Your thirties are just like your twenties except the recovery takes longer. When I was a kid, I thought there was some magic line you crossed and suddenly became an adult. Adults can easily look at the world around them and know maturity doesn’t come with age. Aging is something you can neither control nor stop; be prepared with these important life lessons.

1. You Only Die Once

6 million ways to die…choose one…

You only get one shot at life. What you do with your time in this world is your choice, but understand that you’re the only one who has to live with the consequences. You don’t get a second chance.

2. You Can’t Turn Back Time

Keanu Reeves’s’s’s best role…

Reflecting on the past is ok, but keep in mind, it’s in the past. You can never go back and relive a moment, so focus on how to do things in the present for your future.

3. Compassion Is Key

Dark Knight feelin…

Whether someone is a hero or villain depends on who you ask. People who are only nice to their friends are villains to everyone else. Everyone deserves compassion, not just your friends.

4. Hangovers Suck

An actual hangover is better than the movies…

In your twenties, you can drink a keg of beer, sleep two hours, and make it to work in the morning. In your thirties, two beers get you turnt up, overnighters cause you to pass out in the middle of the day, and a daily detox is almost mandatory.

5. Your Body Is Your Temple

I feel pretty…oh so pretty…

You may feel like your twenties are your physical peak, but it’s actually your thirties. It’s all downhill from here, so take care of your body. You’re stuck in it.

6. It’s OK to Say No

Howie’s on-air marriage proposal didn’t work out…

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks – if you don’t want to do something, go somewhere, or talk to someone, just say no.

7. Relationships Take Compromise

The NSA – where everybody knows your name…

There is no perfect relationship. Behind every facade you see on the surface lies countless hours of discussion and compromise. If you don’t think of your partner, they’ll leave you for someone who does, whether to your face or behind your back.

8. Everyone Snoops

Agent Double-O Giggity…

We can all stand on our soapboxes about the NSA spying on us, but they’re far from the only ones. Every company you shop at spies on you, and so do all of your friends and people you meet. Be mindful of what info you leave out for others to find.

9. Money Isn’t Important

Young Moneyyyyy…

Fresh out of college, it’s natural to seek out the job with the most money. The truth is the economy it’s more important to follow your passion than chase paper. You can’t buy time, and plenty of broke people are happy.

10. You’re in Control

Why you should let your gf win at video games…

Your choices are your own. Your mistakes don’t belong to your parents, a deity, your enemies, or anyone else. You are the creator of your own world.

11. Life Is Just Like High School

“This isn’t high school” is such a common phrase. It’s not like people graduate and suddenly mature. It doesn’t matter how old you get or where you work, there are cliques, gossip, and all the other annoyances of high school. Either play the game or hit the showers.

12. You’re Wrong Sometimes

R.I.P. Community…you will be missed…

Everyone makes mistakes, and, no matter how good your grades were in school, you don’t know everything. Learn to admit when you’re wrong, especially if you’re a guy. Chicks dig humility.

13. Respect Is Earned

I iz actually spasticated…

When you finally move out on your own into the real world, you may feel like a monarch, but you’re no better than anyone else. There’s no inherent respect that comes with your degree, career, or position in life. If you don’t treat everyone with respect, you’ll lose theirs.

14. Rules Are Only Guidelines

It’s ok to have a crush on Emma Watson…she’s legal now…

Some rules are made to keep us safe, and some are just leftovers from times past. People break laws on a daily basis, even if it’s simple things like speeding or littering. Blindly following people can lead you to act against your own personal ethics – ask questions and make your own decisions.

15. Goals Are Vital

I believe I can fly…

If you have no direction in life, you’ll never get anywhere. Set short and long term goals and follow them. Otherwise you’ll end up stuck in an entry-level position for the rest of your life.

16. Hatred Wastes Energy

What’s a goof to a goblin?

People do terrible things, and everyone has an opinion about it. The older you get, the less those minor things matter to you. Focus your efforts on improving your life instead of ruining someone else’s.

17. It’s Never Too Late

Grumpy old men are worse than kids…

You’re never too old. I was at a barbeque last weekend talking to some friends. Approaching thirty, Judge da Boss was worried about getting too old for his music career to blow up. Vik Junior reminded him most of today’s hottest MCs (Jay-Z, Snoop, Eminem, etc.) are in their forties. People found success later in their lives than you think.

18. Tomorrow Isn’t Guaranteed

I’ll procrastinate tomorrow…

The younger you are, the more invincible you feel. As you get older, you realize there is no tomorrow and learn to appreciate the time you have.

19. College Is Overrated

Had Bill Gates went to college, Microsoft may not suck so much…

Knowledge is important, but a degree isn’t. Plenty of people found success in life without one. It’s more important to open your mind, keep learning, and trust your instincts. You can always hire someone with a degree later.

20. Pop Culture Fades

Another future singing competition judge…

In your teens, you know every song and artist on the radio. As you progress through your twenties, you know less and less about those young bucks. By the time you’re thirty, people are buzzing about people you’ve never heard of, and nobody remembers Color Me Badd.

21. Gossip Wastes Time

So I was like…and she was like…

I’ve never been asked about anyone’s sex life in a job interview. There’s no need to discuss other peoples’ lives unless you’re Perez Hilton. If you are Perez Hilton, welcome to Lifehack – try not to draw all over the pictures like a 2-year-old.

22. Your Parents Are Hypocrites

Do as I say, not as I do…

Sooner or later, you’ll reach the age your parents were when you were a kid. When you reach that age, you’ll look back and realize all the things they told you not to do are things they did. You were totally right back then. It’s a shame you can’t go back and redo it.

23. You’re Just Like Your Parents

This is a story all about how Smith’s life got flipped, turned upside down…

Whether you believe in nature or nurture shaping who we are, you’re exactly like your parents. The older you get, the more you realize it, and it’ll drive you nuts.

24. Overnight Success Doesn’t Exist

Yappy dogs are annoying…

Behind every overnight success you see is years of struggle nobody saw. It may look like other people have things handed to them or are illuminati, but they got on their grind and worked twice as hard as you. If you’re not where you want to be, work harder.

25. Life Isn’t Fair

It never is, princess…

Life isn’t fair for anyone, so it’s fair in that sense. A lot of really good people get shit on; that’s just the way it is. Good people are taken from us too early, and you’ll take heat for things you didn’t do.

26. It’s Not What You Know; It’s How You Apply It

A jack of all trades is a master of none…

Promotions may be automatic in school, but in the real world qualified people are constantly overlooked. The game exists, whether you like it or not, so you better play if you want to get ahead. You have to work twice as hard for half as much as those in power.

27. People Will Hate You

Try our new flavors…

The more you speak and the more you do, the more hatred you’ll attract. You can’t please all of the people all of the time, so focus on pleasing yourself…just not in a school zone.

28. You’re Not Entitled to Anything

Per Tyrion’s request, I present the goddess of tits and wine…

Nobody hands you anything in life. No matter who you are or what you accomplished in the past, success won’t be handed to you. If you want success, don’t wait for it to knock – hunt it down, stalk it, and bang on its door until it opens for you.

29. No One’s Keeping Score

Gymnastics: and other sports we only care about once every 4 years…

You can follow every rule, do everything right, and live a perfect life. No matter what you do, you’re still going to die just like everyone else, and you can’t take anything with you when you do. Step off your soapbox and stop judging other peoples’ decisions.

Featured photo credit: Geralt via pixabay.com

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