There is only a 5% chance that if you are reading this that you are a coward. That’s because Lifehack.org readers are statistically proven to be some of the bravest internet users in the land. They’d have to be to put up with my writing!
All jokes aside, it’s not always easy to get the courage to tell the person we are dating, or married to, that we’re packing up our stuff and heading out the door. The coward’s approach? Induce the other person into a psychotic episode in which they leave you, so that you don’t have to be the one to pull the (metaphorical) trigger.
So how do you create a disconnect that is so great in scope that the relationship crumbles to pieces? Well it’s your lucky day, because over my years of dating I’ve come up with quite a few strategies!
- Ignore Them. This is by far the number one method because isolation is the worst torture that any human being can be put through. Seriously, it’s used by armies and terrorists to get information from those people that are the hardest to crack. Want someone out of your life, just ignore them.
- Describe The Future. All couples love to live into a future together. Tell her about how she’ll be scrubbing your floors while you’re out at the strip club. Tell him how he’ll be changing the diapers while you’re out on dates.
- Flirt With Every Waiter. Tactfully operate your flirting execution in such a way that you cannot be openly accused for this flirtation. If confronted about it simply accuse your partner of being jealous and overbearing. Continue to flirt.
- Cause Nightly Ruckus. No matter how patient or understanding your partner is, you’ll be able to wear their patience thin if they’re exhausted. Enable this by keeping them up at night with loud television and other noises.
- Describe Your Type. Describe the physical features and personality qualities of your ideal mate to your partner. Make it very clear, without actually saying it, that non of the characteristics you list are a part of your partners persona.
- Don’t Replace The Emptiness. The empty toilet paper roll, the empty shampoo bottle, the empty milk carton — all things that you should leave empty after you’ve used them.
- Forgetfulness. You can blame it on old age when you’ve forgotten their birthday, your anniversaries, or any other special occasions. In fact, don’t even show up for them.
- Be Discrete- Not. Make sure that when you’re telling your friends about how bad your think your relationship is that your partner can hear you. Not when they’re right in front of you, but just out of site of course.
- Go Abroad. Go overseas for a few months without writing or calling. Certainly don’t invite your partner when you vacation with friends. Send them pictures of you with people of the opposite sex.
- Talk. That’s right, instead of ignoring them, do lots of talking. In fact, you should talk a lot, and listen very little.
Keep in mind that a reversal of this list could lead to a closer and more fulfilling relationship. If you’ve read about Dr. Stanley’s 13 success secrets of millionaires than you are well aware that having a supportive spouse is number two on that list. However, not everyone is worthy of being your life long partner, so make that distinction, and hit the road if necessary.
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