”. Without a doubt the epidemic of disconnection is a massive topic to contemplate and has been the driving focus of my creative endeavors my whole life. We learned from Sartre that doing nothing is an action of choice in itself. Some people scarred by a lifetime of “simulated rapport” within interpersonal relations actually choose to disconnect, and in doing so communicate volumes. In this battle between “simulated rapport” and deliberate disconnection, we all lose. Just like John the Savage in Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World” ultimately laments.
I love how Lars Bohman puts it in his comment, “slow down” and get back to “something with someone”.
Funny, but there are even comments posted to Craig’s article that speak exactly “like many who simply wait for a gap in proceedings to launch their own self-indulgent monologue”. Sad.
It is a climate to buy the goods which are not seasonal.For example you can buy UGG boots in summer.uggs clearance To some degree UGG boots will be offered at a low price or discount price in summer.If you have been touched by this idea.I would like to recommend you UGG online canada.It is a professional retailer providing genuine UGG boots.Here more information about UGG online canada will be introduced. UGG online canada offers you the high-end uggs clearance.UGG boots include sheepskin boots and knitting boots.ConcerningMoncler jackets,UGG tall boots and short boots are available in several categories.These are designed for women.Recently Ugg Classic Boots has launched a campaign to promote the sales of UGG boots.At the same time the store wants to give thanks to the customers who support them all the time. These discount UGG boots women canada are available in several categories.There is need to introduce them respectively.Here are UGG tall boots,such as UGG women’s classic tall boots,UGG women’s classic cardy boots,UGG women’s ultra tall boots,UGG women’s nightfall boots and UGG women’s sandance II boots.ugg boots outlet If you want to keep insulation against the cold,UGG women’s classic tall boots are the best choice since they are up to the mid-calf.Whilst Ugg Boots Clearance tall boots are crafted by the real sheepskin which is the best material to keep warm.What’s more it is comfortable to wear the boots owing to the lightweight outsole.Concerning to the durability of the boots,you have no need to worry about the quality.The real sheepskin and durable outsole ensure the longevity of the boots.UUgg Online Store tall boots are also created in several colors,like sand,grey,chocolate,chestnut,pink and black. Unlike UGG women’s classic tall boots,UGG women’s classic cardy boots are made of colorful knitting uppers.They also feature three oversized buttons.ugg coupon women’s classic cardy boots can be styled up and buttoned,slouched and slightly unbuttoned,or completely cuffed thanks to the three wood buttons.If you do not like the above,you might as well have a look at UGG women’s nightfall and UGG women’s sandance II boots.The two UGG boots collections are trimmed with wool.So the chic and lush wool can be showed outside.This adds a touch of elegance to the UGG Outlet Store.The last are UGG women’s ultra tall boots which are ideal to keep the cold away in winter.They can be worn for a long time because of the durable sheepskin and outsole.Still available in several colors. Refering to UGG short boots,there are Cheap Ugg UK,UGG women’s ultra short boots and UGG women’s classic mini boots.UGG women’s classic mini boots are fashionable this summer.Because the boots are up to the ankle,they can be worn all the year around.You can see people wearing UGG women’s classic mini boots and shorts on street nowadays.While UGG women’s classic short boots and UGG women’s ultra short boots can be utilised in spring,fall and winter.And they are wearable to the outfits.The above is the simple introduction to ugg australia uk.What’s your opinion?