September 12th, 2008 in Communication

3 Ways To Be Memorable By Breaking People’s Patterns

Gasp!

Life is full of little situations that you encounter regularly. Some people don’t see these for the opportunities that they are: a chance to stand out, be different, and be memorable.

They’re a way to quickly built rapport with someone so they can think back later and say “Brian…hmm, yeah he was the guy who does [BLANK]” or “Barbara, oh yeah she is the gal who said [BLANK]“. You stood out enough to be remembered.

By breaking out of your comfort zone and doing something a little different than everyone else you can connect with new people on a regular basis.

How’s it going?This is perhaps one of the most common questions you will here, and everyone gives the same answer. Instead of saying “fine”, “ok, how about you”, or “keepin busy”, next time try giving some uncommon honesty. Don’t parrot back your usual response. Think of something positive, unique, and/or funny that you are doing, and give them a one line summary. Keeping it positive is key. You should be bringing smiles to people’s faces, not unloading your baggage or stress.
To the receptionist: “Today has been crazy, I just closed that deal I’ve been workin on for the last month. High five!”
To the checker at the grocery store: “I’ll tell you what man, it’s gonna be going a lot better after I eat this sandwhich, I’m starving!”
To the cab driver: “Stupendous!”
The HandshakeAnother common pattern we all go through is the handshake. Why not do it a little differently?One of my favorites to do in a social setting (especially with someone you just met recently) is to go for the hug instead of the handshake.
They will put out their hand. Just stare it for a second as if you are confused and then open you arms wide and say “I think I’d like a hug instead” with a big smile. People will crack up laughing and instantly you have a connection.
When everyone is going around the circle doing a handshake and it finally comes to you, you can also give them “the rock” to stand out. The rock is when you make a fist and bump it with the other person’s fist. This is a pop culture thing common among younger folks but it can also be humorous and help you stand out. Now you two have an inside joke.
If you are in a business setting, you can still do variations on the handshake to stand out. Try coming in wide from the outside with a little bit of a sweeping motion. Or bringing in your left hand too for a “double” (send the left hand up to his/her forearm for extra rapport). These will also show confidence and charm if done correctly.
What do you do? Where are you from?These are the two most common questions in small talk. Come up with good answers to them that help you stand out.The key to a good answer is that it provides little pieces of information that would be easy for them to ask a follow up question about.
For example, if someone asks “What do you do?”, you could say: ”Well, I’m an accountant”. Then there would be an awkward silence as the person tries to think of what to talk about next.
Or….you can say something like “Well, when I finished up school I decided to try working for XYZ company, but I realized after about 30 seconds that I didn’t want to do that, so I got into ABC. But honestly that’s just what I do for a job, what I really love doing is DEF and GHI so I do that pretty much every weekend.”
Now they have lots of places to take the conversation. They could ask you about what school you graduated from, your hobbies, why you didn’t like XYZ, etc. It’s uncommonly candid and gives them a better picture of your life.
The same goes for the dreaded “Where are you from?”. Give a miniature story in your answer with some interesting details they can follow up on.

Are there any other ways you like to stand out in people’s minds, build an instant connection, and break patterns? Leave a comment below!

BrianArmstrong

At StartBreakingFree.com I write about proven ways people just like you are using to say goodbye to the rat-race and build successful home based businesses on their own terms, in their own way.

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wokka says on September 12th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I just love things like these. Everything that stands out a little and make me (or someone else) see and think a little more, and maybe feel a little bit happier. Thanks for this post!
Tim of Angle says on September 12th, 2008 at 10:25 am
“They will put out their hand. Just stare it for a second as if you are confused and then open you arms wide and say “I think I’d like a hug instead” with a big smile. People will crack up laughing and instantly you have a connection.”
Or, like me, they’ll think you’re a self-centered retard.
Look, social conventions are there for a reason, and the reason isn’t so you can “stick out” — unless you want to “stick out” like the rock that causes a stubbed toe.
Nothing irritates me more than people who try to “stand out” by interrupting the flow of a social situation.
MCT says on September 12th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I think the “rock” handshake is funny at times but sometimes a little over played… And so sometimes when someone ( mostly with people I know) does the rock handshake, I cover it and say Paper beats Rock :)
Rob says on September 12th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Great article, really got me thinking. These sort of things are so important! If everyone was a little bit brighter and made just that smaller connection, how much better would we all get along?! :)
Thanks!
Shanel Yang says on September 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Being as upbeat and positive as you suggest is definitely the right way to stand out! Thanks for a great post, Brian! : )
JJ says on September 12th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I hate answering the question “What do you do?” with my job title. Instead I like answering beginning with “I’m trying to become…” or “I’m working towards…” This way it gives them insight into your dreams or goals, and they can follow up by asking why you’re doing that or they can share their own goals.
Brian says on September 12th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Thanks for the comments folks!
Troy Malone says on September 12th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Great suggestions. It is easy to get into patterns that we never even consider changing. This is all related to getting out of your comfort zone to foster growth! I am going out to hug someone right now.
Sabrina says on September 12th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Yeah if you hug me the first time I meet you and you’re not a family member I’ll remember you as the creep who likes to invade personal space.
talekhine says on September 12th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
It appears the author of this post has been has been studying the tactics of the “pickup artist” community.
I agree with Tim. I would think that anyone who did these things is a self-indulgent lamer.
Holden says on September 12th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Just about all of these things would make me think:
1. This person is overcompensating for low-self-esteem.
2. This person is an asshole.
The best way to stand out:
1. In professional situations, KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE, and know something particular and unique about them. Some past award, a charity they’re involved with, etc. Ask about it in conversation. They’ll remember you for that.
2. In social situations, keep the majority slightly focused on the other person. People love to talk about themselves. Reveal only special, unique qualities about yourself.
3. In either situation, praise someone to someone else. It will get back to them, and when they hear about it, they’ll remember you for sure.
xx!
insomnius says on September 12th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I’m with Sabrina. Demanding hugs from people you’ve just met is creepy, and fails to respect their personal space. Sure, they can decline if they want to, but that’s going to create one awkward situation.
Edward Moore says on September 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Oh, no. Please. You’re not THAT person, are you? I hope nobody follows this advice, or any of the other ‘be memorable” advice that gushes from this site. I’ve read some brilliant articles over the past couple of years when it comes to productivity solutions, but it seems sorely lacking on social advice.
Look, you cannot learn to be liked. More than anything, people appreciate honesty and authenticity. Pre-rehearsed social routines are obvious, and embarassing to witness. Read lots of good quality books, learn to find comfort in who you are, and seek friendships with those with whom you naturally feel at ease.
Mr. Brian Armstrong, trust me when I tell you that you are ‘memorable’ for all the wrong reasons.
Joost says on September 13th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Very nice brian, you are totaly right.
But if you are a bit of a shy person it is not easy to stand out of the crowd. And tim is right if you are not doing it right, you can stand out and you are irritating other people.
I believe the best way to let people like you is to talk about his or her interests. And show you are intrested in what he/she got to tell. If you do that he or she wil feel great and likes you.
Success Professor says on September 13th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Thanks for the post. I don’t think I could do number 2 – just not my personality. I do however, love the first one. Fun response to “how’s it going” helps you be memorable for people. If you say something positive and upbeat they will remember you as a positive upbeat individual.
EMotivate says on September 14th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I had to chuckle about the “how’s it going” response. You are absolutely right, this is a ritual that many of us just answer on auto pilot and nobody really listens to the answer anyway. Especially on the phone.
I think that saying something outside of the ritual “fine” can go a long way towards making you memorable. I liked the fast food example.
Arjen says on September 15th, 2008 at 4:08 am
Thanks for posting. I think this article applies to an American setting. I’m from the Netherlands (Europe) and here it is not common to hug, even among friends. About the ’special’ handshakes I would say it applies to situations when you are alone with someone. When you do the ‘fist-shake’ in a situation where other people witness that, they will feel as if you two have a history together of which they don’t know about…
I liked your suggestions about giving positive and personal answers to the standard questions. Makes people think about using there standard questions too…
April says on September 15th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Aww the hug thing is so fun! oddly enought that ’s my normal.. so is saying something up beat and postive “”not lately” but normally!
Something that makes me very very sad is that most people don’t like the hug idea! it makes them out of their comfort zone! there is nothing sexual about it and it’s very warming! after i recieved my first hug greeting from my boss on my job interview i’ll never look back!
i felt so welcomed so warm and it did make a great impression!
you know you got a great job when you an hug your boss and not get blamed for anything but then again i was a chick she was a chick or are chicks! but she hugged everyone!
but i don’t think i would do that in a networking meeting! oops did that last week!
Sheesh!
no wonder why so many people say the world is turning sour.. people are afraid to open up and hug someone in fear it’s avading their personal space!
Sad!
Bugger says on September 16th, 2008 at 11:36 am
This article veers off the more well travelled path of such topics as ‘building rapport’ and ends up in a burning pile of rubble at a bottom of a 100 metre cliff.
I didn’t even agree with those building rapport articles because they seemed fake, but along comes this really dreadfully ill-conceived article and the importance of rapport now seems priceless!
Dot says on September 16th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Most of us can see this type of person coming from a mile away. I would say follow this advice if you want to act like a used car salesman.
First, I do not necessarily want to stand out in people’s minds. I just want to be part of things.
Second, when somenoe says their day is “Stupendous!” I usually figure they’re a phony.
Third, I agree with the others that not respecting boundaries by requesting a hug or forcing an elbow-hold insteaad of a handshake is simply trying to create a closeness that isn’t there. I prefer to let my relationships develop over time rather than trying to create false intimacy from the start.
Fourth, I’m in favor of responding positively, but only if it’s the truth.
Borat says on September 16th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
High five!
Pearl Alexander says on September 16th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Sorry, but I’m going to have to be another one who says that doing any of these things is going to make you look like an idiot.
It comes across as very creepy and you would be avoided.
Jon says on September 18th, 2008 at 5:54 am
High five?????
Hug?????
What are you, a character in a Judd Apatow movie?
Brian says on September 19th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Quick comment: this stuff should be fun and brighten people’s day. If you’re coming across creepy then you’re doing it wrong. It’s just about having fun, and if people have fun around you it’s a good thing.
I will say however that you aren’t going to have a 100% positive reaction to this. Who cares! On a scale of 1-10, you can go through life “playing it safe” so as not to offend anyone, and you come out right in the middle in people’s minds (a 5) – unremarkable blending into the world, and basically not worth noticing. Or if you aren’t afraid to be yourself and risk offending some people in the process, you will come out a 10 with some people (super strong connection off the bat) and run the spectrum all the way down to a 1 (people who despise you right away).
Personally, I’d much rather be myself and risk offending some people. After all, what great person in the world hasn’t been a risk taker, unafraid to take a stance and be themselves?
On the off chance someone gets pissed, great…you were never going to hang out with them anyway, might as well find out right away.
I think one of the healthiest things we can do as human beings is stop caring so much what other people think.
Alright, enough inspiration for the day…hope everyone is getting ready for a STUPENDOUS weekend ;)
Brian
http://www.StartBreakingFree.com
rare hero says on September 26th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Loved this article thanks,
I like to ask people What are you planning to do? or some variation of that. I find it shocks people into thinking about and sharing their goals.
I also wear a “hello my name is…” name sticker when out in public.
HIB says on October 8th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Great article. Social interactions are so important whether it’s for business or personal.
-HIB
Alex says on October 23rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
a friend of me is like this…some people thinks that hes arrogant but most people just love him.
sometimes he tells me how he does it.
but now you generalized it in my mind how it works. now i need to work on that
thanks man ;) great article
StartBreakingFree.com says on October 23rd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Sure thing, glad you enjoyed it Alex :)