After talking with almost everyone close to me in my life, I can without a doubt say that the majority all hate Woody Allen. My mom hates him. My roommates think he’s a pervert. My dog even barks when he sees him on the television screen!
I was just kidding about that last part. I don’t own a dog, but if I did, I’m sure he’d hate him too.
However, even with all his scandals and quirks, there’s something about Woody Allen that makes him strangely charming; and for me, that’s his writing. In fact, one of my favorite quotes, which happens to be #20 on this list, is from a Woody Allen movie. He has a particular way of conveying truths about human nature through humor that’s unparalleled by any other satirical screenwriter, and that’s saying something.
So despite all the negativity surrounding him, I believe we can all learn something and relate in some way to the characters he’s created in his films.
After all, he’s led a long and highly interesting life. I’d be surprised if he didn’t have any life experiences to impart to his audiences.
Here are 25 hilarious life truths about life and love we can learn from Woody Allen’s films:
“Let’s be real about this. Bala and I… Bala is a princess, and I’m a soil relocation engineer” – Z, from Antz
“Exercising changed my life”
“I prefer to atrophy.” – Lillian House and Larry Lipton, from Manhattan Murder Mystery
“You can’t learn to be real. It’s like learning to be a midget.” – Gil Shepherd, from The Purple Rose of Cairo
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper
“Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat… college.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
“I had a great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials.” – Mickey, from Hannah and Her Sisters
“For me, love is very deep, sex only has to go a few inches.” – Rita, from Bullets Over Broadway
“Who do you have to sleep with around here to get a Stoli martini with a twist of lemon?” – Jasmine, from Blue Jasmine
“Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.” – Miles Monroe, from Sleeper
“It’s so impulsive, but… I’ll come. Why not? What’s life without a little risk taking? Who knows?” – Tom Baxter, from The Purple Rose of Cairo
“He is always very depressed. I think that if he’d been a successful criminal, he would have felt better. You know, he never made the ‘ten most wanted’ list. It’s very unfair voting; it’s who you know.” – Louise, from Take the Money and Run
“If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie.” – Judah Rosenthal, from Crimes and Misdemeanors
“A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
“We fell in love. I fell in love – she just stood there.” – Fielding Mellish, from Bananas
“There was a moment there when I stroked when I should have hickeyed.” – Joe, from Everyone Says I Love You
“We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It’s a contradiction.” – Juan Antonio, from Vicky Christina Barcelona
“No genius is worth too much heartache.” – Joe Bedloe, from Sweet and Lowdown
“Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
“I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.” – Isaac Davis, from Manhattan
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Sonja, from Love and Death
“16 blue ponies, 21 jetplanes, and 12 spinning midgets.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop
“You know not everything in the world is sinister… just practically everything.” – Sid Waterman, from Scoop
“You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No… not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.” – Helen Sinclair, from Bullets over Broadway
“That’s what the present is. It’s a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying.” – Gil, from Midnight in Paris
“I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.” – Alvy Singer, from Annie Hall
Featured photo credit: Woody Allen Glasses/alyssa_michele via flickr.com
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