35 Things To Remember If You Have A 10-Year-Old Son
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- He know’s he’s about to navigate the treacherous waters of adolescence, puberty, and high school. And he knows he has to do it alone.
- He has no control over any of this, no road map to help him, and no idea how he’ll get through.
- He is terrified, but he can’t let on. Instead, he tries to act mature and work it out by himself.
- He desperately wants to feel good about himself, but he often thinks he’s not good enough.
- When he behaves as though he hates everyone, it’s because he hates himself.
- He uses bravado and bragging to cover his self-doubt. It’s his shield.
- Making small comments that show you notice his good points, and the efforts he puts in, will bring you closer.
- He values his friends’ opinions more highly than yours. He needs their approval to survive the school yard each day.
- But, he still needs time with you, and to know you’re always there for him.
- Just being there, without saying anything, is comforting to him. It lets him know you’ll always be there.
- He might not want to talk to you, or tell you anything, but he desperately needs you to understand him.
- Read his body language for signs of how he’s feeling. If you can’t tell from looking at him, try adopting the same posture. How does it make you feel?
- He hates doing chores, or being told to do things, but having responsibility improves his self-esteem.
- Treat him like the adult he’s desperate to become by asking instead of telling.
- Foster his independence by giving him a time frame in which to complete chores. This prevents the need for him to rebel when you demand he do things “now!”
- He wants to be the same as everyone else his age, but he also wants to stand out as being cool and valued.
- You’ll win points with him if you treat him like he really is cool and valued.
- He’s a complex mix of opposites because he’s trying to work himself out, but he’s not sure how to do that.
- He loves a good joke and a laugh, but he probably won’t like the jokes you tell.
- Try asking him what his favourite joke is, or listen in to the jokes his friends tell.
- Don’t ever let him catch you listening in. He’ll think you don’t trust him.
- He’s terrified of failing at anything, particularly in front of his friends.
- He craves admiration, especially from his peers. But he has a fine-tuned radar for any praise that’s not authentic.
- No matter how nonchalant he might act, he cherishes your approval.
- His world revolves around his peers and he might act like he hates his family.
- But his family are the one solid, reliable rock he can count on in a world of constant change.
- He craves freedom and independence so he can do what he wants, when he wants, the way he wants to.
- He’s also petrified of the responsibility it brings. Because he doesn’t yet know what he really wants or how to go about getting it.
- The solution is to give him independence gradually, with support and guidance. To be a great listener and sounding board, to encourage him to find solutions to his problems, and to show faith in his capability.
- He can be your best friend one minute and hate you the next.
- He can be your little boy when he’s scared and there’s no one else around.
- And a fearless risk-taker with his mates.
- Somewhere inside him, he’ll always be your little boy, he’s just struggling to express himself now that he’s growing up.
- He still needs your love, but he’ll never admit it or ask for it.
- Your job is to provide it. Every day.
Featured photo credit: DSC_0113.jpg / DeduloPhotos via morguefile.com
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