7 Secrets of Being Popular
Why are some people effortlessly popular and well liked? By contrast, other people, no matter how hard they try, never seem to be able to gain the same trust and respect. Even if we may not like to admit it, most people secretly crave the respect and admiration of other people. These are some factors which can lead to a natural popularity.
1. Don’t Try to Be Popular.
It is a mistake to try and become popular. When we seek to impress others and please them, it inevitably encourages us to offer false flattery and think about what they want us to do and say. When we behave like this our ego comes to the fore, and we hide our real self. This kind of behaviour may temporarily impress some people, but, in the long term it is not sustainable. We have to base friendship on being our natural self, and avoid extravagant attempts to rise in other people’s esteem.
2. Think of Others more than you think of your self.
People appreciate those who are considerate of others. If you only talk about yourself and your achievements, people will merely start to try and avoid you. We naturally respect people who are willing to spend time listening to others. This means offering goodwill to everyone, not just a select few who have a high social standing.
3. Be Your self.
It is a strain pretending to be someone you are not. When we seek to please others expectations there is an insincerity in our thought and actions, - people can soon see through this. If we learn to be content with who we are, we allow our natural spontaneity to come to the fore, this is what will naturally attract other people.
4. Have a big Heart.
Learn to be magnanimous in your dealings with other people, forget small mistakes, but appreciate the positive contributions that other people make. This is one of the most important factors in determining how people appreciate us. If we are always judging others with our critical mind, people will naturally feel slighted. If we go out of our way to appreciate the good qualities of others, then people will warm to our generous spirit.
5. Reduce Your Ego.
Do you seek to impress people, through appearing to be wise, and to drop names and important achievements into the conversation? When you magnify your ego, you only increase your popularity with yourself. If you can work without demand for outer recognition and praise, people will warm to your natural humility. Let actions speak louder words; if you do good things, there is no need to act as your own self publicist - you’re not a politician standing for an election. (It is interesting that politicians are very rarely popular, despite the fact they spend most of their lives trying their hardest to court popularity)
6. Humour
To gain popularity we need to be self depreciating and not take ourselves too seriously. Humour is one of the most significant attributes that people appreciate in others. It is said humour is one of the most important things women look in a man when choosing a relationship. This does not mean we have to be a stand up comic with a long list of jokes; in fact we should be careful of boring people with a long monologue of tired jokes.
7. Follow Your ideals quietly.
People look up to those who have a solid character with the attributes of honesty, kindness, strength and humility. But, at the same time these are ideals to be lived and not talked about. Quite often we see some people talking about how others should live a good life. Yet these proud moralists, may be better advised to concentrate on their own conduct before lecturing others. The secret of popularity here is to be honest and self giving without the necessity of correcting others. The most powerful way is to merely lead by example; if others follow, fine; if not that is fine as well.
Photo by Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
TejvanPettinger
Tejvan Pettinger lives in Oxford, where he works as an economics teacher. He is a member of the Sri Chinmoy Meditation Centre and offers meditation classes to the general public. He enjoys writing on topics of self improvement and personal development and updates a blog Sri Chinmoy Inspiration.
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Comments
Jay Young says on October 31st, 2007 at 10:19 am
I like this list. It really touches on the need to be authentic in your personal dealings and relationships. I would add to the list the ability to listen and the importance of timing. Both are critical to becoming and remaining popular.
Mike says on October 31st, 2007 at 11:04 am
Popular how? At work? At high-school? At college? Among 40-year old friends?
Do you mean popular as in well-liked or as in having a ton of friends and being looked up to?
How popular are you personally? Do you have experience with this area or did you crib this list together from other sources?
I think this list is fine if you want to be a little more likable and genuine, but it’s naive to think it will make you the coolest person at your university.
What about being fun? What about being able to organize events? What about having some sort of talent that captures people’s admiration?
Jen says on October 31st, 2007 at 11:10 am
This article needs copyediting desperately–it’s a real distraction from the content. I couldn’t finish reading it.
etavitom says on October 31st, 2007 at 3:34 pm
i like the overall theme and message of this very much! thanks for the wisdom…
Ravi Vora says on October 31st, 2007 at 4:37 pm
This is a good list but I have to disagree with #7. Popular opinion may not be what your belief is, but following it quietly is almost like hiding.
Instead, use your belief to find others to accept you. If you are strong in your beliefs, people will be more likely to look up to you.
Honey B says on October 31st, 2007 at 5:29 pm
“Do you mean popular as in well-liked or as in having a ton of friends and being looked up to?”
That’s a great question. I find that most people DON’T necessarily want to be close to you when you have the characteristics listed in this article. They might like you (As in: “Oh, I remember her, she was really nice”) but they won’t want to ‘hang out’ with you, the way friends do.
I try to embody the traits listed here, but don’t have a ton of friends (I’m not complaining - quality, not quantity, I always say). I think people are actually attracted to drama and boorishness, to a certain extent, even despite their own best instincts.
Red Jello says on October 31st, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Popular? As in high school cheerleader? If I tried to be popular at my job, I’d never get anything done or be able to make final decisions to increase productivity. I didn’t take my job to be popular. I took it to be successful and gain revenue for the company. Is that what you are referring to here?
Daylle Deanna Schwartz says on October 31st, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Great points here! I think what’s also important is the motive behind following them. Popularity means different things to different people. Some people go to extreme lengths to please so they feel liked. But they’re not really liked for themselves. I don’t consider buying friends with favors or being too magnanimous being popular for real.
Cheers,
Daylle
Alison says on October 31st, 2007 at 10:20 pm
I think there is a lot of unfounded criticism and negativity in the comments on this article. The intention is clearly to give advice on how to become well-liked by being authentic and real - something that’s important to many people (if not all) in every walk of life. There are ways to get things done/make money/etc without being a dictator or an unlikeable person. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that people don’t work harder for people they like and admire.
To those who criticize the grammar in this post, I propose that you write an article in a language other than your native tongue and see if you sound half as eloquent.
Thanks for this article.
Chris (Amateur Traveler podcast) says on November 1st, 2007 at 12:44 pm
An excellent article. You described to a T the kind of person I like to spend time with: authentic, funny, selfless and humble.
Tejvan Pettinger says on November 1st, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Thanks for the wide range of comments.
I think Peter asks some good questions. - in particular, what does it mean to be popular?
One thing I was trying to suggest is that those who strive after popularity, gain only a rather superficial popularity.
I think people who follow the ideals mentioned here, are probably not that bothered about their personal standing. Yet, it is these people who often gain an uninvited popularity.
dollslikeus says on November 1st, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Volunteer when asked to be on a committee say I will see, how can I help you ,when do you need me to start . I think I can handle those tasks attend meetings make friends and give your opinion . Your opinion is worth hearing
Doobious says on November 1st, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I think the author of the article confuses popularity with respect. A dog is very popular, but you wouldn’t want it running one of your departments. It’s easy to make everyone like you and not feel threatened by you. A totally different list of “secrets” is needed if you want to be respected.
Neezar says on November 1st, 2007 at 7:02 pm
I like this article, especially with point number two, in my opinion, that is the most difficult to do.
Bart says on November 2nd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
There is a componet of charisma with popularity - somebody who can work a room. I think you can increase your popularity by just increasing your social intellegence and becoming more outgoing. It’s more of a pragmatic idea - no one will no about your product no matter how intrinsically good it is unless it’s marketed in some way.
Jummy says on November 2nd, 2007 at 2:21 pm
I’m not sure if this matters to you but trackback #4 has copied your post in its entirety for his/her blog, here: http://www.lifehack.org/articl.....pular.html
Just thought I’d let you know.
LacusOdii says on November 2nd, 2007 at 5:54 pm
This is actually a list of popularity requirements. you will not be popular if you violate these rules, but they really are not going to make you popular if you just follow them. Here are the real secrets to popularity:
1. Be attractive. Ugly people have a harder time becoming popular, while attractive people can be pretty jerky before the group will abandon them.
2. Be good at some socially acceptable activity. It gives you something to talk about around the water cooler, and it demonstrates that you are a capable person.
3. Popularity is ranked. If someone is more popular than you, you are less popular. Either work to make yourself cooler, more capable or more social, or if you can’t do that, find ways to secretly undermine the more popular people.
4. There are jobs that enhance your popularity and there are jobs that reduce your popularity. Software architect: bad; Investment banker: good. Anything to do with money besides accountant is generally safe.
5. Remember people’s names and use it when you see them. This is a prerequisite of effective networking, which in itself is a key to popularity. But there will be people that you will never actually associate with, however you should still simulate a personal relationship with them so they feel like you are buddies.
David Tan says on November 4th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
OK, that reminds me that i should tell my girlfriend a joke today
Jolly Roger says on November 8th, 2007 at 5:33 am
If there is a difference, a delta, in who you are based on your work and who you are in actuality or in potential then congratulations - you must be a very focused and motivated individual to be promoted so far beyond your competence.
The fact of the matter is that if who you are at work and who you really are is different - especially if you feel it is required to be good in your role… you could not be more wrong.
It does not matter if you are a saint and your sole (soul?) role is to send 10,000 people to the dole… and then yourself - you should still be who you are.
Being who you are - actually genuine and not a facade - is what makes you popular, respected and trustworthy even in the worst of times, despite the warts on your warts.
It is true that you must assume certain postures to effectively command others - this does not mean you cannot be popular or at least understood and genuinely respected despite the role you must fulfill.
There is an excellent reason that the higher one climbs in life, the nicer the majority becomes - the rest are awaiting certain reconciliation with that specter, competence.
Kayci says on November 9th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
As another blogger that deals in the self help niche how do you follow your own advice about following your ideals quietly? I often find it hard to blog about these topics without sounding boastful, or that I know it all. Any tips?
Thanks
adsl says on March 7th, 2008 at 5:30 am
thanks